Please help ...
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Hi people, need some advice. My gf and i have been together for 4 months already. I waited for her for quite long about more than 1 year b4 she agreed to us being as one. There were good and bad times for both of us like for all couples.
A guy who doesn't know that she is already attached to me has been getting closer and closer to her. He is doing sweet things that a bf will oni do for a gf. and it is obvious to me and her that this guy is trying to chase her. I told my gf about my concerns and she shd jus tell him causally that she is attached but my gf did not want to do so and even told him she is single.
I am rather unhappy about this. It is the holiday season and i am already working for 6 days a week. with oni sundays off. Hence i cant realli take out much time for her. This guy is on the verge of asking for her to be his gf liao soon as he hinted he will this holidays. She sort of like inform me as tat she is going out with tat guy.
My gf has also been comparing me to him. He is a rich guy, who lives in a private bungalow. and has cars. but then alhough he is in a way my competitor, he still seems a nice person from the way she describes him to me. This comparison does not really go well with me sometimes.
seriously i think he can be a better provider for her than me. since this guy is rich and kind natured and a ladies man unlike me who is poor and have to work hard for wad i want and i being a woodblock guy at many times.
My gf and him are getting closer and she will be meeting him on some occasions during this holiday season while i am working during the weekdays.
i dun know if this gf is the one i am going to marry already because of the hurt and uncertainty. By the way i am 23 and my gf is 21 and we are both students.
What should i do? Should i move on ? and try to initiate a break up or should i persist to preserve this r/s which i worked so hard for. Is letting go of ur lover for some1 who can do a better job of loving her a more appropriate thing to do for my case? -
Just let her go. She is still young & want better options.
She is two-timing u already. U have voiced your concern abt her seeing other guys & she has ignored your feelings.
Start to date other girls too, she may not be the 'one'. -
get what you can from her and prepare to dump or be dumped
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Very sad to hear what is happening to you.
No Doubt the fact that you are much more inferior in many ways to get competitor but remember both of you are humans and not inferior in this way.
He's more fortunate than you in the sense that he's born with a silver spoon but that doesn't wins you from winning your GF's heart if she commits to be one with you.
So don't lose heart till the last. If she dumped you for him.. it's her losing end to lose someone whom love her for someone she like and the someone she like will also soon left her for someone she love.
Best of luck!!! -
sorry that this is happening bro.
You said 4 months? that not too long a time to let go, we know its hard. but before you do (or her letting you go), maybe you want to clear some facts with her.
Sit down with her, talk about the problems. Tell her about the discomfort you have with regards to her going out with that guy. See what she got to say.
Then I would suggest that you talk to that guy. This might seems wrong to others but IMHO, I think you should. Your gf has not tell him about you since she mentioned that she is single. (Which i think is already so wrong, y dun admit having a bf? Want to seduce another guy??) If that guy is as understanding and as nice as you might think he is, he MIGHT understand your situation and let go.
1 year for you to get her and how long for this guy? What is in the mind of your girl?
Just some solutions about your problem.
Next, I think there is a need to change the mentality of your darling or change her (dump her that is).
Firstly, I dun understand why she dun wanna admit that she is attached to that guy or any other, if there is. Does she want to seek attention from guys? Or she wouldnt feel good saying you are HER BF?
Secondly, I dun quite agree with her going out with this guy ALONE. Its not wrong if they are good old friends or going out in a group, but in this case, she obviously knows that the guy is after her and stuffs. I dun wanna spoil your mood, but hey. Its dating. Who knows what happen when you are away?
Holding hands? Kissing? I leave it for you to think.
Even things happens, chances are that you wont even know and she would lie and hide it from you. The only time you would know would be when" Sorry dear. I have to leave you. I am with another guy already".
PLEASE, sit down with your gf. Clear all this doubts and problems with her. I foresee that you would only get out of this mess getting hurt and your pride gone. You already are when you feel that this other guy can provide for her better. You are already thinking that your gf has a better future with him.
And guys, please please make time for your gfs. Spend time together. I personally do not believe in relationships would work out when time is not spent together. Especially in infant relationships like this.
Just surprise her after work, buy her dinner etc. I am currently doing my internship as well. I am basically working everyday, from 9am to 7pm. I, too, do not have time for my gf. And we solve this by spending what little time we have together. We go for dinner and I would send her home. We can chat alot or simply enjoy each other's company while heading home. Its possible.
Please. Sit down and talk to her about all this.
No one can give you two a future. Both of you hold it. Build it together or I rather you two lose it now. So that you need not cry yourself to sleep for months.
JMHO.
Cheers. -
I empathise with your situation.
