Am i thinking too much?
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my relationship with my bf just started being together for 3 weeks, after knowing him for 3 1/2 months.
During the 3 1/2 months that he was courting me, we spent lotsa time on the phone and we went on dates every weekend. From monday to thurs, we will chat every nite on the phone, and every friday to sun, we would go dating.
During this 3 1/2 months, i have begun to like him more and more and we were officially together 3 weeks ago.
Since 2 weeks, he has been really busy. it started with him being extremely bz with his work and we have not really been talkin on the phone. we only met on weekend. The last sat, when we were out, he suddenly said his only younger sister met an accident and he had to go home.
Since then, we hadnt really talked much cos he said he had been in the hospital. he has sms me now n then, but not much. I also didnt call him cos dun wanna disturb him.
I dunno why i feel so insecure about the whole thing, that after we are together, suddenly he is so occupied by this and that.
Am i oversensitive? -
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me more understanding that he is stress over work and family affairs?
since u and him are only together for 3 weeks, i think it will be awakward for you to visit his sister in hospital..
you can always call him and ask how is he doing, how is his sister, and his work... but pls, dont send 10 over sms per hour....
one thing, when he is stress, dont add on by asking "why are you so busy huh? why didn you call me? why didn you reply me? why lesser sms from you nowadays?"
r/s is a two-person thing...one way, you are learning to be understanding..
but on the other side, he must also consider your feelings and try and make you feel better when he is not by your side....you can really try and talk to him and tell him how you feel...and see whether he does anything to improve it. -
Is like that one don worry on...Relationship and love are different in certain context.
Allow me to explain: Your bf may be busy and staring spending lesser time with you .That does not mean that he don love you.Only start to get anxious when he start lying about things .
The sister's accident is a very good indicator for you.
You should try to find out the truth ok,most of the time is normal.
If you really love him forgive him loh..if you found out he is lying.
Anyway about the lesser time spent r,is normal don expect a couple to see each other everyday unless they stay together.
Just make sure he still love you can liao!!!!
All the best
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ya, i am trying to be understanding, thats why i havent been sms-ing him much. only once or twice a day or when i reply his sms.Originally posted by darknessfall:me more understanding that he is stress over work and family affairs?
since u and him are only together for 3 weeks, i think it will be awakward for you to visit his sister in hospital..
you can always call him and ask how is he doing, how is his sister, and his work... but pls, dont send 10 over sms per hour....
one thing, when he is stress, dont add on by asking "why are you so busy huh? why didn you call me? why didn you reply me? why lesser sms from you nowadays?"
r/s is a two-person thing...one way, you are learning to be understanding..
but on the other side, he must also consider your feelings and try and make you feel better when he is not by your side....you can really try and talk to him and tell him how you feel...and see whether he does anything to improve it.
On the other hand, i feel really insecure, like wat the above suggest.
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take your time off and visit his sister in the hospital.. afterall, you do not know how severe the accident is and he might be very very close to his sister.
afterall, he know his sister for his whole lifetime but only know u for the last 3.5 mths -
Just don panic one you panic you will lose the battle.Originally posted by bee_gal:ya, i am trying to be understanding, thats why i havent been sms-ing him much. only once or twice a day or when i reply his sms.
On the other hand, i feel really insecure, like wat the above suggest.
Relax ...k remember if he loves you he will come looking for you!!!! -
Well, there's got to be a reason for your insecurity.Originally posted by bee_gal:ya, i am trying to be understanding, thats why i havent been sms-ing him much. only once or twice a day or when i reply his sms.
On the other hand, i feel really insecure, like wat the above suggest.
Why is this so? You didn't mention anything about suspecting him of seeing another girl behind your back. I don't suppose that's the case.
You've got to be understanding - his sister is in hospital. To put it bluntly to you, you are not the only woman in his life - he also has a sister, a mother, a grandmother, cousins, aunts....
Work on your lack of security issues. -
like wat the above suggested, we only together for 3 weeks, it is really not appropriate for me to suggest that i visit his sisterOriginally posted by ifish:take your time off and visit his sister in the hospital.. afterall, you do not know how severe the accident is and he might be very very close to his sister.
afterall, he know his sister for his whole lifetime but only know u for the last 3.5 mths
What i think i can do is to be understanding and dun give him pressure. But this insecurity is really creeping in.
