Cheating! - Where do you draw the line?
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easier said than done,Originally posted by blu_sky:Like i said, dun put yourself in that position. dun go out alone lah.
when you are emotionally weak , you will seek out the closest one to you for your needs isnt it? -
agree totally, we are all selfish, but for my wife sake , i cut out all my "angels" from my life.Originally posted by choco B:LOL alot of grey areas. Can't offer any concrete rules. However I think some things are true for everyone guy or girl
1. Your partner cannot fulfill your every need. Most your needs yes, but not all.
2. Life is more than just a relationship, you need to have your own interests and friends
and lastly
3. People are innately selfish. You want to enjoy lax rules, but it's difficult to accept your partner doing the same LOL -
Ya, very true.Originally posted by choco B:LOL alot of grey areas. Can't offer any concrete rules. However I think some things are true for everyone guy or girl
1. Your partner cannot fulfill your every need. Most your needs yes, but not all.
2. Life is more than just a relationship, you need to have your own interests and friends
and lastly
3. People are innately selfish. You want to enjoy lax rules, but it's difficult to accept your partner doing the same LOL
So whenever i am at a dilemma on whether to do something, i will alway use the Golden rule: Do not do unto others, what i do not want others to do unto me. -
And the closest one to you for your needs should be your partner!Originally posted by Space1999:easier said than done,
when you are emotionally weak , you will seek out the closest one to you for your needs isnt it? -
Not true. some friendships have no history.Originally posted by Space1999:true, but from many years of experience
close friend are sometimes aftermath of a previous relationship which ended but both parties wanted to be still friends.opposite sex friends are always from that source if they are very close
what if your bf/gf close friend have a history with him/her
can you still accept it?
i mean they had sex before , you know? -
When i was with my ex-bf, he maintained his friendship with his ex. i was fine with it. Honesty and trust are very important for that to happen.Originally posted by Space1999:true, but from many years of experience
close friend are sometimes aftermath of a previous relationship which ended but both parties wanted to be still friends.opposite sex friends are always from that source if they are very close
what if your bf/gf close friend have a history with him/her
can you still accept it?
i mean they had sex before , you know? -
is it okay for your bf to keep his ex as a close confidant, you dont worry if they go out for coffee alone for two hours ?Originally posted by blu_sky:When i was with my ex-bf, he maintained his friendship with his ex. i was fine with it. Honest and trust are very important for that to happen. -
yes i agreeOriginally posted by blu_sky:When i was with my ex-bf, he maintained his friendship with his ex. i was fine with it. Honesty and trust are very important for that to happen.
but its a very fine line there. and sometimes its tempting fate. -
wah u gangster ah.. guardian angelOriginally posted by Space1999:how about confiding with another guy your thoughts and emotions even though you have a bf, or even to a certain extent like an earlier thread
having a guy "guardian angel" even though you have a bf.
point is many r/s have a very blurred line nowadays, the thread between confidant and lover is easily crossed
a fren is a fren, u confide in them and stuff that is normal. guy or gal dun matter. sometimes i confide in guy frens to get insights to a guy's mindset.
just remember to do all these heart to heart, crying, sobbing, things over the phone. doing in face to face may result in things happening -
no.....Originally posted by Space1999:deceit = cheating?correct?
deceit = lying, hiding on purpose
cheating = -
haha not meOriginally posted by the_don:wah u gangster ah.. guardian angel
a fren is a fren, u confide in them and stuff that is normal. guy or gal dun matter. sometimes i confide in guy frens to get insights to a guy's mindset.
just remember to do all these heart to heart, crying, sobbing, things over the phone. doing in face to face may result in things happening
blu_sky guardian angel!
correct , not face to face -
One will always qn why the bf needs a close confidant? what is there that can be discussed between them cant be discussed with the gf? Guess this is something that needs to be sorted out.Originally posted by Space1999:is it okay for your bf to keep his ex as a close confidant, you dont worry if they go out for coffee alone for two hours ?
