Disappointed and Sad
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Grief is a somewhat commplicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same.
There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or the other, the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be complete. Thus there will be no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to be well again, to heal. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages, they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backward, but this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. But, as stressed, ALL five stages must be completed for healing to occur.
The five stages of grief are:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to fascilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic. -
Blooooooooo, I dun tink da Tao Suan will get it for now... Maybe 3 mths ++ later he will come back and read it and maybe he will get the meaning of it.
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TS is is probably being in the denial/anger/bargaining stage. Thats part and parcel of grief.
Cheers -
x2Originally posted by Bontakun:Blooooooooo, I dun tink da Tao Suan will get it for now... Maybe 3 mths ++ later he will come back and read it and maybe he will get the meaning of it.
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dun worry ba, i wont be like the movie u watch at HBO. wont be a stalker or wat. cos if i am doin these, i will definately be headin to the IMH.
anyway, like i said, really need lots of time to heal the wound. still tryin to pass day by day without thinkin all these. its hard but i am tryin my best.
well, maybe i am juz too deeply in love with her, tats y i accept the fact that its over FOR NOW. but nt for the future, cos she did mention that in the future, we might nt know what will happen. so well, i am lookin to the future.
of course, along the way, if shd there be another fate with someone else, hopefully i wont miss that boat. would rather fate come and look for me le. actually i also duno what i am sayin now.
well, really nice of u all to be so patient towards me. -
how long ur relationship lasted so far? um u a guy or girl anyway?Originally posted by smudgey:well mrwonderful, i'm a real life example to that.... but we lasted.... so far. -
for both cases: clubber and non clubber and when guys go do NS. esp the latterOriginally posted by M©+square:You referring to Clubbing partner with non clubbing partner?
Or another case altogether?
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It's still lasting now....Originally posted by mrwonderful:how long ur relationship lasted so far? um u a guy or girl anyway?
been about 2yrs liao!!!
me ah.... u say lei??
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Not wise to conclude.Originally posted by mrwonderful:for both cases: clubber and non clubber and when guys go do NS. esp the latter -
Gee...Originally posted by smudgey:It's still lasting now....
been about 2yrs liao!!!
me ah.... u say lei??
your man mus be a handsome dude huh?
doko -
It's over forever, not now. It is EVER. You can be so hurt but she is outside having fun with other guys.Originally posted by mitgalant:dun worry ba, i wont be like the movie u watch at HBO. wont be a stalker or wat. cos if i am doin these, i will definately be headin to the IMH.
anyway, like i said, really need lots of time to heal the wound. still tryin to pass day by day without thinkin all these. its hard but i am tryin my best.
well, maybe i am juz too deeply in love with her, tats y i accept the fact that its over FOR NOW. but nt for the future, cos she did mention that in the future, we might nt know what will happen. so well, i am lookin to the future.
of course, along the way, if shd there be another fate with someone else, hopefully i wont miss that boat. would rather fate come and look for me le. actually i also duno what i am sayin now.
well, really nice of u all to be so patient towards me.
And don't take her back. If not, you will be disgracing all the men and women in the world. Cos you lack the backbone.
Even if she does come back to you, you are only an insurance for her.
doko -
Actually i think looks has got nothing to do with how long a relationship can last.Originally posted by dokono:Gee...
your man mus be a handsome dude huh?
doko -
Im not saying that looks is the only factor that decides this. There are many parts to a lasting relationship, looks included though initially. After all, 40 years down the road, your looks don't matter anymore when you have white hair/balding/wrinkles. It is your personality/charm that matters.Originally posted by blu_sky:Actually i think looks has got nothing to do with how long a relationship can last.
doko -
but i am the one that is at fault first. i knw it takes two hands to clap and two hands to spolit a relationship.Originally posted by dokono:It's over forever, not now. It is EVER. You can be so hurt but she is outside having fun with other guys.
And don't take her back. If not, you will be disgracing all the men and women in the world. Cos you lack the backbone.
Even if she does come back to you, you are only an insurance for her.
doko
i understand that i cannot accept all of the blame but somehow or rather my mentality is havin some problems now.
i juz cannot let things go. i am so tired. i juz wanna rest. but yet my mind isnt helpin me. how to let it nt think abt all these things ? my mentality is still tellin me we can be together. all i have to do is wait. But i really wanna put a stop to all these.
i duno what else can i do. i tried my best. i really do everythin i can. almost everythin i can do. but seems like its some kind of character problem . my mind is tellin me to forgive her for watever she do. all these. i am such a lousy shit. -
You need a LOT of time.Originally posted by mitgalant:but i am the one that is at fault first. i knw it takes two hands to clap and two hands to spolit a relationship.
i understand that i cannot accept all of the blame but somehow or rather my mentality is havin some problems now.
i juz cannot let things go. i am so tired. i juz wanna rest. but yet my mind isnt helpin me. how to let it nt think abt all these things ? my mentality is still tellin me we can be together. all i have to do is wait. But i really wanna put a stop to all these.
i duno what else can i do. i tried my best. i really do everythin i can. almost everythin i can do. but seems like its some kind of character problem . my mind is tellin me to forgive her for watever she do. all these. i am such a lousy shit.
