What can i do???
-
Ya intially in the relationship it was partly bcos of this that was why i was irritated with her. It's like she will cancel all appts when she ahs the chance to meet me. I even told her dont, its ok if once in awhile she cant meet me but to spend time with her friends. But she told me she rather spent it with me. Den whatever free time i have, i give it to her. Overtime everything just snowballs. I nrealy went bonkers when i haven orded that time in camp.
-
This is a serious problem. Couples should still have their own lives, you think? But her life is juz revolving around yours?Originally posted by Insightist:Ya intially in the relationship it was partly bcos of this that was why i was irritated with her. It's like she will cancel all appts when she ahs the chance to meet me. I even told her dont, its ok if once in awhile she cant meet me but to spend time with her friends. But she told me she rather spent it with me. Den whatever free time i have, i give it to her. Overtime everything just snowballs. I nrealy went bonkers when i haven orded that time in camp. -
This is what I mean by a woman having 1000% feelings for you. You see how so many guys struggle to go out with a girl ? Girls with so high feelings for you will rather put aside all agenda, just to be with you.Originally posted by Insightist:Ya intially in the relationship it was partly bcos of this that was why i was irritated with her. It's like she will cancel all appts when she ahs the chance to meet me. I even told her dont, its ok if once in awhile she cant meet me but to spend time with her friends. But she told me she rather spent it with me. Den whatever free time i have, i give it to her. Overtime everything just snowballs. I nrealy went bonkers when i haven orded that time in camp.
Good in some way because she loves you a lot, but she just doesn't have the sort of self-control. I tell you, you ask her to commit crimes for you, she will gladly do so! Smitten is the word.
Bad part: In the long run, you are going to go crazy because of her!
doko -
In a way , ya. She said it before. She willingly cancel all her appts just for me.
-
Note: this is just my WORTHLESS 2 cents worth!!!!
hhmm...i feel many of the postings here are correct, but there're a few fundamental underlying truths that can tie most of these observations and advice into a coherent whole...
1) In terms of many of the usual important attributes: like intelligence, earning power, looks and what not, from wat i gather, the guy is probably obviously superior to the gal. That in itself explains so many things. Moral of the story: a compatible partnership is the most stable partnership. Both guy and girl are probably acting perfectly rationally under these incompatible r/s, the guy wants something better and feels selfish while the girl wants to hold on and feels insecure.
2) For a person to mature sufficiently to know oneself well and what one shld look for in a partner, it usually involves some heartache and proabably a few failed r/s.
To guy: I sincerely hope ur really making an objective assessment of the both of u. Pls check with a few neutral and wiser,older parties to avoid over-estimating urself and discounting her.
If you do eventually break up with her, pls do not use only superficial symptoms like " too controlling" as the excuse. It is better to say the truth: that due to the underlying incompatibility, you do not love her as much as she deserves.
Like i said, just my worthless 2 cents... -
You are real wanker,
Its just as well for your gf, you want prettier and more demure gf but you take no initiative. U fed up with her cos she not pretty, but u have no guts to go for pretty girls. U loser lah brother.
Trust me lah, inside 2 weeks your gf will find a better man. Whilst you will have to contend with wanking for at least 1 year. -
I know you care a lot for your gf and her feeling but how long can you please her for? Communication is the key. Have you ever told her about how you are feeling before? About the space you need from her etc?Originally posted by Insightist:It's always this simple question of what do you really want. but when ur in the sticky situation, it becomes all so difficult and confusing. Its not i do not want to just break off, but i just feel if i were to break off, it's gonna be hard on her. Im vv tired myself. I'm not having a good time myself. All i ask is a listening ear. It can be easy to judge, but i cant possibly write every single detail of the relationship to all to justify my position or so. I dont need to. I just want to stop all these unhappiness. There she goes again...another msg.
If you have done everything and you are still not happy then the only way to go is to breakup with her. I know you don't want to hurt her but the longer you put it off, the more you are going to hurt her as you have dragged her deeper into the relationship. Don't waste her and your time. (Chinese saying "Chang tung bu lou tuan tung" ). At least she is still young to look for another Mr Right.