Just one advice. If you think the other guy is better than you, you already lost the battle.
Think of the reasons why she would be happier with you, then fight for her love. If not, let her go. -
I'm sorry that this is happening to you, after reading your post I feel that you are a nice guy as well.
Maybe it will be better for you to tell your g/f how you really feel, have a good face to face talk with her and see how she reacts and from there on it might give a better picture where you actually stands in this relationship. If after you've told her you feelings and she still insist on telling your competitor that she is single, then I don't think this relationship that your in now will work out.
Anyway, those are just my advise, in the end you will have to decide on what to do .......
Best of luck !
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Hi C2on2,
Im going to be the next one saying sorry this happened to you. But calm down and read what each and every one of us has to offer.
You start off by saying that you were going steady with your girlfriend for 4 months. I must let you know this: 4 months is too short a time for a stable relationship. Have you read another thread "Confused and troubled"? The girl spent 10 friggin years! with the man and she has feelings for the new handsome guy she has just met. Can you believe that? Haha...I can but I do not know about you.
Ok, you said you waited for her for more than 1 year before she agreed to have a relationship with you. Well, allow me to ask you some questions: did you ask her why she needs to take a long time? What were the exact words she said that made you wait and and wait? And then what exactly did she say that she finally accepted you? Why did she exactly take a long time to accept you?
You know, it all begins from the start. She may not have loved you so much to begin with. Or she may suddenly felt that you were great company and you were so "sincere" so why not go steady? But alas, were her feelings very high from the beginning? It just doesn't make sense that a girl made you wait for 1 year plus and then suddenly you become James Bond to her! You get what Im saying? If you were James Bond, you are always James Bond. If you aren't, even if you have changed into Daniel Craig, you are still the same you(boring guy) to her. Think about it guy: does a girl make James Bond wait so long? For 1 year plus? Of course not! She will jump on him immediately!
What Im saying is you are not be a James Bond to her from the beginning. If not, you would have got hitched in 1 week's time. Maybe lesser time? It's all about the feelings she has for the guy.
You mentioned there were good and bad times during the 4 month courtship. Think about it guy: If the relationship is so good after she agreed, why was there so many bad times in such short a time? Is there something wrong with the girl?Or Is there something wrong about her not loving you as much as you might have thought? You thought your sincerity worked a lot! Nah~ You know, I have friends who have not quarrelled with the girlfriend since like the beginning of their attachment. Can it be the girl love the boyfriend too much? I think so!
See, the girl holds the power and she likes the guy obviously, for whatsoever reasons. When she told him he is single and wanted to lead him on, it does mean something. To me, it means she does not consider you as a boyfriend and she is expanding her options. It means her feelings for you are not high. It means she is casually dating you. It means she is not in a committed relationship with you. It means she is not in love with you. It means you are only for her short term plans. It means after she got pissed off with your stupid antics for telling her off, she can have another reason to dump you!
And of course, for the new guy. You should have told her: Hey just go meet your handsome friend. I will be meeting Fiona Xie later and Im looking forward to it! It shows you are not riled and upset by her actions. You are a confident guy because you are James Bond. You can easily get another girl and not wait for 1 year plus. It shows you are confident and not possessive or jealous.
Haha...when she informed you she is going out with the guy, she is telling you secretly you should go and get a new girl. It is hidden message. Because why would any sane girl who is in a commited relationship(supposed she did love the boyfriend) go out with another guy and still tell him she is single?
So you have been compared to a rich kid huh? When a girl likes a man, of course she will say nice things about him even though he's been an absolute jerk. When a girl doesn't like a man, even if you treat her like a Queen of England, she will still not like you, or worse despise you!
Oh, while you are working and suffering trying to make a quick buck, there she is outside, having fun with another guy?A rich guy? Where is her commitment to the relationship? Has she spared a thought for you?Or should I say does she really love you?
So please, I think she is getting tired of you. I suggest you just stay away from her for the time being and don't pressurise her. Just keep your mouth shut. Give her less of your time and start seeing other girls. Learn to flirt. Why not? You are single right? haha... In time to come, she will announce her decision soon.
Keep your fingers crossed, for the right woman of course.
doko -
Looking at the above two long winded replies
I summarize them up
Ur gf sux -
One more thing, this girl is not good for a long-term relationship.
If she can betray the boyfriend, there's no doubt she will betray the next one again. She is like a spoilt princess also.
Unless of course, she wants the new guy for the money. But she can like the new guy for many thousands of reasons we don't know. But the main issue is, she has let him down.