Humans always want quick fixes. But this is against reality. Patience, my friend, is the way to many things.
Don't tell yourself negative things. When you look at how many people are suffering more than you, you will realise how lucky you are. I know this sounds very Buddhist but all your troubles come from your desires. As long as you eliminate this desire (though not completely), you won't be putting so much stress on yourself.
Don't worry you have lots of company. Every problematic guy here who puts in a lot of effort into their relationship and see their gf keep pulling away always plunge into deep emotional mess. The main root of cause is that they are not willing to move on. They keep thinking their gf will come back. The fact is, they will not. Their heart has changed.
For a start, rebuild your life. Stay away from relationships. You need to cure yourself first and make yourself a stronger person mentally and physically. You need to tell yourself you can survive without girls or your ex. Remember Japan? After the war, they did not give up. They rebuilt themselves again and what are they now? A world power to be reckoned with! Every person has the power. It's whether you want it or not. It's whether you choose to remain to be in this deep hole or choose to have resolve.
Try getting a hobby first. Anything will do. Keep your mind occupied constantly.
Every time you think of her, remind yourself it's just wishful thinking. Your life is your focus. You are the star in your life's movie. You are James Bond. James Bond doesn't get wavered easily.
To sum it up: it's really very simple. It's whether you want it or not. It's whether you want to let yourself to constantly maintain a defeatist mindset.
doko -
To forgive her doesn't mean that you wait for her.Originally posted by mitgalant:but i am the one that is at fault first. i knw it takes two hands to clap and two hands to spolit a relationship.
i understand that i cannot accept all of the blame but somehow or rather my mentality is havin some problems now.
i juz cannot let things go. i am so tired. i juz wanna rest. but yet my mind isnt helpin me. how to let it nt think abt all these things ? my mentality is still tellin me we can be together. all i have to do is wait. But i really wanna put a stop to all these.
i duno what else can i do. i tried my best. i really do everythin i can. almost everythin i can do. but seems like its some kind of character problem . my mind is tellin me to forgive her for watever she do. all these. i am such a lousy shit.
Sorry but to tell you now, I don't think you really love her... More like you're loving yourself more than anything else.. Go think about it.... -
nono, i really love her. i knw it myself.
i am tryin very hard to do things now but the problem is,
i am no longer the old me.
i will tend to cope myself at home. after sch or wat i will juz feel like goin home
i dun wanna go out with my frens.
when they talk, i will juz find a quiet place myself and rest.
i really dun haf the mood to do anythin now.
how to overcome all these ? i dun feel like doin anythin now except to rot aside. how can i overcome? -
Get her out of the equation.. Learn to love yourself the proper way... Only after that, then you would truly deserves to love another....Originally posted by mitgalant:nono, i really love her. i knw it myself.
i am tryin very hard to do things now but the problem is,
i am no longer the old me.
i will tend to cope myself at home. after sch or wat i will juz feel like goin home
i dun wanna go out with my frens.
when they talk, i will juz find a quiet place myself and rest.
i really dun haf the mood to do anythin now.
how to overcome all these ? i dun feel like doin anythin now except to rot aside. how can i overcome? -
hi guys, i did somethin that i cant control today. the urge is juz too strong. i went to meet her up for dinner.
over at the dinner, i told her how much i love her blah blah. then i ask her if it is possible for me to start wooin her again?
she replied no. she dun wanna be with me now.
apparantly i think she will be with this guy in the next 1-2 weeks time. cos frm the way she talk and react, i can assure its only a matter of time. but she did mention that she is only havin the short term mentality now. but yet i also duno how will that guy treat her.
will they be together for long ?
is it possible for me to wait till they break off, then i start to woo her again? possible for me to do it ?
i am really very happy today when i met her. it is somethin so nice that i last experience the last 3 weeks. guys how ? -
i think u seriously need someone to stick their pole into yr rear .... u know wat advise everyone has given you yet u still post this kind of thing... haven we answered all the questions u asked before already? whats wif u and asking the same questions over and over n over n over again.... u have been asking it for like 11 pages now?Originally posted by mitgalant:hi guys, i did somethin that i cant control today. the urge is juz too strong. i went to meet her up for dinner.
over at the dinner, i told her how much i love her blah blah. then i ask her if it is possible for me to start wooin her again?
she replied no. she dun wanna be with me now.
apparantly i think she will be with this guy in the next 1-2 weeks time. cos frm the way she talk and react, i can assure its only a matter of time. but she did mention that she is only havin the short term mentality now. but yet i also duno how will that guy treat her.
will they be together for long ?
is it possible for me to wait till they break off, then i start to woo her again? possible for me to do it ?
i am really very happy today when i met her. it is somethin so nice that i last experience the last 3 weeks. guys how ?