Am i really very insecured? or is there really a cause for that cos the amount of time we spend together (be it on the phone or meeting up) has gone down so tremendously? -
your insecure comes, because technically, you are in "honeymoon" period, where one will think that they shld be spending most of the time with their partner....Originally posted by bee_gal:ya, i am trying to be understanding, thats why i havent been sms-ing him much. only once or twice a day or when i reply his sms.
On the other hand, i feel really insecure, like wat the above suggest.
however, in your case its isnt...thus, you felt that your bf seems quite distant away, and not as close as it seems (no more long night calls, daily sms, sweet msgs, etc)
so, you shld talk to him first...tell him that you understand how he busy he is over work and his sister's prob, but also tell him how you feel....insecurity is one of the way to lose a r/s....you will start to imagine stuffs, lose some trusts here and there, begins to feel that you dont understand him, etc....and finally quarrels and worse is break...
key pt in r/s is communications...good luck gal! -
I think you miss him too much,Insecure no lah is normal!!!Originally posted by bee_gal:like wat the above suggested, we only together for 3 weeks, it is really not appropriate for me to suggest that i visit his sister
What i think i can do is to be understanding and dun give him pressure. But this insecurity is really creeping in.
Am i really very insecured? or is there really a cause for that cos the amount of time we spend together (be it on the phone or meeting up) has gone down so tremendously?
Just meet up with him at the hospital or nearby to confirm his sister is at hospital lo... -
you can always visit his sister as his friend and bring a group of friends along if u feel awkward.Originally posted by bee_gal:like wat the above suggested, we only together for 3 weeks, it is really not appropriate for me to suggest that i visit his sister
What i think i can do is to be understanding and dun give him pressure. But this insecurity is really creeping in.
Am i really very insecured? or is there really a cause for that cos the amount of time we spend together (be it on the phone or meeting up) has gone down so tremendously?
and yar.. like wat fudgie said, you're not the only girl in his life. -
Originally posted by bee_gal:my relationship with my bf just started being together for 3 weeks, after knowing him for 3 1/2 months.
During the 3 1/2 months that he was courting me, we spent lotsa time on the phone and we went on dates every weekend. From monday to thurs, we will chat every nite on the phone, and every friday to sun, we would go dating.
During this 3 1/2 months, i have begun to like him more and more and we were officially together 3 weeks ago.
Since 2 weeks, he has been really busy. it started with him being extremely bz with his work and we have not really been talkin on the phone. we only met on weekend. The last sat, when we were out, he suddenly said his only younger sister met an accident and he had to go home.
Since then, we hadnt really talked much cos he said he had been in the hospital. he has sms me now n then, but not much. I also didnt call him cos dun wanna disturb him.
I dunno why i feel so insecure about the whole thing, that after we are together, suddenly he is so occupied by this and that.
Am i oversensitive?
If you are going to benchmark your love based on mutual company and how the lack of it signifies a reduction in love and affection - your relationship is going to hit a dead end sooner or later.
Understand that the more intense the fire burns, the faster it will extinguish itself.
More of such scenarios are pending to arrive - if you are expecting relationship to be uneventful, you face more insecurity and disappointment.
It seemed to me that you are either a woman who totally abhor changes or one that sees love as company. Not that it's wrong, but overemphasise on one's company is unhealthy.
Broaden your mind and heart a little - don't be so narrow in perspective.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Wow that's a good one Yunhaier!
[b]Understand that the more intense the fire burns, the faster it will extinguish itself.
At the same time bee_gal, feeling what you are feeling now is extremely normal. Any girl will start wondering what happened as the amount of time spent on phone and dating actually dropped so drastically as soon as you accepted his courtship and went into a relationship.
Are you thinking out loud if he's really serious with you or not? Or was he doing all those previously just so to get you, and once his objective is achieved he'll just chuck you aside and concentrate back on his work?
If you really are thinking about this, I would suggest you not to let your mind intoxicate you. Because these are all what you are conjuring up, whether or not it is true is yet to be proven.
In a new relationship, lots of communication is required as both parties start to learn newer and deeper things about your partner that wasn't so apparent during the courtship days.
So a whole load of fitting in is taking place during this time. The fact that his sister met with an accident only means you can use this incident to see how he handles such emergencies.
After this thing is over, find a time and have a good talk with him. Share with each other your expectations of a relationship and of him.
