Is that love?
-
He is your ex and you two still have dates?Originally posted by galfriend:For the passed week, i have thought thru many of your comments and advices, i am seriously considering that i should give up on this hope. I was in fact thinking of giving one of my suitors whom i do have chemistry with a chance. Last weekend we had a good time during our date.
But somehow, this week, my ex suddenly treat me differently. All along he does treat me nicely. EG im staying in his apartment which he used to rent out untill half a year ago, i need a roof over my head and i thinkin of renting, he offered me his apt as the tenancy agreement was about to end.
This week, he has really been nice to me. EG i went for a interiview in a job, which i need to go to places like vietnam, and he suggested that since it is dangerous, he can company me there if i need to go there. Another incident, we are meeting our friends for drinks in orchard. we both decided we are not driving, he offered to fetch me with a cab from his place to my place then to drinks place. note that we are staying in opp direction from him (eg i stay in bkt timah and his stays in katong).
why he treats me nice? now im confused again.
Seems like you still cannot forget him as well as he cannot forget you.
Why don't you ask him what is his agenda for treating you so nice? Does he want anything from you?
doko -
No, the date was with my suitor, not ex.Originally posted by dokono:He is your ex and you two still have dates?
Seems like you still cannot forget him as well as he cannot forget you.
Why don't you ask him what is his agenda for treating you so nice? Does he want anything from you?
doko
We still have gan qing for each other, this we do not deny. Guess that is why we treat other so well. Of cos will have gan qing rite? even a dog you have for 5 years, you will have gan qing, let alone humans rite? -
sure got feelings for suitor n at times u wanted to have the thingy going..
but the other partner may not have the same thinking huh -
huh? sorry?Originally posted by ha8n:sure got feelings for suitor n at times u wanted to have the thingy going..
but the other partner may not have the same thinking huh -
You see, that is the problem.Originally posted by galfriend:No, the date was with my suitor, not ex.
We still have gan qing for each other, this we do not deny. Guess that is why we treat other so well. Of cos will have gan qing rite? even a dog you have for 5 years, you will have gan qing, let alone humans rite?
You do not know if he treats you well because of the 5 years or because he still has feelings for you. But just because he treats you well doesn't mean anything. Sometimes it can be you think too much because you have feelings for him. He can just be doing you a favour offering you help out of goodwill. Is he usually like this or only to you?
doko -
Ask your ex what's thoughts....tell him about how you feel all these while...
Tell him about the date...tell him the reality that you're facing...
Just ask him out for a coffee session and just spread everything out to him...
I don't see the point of "guessing" what're his thoughts if he has shown or expressed himself to you....Waste of time and youth...how many 5yrs you're going to have from now to waste? -
If he rents out the place, it will fetch him easily $1.5k-$1.8k per month, of cos he did it cos of gan qing. yes, he doesnt do that to everyone, otherwise he will be broke in no time.Originally posted by dokono:You see, that is the problem.
You do not know if he treats you well because of the 5 years or because he still has feelings for you. But just because he treats you well doesn't mean anything. Sometimes it can be you think too much because you have feelings for him. He can just be doing you a favour offering you help out of goodwill. Is he usually like this or only to you?
doko -
He is very well aware of my situation. He is very well aware of my suitors, and he is concerned as he tries to get updates regularly. But he is not ready to settle down, he said maybe mid to end next year, when his biz expansion is more or less 'crystalise', then he will settle down.Originally posted by dcx:Ask your ex what's thoughts....tell him about how you feel all these while...
Tell him about the date...tell him the reality that you're facing...
Just ask him out for a coffee session and just spread everything out to him...
I don't see the point of "guessing" what're his thoughts if he has shown or expressed himself to you....Waste of time and youth...how many 5yrs you're going to have from now to waste?
On my side, firstly, i do not know if 'the next year' thingy is a carrot daggling in front of me with no seriousness or truthful. Secondly, even if that is truthful, can we even get along well? Thirdly, im really 'she bu de' to juz move on like that i guess. -
Why don't you just ask him whether he still likes you? That's why he is treating you so nice? You can get it clear and move on with your suitor, if it ever happens.Originally posted by galfriend:If he rents out the place, it will fetch him easily $1.5k-$1.8k per month, of cos he did it cos of gan qing. yes, he doesnt do that to everyone, otherwise he will be broke in no time.
In this case, he can be helping you maybe bcause of the bond of 5 years he sees you as a close friend or he still really likes you as a lover. But like you said before, you have been putting so much into the r/s in the 5 years and nothing comes out. You have to analyse this in a calm manner and not let your emotions take over. It's a very grey area here. Make it clear. Don't waste time. Time is not on your side or his.
doko -
Maybe i was not clear, lets set the record straight. He had admitted that he still got feelings for me, and if he were to settle down, i'll be the one. and if everything in biz goes smoothly, he wishes to settle down next year.Originally posted by dokono:Why don't you just ask him whether he still likes you? That's why he is treating you so nice? You can get it clear and move on with your suitor, if it ever happens.