There is a good point mentioned that you took 1 year plus to get her to be your girlfriend and the new guy? Nothing happens yet but soon. All the answers are in her head.
Think about it.
doko -
wah... doko harsh le... but as usual lar. lol!
Anyway, I think that doko is also right in the sense that your gf is not committed to you. (thats your side of the story of course)
Please, talk to your love fast. Before your love becomes your hated.
Best of luck.
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I think what most of us are trying to say is that if you really love her, let her go. And if in the end, she comes back to you, then you're meant to be together and if she doesn't. Then the 2 of you were never meant to be together in the first place.
But I would still wish you best of luck !!
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what long winded!! Not happy ar!!Originally posted by pierre^^:Looking at the above two long winded replies
I summarize them up
Ur gf sux
lol... I dun usually type so much ok...
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Not harsh la..Originally posted by angrynor:wah... doko harsh le... but as usual lar. lol!
Anyway, I think that doko is also right in the sense that your gf is not committed to you. (thats your side of the story of course)
Please, talk to your love fast. Before your love becomes your hated.
Best of luck.
just let him think about it..
use common sense and don't think with your emotions.
don't get too personal with women.
old one must go away so that new one can come in haha.
just to console threadstarter
doko -
Good Advise....Originally posted by angrynor:sorry that this is happening bro.
You said 4 months? that not too long a time to let go, we know its hard. but before you do (or her letting you go), maybe you want to clear some facts with her.
Sit down with her, talk about the problems. Tell her about the discomfort you have with regards to her going out with that guy. See what she got to say.
Then I would suggest that you talk to that guy. This might seems wrong to others but IMHO, I think you should. Your gf has not tell him about you since she mentioned that she is single. (Which i think is already so wrong, y dun admit having a bf? Want to seduce another guy??) If that guy is as understanding and as nice as you might think he is, he MIGHT understand your situation and let go.
1 year for you to get her and how long for this guy? What is in the mind of your girl?
Just some solutions about your problem.
Next, I think there is a need to change the mentality of your darling or change her (dump her that is).
Firstly, I dun understand why she dun wanna admit that she is attached to that guy or any other, if there is. Does she want to seek attention from guys? Or she wouldnt feel good saying you are HER BF?
Secondly, I dun quite agree with her going out with this guy ALONE. Its not wrong if they are good old friends or going out in a group, but in this case, she obviously knows that the guy is after her and stuffs. I dun wanna spoil your mood, but hey. Its dating. Who knows what happen when you are away?
Holding hands? Kissing? I leave it for you to think.
Even things happens, chances are that you wont even know and she would lie and hide it from you. The only time you would know would be when" Sorry dear. I have to leave you. I am with another guy already".
PLEASE, sit down with your gf. Clear all this doubts and problems with her. I foresee that you would only get out of this mess getting hurt and your pride gone. You already are when you feel that this other guy can provide for her better. You are already thinking that your gf has a better future with him.
And guys, please please make time for your gfs. Spend time together. I personally do not believe in relationships would work out when time is not spent together. Especially in infant relationships like this.
Just surprise her after work, buy her dinner etc. I am currently doing my internship as well. I am basically working everyday, from 9am to 7pm. I, too, do not have time for my gf. And we solve this by spending what little time we have together. We go for dinner and I would send her home. We can chat alot or simply enjoy each other's company while heading home. Its possible.
Please. Sit down and talk to her about all this.
No one can give you two a future. Both of you hold it. Build it together or I rather you two lose it now. So that you need not cry yourself to sleep for months.
JMHO.
Cheers.
Bravo 
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All is fair in love and war .
As a lady and someone who experienced mindgames at this level ( yes , some guys can also f*ck with your head better than girls) , I will give you this advice:
Leave her especially when she is rubbing your face into the whole fiasco if she didn't have the decency to dump you .
Or
You can end up as BACKUP ! When all fails, she comes back running to you ......when she find someone else , she leaves you .
Usually if I know the guy is not for me - I just tell him straight in the face and dump him myself instead of playing stupid mindgames. Sometimes you must be cruel to be kind. -
well , do what you think is rite
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she not devoted and faithful, so i dun suggest u going out with her.
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U remind me of myself when I was wif my ex. If I were u, I wld hold on & see wat else happens. Treat her well and give her the very best, to show dat u r fighting to hold on to her. Do it as though it is like the final battle. This wld prove to her dat u r still ard to love her.
But do be mentally prepared dat she's gonna dump u at any time. And if she does dump u eventually, take heart dat u already gave your best & it's juz her loss dat she doesn't wanna be wif u. There r plenty of fish out there in the sea as the saying goes & I know u wld find someone else better. All this is easier said than done but if u r able to achieve it, u wld not end up being so hurt towards the end. All the best. -
When a girl starts 2 compare you, her bf, with someone else, u know its time to let go. If she loves only you, she won't even have made a comparison in the first place.
