Am i thinking too much?
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Did it apply in ur mind that..he was juz playing around with u...then after u agree to attach with him..everything is over le...
there r sum ppl who are like that de...they juz chase for fun..chase dao le..they dun wan anymore le..so keep avoiding u...
But this is juz a small guess of mine..Maybe he is really busy?
See how the situation goes lor..
=) -
Originally posted by bee_gal:Yes, i may be a little narrow minded in this, but we had juz met 2 days and talked in the phone for barely more than an hour and msn another hour in the past 2 1/2 weeks, within one week after we are officially together when we talked for hours daily juz before that.
(This is the first weekend inthe past 3-4 mths that we didnt meet up).
And to make things worse, i was also down cos of something unfortunate happened at work.
And as if things arent bad enough, during the 2 1/2 weeks, i tried not to disturb him too much, so i barely called him. But all the 4 times that i called him, he also didnt answer the calls, though he had returned my calls perhaps some 15min to half hour later. Due to the lack of time spent and therefore lack of communication too, i really feel so alone, and he is not there for me too (i am really upset by the unfortunate things that happened in office. he is aware of this).
A relationship may not be all about companionship, but it is companionship that helps both parties understand each other, forge understanding and therefore the growth of emotional attachment, isnt it? Without being there, how can you assure your loved ones that 'you are there' for the person? to be the pillar of support for your loved ones?
I also understand that relationship can be eventful and full of obstacles, but 'different level' of relationship can only handle the stress levels in that stage, no? For example, 2 people in a relationship of 2 years, may be able to manage a LDR in the event the guy/gal needs to go overseas to work for half year. Do you expect a relationship of 2 months to be able to handle that?
Yes, the more intense the fire burns, the faster it will extinguish itself. But do not let the fire be so small, hoping that it will last. Because, the fire may juz be so small and weak, that it goes off anytime.
Your mindset is veered towards some uncontrollable ill feeling, bred from negativity that came from your subconscious. If you actually read what you write, there are self-made conclusion/s appearing in your post even if there wasn't plot moving along that direction.
You are worried that your relationship couldn't take the distance, given the reason that this relationship is young. Contrary to your belief, most LDR failed because they are lengthy and not because they are relatively young in nature.
If your relationship cannot even stomach that distance, it really wonders how are you going to envision your relationship to overcome greater obstacles that will bound to crash in your way? (I am assuming from that fact that this isn't an LDR because you have mentioned that you did meet him up before he left overseas to visit his sister. And because of the nature of his trip, it is highly unlikely that he will remain there and transform this relationship into a LDR?)
In fact, your post worries me because you do not seem to have anybody else dependable to resolve your crisis. You have misread my post for belittling the role of companionship in a relationship; I mentioned that the over-emphasis on companionship makes a relationship unhealthy - it wasn't implied that they arenÂ’t important. Same goes for over-dependency... of anything. (Worst if Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces)
I don't see a reason why should you fear having your 'small flame' die out. Is he even showing signs of drifting in the first place? Or is there anything suspicious that could constitute cheating or anything critical to extinguish that little flame of yours?
Absolute nothing my dear... it's just you.
P.S: When you stack bricks of Lego one after another - the taller it is, the easier it is to fall. Although it's equally possible for uneven placing of Lego bricks to collapse from a shorter build, but one thing for sure - it's easier to clear up and start all over again and the impact of the fall is less 'deafening'?
I am sure you understand what I am driving at.
Cheers -
actually wat u are feeling is very normal!
dun haf to feel bad abt it
every gal wants to feel treasured n loved!
but then in this case, it's not ur bf's fault lah
coz 4 him, he is facing a crisis
hence he is in e deal-with-crisis mode
e solve-probs N not very sensitve mode
yupzz.. so besides being busy..
this is one of e things lah
after everything settles, it will be better
bear wif it at e moment
but then it's oso okay to let him to noe how u feel
n yet reassure him at e same time!
dun worry.. this is juz a passing phase
u are thinking too much -
Hmm..
bee_gal, i think u should have a little more faith in this r/s, and trust in him.
Look at the positive side, at least this shows that he is a caring brother, one who loves his family.
His world dun revolve around you only. Altho you are his gf, but he has other commitments too.
Distance makes the heart fonder. Dun worry too much. I believe when his sis is well, and he's not so occupied with work, he will look for you.
I dun think it's not appropriate to show concern for his sis, but since u said they are overseas, then perhaps there's nothing much you can do. But be supportive of him ba. Can understand the stress that he is going thru.. work, sister in hospital etc.. be a bit more understanding, put yourself in his shoes and be there for him whenever he needs you. -
sometimes the answer to your question is very simple dear,
he might just be really busy ,
after all, its end of the year. Some industry are really busy at this timeof the year .
so young girl, dont worry too much.
and furthermore your relationship is still very young, the love should not be that deep yet. or it is? -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
no, this is a LDR. Your mindset is veered towards some uncontrollable ill feeling, bred from negativity that came from your subconscious. If you actually read what you write, there are self-made conclusion/s appearing in your post even if there wasn't plot moving along that direction.