Since you must have like him enough to accept him as your boyfriend, then the least you can do now (if not helping him to take care of his sister) is to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, you've been together for only 3 weeks, and you don't really know him too well yet.
Lastly, what is stopping you from showing concern to his sister? It may just mean a great deal to him, especially when you've only been together for 3 weeks and you already can have such care and concern for his family members.
Don't worry too excessively. It may not be time to worrry yet -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Yes, i may be a little narrow minded in this, but we had juz met 2 days and talked in the phone for barely more than an hour and msn another hour in the past 2 1/2 weeks, within one week after we are officially together when we talked for hours daily juz before that. If you are going to benchmark your love based on mutual company and how the lack of it signifies a reduction in love and affection - your relationship is going to hit a dead end sooner or later.
[b]Understand that the more intense the fire burns, the faster it will extinguish itself.
More of such scenarios are pending to arrive - if you are expecting relationship to be uneventful, you face more insecurity and disappointment.
It seemed to me that you are either a woman who totally abhor changes or one that sees love as company. Not that it's wrong, but overemphasise on one's company is unhealthy.
Broaden your mind and heart a little - don't be so narrow in perspective.
Cheers[/b]
(This is the first weekend inthe past 3-4 mths that we didnt meet up).
And to make things worse, i was also down cos of something unfortunate happened at work.
And as if things arent bad enough, during the 2 1/2 weeks, i tried not to disturb him too much, so i barely called him. But all the 4 times that i called him, he also didnt answer the calls, though he had returned my calls perhaps some 15min to half hour later. Due to the lack of time spent and therefore lack of communication too, i really feel so alone, and he is not there for me too (i am really upset by the unfortunate things that happened in office. he is aware of this).
A relationship may not be all about companionship, but it is companionship that helps both parties understand each other, forge understanding and therefore the growth of emotional attachment, isnt it? Without being there, how can you assure your loved ones that 'you are there' for the person? to be the pillar of support for your loved ones?
I also understand that relationship can be eventful and full of obstacles, but 'different level' of relationship can only handle the stress levels in that stage, no? For example, 2 people in a relationship of 2 years, may be able to manage a LDR in the event the guy/gal needs to go overseas to work for half year. Do you expect a relationship of 2 months to be able to handle that?
Yes, the more intense the fire burns, the faster it will extinguish itself. But do not let the fire be so small, hoping that it will last. Because, the fire may juz be so small and weak, that it goes off anytime.
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Apart from being understanding by just simply leaving him alone, perhaps make an effort to find out what exactly happened to his sister and how she is doing etc? Listen if he tells you but if he's not ready to talk, don't push. You can comfort him by just giving him a hug.Originally posted by bee_gal:my relationship with my bf just started being together for 3 weeks, after knowing him for 3 1/2 months.
During the 3 1/2 months that he was courting me, we spent lotsa time on the phone and we went on dates every weekend. From monday to thurs, we will chat every nite on the phone, and every friday to sun, we would go dating.
During this 3 1/2 months, i have begun to like him more and more and we were officially together 3 weeks ago.
Since 2 weeks, he has been really busy. it started with him being extremely bz with his work and we have not really been talkin on the phone. we only met on weekend. The last sat, when we were out, he suddenly said his only younger sister met an accident and he had to go home.
Since then, we hadnt really talked much cos he said he had been in the hospital. he has sms me now n then, but not much. I also didnt call him cos dun wanna disturb him.
I dunno why i feel so insecure about the whole thing, that after we are together, suddenly he is so occupied by this and that.
Am i oversensitive?
At least, with all these it shows him that you care and you are sensitive and understanding.
Take care.
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i did try to ask him about it more than once, but didnt really get a clear answer. i also dun wanna be too pushy about.... so i didnt probe.Originally posted by honeymouse:Apart from being understanding by just simply leaving him alone, perhaps make an effort to find out what exactly happened to his sister and how she is doing etc? Listen if he tells you but if he's not ready to talk, don't push. You can comfort him by just giving him a hug.
At least, with all these it shows him that you care and you are sensitive and understanding.
Take care.
how to give him a hug when we dun meet and barely talk?
Thanks for the positive note, honeymouse -
Q Am i thinking too much?
In a word, yes.
But maybe that's because you don't KNOW anything.
Despite knowing him for 3.5 months in addition to a 3 week relationship, your relationship is still in its nascent stage. You don't know each other well at all.