From my past experience, i could accept it cos my then bf was absolutely honest with me (imo), and thereon, trust was established. And yes, they did go out alone at times, not just for coffee, for dinners or lunches too which stretched more than 2 hours. -
if all your FRIENDS footsie you. then ya it is normal - FOR U. to the general popuation, that is considered SEDUCTION.Originally posted by spencer99:do you consider..... footsie-ing under the table as cheating?
bascially for a gal to be footsied by a guy?
Will you ever "confess" to your partner on this type of cheating?
if the person receiving the footise rejects the advances of the other party, no cheating done. however if the person receiving the footise lets it happen, then he/she is part of the "cheating". -
Then you expect your partner to cut off all ties with all friends with opposite sex? Talk over the phone occasionally or group outing oso cannot?Originally posted by Space1999:yes i agree
but its a very fine line there. and sometimes its tempting fate. -
What's "footsie" ?!
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hmmm, its really a leap of faith,Originally posted by blu_sky:One will always qn why the bf needs a close confidant? what is there that can be discussed between them cant be discussed with the gf? Guess this is something that needs to be sorted out.
From my past experience, i could accept it cos my then bf was absolutely honest with me (imo), and thereon, trust was established. And yes, they did go out alone at times, not just for coffee, for dinners or lunches too which stretched more than 2 hours.
i.e
my wife will freak out if i tell her im a "guardian angel" to an attractive lady. i guess i will freak out if my wife tells me she have a guy "guardian angel",i will be suspicious why?
guess we have different standards. -
group outing is fine, talk on the phone is ok, alone ,.no!Originally posted by blu_sky:Then you expect your partner to cut off all ties with all friends with opposite sex? Talk over the phone occasionally or group outing oso cannot? -
foot doing foreplay under the tableOriginally posted by choco B:What's "footsie" ?! -
cant have close friend to confide in even though you dun go out alone meh? relationship is not jail leh.... one still needs friends, but one needs to know where to draw the line. Methink, dun go out alone is good enuff. Bf/gf still cant accept that, and want you to cut off ties? then too much to ask for.Originally posted by Space1999:haha not me
blu_sky guardian angel!
correct , not face to face -
well these boy-gal-boy-gal relationships and friendships all boils down to individual person's limits/capabilities to draw the line.Originally posted by Space1999:well sorry to quote your case, but its disturbing to have a bf and guy guardian angel at the same time, isnt it?
dont it threaten your bf status?and the Ga role can be blurred ,
lets face it , if a guy and a gurl is too close, the risk is always there, after all man and woman , always a sex issue there
personally i dun see anything wrong having a boy guardian and a boy fren. if the boy guardian is like a brother and respects the sister, then he can actually be a good confident.
as for sex, please la, have some control. that is why i said, talk over the phone if you know you are easily tempted/dun think straight when upset. over the phone = no sex okie? -
Fair enuff.Originally posted by Space1999:group outing is fine, talk on the phone is ok, alone ,.no! -
oklarOriginally posted by blu_sky:cant have close friend to confide in even though you dun go out alone meh? relationship is not jail leh.... one still needs friends, but one needs to know where to draw the line. Methink, dun go out alone is good enuff. Bf/gf still cant accept that, and want you to cut off ties? then too much to ask for.
dunt go out alone acceptable! -
HAHAHA
kk... never understood the appeal of this. Not much feeling on the foot leh, I'd probably kick backOriginally posted by Space1999:foot doing foreplay under the table -
its scaring me when im in agreement with you , cant we quarrel like we use to?Originally posted by blu_sky:Fair enuff.
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these boundries should be talked about early in the relationship. if you havent done so, please do it now.Originally posted by spencer99:My question is...
Do people talk to their partners about these boundaries... or do people assume that their partners have the same understanding....
rather u bring up a "potential" quarrel now then to regret later when u find out your boundries r different