Trouble with Parents...
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I cant leave them alone...I got try yesterday, I told them I need to go in teach liao, got like 10 students waiting for me in the class...but my dad shouted and said he wanted to settle this for once and for allOriginally posted by ndmmxiaomayi:Erm.... yeah....
This answer only works quite well if they are calm.
How to calm them down, I don't know. I'm not a people's person. What I usually do is I leave them alone for about a week or so and bring up the topic again. If after 3 tries and the reaction is the same, I will give up on it.
Try spending more time with them, it will help improve ties and probably make discussions easier. Best if you bring in your cousins as well, it will be a bigger group, with more ideas and perspectives. At the same time, there will be a mediator.
So the admin in my school had to ask the students to go back and cancel the class 
Pai seh until very jia lat lor...then when the clerk came in to ask whether i m coming back for work or not tomolo, my dad said,"No, she is not coming back to work this embarassing job...she is useless I tell you...get good results last time end up getting such a low pay.."
*speechless*
I can still remember the look on the clerk's face...plus her pay even lower than mine... -
Alright, I see where you are coming from.Originally posted by rainee:My dear still studying hor? And I want to stabilize my career first...
Also I dun tink it is fair to get married just because of this issue...I want to move out with my parents' blessings, not run away from them...
Most Asians would think this way too. Having a career stabilized is no.1 priority I must say.. and your bf is still studying or doing so while working? -
Thank goodness you aren't thinking of marriage just to get freedom.Originally posted by rainee:maybe you are not in my situation so you do not know why I still dun move out.
One thing is cos I have to wait until my scholarship bond terminates next year. Then I can move out to Singapore and find a job there.
Another option will be to get married, then they dun have control over me anymore, but this isnt possible either cos of certain circumstances.
Since the bond only terminates next year, there is still quite some time to discuss with them, reach an agreement or compromise.
Try asking them why they don't want you to move out. Other than common reasons like I don't like, I don't want. Get something reasonable. Each and every parent has their own concerns. Ask them about it, and see if something can be done about it. -
working full time, studying parttime + taking in freelancesOriginally posted by -[0]-:Alright, I see where you are coming from.
Most Asians would think this way too. Having a career stabilized is no.1 priority I must say.. and your bf is still studying or doing so while working? -
my god.Originally posted by rainee:I cant leave them alone...I got try yesterday, I told them I need to go in teach liao, got like 10 students waiting for me in the class...but my dad shouted and said he wanted to settle this for once and for all So the admin in my school had to ask the students to go back and cancel the class
Pai seh until very jia lat lor...then when the clerk came in to ask whether i m coming back for work or not tomolo, my dad said,"No, she is not coming back to work this embarassing job...she is useless I tell you...get good results last time end up getting such a low pay.."
*speechless*
I can still remember the look on the clerk's face...plus her pay even lower than mine...
You wont leave them,nor would talking to them helps.I dont know what other alternative there is.
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Any close relative or friend of parents' age / seniority who can mediate?
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x2Originally posted by choco B:Any close relative or friend of parents' age / seniority who can mediate?
This would be a feasible move.
Cheers -
Originally posted by rainee:I cant leave them alone...I got try yesterday, I told them I need to go in teach liao, got like 10 students waiting for me in the class...but my dad shouted and said he wanted to settle this for once and for all So the admin in my school had to ask the students to go back and cancel the class
Pai seh until very jia lat lor...then when the clerk came in to ask whether i m coming back for work or not tomolo, my dad said,"No, she is not coming back to work this embarassing job...she is useless I tell you...get good results last time end up getting such a low pay.."
*speechless*
I can still remember the look on the clerk's face...plus her pay even lower than mine...
Your dad is way too overboard.
Try reasoning with them on another day, make sure you are not working or take a leave. Don't know if thrashing everything out would be a good idea, but it works quite well for me so far. With compromises of course.