I believe one of the main issues you have is that both of you are in a different stage of the relationship. Your girlfriend is most likely looking for a long-term relationship and wants to settle down while you still want to look around, to explore and to find your Miss Right. Girls are usually more mature than boys at the same age until the guys turn 25.
Good luck and hope everything will work out for you in the end!
-
Originally posted by pinkygal76:*bat bat long long extended eye lashes*
Harlow.............*Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* long time no see devil wor
still remember pinky .............not bad !
Me been busy busy....hardly logs in these days...but spotted my smudgey darling mei mei...
so pinky die die ...must take the risk of saying something to her.....even if it means risking being spotted by boss....me oso must make MY PRESENCE KNOWN!
-
Have you thought maybe it would be better for both of you to be just friends...?Originally posted by Insightist:It's always this simple question of what do you really want. but when ur in the sticky situation, it becomes all so difficult and confusing. Its not i do not want to just break off, but i just feel if i were to break off, it's gonna be hard on her. Im vv tired myself. I'm not having a good time myself. All i ask is a listening ear. It can be easy to judge, but i cant possibly write every single detail of the relationship to all to justify my position or so. I dont need to. I just want to stop all these unhappiness. There she goes again...another msg. -
Coz u started to feel your gf is not your desire type of gal..
thus you're begin so stressful and blaming her for not giving you
much space of your own.
Well you can try to hurt her and breakoff with her but remember dun regret after doing this.
Well i'd seen many begin remorseful of what they had done to their gf and ended up hoping for patching back but it was too late to cry over the spilled milk. -
You probably have commitment jitters.
She might be either coming on too strongly to you, or you're just a commitment-phobe.
It's okay. Tell her you want to be truthful and honest to yourself and her, and your relationship with one another, rather than make quick, flash of the moment promises you might not be able to keep, and hurt her more in the process.
Either way..
If you need space, its' ok to ask for it. Esp if she's being too clingy.
You need to also take this time to question yourself (not look elsewhere for reasons to escape the relationship or 'view' other potential goods.), is this what you really want? What is the real reason you love/like her? Could there be some hidden reason behind it? Are you willing to commit?
If not. Be honest, don't play with the girl's feelings, and tell her how you feel, that its not working out.
It's better to not wait until you've dug a hole too deep you can't crawl out of it. -
For me, if i love someone alot, i wont think about breakup. Maybe solution to work things out. Ask yourself if till now you seriously love her or you just want a better looking girl. Think about it, together for year plus and you want to break up. So wasted in a way unless really cannot be together then ok la. Then you go look for another girl and start everything anew lor.
-
Originally posted by Insightist:
Well said.
It's always this simple question of what do you really want. but when ur in the sticky situation, it becomes all so difficult and confusing. Its not i do not want to just break off, but i just feel if i were to break off, it's gonna be hard on her. Im vv tired myself. I'm not having a good time myself. All i ask is a listening ear. It can be easy to judge, but i cant possibly write every single detail of the relationship to all to justify my position or so. I dont need to. I just want to stop all these unhappiness. There she goes again...another msg.
So you are not taking in any suggestions that are not inline with your's?
Just want people to sympathise with your frustrations that's all?
I see your problem.
Good luck.
-
You are the best one who must bring about the results and outcomes you desire. Nobody else can do that for you.Originally posted by Insightist:Hi guys,
Just initiated a cool off with my gf. It has already been on my mind for a while already. I plucked up the courage to ask for it yesterday night. Reason being everytime after a quarrel, she would hasten me for a solution, and seeing her so upset and hurt, i usually give in by saying im ok already and make up with her. Yesterday, i just felt too tired. She's my longest gf to date. A looker she is not, average and a rather complicated history behind her. However she wins with her charm and caring personality. Just that i feel her love is sometimes too overwhelming. She will talk about seeing a future together when im going overseas next year for studies. She says she sees that im the one. All these pressure, i just dont know how to handle. I mean im serious and committed with her, but i dont like to make promises in the future when it does not happen.