In this case, he can be helping you maybe bcause of the bond of 5 years he sees you as a close friend or he still really likes you as a lover. But like you said before, you have been putting so much into the r/s in the 5 years and nothing comes out. You have to analyse this in a calm manner and not let your emotions take over. It's a very grey area here. Make it clear. Don't waste time. Time is not on your side or his.
doko
But the qns are
1) can we even get along?
2) does he mean what he says about the settling down next year and i'll be the one?
3) is what im feeling for him love? or is it juz the residue of a karmic relationship? -
Just as i thought....that's why the current action he has shown to you recently...he's been updating himself about you...Originally posted by galfriend:He is very well aware of my situation. He is very well aware of my suitors, and he is concerned as he tries to get updates regularly. But he is not ready to settle down, he said maybe mid to end next year, when his biz expansion is more or less 'crystalise', then he will settle down.
On my side, firstly, i do not know if 'the next year' thingy is a carrot daggling in front of me with no seriousness or truthful. Secondly, even if that is truthful, can we even get along well? Thirdly, im really 'she bu de' to juz move on like that i guess.
But have you on him? (Not an important question anyway...)
your "she bu de" is understandable....all the years offeelings you have on him has just becomes part of you, (u can say it's part of your flesh or whatever)...
If i can sugguest, just a general suggustion, just go n ROM....dun need to hold a wedding dinner or wat...ROM doesn't take a long time.... -
Wait. Something is not right here.Originally posted by galfriend:He is very well aware of my situation. He is very well aware of my suitors, and he is concerned as he tries to get updates regularly. But he is not ready to settle down, he said maybe mid to end next year, when his biz expansion is more or less 'crystalise', then he will settle down.
On my side, firstly, i do not know if 'the next year' thingy is a carrot daggling in front of me with no seriousness or truthful. Secondly, even if that is truthful, can we even get along well? Thirdly, im really 'she bu de' to juz move on like that i guess.
He is not attached to you and neither are you. In other words, he is free to see anyone and so are you. So what if he is updating? Maybe he is being kaypoh. Could be his ego and not real feelings for you playing with him here. See, the problem is he wants to settle down next year but he doesn't want to be attached to you? You see the contradiction? And he is not sure when he wants to settle down with the word "maybe"? Shouldn't being attached to you give you some security?
In other words, as long as you cannot forget this guy, don't give other guys false hopes la. Make sure the suitor you have chemistry with, you really have feelings for.
doko -
wow... you actually understood that part so well, i am impressed.Originally posted by dcx:Just as i thought....that's why the current action he has shown to you recently...he's been updating himself about you...
But have you on him? (Not an important question anyway...)
your "she bu de" is understandable....all the years offeelings you have on him has just becomes part of you, (u can say it's part of your flesh or whatever)...
If i can sugguest, just a general suggustion, just go n ROM....dun need to hold a wedding dinner or wat...ROM doesn't take a long time....
yes, i do update him that i am going on dates with guys.
as for the ROM suggestion, honestly, i honestly think he is not ready to settle down now, that is why he is saying next year, i do not think that he is sure he will be ready next year to get married.
Basically, he has marriage phobia, i think.
He is like a wild horse, he needs to be wild, to be free i think. Though deep inside him, he does have a hope that one day, this wildness will be tamed by itself or by age. But i think he is not sure when will this happen. -
wow... sometimes it is amazing how i could understand him so well.
-
Based on what you say, tha is very important. He still have feelings for you. But shouldn't he get attached to you? Is he afraid of committing while doing business? Is he afraid that getting attached will disrupt his business?Originally posted by galfriend:Maybe i was not clear, lets set the record straight. He had admitted that he still got feelings for me, and if he were to settle down, i'll be the one. and if everything in biz goes smoothly, he wishes to settle down next year.
But the qns are
1) can we even get along?
2) does he mean what he says about the settling down next year and i'll be the one?
3) is what im feeling for him love? or is it juz the residue of a karmic relationship?
5 years is a long time for you to get along with him. And it ended up like nothing. You should know a lot of things about him. Subconsciously, you already know the answer whether you two can get along.
5 years is a long time and it could be you still have feelings for him because of the bond and also because you really love him. It is due to the long period of time that you put a lot of effort to the r/s.
doko -
yes, 5 year is a long time to know if we can get along. Well, we didnt get along so well obviously.Originally posted by dokono:Based on what you say, tha is very important. He still have feelings for you. But shouldn't he get attached to you? Is he afraid of committing while doing business? Is he afraid that getting attached will disrupt his business?
5 years is a long time for you to get along with him. And it ended up like nothing. You should know a lot of things about him. Subconsciously, you already know the answer whether you two can get along.
5 years is a long time and it could be you still have feelings for him because of the bond and also because you really love him. It is due to the long period of time that you put a lot of effort to the r/s.
doko
But the reasons why we broke up was due to his need to be free, to be wild. Will this change as time passed? or has this changed? -
It might or might not change. I have seen men in their 50s and still remain a bachelor, single and happy. Not all men desire to settle down. Most do. My guess is, this guy, he places priority in career over relationship issues. Without an established career, he can't have a fulfilling relationship. When he does have an established career, he will consider settling down. The fact he does so many things to put himself in your radar shows he still has you in his heart but at the same time, he feels that attachment is giving him a burden especially to his business. He wants you back too but he is afraid and it all starts way back 5 years ago. Something must have happened along the way. Were you too clingy ?Originally posted by galfriend:yes, 5 year is a long time to know if we can get along. Well, we didnt get along so well obviously.
