Rational mind, but irrational heart.
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I wonder if TS & sgforumer got watch 'ai zai har fuo'?Originally posted by merciwaves92:if she still likes you, she'll come back to you (:
just try to move on for the time being? and don't be too sticky.
the more you try to please her and do things for her,she'll be more stuck up.
so,maybe it's also time to give each other a break?
give yourself some time to sort out your thinking la.i know you're rather sad too luh.but what to do right?excuses,excuses are always given during break-ups.Perhaps,she's not very sure about her decision too.Give yourself some break too,it's no use pushing.
Shuren leave Xianyu because she doesn't want to become the burden of him. Yes, Shuren still deeply love Xianyu. This might be the case between you and your gf. -
Usually, that scene only appears in dramas.
And for a good reason. -
You know about the other girl Amber20 who started 3 threads about her boyfriend? She was so in love with her boyfriend(even though she holds two jobs) that she will spare time for him. This is called love with no excuses. All out to make time for him. So, don't make excuses for girls who don't make time for you. They don't like you any more.
doko -
Huh?
Since when did I make excuses for her?
Everyone has a different way of handling relationship. While Amber20 might feel okay with trying to make time for her boyfriend even though she has two jobs, it doesn't mean ALL the girls think, feel, and do the same. I'm not trying to defend my ex-girlfriend right here. I'm talking about your generalisation.
My reply above was responding to Darkness_hacker99's P.O.V. that she might feel that she's a burden to me, and thus chose to leave me. I was just trying to say that while it is possible, it is unlikely. -
Oh no...Im not saying you are making excuses for her. Im talking about guys who make excuses for their girl because they are in love with her.Originally posted by binarynwitz:Huh?
Since when did I make excuses for her?
Everyone has a different way of handling relationship. While Amber20 might feel okay with trying to make time for her boyfriend even though she has two jobs, it doesn't mean ALL the girls think, feel, and do the same. I'm not trying to defend my ex-girlfriend right here. I'm talking about your generalisation.
My reply above was responding to Darkness_hacker99's P.O.V. that she might feel that she's a burden to me, and thus chose to leave me. I was just trying to say that while it is possible, it is unlikely.
Im not generalising. Yes, not all girls are the same but it doesn't mean they will not think the same. It always all boils down to how much she care for you. That's what Im saying. I mean, think about it, while she may have trouble in her finances, what does your relationship with her has got to do with this problem, if she truly loved you at all? At the end of the day, it is always about how much she care/love for you.
doko -
Alright, I get your point. I've thought about that as well, and I've came to a conclusion.
But I'll have to check with another friend, first. I have a feeling this conclusion is true, though. -
What conclusion?
Just go ahead and ask. Learn from this relationship and let us know if it's true? ok?
doko -
Originally posted by binarynwitz:I just broke up with my girlfriend, who we've been together for about 1.5 years.
Her reason for the breakup is because she has too much responsibilities. Because her family financial situation is not good, she needs to work, to help out in the family. She feels that she would have no time for a relationship.
However, she did say to use this separation to rethink about our relationship. We have a lot of differences; different interests, and stuff like that.
When I went to her house to pass her birthday gift to her (we broke up three days before her birthday), she seemed to be rather glad to see me. That's how I feel, at least.
But after prom tonight, perhaps she's tired, but she seems to detest my presence. I offered to wait with her while her brother comes, but she said, "nevermind". Maybe I shouldn't have persisted, but well, I did. She then said, "up to me", but she was rather cold.
I don't know what I should do. My mind tells me to move on, while my heart tells me to persist on. Maybe you all might call me foolish, or stupid, but I believe she is the one for me.
Any opinions?
P.S. and yes, I'm ONLY sixteen.
When we are young and we made our first fall in love, things are usually kept innocent and simple. We are not exposed to the chaotic vibes of society and havenÂ’t gained mastery of our emotions - we are easily wounded... raw damage.
Reality sinks in when we lead those relationship - contrary to mass belief, the core elements of leading the relationship is about the same, be it at sixteen or thirty six. Personality conflicts strike in any incompatible relationship and sometimes, it's not just about having the desire to work on the indifferences, at times, it may seemed that we have no viable manner to resolve it and people usually do not know how to convey such a feeling/situation to the other party.
The family financial plight is but a euphemist for incompatibility break up. When we are young, we do not even understand our own feelings (some people never do for their entire life) and when we come across those seemingly complex emotions, we do not know how to handle nor translate them into words. The easiest way to achieve the desired result is to employ another reason that will produce the same result - and in your case, it's the family burden on her.
If we were to shift our perception a little; if she is having such a hard time, shouldn't she be needing more emotional support instead of removing whatever source of support she originally has? (Of course, unless this relationship is terribly intense, it makes sense to remove you as you become her source of emotional burden and does not contribute as a form of support).
Sometimes, when we discover that somebody isn't quite the somebody we are looking for gradually... (worst if there isn't any major flaw in him/her), we may either make use of some irrelevant excuses or remain put with the relationship for meaningless reason.
You may like to allow a period of time to pass before you decide on your route to undertake. I believe that could do you well to ease the current confusion, and you could also uncovered more on the actual REASON why she opt to leave the relationship with the passing of time when you do some communication later on - because I reckon that it's likely the phenomenon written in my second-third paragraph.
Cheers -
Thanks, Yunie.