We dated very very briefly before getting together. Maybe briefly wouldnt even come close. But we lasted a year plus. Endless quarrels and differences. But that aside, sometimes i just feel whether im limiting myself too much by not socialising. She on the other hand, has dated quite abit, thus she's been in a few long relationships to know what she wants. Me, i've only to say she's my longest relationship partly because she's more initiative. I've realised sometimes what one's insecurities can do in a relationship and make both suffer. She's been having a hard time at work, and i had to tell her that yesterday. It's really hard for me too. I just needed to breathe....space to breathe. Mostly when we're together, i feel i cant keep up with her. I cant keep up with her requests and many other things.
Last night when i was in bed, just felt so hurt. Hurt for her, and also i missed abit of the times we're together cos we've been seeing each other almost every other day for the past 1 year or so. Is it that i really liked her? Then why do i always think i deserve a better and more prettier and demure girl? She's waiting for an answer though she told me she dare not hope. Prayed to God, but i need an answer.
Not even god in your case!
Looking at your post, I believe you both shld try again, just let her know not to put too much pressure on you and that shld be fine.
It's like grabbing a bird too tight in the hand, it sooner or later willl also become breathless and die off. Same analogy here. You are the bird, her love for you is too much for you to handle.
Just learn over time. Since she is even willing to go back with you even the fact you said you want to break, and she even knows you are going overseas to study.
I believe she is for you. -
wanted to reply the very moment i saw this post but was kept busy with projects and stuff...Originally posted by Insightist:Hi guys,
Just initiated a cool off with my gf. It has already been on my mind for a while already. I plucked up the courage to ask for it yesterday night. Reason being everytime after a quarrel, she would hasten me for a solution, and seeing her so upset and hurt, i usually give in by saying im ok already and make up with her. Yesterday, i just felt too tired. She's my longest gf to date. A looker she is not, average and a rather complicated history behind her. However she wins with her charm and caring personality. Just that i feel her love is sometimes too overwhelming. She will talk about seeing a future together when im going overseas next year for studies. She says she sees that im the one. All these pressure, i just dont know how to handle. I mean im serious and committed with her, but i dont like to make promises in the future when it does not happen.
We dated very very briefly before getting together. Maybe briefly wouldnt even come close. But we lasted a year plus. Endless quarrels and differences. But that aside, sometimes i just feel whether im limiting myself too much by not socialising. She on the other hand, has dated quite abit, thus she's been in a few long relationships to know what she wants. Me, i've only to say she's my longest relationship partly because she's more initiative. I've realised sometimes what one's insecurities can do in a relationship and make both suffer. She's been having a hard time at work, and i had to tell her that yesterday. It's really hard for me too. I just needed to breathe....space to breathe. Mostly when we're together, i feel i cant keep up with her. I cant keep up with her requests and many other things.
Last night when i was in bed, just felt so hurt. Hurt for her, and also i missed abit of the times we're together cos we've been seeing each other almost every other day for the past 1 year or so. Is it that i really liked her? Then why do i always think i deserve a better and more prettier and demure girl? She's waiting for an answer though she told me she dare not hope. Prayed to God, but i need an answer.
dear TS,
the way that you had described your gf, is so much like me. I mean, i am a guy and it seems like i am the guy version of your gf. initially in my relationship with my gf, i too will hasten her for a solution immediately after whatever disputes we had, and although she does not really "give in" to me, but i am the one doing all the work to try to mend things up.
however, now i have toned down quite a bit (i dun hasten her anymore, and leave her alone for a while). but why is it that we will behave like that? it is simply because we are trying our best to make the relationship work so as to leave no regrets.
isn't it better that she will like always try to mediate the situation instead of just running away from the problem everytime it arises? her effort is 100%, and you have to applaud her for that. although i agree that too much of coercing limits one space to "breathe".
i believe one way of making you and her feel better after a quarrel is you to tell her that you need some time alone, and at the same time you need to give her assurances that everything will be OK after you get to spend some time alone. this will set her mind at ease, and i feel she will gladly leave you alone for a while. unless you really feel to end the relationship with her, then dun give her false hopes.
do you realise that everytime after a quarrel and if you display something like a "hack care" attitude, it hurts her a lot?
if you love her, dun hurt her.
hope you will find your direction soon...