And about the job, I don't know how you can deal with it. The impact is quite huge and no idea how people would think about you. -
Sounds good. Worth a try.Originally posted by choco B:Any close relative or friend of parents' age / seniority who can mediate?
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There's quite a number of things which I thought of and discussed with Rainee, most of them comes down to making her parents realise that the salary range now isn't the salary range 10-20years back. One of the mindsets of the older generations is that if a person manages to get an overseas degree, he/she WILL DEFINITELY get a high paying job. That is true 10-20years ago, but highly unlikely now. There is a much higher percentage of degree holders these days and as we know, salaries in asian countries are much lower then their counterparts in the West.Originally posted by ceecookie:my god.
You wont leave them,nor would talking to them helps.I dont know what other alternative there is.
This constitutes to her parents saying that "A teaching job is an embarrassing job as the pay is normal for a degree student" (which is true in MY. SG teachers have a much better salary and benefits) -
That will be err... highly not possible due to few reasons. (Need to get clearance first before I can tell ^^; )...... unless both our parents meet up and talked about it (since both our parents are around the same age)Originally posted by choco B:Any close relative or friend of parents' age / seniority who can mediate? -
I'm not talking about your parents.
Her family has their own issues I don't think it's advisable to even mention about a boyfriend
I mean maybe a relative in their family or a long-time family friend.Originally posted by NekoRin:That will be err... highly not possible due to few reasons. (Need to get clearance first before I can tell ^^; )...... unless both our parents meet up and talked about it (since both our parents are around the same age) -
I think Rainee dear she had tried that before. From what I hear is compromisation is reached only during that session. All compromises by her parents are cleanly disregarded (not forgotten) when her parents are in a bad mood or found out that their 'control' is lost.Originally posted by ndmmxiaomayi:
Your dad is way too overboard.
Try reasoning with them on another day, make sure you are not working or take a leave. Don't know if thrashing everything out would be a good idea, but it works quite well for me so far. With compromises of course.
And about the job, I don't know how you can deal with it. The impact is quite huge and no idea how people would think about you. -
Well, her relatives are in KL whereas she and her family is in JB. There's not much contact between her family and her relatives. There are little to no family friends too, her parents prefer to keep themselves at home and have very little social contact even with their neighboursOriginally posted by choco B:I'm not talking about your parents.
Her family has their own issues I don't think it's advisable to even mention about a boyfriend
I mean maybe a relative in their family or a long-time family friend. -
OK so no relatives to mediate
There are strict families then there are the bullies. Yours certainly sound like the latter.
I don't think the soft method will work with your parents. If you feel it is time to leave, you simply should go. No judgement really it's just a next phase of life. It depends on how strong you are, believe me at your age & experience noone can make you stay where you don't want to. All it takes is a decision and a plan.
Leaving doesn't mean you've been a bad daughter.
Serve out your bond if you have to. In the meantime find somewhere safe to keep your belongings like your IC and passport , noone but yourself should hv such easy access to them -
Let them embarass themselves.Originally posted by rainee:how much can one endure?
if ur parents showed up in ur office (if u r working) or school (if u r studying) and then suddenly shouted at you using vulgar words and things like you are so stupid, etc in front of all your colleagues/classmates...how would u feel?
When I was a kid, I had gone through the same.
Now I just avoid them when I have the ability to do so. -
x2. Leaving doesn't mean u r not a good daughter. There is still many other ways to repay back ur parents.Originally posted by choco B:OK so no relatives to mediate
There are strict families then there are the bullies. Yours certainly sound like the latter.
I don't think the soft method will work with your parents. If you feel it is time to leave, you simply should go. No judgement really it's just a next phase of life. It depends on how strong you are, believe me at your age & experience noone can make you stay where you don't want to. All it takes is a decision and a plan.
Leaving doesn't mean you've been a bad daughter.
Serve out your bond if you have to. In the meantime find somewhere safe to keep your belongings like your IC and passport , noone but yourself should hv such easy access to them
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I don't think they find it embarrassingOriginally posted by Devil1976:Let them embarass themselves.