But the reasons why we broke up was due to his need to be free, to be wild. Will this change as time passed? or has this changed?
doko -
another reason why he cannot let you go as well.Originally posted by galfriend:wow... sometimes it is amazing how i could understand him so well.
doko -
You are just gambling yourself over this game of love, with a show-hand, if you decide to heed that carrot.
You could actually win, but don't ever regret if you lose all your chips.
A man's value appreciates as his career soars.
A woman's value depreciates as her age soars.
Recently I read the newspaper (think is Life) and it's talking about woman over 35 and having much difficulty to find a companion. It's true that we shouldn't settle for anyone we are not comfortable with or the relationship is just not suitable to evolve into a marriage - but as you are waiting for him and should one day he decides to find someone else (at the peak of his career and monetary powers), it's a good game for you.
The other thing in marriage ALL WOMAN should BURN into their mind and soul is that: NEVER expect your man to CHANGE for the better, if he was like that since the day you are dating him. The fact is people don't change overnight and before that transformation could happen, you will probably bleed first. And whether if you could endure that haemorrhage to witness the evolution is a real big question mark.
Lemme give you a real life scenario about my dad: My dad is a Sagittarius and he loves freedom. He's a player and screwed up his love life with all sorts of woman during his younger days (and to me, suspected during marriage as well)
My mother is a woman of virtue - my dad is the only man she loved this lifetime. And she often mention him in prayers, praying that he would change eventually.
He did - but in my eyes, he probably took like 20 years before he was more family orientated and I could feel it.
An estimated 20 years means 240 months.
240 months would translate to somewhat 87600 days.
If my mum was somebody else, the woman will be long destroyed, creating another sad broken family tale, in turn, having the children growing up with altered attitude towards Love.
*** If you have decide to take up this bet and if he eventually marries you - you have not win the game yet - you got to gamble for another say 87600 days, to see if your first step is an ultimate win or an ultimate lost.
Whatever is it, the choice is yours. I cannot expect you to marry someone you don't love - but as a sign of goodwill, I had to speak my point, so that you do not eliminate the POSSIBILITY of that to happen.
Don't ever look back and regret.
Cheers -
I think you should just get over it. If you keep telling yrself you still love him.. u would be doing so forever... U know u can like change yr mindset and everything else will change too!
It always works for me!
-
Hi galfriend,
Does wild and free mean he's got or open to other relationships similar to yours? Could he have said the same thing to other girls? How do you feel of his other relationships before and after marriage?
Imho, his wild-n-free ways can bring problems into a marriage.
Will he really settle down after marriage?
Will he stop being wild and free after marriage?
Being wild and free, are you sure you're his only one now? later?
Will you still be the one after his business takes off or after marriage?
Will there be another one after you when he's successful?
Will he get along with you even better or worse after his business takes off or after marriage?
If the man cannot lose and live without you, he'll ask for your hand now when you're seeing other suitors even if it means putting his business on halt. Only true, genuine (agape) love can move the man to do so and make him change permanently for you. He'll only want to be with you everyday of his life (not keeping you by his side as lovers). It appears to me his love is like ludus - he's attentive because of other suitors or just big bro phileo love.
I'm sorry if my words cut deep but experiencing short-sharp pain is better than long-torturing agony. -
[double post] -
[double post]
-
For the "BLUE">>>Originally posted by galfriend:wow... you actually understood that part so well, i am impressed.
yes, i do update him that i am going on dates with guys.
as for the ROM suggestion, honestly, i honestly think he is not ready to settle down now, that is why he is saying next year, i do not think that he is sure he will be ready next year to get married.
Basically, he has marriage phobia, i think.
He is like a wild horse, he needs to be wild, to be free i think. Though deep inside him, he does have a hope that one day, this wildness will be tamed by itself or by age. But i think he is not sure when will this happen.
For the "RED">> >Think? Meaning you don't know?Do you?
-
I think he can always treat you NICE... The rest is up to you to imagine...?Originally posted by galfriend:For the passed week, i have thought thru many of your comments and advices, i am seriously considering that i should give up on this hope. I was in fact thinking of giving one of my suitors whom i do have chemistry with a chance. Last weekend we had a good time during our date.
But somehow, this week, my ex suddenly treat me differently. All along he does treat me nicely. EG im staying in his apartment which he used to rent out untill half a year ago, i need a roof over my head and i thinkin of renting, he offered me his apt as the tenancy agreement was about to end.
This week, he has really been nice to me. EG i went for a interiview in a job, which i need to go to places like vietnam, and he suggested that since it is dangerous, he can company me there if i need to go there. Another incident, we are meeting our friends for drinks in orchard. we both decided we are not driving, he offered to fetch me with a cab from his place to my place then to drinks place. note that we are staying in opp direction from him (eg i stay in bkt timah and his stays in katong).
why he treats me nice? now im confused again.