I'm so traumatised...
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i did really harbour the thoughts of retaining her friendship. but after im calm down alittle, i begin to see why my GA said it is difficult, if not impossible. Lemme have time for a clearer head than now, then i should do better.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:oh! i didnt realise.. cos so many pages already.. i thought happened a few days ago.
if you have decided you have lost them, it is actually easier to come to a decision than if you want to retain their/her friendship.
Ya, it is only one day. So many things change overnight... this is a very very terrible weekend. -
since its confirmed the guy is a crazy scumbag, its beneficial for your friend to know. even if the friendship will break, i now think she should at least know about it. how she will react, noone can do anything about it. its really for her own good, after all.
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Okay.Originally posted by blu_sky:No....
Give yourself time to tide things through. Find someone to talk to to relieve some stress off yourself, in this case, your GA.
doko -
This question reminds me of a question I used to ask after I got into a tricky situation with my ex-crush/one of my closest guy frens...both of us were drunk, and he tried to do sth to me which i never expected him to...and the next morning, I tried to console myself by saying that he did nothing wrong, just dat he is drunk and unconscious...so doesnt know what he is doing (this is a guy I used to like very much, I am still amazed at my stupidity for still trying to stand up for him even after that incident)Originally posted by blu_sky:I'm goin out now. Lemme ask you guys a qn. Does being drunk make whatever wrong thing a person does right?
So if one day, a drunk man and molested your gf, is it ok? you letting him go juz cos he said "hey dude, im sorry, i was drunk"?
P/S: I do not know if he was drunk. but he went to bed at 1am, his wife went back to sleep at 2:15am and he opened my room door at 3:10am.
But after I got over the whole thing, I realize that being drunk shouldnt be used as an excuse to do something like this. As long the guy can still walk around and go into your room, I do not think he is totally drunk to begin with. Drunk means unconscious, unmoving and not being able to move at all. If he is still moving, means that he might have already had the intention to do this kinda thing to you in the first place.
This is indeed a delicate situation, esp since it involves your best fren. You can discuss it with her, but be prepared for the worst consequence (losing the frenship, after all most women will choose to believe their husbands and delude themselves into thinking they are innocent rather than listening to the truth by someone they consider an outsider). You can tell her the whole story, but say that it is up to her to believe it or not. -
Is it for her good? Some women will choose to stay in delusion.Originally posted by Ito_^:since its confirmed the guy is a crazy scumbag, its beneficial for your friend to know. even if the friendship will break, i now think she should at least know about it. how she will react, noone can do anything about it. its really for her own good, after all.
My friend is the type who will think that Balestier is behind Orchard Road, juz so she can think that she stays near orchard road (no, she does not stay in Balestier). And she will actually argue with people to convince others that Balestier is juz next to Orchard Road.
She is the type who will think and tell people that diamond rings are a waste of money, juz a piece of useless rock when she didnt have it for her wedding. But when her husband gave her a small diamond ring for xmas after much of her nagging, she suddenly thinks diamond rings are lovely.
Will telling her really do her good? or do anyone good? -
Like I said, when a woman loves a man, the man can get away for murder.Originally posted by blu_sky:Is it for her good? Some women will choose to stay in delusion.
My friend is the type who will think that Balestier is behind Orchard Road, juz so she can think that she stays near orchard road (no, she does not stay in Balestier). And she will actually argue with people to convince others that Balestier is juz next to Orchard Road.
She is the type who will think and tell people that diamond rings are a waste of money, juz a piece of useless rock when she didnt have it for her wedding. But when her husband gave her a small diamond ring for xmas after much of her nagging, she suddenly thinks diamond rings are lovely.
Will telling her really do her good? or do anyone good?
Which means the intensity of the woman's love for her man is very high.
Which also means she is a hard-headed person
There's no point in arguing with such people
doko -
Hmm she sounds the kind who will delude herself.Originally posted by blu_sky:Is it for her good? Some women will choose to stay in delusion.
My friend is the type who will think that Balestier is behind Orchard Road, juz so she can think that she stays near orchard road (no, she does not stay in Balestier). And she will actually argue with people to convince others that Balestier is juz next to Orchard Road.
She is the type who will think and tell people that diamond rings are a waste of money, juz a piece of useless rock when she didnt have it for her wedding. But when her husband gave her a small diamond ring for xmas after much of her nagging, she suddenly thinks diamond rings are lovely.
Will telling her really do her good? or do anyone good?
I guess now the only thing you can do is to avoid her husband from now on. And try not to stay over in her house anymore. And if the husband tries to be frenly, just be as formal as you can with him. Otherwise he will think that you are responding to his advances and the next time might be worse. -
orh. her har!Originally posted by blu_sky:Is it for her good? Some women will choose to stay in delusion.
My friend is the type who will think that Balestier is behind Orchard Road, juz so she can think that she stays near orchard road (no, she does not stay in Balestier). And she will actually argue with people to convince others that Balestier is juz next to Orchard Road.
