I just broke up with my gf today :(
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She come to your house and u didn't bother to send her home, or even send her to the nearest bus stop. Just pass her and than proceed to close your door?
U seem to in the fault too. I would say this is neglected to her -
Originally posted by dokono:I have to disagree with you on the last paragraph.
hahaha...they always say every woman is different, this and that. Every woman and man will always say they want to be different, because it helps in their ego.
Granted this is true. Every individual is different. But what they did not say is that, men and women are totally different in every way, biologically and psychologically. Why is it that women understand what women mean but men don't understand them ? Why is it that some girls prefer lesbians?
Clearly, men need more help than women. Women have the power in relationships. They will always want to be the chased. They always want to feel like a princess. Seldom do we see the females choose to be the aggressor. That's the universal rule and I agree with this. It's not about judging females as a whole or whatsoever. True, there are females with different personalities, ranging from pure selfishness to pure selflessness. This also depends on the girl's family upbringing and moral values.
However, there are certain common traits that women display such as some excuses and doing things by their emotions. This is not bashing women. Clearly, women behave much more differently than men as a whole. That's where certain books come in to help explain the differences so men know what to do. Experiences play the most important.
doko
The irony thing about books is that most people ain't reading it objectively - especially books on love and relationship. Subconsciously, one would selectively picked and decides which point made the most sense to them, in reference to his/her experience, as the book reiterated and reinforced their own perception of love (or the opposite gender).
You will be surprised when woman read something about man and they go 'ya ya ya... it's so true...' but when I mentioned that their boyfriend isn't like that at all, they will be like 'most man la'.
Such phenomenon is widespread.
Do remember that our experience doesn't make up the experience of others because we all have different cosmic lesson. One's experience is not a good representation of entire picture of love, because that's probably an example of ONE lesson taught by love.
P.S: I don't think I would want to go the long and short of this debate again, since we have discussed this the previous round. I respect the fact that if having that belief works well for you, then I am glad to respect it's function in your life because I was taught to understand individual as individual. Probably due to my brush with astrology.
Cheers -
Pls refer to the words in green.Originally posted by MingFreeman:Today we just broke off and it was on rather bad terms as well.
Her main unhappiness was that I didnt respect her and that my heart is not with her. I am confused. Its true that i am shui bian but I didnt cheat or abuse her. I aso didnt disrespect her or what.
Below are the list of things which she's not happy about:
- Meet once or twice a week (she says its too few)
- Mostly, she calls (she's not happy that I didnt call much)
- When she's troubled, she's unhappy that I didnt notice and didnt console her
- She once impersonated a third person gal and pretended to befriend me. She's upset that I agreed to meet up and be friends with that "girl".
- I keep a few pictures of female models
- I wrote in an internet forum about how the r/s was giving me stress at a period of time. (she found out and was not happy)
The thing which happened today was the icing on the cake.
My impression was that she wanted the book and go straight off to photostat, so I just passed her the book and closed the metal gate. She flared up and accused me of being insensitive and not consoling her about the exam and treating her "like a dog" by not inviting her into the house.
I was very surprised. She has stayed over at my place the night before so its surprising that she flared up when I didnt invite her in. Also, I thot that the difficult part of the exam was a minor part since it was only listening.
Ya, on hindsight, I should have been more attentive about her troubles but the thing is she didnt tell me.
1 - Girls don't like shui bian. They like to see that u're making an effort - for them. This is one of the top reasons why my girlfriends' ditched their ex-s.
2 - Classic case of mismatched expectations. About your list of things she's not happy about (in green) - Lemme put it this way to help u better understand her.. when a person is really "into" another party, they pay close attention to whatever that person does. They constantly communicate and are interested in the other party's opinions. U don't do that.. and to her that's half-hearted and "shui bian" (see point 1).
3 - Meeting up with other girls 1-on-1 is always tricky.. it means you're still looking and fuels her feelings of inadequacy. Many guys I know won't tolerate their gfs meeting up with other guys 1-to-1, either, without a very good reason (eg for work purposes, business transactions).
4 - "My impression was that...the thing is she didnt tell me. ..." Don't let yourself assume. Ask the questions, communicate. If something needs to be done, take initiative.. don't just let her do all the work. Some girls may deny this but we DO like men who can take charge (without being too overbearing). Otherwise what for get bf?
If you can't be bothered to talk to her and find out more, time to ask yourself if you're really that into her and if u shd carry on with the r/ship. If she's not that "special girl" for you, don't lead her on.. it's not fair for her. -
Yea but everything need to master theory and practical. Like learning piano, cooking...etc.Originally posted by dokono:Heartzzz
Reading and doing things in real life are two totally different areas. You don't read a book on driving and expect to drive immediately. You need a lot of trial and error to gain experience.
Give yourself time to interact with the opposite sex. You know where you have gone wrong. Just don't make the same mistakes again.
doko -
Originally posted by spinsugar:
Well said... I think whatever you have pointed out is what most guys are having trouble with. But, asking a guy to do all these may be, well, asking too much. Some how I feel that girls are always expecting this and expecting that whereas guys are more like anything will do. Sometimes, its the high expectations that the girls set for the guys that really stress/ tire them out.
Pls refer to the words in green.
[b]1 - Girls don't like shui bian. They like to see that u're making an effort - for them. This is one of the top reasons why my girlfriends' ditched their ex-s.
2 - Classic case of mismatched expectations. About your list of things she's not happy about (in green) - Lemme put it this way to help u better understand her.. when a person is really "into" another party, they pay close attention to whatever that person does. They constantly communicate and are interested in the other party's opinions. U don't do that.. and to her that's half-hearted and "shui bian" (see point 1).
3 - Meeting up with other girls 1-on-1 is always tricky.. it means you're still looking and fuels her feelings of inadequacy. Many guys I know won't tolerate their gfs meeting up with other guys 1-to-1, either, without a very good reason (eg for work purposes, business transactions).
4 - "My impression was that...the thing is she didnt tell me. ..." Don't let yourself assume. Ask the questions, communicate. If something needs to be done, take initiative.. don't just let her do all the work. Some girls may deny this but we DO like men who can take charge (without being too overbearing). Otherwise what for get bf?
If you can't be bothered to talk to her and find out more, time to ask yourself if you're really that into her and if u shd carry on with the r/ship. If she's not that "special girl" for you, don't lead her on.. it's not fair for her.[/b]
Ok, not all girls are like that and I am not trying to generalise here, but you can't deny that there are girls like that too. So how do you suggest guys deal with girlfriends with lots of demands, in terms of emotional, mental, physical (not physical as in sex but being together always)? -
I think we should all realise that guys and girls are different species of people... they do and expect things differently...
Guys are more shui bian shui bian, and if their girlfriend treat them a bit more shui bian, they also wouldn't mind. They can't keep putting 100% of all his efforts solely on his girlfriend... they have to allocate time for their family, their work, their friends and their own personal enjoyment... Sad to say, men have much more activity that he want to do alone than with their partners such as playing games, going out with male friends, thinking of work etc. I think that there is a need for realising that men will definitely slip back in effort after some time. If one expect the other to keep making effort in maintaining the relationship, you are controlling him and really deriving him from happiness.