I shall think about what you've said. -
After these few days, I've summarised how I think she's feeling right now - confused.
I did consider that there's a third party, but I've since ruled out that possibility.
In any case, I just told her how I've felt about her, and things like that. From her reactions, I think she's just really confused, and stressed. I think I'll just give her some time to think, and to process what I've said.
To all the forum mates who asked me to give up on her: Many of my friends counsel me when it comes to problems in their life, be it relationship or family problems. And the advice that I've always given them is to follow their heart, and believe that it would lead them to what they want. I've chosen to take that path myself. -
Listen, confused means her love for you is not high, even extremely low.Originally posted by binarynwitz:After these few days, I've summarised how I think she's feeling right now - confused.
I did consider that there's a third party, but I've since ruled out that possibility.
In any case, I just told her how I've felt about her, and things like that. From her reactions, I think she's just really confused, and stressed. I think I'll just give her some time to think, and to process what I've said.
To all the forum mates who asked me to give up on her: Many of my friends counsel me when it comes to problems in their life, be it relationship or family problems. And the advice that I've always given them is to follow their heart, and believe that it would lead them to what they want. I've chosen to take that path myself.
Anyway she has already broken up with you. No matter how you want to go back, it's very hard, even near impossible.
Your heart is always not helping you. It always confuses you. It's your rational thinking that will solve things, not make it worse. In this case, making things better means accepting the relationship is over and done with. That means being rational.
doko -
Hey bro, i support you. =)Originally posted by binarynwitz:After these few days, I've summarised how I think she's feeling right now - confused.
I did consider that there's a third party, but I've since ruled out that possibility.
In any case, I just told her how I've felt about her, and things like that. From her reactions, I think she's just really confused, and stressed. I think I'll just give her some time to think, and to process what I've said.
To all the forum mates who asked me to give up on her: Many of my friends counsel me when it comes to problems in their life, be it relationship or family problems. And the advice that I've always given them is to follow their heart, and believe that it would lead them to what they want. I've chosen to take that path myself.
All the best. You are a sensible kid. When its getting too tough, you know what to do. Let go.
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Indeed, my chances are not high, and I'm most probably trying to hold on to shadows, but what can I say?Originally posted by dokono:Listen, confused means her love for you is not high, even extremely low.
Anyway she has already broken up with you. No matter how you want to go back, it's very hard, even near impossible.
Your heart is always not helping you. It always confuses you. It's your rational thinking that will solve things, not make it worse. In this case, making things better means accepting the relationship is over and done with. That means being rational.
doko
I want to give it a last shot, I want to know that I've tried my best to fight for happiness, instead of just retreating.
A war fought might be a loss, but a war unfought will be a loss.
But if it really gets apparent that there's no longer any chance, I'll let go. -
two words:
move on...
in life we've just got to move on. -
It's already a losing war. She has already rejected you?Originally posted by binarynwitz:A war fought might be a loss, but a war unfought will be a loss.
But if it really gets apparent that there's no longer any chance, I'll let go.
Did she call you to meet her after work, even for one hour?
Did she say she missed you?
Did she say let's get together again?
You can go ahead, no harm. But you can learn a lot of things, if you decide to follow your heart. After that, when you are calm and collected and think through. Hey, it's better to be rational.
Ok, let's say you managed to get her back again. After that, she will find fault with you again because you wanted her back. Now she has the power to find fault with you, which means you have to do her bidding. End up, you might get hurt again.
doko -
Then let me complete the losing war.Originally posted by dokono:It's already a losing war. She has already rejected you?
Did she call you to meet her after work, even for one hour?
Did she say she missed you?
Did she say let's get together again?
You can go ahead, no harm. But you can learn a lot of things, if you decide to follow your heart. After that, when you are calm and collected and think through. Hey, it's better to be rational.
Ok, let's say you managed to get her back again. After that, she will find fault with you again because you wanted her back. Now she has the power to find fault with you, which means you have to do her bidding. End up, you might get hurt again.
doko
(Alright, I admit it. I just want to try!) -
without trying there will not be success. or failure.
its what you can learn that is more important.
go ahead. -
Two things to deduce from this two points.Originally posted by binarynwitz:I just broke up with my girlfriend, who we've been together for about 1.5 years.
Her reason for the breakup is because she has too much responsibilities. Because her family financial situation is not good, she needs to work, to help out in the family. She feels that she would have no time for a relationship.
However, she did say to use this separation to rethink about our relationship. We have a lot of differences; different interests, and stuff like that.
1)She is insecure about you and this relationship right from the start. What does she mean that she would have no time for a relationhip? So what if she needs to work or help out in the family? She still needs to eat lunch/dinner/breakfast, and go to and fro from work right? Surely these times she can spend it with you right? By saying she has no time for a relationship, she's just saying that she thinks both you and her will not stay long together just because she's working. Obviously, she doesn't think that you will be willing to spend other extra time with her.
2)Use the separation to rethink about relationship = she has spend some time thinking, and that she thinks you are not right for her. She wants you to realise this, but doesn't want to tell u straight to the face. The prom night incident is just a indication. Forget about the birthday incident, who won't be happy to receive gifts? If she still love you, she won't have be cold to you during prom night. By acting cold, she wants you out of her life.
That's what I think man. Either you can really go and look for a new gf, or heed her suggestion, and give her time. Let her approach you, do not call/sms her first, or else she will find u irritating. Good luck bro