Plus the fact u work 6 days a week is going against u. The guy probably has all the time in the world to chase her, and be there for her, accompanying her when she feels lonely without u by her side. And that is the most dangerous.
Hey man, maybe u should talk to her, tell her ur concerns about she becoming too close to him, and the fact that she refuses to tell him she's attached. She seems to enjoy the attention given to her by the guy, and by refusing to say she's attached, it seems that she wants to play the field. -
Her heart has wandered off.
Time to let go, as hard as it may be. -
hey people thanks a lot for all your kind advice. I really appreciate it. Many thanks once again.
Well tat guy went specially to my gf house to buy her lunch cause she said she was lazy to eat... I know tat they do have long msn and telephone or sms conversations at times and i had told her my concerns already. And she told me that he is just a good friend of hers.
Before he went, she still ask me if jealous anot or shit like tat. and when i say tell him to not come cos it was realli raining badly she said den who buy food for her? and i am unreasonable etc. Eventually the situation was still ok.
I mean i find this thinking quite immature and childish.
Aniwae my gf is having exams now while i am working. And she told me tat she will be going out with him for about 4 - 5 occassions this holiday season. Esp on the day of his birthday celebration with that guy.
I know that my gf loves me from the times we had been together ... but why is this sort of thing happening? Am i too sensitive, jealous or dis trustful? -
Then why did she tell him she is single? Can she answer that?Originally posted by c2on2:hey people thanks a lot for all your kind advice. I really appreciate it. Many thanks once again.
Well tat guy went specially to my gf house to buy her lunch cause she said she was lazy to eat... I know tat they do have long msn and telephone or sms conversations at times and i had told her my concerns already. And she told me that he is just a good friend of hers.
Before he went, she still ask me if jealous anot or shit like tat. and when i say tell him to not come cos it was realli raining badly she said den who buy food for her? and i am unreasonable etc. Eventually the situation was still ok.
I mean i find this thinking quite immature and childish.
Aniwae my gf is having exams now while i am working. And she told me tat she will be going out with him for about 4 - 5 occassions this holiday season. Esp on the day of his birthday celebration with that guy.
I know that my gf loves me from the times we had been together ... but why is this sort of thing happening? Am i too sensitive, jealous or dis trustful?
You should have said: "Oh, can you ask him buy some food for me as well? I want to be his good friend also. Pretty please!"
What were her exact words for accepting you after so long? What were her exact reasons for making you wait for 1 year plus?
doko -
I feel so sorry for you
When a girl refuse to admit that she is attached, this means that she is obviously trying to keep her options open.
Put yourself in similar situation. If you refuse to declare that you';re attached, your chances of meeting new girls n developing new r/s is higher..
I used to know this veri cute guy in school. alot of girls having hots for him, and he enjoys it.. U wil never see him without some pretty girls ard him. And no one knows he is attached coz he refuse to admit.
girls loves attention, esp at this age .. how lovely to be pampered by 2 guys at the same time, and esp when this guy drives.. he have so much to offer her, like the thrill of being driven ard like a princess blah blah.. and 24hrs ON CALL..
in her pt of view, as long as she never do anithing unfaithful , there is nthg wrong with it.. but the prob is, are u able to hold your cool and
given time, will it cause hurt to u even more??
Hope you can convince her , and wish u happiness..
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From this account, I can see that she is spoilt and attention-seeking.Originally posted by c2on2:hey people thanks a lot for all your kind advice. I really appreciate it. Many thanks once again.
Well tat guy went specially to my gf house to buy her lunch cause she said she was lazy to eat... I know tat they do have long msn and telephone or sms conversations at times and i had told her my concerns already. And she told me that he is just a good friend of hers.
Before he went, she still ask me if jealous anot or shit like tat. and when i say tell him to not come cos it was realli raining badly she said den who buy food for her? and i am unreasonable etc. Eventually the situation was still ok.
I mean i find this thinking quite immature and childish.
Aniwae my gf is having exams now while i am working. And she told me tat she will be going out with him for about 4 - 5 occassions this holiday season. Esp on the day of his birthday celebration with that guy.
I know that my gf loves me from the times we had been together ... but why is this sort of thing happening? Am i too sensitive, jealous or dis trustful?
You probably want to feel gallant and be her protector. If you don't mind her attitude, you can consider keeping her by your side.
Otherwise, you should consider leaving her.