When I was a kid, I had gone through the same.
Now I just avoid them when I have the ability to do so. -
X2! I definitely agree.Originally posted by SpeedStar:x2. Leaving doesn't mean u r not a good daughter. There is still many other ways to repay back ur parents.
Living alone is so much better with a situation like this. Earning the salary in peace at the same time enjoying the freedom of adulthood without manipulation haunts.
Ways to repay back the parents? Maybe send them a part of the salary every month through mail? That's the best option if I were rainee. For now, maybe let her finish serving her bond first.
And oh, I heard her parents like to keep to themselves and no social contacts? That shows their true characters. 
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When I look at those old folks in the old folk's home, I wonder at times, why are they there. If they once treated their children the same way rainee's parents treated her, then I can say that they deserve their fruit.Originally posted by Devil1976:Let them embarass themselves.
When I was a kid, I had gone through the same.
Now I just avoid them when I have the ability to do so. -
I agree...theres a limit to everything.Originally posted by -[0]-:That's y I said, there's a limit to respecting parents.
If my parents cross that limit, I would not hesitate to scold them back/fight them. -
hmm...my parents already lost contact wif most of my other relatives because of some personal issues that I wud rather not mention here...and dun tink they have any close frens that I know of...Originally posted by choco B:I'm not talking about your parents.
Her family has their own issues I don't think it's advisable to even mention about a boyfriend
I mean maybe a relative in their family or a long-time family friend. -
yea, i oso against the idea of getting married just because i wan to solve this problem wor...like this will be unfair for my dear oso...wan us to get married when we are both readyOriginally posted by ndmmxiaomayi:Thank goodness you aren't thinking of marriage just to get freedom.
Since the bond only terminates next year, there is still quite some time to discuss with them, reach an agreement or compromise.
Try asking them why they don't want you to move out. Other than common reasons like I don't like, I don't want. Get something reasonable. Each and every parent has their own concerns. Ask them about it, and see if something can be done about it.
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Job wise...tink still okie la...i already contacted my boss and his gf (who are like the second manager in my workplace) but luckily they understand...and one good thing was that both of them were away yesterday when this sh!t happened...Originally posted by ndmmxiaomayi:
Your dad is way too overboard.
Try reasoning with them on another day, make sure you are not working or take a leave. Don't know if thrashing everything out would be a good idea, but it works quite well for me so far. With compromises of course.
And about the job, I don't know how you can deal with it. The impact is quite huge and no idea how people would think about you.
The clerk oso seems like okie...she was quite worried abt me, then today I came in for work she immediately asked if I am okie, then i apologized for the thing that happened yesterday because she was the one who had to clear up all the crap after I left suddenly (had to tell the students the class is cancelled, etc). She said it is okie, as long as i already settled evthing then it is good le. So touching to have such a nice colleague around
My students...most of them didnt see the episode, except 3 of them, the rest are not really my students (cos the first class I cancelled yesterday was one of the other teacher's classes, but I took over for him cos he is on leave)...my students were understanding as well, they said I just need to give them a replacement lesson on Saturday to make up for the lesson yesterday. -
I kept my passports and IC in very safe place de...but they shouted and forced me to give it to them...i brought it wif me to my workplace, but they threatened to go tell embarassing things to the students if I dun give them...so bo bian but have to giveOriginally posted by choco B:OK so no relatives to mediate
There are strict families then there are the bullies. Yours certainly sound like the latter.
I don't think the soft method will work with your parents. If you feel it is time to leave, you simply should go. No judgement really it's just a next phase of life. It depends on how strong you are, believe me at your age & experience noone can make you stay where you don't want to. All it takes is a decision and a plan.
Leaving doesn't mean you've been a bad daughter.
Serve out your bond if you have to. In the meantime find somewhere safe to keep your belongings like your IC and passport , noone but yourself should hv such easy access to them