She is the type who will think and tell people that diamond rings are a waste of money, juz a piece of useless rock when she didnt have it for her wedding. But when her husband gave her a small diamond ring for xmas after much of her nagging, she suddenly thinks diamond rings are lovely.
Will telling her really do her good? or do anyone good?
the person who change here and there one.
yup. its for her good, whether she make good of it is another thing altogether.
the point is inform her, not convince her. let her do the soul searching and deciding whether to buy your word or her hubby's.
although her hubby's explanation will be pretty predictable. -
Hooray for love if it can go on forever, if not let life move on. For what does it matter if you win or you won't. It's NOT about letting matter rest, the black inkling will always exist and surface whenever wherever either is met, so fret not and move on and leave a door open ajar for the one who would be in denial for reality is cruel in the face. Tis not just ur thing but as much as hers...
... you will know know what you should or shouldn't, deliberation will come enlighten...
Each day past, the mornings will be better, hallelujahs!!!
Lest the message sounded insensitive... numerous past relationships with friends alike... betrayals n all that selfishness... to just let it be. You can't live with too much baggages in life. -
don't think too much of it....Originally posted by blu_sky:Thanks for the hot drink. *sip*
tryin to calm down... head is so heavy, too much things goin in mind...
anyway,you are lucky that you escaped and nothing happened...
just wait for your "guardian angel" to come back for your help...
maybe you should avoid your friend at the moment until things are settled and see what is the outcome...take care... -
anyway you turn , you will lose, i believe since the husband can do this kind of things to her best friend, have already put in some seeds of distrust or saying bad things about you , to cover himselfOriginally posted by blu_sky:Is it for her good? Some women will choose to stay in delusion.
My friend is the type who will think that Balestier is behind Orchard Road, juz so she can think that she stays near orchard road (no, she does not stay in Balestier). And she will actually argue with people to convince others that Balestier is juz next to Orchard Road.
She is the type who will think and tell people that diamond rings are a waste of money, juz a piece of useless rock when she didnt have it for her wedding. But when her husband gave her a small diamond ring for xmas after much of her nagging, she suddenly thinks diamond rings are lovely.
Will telling her really do her good? or do anyone good?
im sorry to tell you , if you are still friends with them its like watching a car crashing in slow motion. That is what going to happen. His desire for sex out of marriage will kill the marriage especially with their sex life down the drain or so it seems
its very important for sex in marriage or relationship to be always active, trust me,if tht is gone, one of the bond is gone too -
im kinda confused here, ga and bf ? are they two different person?Originally posted by D16Z6:don't think too much of it....
anyway,you are lucky that you escaped and nothing happened...
just wait for your "guardian angel" to come back for your help...
maybe you should avoid your friend at the moment until things are settled and see what is the outcome...take care... -
telling her doesn't do you any good.Originally posted by blu_sky:Is it for her good? Some women will choose to stay in delusion.
My friend is the type who will think that Balestier is behind Orchard Road, juz so she can think that she stays near orchard road (no, she does not stay in Balestier). And she will actually argue with people to convince others that Balestier is juz next to Orchard Road.
She is the type who will think and tell people that diamond rings are a waste of money, juz a piece of useless rock when she didnt have it for her wedding. But when her husband gave her a small diamond ring for xmas after much of her nagging, she suddenly thinks diamond rings are lovely.
Will telling her really do her good? or do anyone good?
mankind are selfish people. why are you getting bothered over your friend's weird 'problem?' -
ya, 2 different people...Originally posted by Space1999:im kinda confused here, ga and bf ? are they two different person?
ga is an old time friend from the same group of friends as this couple. 4 of us are very close friends. -
nothing wrong wif the guy, he was drunk n u r being too work up.
but i believe it is wrong to take intoxicant which is one of 5 precepts of buddhist teachings. one should refrain from drinking else they might do something foolish. -
so is it in buddist teachings that when one is drunk, all things are permitted....stupidity and religion shouldn't mix.....Originally posted by 798:nothing wrong wif the guy, he was drunk n u r being too work up.
but i believe it is wrong to take intoxicant which is one of 5 precepts of buddhist teachings. one should refrain from drinking else they might do something foolish. -
dat the problem when one is drinking, all the which should not been done turn undone.Originally posted by countdracula:so is it in buddist teachings that when one is drunk, all things are permitted....stupidity and religion shouldn't mix.....
adultery, ons, killing w/o knowing wat one is knowing, speed driving n kill others.
i'm not against drinking, but i feel there should be limit when one drinks. -
i think the best thing to do now is just to let it go. The husband cannot leak this matter out or he will face the death penalty. So its actually quite safe for you to keep this secret from your friend.
What's more, from the way you wrote in your previous post, your friend would most probably deny all these happenings and your friendship will cease to have trust. Also, you did see something. But nothing has been done to you. Let this matter quietly diminish off.