And yet you would look like a b|tch if you start demanding attention now. So please, don't ask for it in a spoilt demanding manner.
I think you should meet up with him for a meal, and really get to know what's going on in his life. But you've got to make a decision to play a supporting role, not be another problem he has to take care of. Tell him you want to be included in his life, and if he has problems you want to know and help out.
You shouldn't have to bottle everything in. It is possible to communicate clearly without p|ssing each other off, it just takes effort.
If he is able to meet you more often from then on & you are more involved, that's good. If things do not change because he is the type that prefers to keep problems to himself, at least you know for sure that there is a valid reason behind that. -
i might not have described my feelings well.
Basically i feel that we are suddenly so distant, really so suddenly, cos most of the time, i dunno wat he is doin, i can only assume he is bz with work or in the hospital, cos whenever i called him, there was no answer. but he will return call 15 min to half hour later.
plus the unfortunate event in the office that happened, i would had hoped that he would be there for me. But we apparently have been distant during this period of time, he is not there for me.
All these just make me feel so alone, distant from him. and the insecurity starts to creep in. -
Yes, i do not want to be another problem for him. I will try to be as understanding as possible and supporting too. if i cant take it, i will leave. No point demanding.Originally posted by choco B:Q Am i thinking too much?
In a word, yes.
But maybe that's because you don't KNOW anything.
Despite knowing him for 3.5 months in addition to a 3 week relationship, your relationship is still in its nascent stage. You don't know each other well at all.
And yet you would look like a b|tch if you start demanding attention now. So please, don't ask for it in a spoilt demanding manner.
I think you should meet up with him for a meal, and really get to know what's going on in his life. But you've got to make a decision to play a supporting role, not be another problem he has to take care of. Tell him you want to be included in his life, and if he has problems you want to know and help out.
You shouldn't have to bottle everything in. It is possible to communicate clearly without p|ssing each other off, it just takes effort.
If he is able to meet you more often from then on & you are more involved, that's good. If things do not change because he is the type that prefers to keep problems to himself, at least you know for sure that there is a valid reason behind that.
but your suggestion is not possible, because he is not in Singapore. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
What is love when there's never an intense fire? Why try to fan it down when it can heat up? You have to ask yourself what you want in love.
Understand that the more intense the fire burns, the faster it will extinguish itself.
Anyway, you should visit his sister. There is never a right or wrong time but you may want to ask him first if he's cool with it. Know what he is going through and you will feel immensely better... less guessing, less insecurity.
Keeping a dist just cos he's going through a bad patch is not good cos you two are supposed to be there for each other. By right, being together > doing it alone. Try to treat him better and see how it goes. -
Long distance relationship requires even more strength from both parties. Not everyone can handle it.
I guess just try your best , if it doesn't work out really bo bian also. -
He is overseas, and so is his sister. So, not possible to visit her.Originally posted by mayday80:What is love when there's never an intense fire? Why try to fan it down when it can heat up? You have to ask yourself what you want in love.
Anyway, you should visit his sister. There is never a right or wrong time but you may want to ask him first if he's cool with it. Know what he is going through and you will feel immensely better... less guessing, less insecurity.
Keeping a dist just cos he's going through a bad patch is not good cos you two are supposed to be there for each other. By right, being together > doing it alone. Try to treat him better and see how it goes. -
My bad. Long distance relationship is definitely hard. Anyway, he can't be here for you, and you for him physically now. Thinking too much is not going to help much anyway.Originally posted by bee_gal:He is overseas, and so is his sister. So, not possible to visit her.
You should learn to adapt to this kind of life, if you decide that you love him and you can handle long distance.
Personally, I am very wary of long distance relationships. Care to share how long is he gonna be overseas? Long term or short term? -
I cant handle LDR, i told him that. the only time i had that was when i was with my ex-bf of 4 yrs, when he went back home for a year (he was a foreigner). So he said he will look for overseas postings to Singapore by next year.Originally posted by mayday80:My bad. Long distance relationship is definitely hard. Anyway, he can't be here for you, and you for him physically now. Thinking too much is not going to help much anyway.
You should learn to adapt to this kind of life, if you decide that you love him and you can handle long distance.
Personally, I am very wary of long distance relationships. Care to share how long is he gonna be overseas? Long term or short term?