One question : why do u keep asking the same questions when we have given you the answers and u know the answers will still be the same? -
It's just a temporary drug jab that you're having now. The more you try to deceive yourself, the deeper you'll fall. Seen plenty of cases of yours. Start walking the correct direction while you still can, otherwise picture could be really bad when things really start to degrade..Originally posted by mitgalant:hi guys, i did somethin that i cant control today. the urge is juz too strong. i went to meet her up for dinner.
over at the dinner, i told her how much i love her blah blah. then i ask her if it is possible for me to start wooin her again?
she replied no. she dun wanna be with me now.
apparantly i think she will be with this guy in the next 1-2 weeks time. cos frm the way she talk and react, i can assure its only a matter of time. but she did mention that she is only havin the short term mentality now. but yet i also duno how will that guy treat her.
will they be together for long ?
is it possible for me to wait till they break off, then i start to woo her again? possible for me to do it ?
i am really very happy today when i met her. it is somethin so nice that i last experience the last 3 weeks. guys how ?
Remember. When you can't handle, stay AWAY from her. Because ultimately you'll still have to wake up one day.
Good luck? -
She already told you to get lost. What more do you want?Originally posted by mitgalant:hi guys, i did somethin that i cant control today. the urge is juz too strong. i went to meet her up for dinner.
over at the dinner, i told her how much i love her blah blah. then i ask her if it is possible for me to start wooin her again?
she replied no. she dun wanna be with me now.
apparantly i think she will be with this guy in the next 1-2 weeks time. cos frm the way she talk and react, i can assure its only a matter of time. but she did mention that she is only havin the short term mentality now. but yet i also duno how will that guy treat her.
will they be together for long ?
is it possible for me to wait till they break off, then i start to woo her again? possible for me to do it ?
i am really very happy today when i met her. it is somethin so nice that i last experience the last 3 weeks. guys how ?
Do you need to twist her arm and force her to be with you unwillingly? Even if she is with you, her heart is somewhere else, with the other guy.
You need a lot of time to heal yourself. She is out already. Like devil said, there are a lot of your kind out there. Stop cheating yourself.
doko -
mitgalant, I really feel tired of replying to u and advising you.Originally posted by mitgalant:hi guys, i did somethin that i cant control today. the urge is juz too strong. i went to meet her up for dinner.
over at the dinner, i told her how much i love her blah blah. then i ask her if it is possible for me to start wooin her again?
she replied no. she dun wanna be with me now.
apparantly i think she will be with this guy in the next 1-2 weeks time. cos frm the way she talk and react, i can assure its only a matter of time. but she did mention that she is only havin the short term mentality now. but yet i also duno how will that guy treat her.
will they be together for long ?
is it possible for me to wait till they break off, then i start to woo her again? possible for me to do it ?
i am really very happy today when i met her. it is somethin so nice that i last experience the last 3 weeks. guys how ?
we told you time and again, NOT to meet her, NOT to hope.... etc but what do you do? you went to meet her and hoped for more
I totally agree with doko that you need time to heal,
this break up is like a wound that is both deep and painful. I know.
but Like a wound, it'll heal with time and proper care.
BUT if you keep using your finger to Jab, poke, dig, and rub dirt all over it, WILL IT HEAL? NO!
WILL IT GET INFECTED? YES! It'll get worse!
what you have been doing is not giving yourself time to heal, you have been jabbing, poking, and dirtying your wound!
we have showed you how to clean your wound, how to bandage it up and let it heal with TIME. but you did not heed our advices.
as devil said, taking her out of the picture is a great step to healing your wound. she is like dirt, bacteria. she will only cause you more harm then good.
well you should know what happens to a wound on your arm when you expose it to bacteria and keep poking it. It get infected, the infection gets worse, you could have to amputate your entire arm or even Die from the infections.
things are not so different in your case.
we can provide you with the first aid kit, we could show you how to take care of your wound, BUT IT IS UP TO YOU to do the rest. -
no la he's so so... but i'm not that pretty either ma.... mai hiam!!Originally posted by dokono:Gee...
your man mus be a handsome dude huh?
doko -
haa..Originally posted by smudgey:no la he's so so... but i'm not that pretty either ma.... mai hiam!!
I also think that Louis Khoo is so-so. I think Lin Zhiling is so so.
NPNT. Where's the peekture?
doko