Please keep us updated on this matter. Thanks. -
Not sure what the others are thinking about but i certainly believe your woman friend must be told about this 100%. And u can even pre-empt all the lies by warning your woman friend about it. We have to be concerned about the welfare of your fren and other potential victims too. Whether she deludes herself should not be your primary concern.
On balance, the guy is not drunk. Never be in contact with him again. The advice to "keep things formal" when he is around is utter rubbish. You wouldn't want him within a mile.
The only thing left is to decide whether to file a police report. I'm not sure about the ramifications but whether or not he is drunk is up to the police to decide. And there'll be a formal record of what happend. -
What's the outcome liao, gal?
Heard of a Chinese saying - "Zi qi qi ren", got a feeling ur friend will fall under this category ... agreed with the user said that the hubby already got plans on you, and at the moment he finally got the guts to put the plan into action, luckily he din force and rape you, or else the situation will be worse than now ... eg yr friend wake up and see the scene, den the hubby can turn the story upside down ... scary ... -
Precisely!Originally posted by blu_sky:Police report? what is the objective of make a police report? where is the evidence? My words against his words?
You are not telling us the whole truth either.Originally posted by blu_sky:i had not told my bf the whole truth. i juz told my bf that my best friend's husband appeared in my room in the middle of the night, minus the naked part. he is overseas, i dun want him to worry. will tell him when he is back.
Remember to lock-up a man and throw away the key should be on the basis of what he did, not on your hysterics.
You would do well to focus on what that man actually did, than to draw attention to your trauma. -
think about it.......IF YOU were the 1 that is in delusion will you Wish that Any1 would tell you THE TRUTHOriginally posted by blu_sky:Is it for her good? Some women will choose to stay in delusion.
My friend is the type who will think that Balestier is behind Orchard Road, juz so she can think that she stays near orchard road (no, she does not stay in Balestier). And she will actually argue with people to convince others that Balestier is juz next to Orchard Road.
She is the type who will think and tell people that diamond rings are a waste of money, juz a piece of useless rock when she didnt have it for her wedding. But when her husband gave her a small diamond ring for xmas after much of her nagging, she suddenly thinks diamond rings are lovely.
Will telling her really do her good? or do anyone good?
the answer is quite simple : YES !!!!!!!!!
so do the same and tell her now
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i seriously don't think she is too worked up =/Originally posted by 798:nothing wrong wif the guy, he was drunk n u r being too work up.
but i believe it is wrong to take intoxicant which is one of 5 precepts of buddhist teachings. one should refrain from drinking else they might do something foolish. -
I don't understand what you are trying to say...Originally posted by blu_sky:i went to my best friend's plc for our usual drinking session tonite, and as usual, i stayed over.
in the middle of the nite, i heard the door opened and saw her hubby in my room (i have a room there) naked! i ran over to my friend's room and saw her sleeping naked like a log, snoring away. so i ran up the roof. he followed me to the roof! i had to run down, grabbed my bag and dashed to my car and drove off.
How could this happen? We are friends for years... 6 years to be exact. i was their MC on their wedding and witness for their rom. Supposed to be the godmother of their future child. how could this happened?
Now im torn if i should tell my best friend about it.....
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blu_sky, frankly there is a few thinks you should do - first is to calm down then think !Originally posted by blu_sky:Is it for her good? Some women will choose to stay in delusion.
My friend is the type who will think that Balestier is behind Orchard Road, juz so she can think that she stays near orchard road (no, she does not stay in Balestier). And she will actually argue with people to convince others that Balestier is juz next to Orchard Road.
She is the type who will think and tell people that diamond rings are a waste of money, juz a piece of useless rock when she didnt have it for her wedding. But when her husband gave her a small diamond ring for xmas after much of her nagging, she suddenly thinks diamond rings are lovely.
Will telling her really do her good? or do anyone good?
First never never tell your boyfriend of this matters ! That is for your own good. Like what other say, your bf will kick the balls out of the guy - end up your bf will get in trouble with police. Your side of story will not hold up, as it is just your words, no witness also you been drinking, also he did not force himself on you ........ I mean is just consider - you manage to run from your room to his bedroom then the roof and down out the house. If he seriously want to grab you, you think you can run all over, so your story is weak.
Look at the way you describle your friend and your lifestyle can afford drinking that much at a go, private house, diamonds .... you think your friend will want the bubble burst and give up everything and her face ?
Frankly your friend husband is not drunk, if drunk person will sleep like a pig already. Maybe like some other say - drinking that much liquor and that type of lifestyle may have given him a wrong message.
At this moment no one is sure even if the wife is into it also. You should know nowaday, at some crazy folks is into those stuff.
Frankly my advice is just stay away from the husband and that house. Also drop drink with them. As for your guardian angel, maybe you and him should just confront the husband secretly, and settle the matter quietly... just give him a warning ...
Think the best for everyone. No point in telling more person.