You are worried that your relationship couldn't take the distance, given the reason that this relationship is young. Contrary to your belief, most LDR failed because they are lengthy and not because they are relatively young in nature.
If your relationship cannot even stomach that distance, it really wonders how are you going to envision your relationship to overcome greater obstacles that will bound to crash in your way? (I am assuming from that fact that this isn't an LDR because you have mentioned that you did meet him up before he left overseas to visit his sister. And because of the nature of his trip, it is highly unlikely that he will remain there and transform this relationship into a LDR?)
In fact, your post worries me because you do not seem to have anybody else dependable to resolve your crisis. You have misread my post for belittling the role of companionship in a relationship; I mentioned that the [b]over-emphasis on companionship makes a relationship unhealthy - it wasn't implied that they arenÂ’t important. Same goes for over-dependency... of anything. (Worst if Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces)
I don't see a reason why should you fear having your 'small flame' die out. Is he even showing signs of drifting in the first place? Or is there anything suspicious that could constitute cheating or anything critical to extinguish that little flame of yours?
Absolute nothing my dear... it's just you.
P.S: When you stack bricks of Lego one after another - the taller it is, the easier it is to fall. Although it's equally possible for uneven placing of Lego bricks to collapse from a shorter build, but one thing for sure - it's easier to clear up and start all over again and the impact of the fall is less 'deafening'?
I am sure you understand what I am driving at.
Cheers[/b]
I do have friends who were there for me during the crisis. Actually i dun need anyone to 'help' me resolve the crisis, because i am pretty independent. But when you are close you someone, you would love that someone to be there for you when you are weakest, most vulnerable, right?
We are not talking. communication is breaking down.
And it is really frustrating when you call someone close to you, and that someone is never picking up the phone. That breeds my insecurity too. -
Thank u. u spoke a lot of my mind. But him being unreachable on the phone all of the couple of times that i called him is really breeding my insecurity.Originally posted by Dating Specialist:Wow that's a good one Yunhaier!
At the same time bee_gal, feeling what you are feeling now is extremely normal. Any girl will start wondering what happened as the amount of time spent on phone and dating actually dropped so drastically as soon as you accepted his courtship and went into a relationship.
Are you thinking out loud if he's really serious with you or not? Or was he doing all those previously just so to get you, and once his objective is achieved he'll just chuck you aside and concentrate back on his work?
If you really are thinking about this, I would suggest you not to let your mind intoxicate you. Because these are all what you are conjuring up, whether or not it is true is yet to be proven.
In a new relationship, lots of communication is required as both parties start to learn newer and deeper things about your partner that wasn't so apparent during the courtship days.
So a whole load of fitting in is taking place during this time. The fact that his sister met with an accident only means you can use this incident to see how he handles such emergencies.
After this thing is over, find a time and have a good talk with him. Share with each other your expectations of a relationship and of him.
Since you must have like him enough to accept him as your boyfriend, then the least you can do now (if not helping him to take care of his sister) is to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, you've been together for only 3 weeks, and you don't really know him too well yet.
Lastly, what is stopping you from showing concern to his sister? It may just mean a great deal to him, especially when you've only been together for 3 weeks and you already can have such care and concern for his family members.
Don't worry too excessively. It may not be time to worrry yet
i realli hope this is not the time to worry yet. -
Unreachable as in what sense,for a few minutes,a few hours or the whole day?Originally posted by bee_gal:Thank u. u spoke a lot of my mind. But him being unreachable on the phone all of the couple of times that i called him is really breeding my insecurity.
i realli hope this is not the time to worry yet. -
He had never once picked up my calls, during the few times (less than 10 times) that i called him. He will call me back like 15 to 30min or sometimes an hour later. I only call him after office hours.Originally posted by pocari_sweat:Unreachable as in what sense,for a few minutes,a few hours or the whole day?
I did bring this up, but he said sometimes he forgot to on the ringing tone after meetings, he would try to pick up the calls in future. But still none was picked up. -
Can you reveal more about this LDR?Originally posted by bee_gal:He had never once picked up my calls, during the few times (less than 10 times) that i called him. He will call me back like 15 to 30min or sometimes an hour later. I only call him after office hours.
I did bring this up, but he said sometimes he forgot to on the ringing tone after meetings, he would try to pick up the calls in future. But still none was picked up. -
Sorry to ask more, does he works for somebody or self employed?Originally posted by bee_gal:He had never once picked up my calls, during the few times (less than 10 times) that i called him. He will call me back like 15 to 30min or sometimes an hour later. I only call him after office hours.
I did bring this up, but he said sometimes he forgot to on the ringing tone after meetings, he would try to pick up the calls in future. But still none was picked up. -
why do you ask this?Originally posted by pocari_sweat:Sorry to ask more, does he works for somebody or self employed?
he works for his father. -
I met him in a international seminar from work 4 mths ago. Since then, he had been going after me. for the 3 1/2 mths, we talked daily for hours after work and he would visit me every weekend (he is from indonesia).Originally posted by M©+square:Can you reveal more about this LDR?
He said he will seek a posting in spore next year. -
Well, if he works for somebody , office hours means something. But self employed you are always working and meeting.Originally posted by bee_gal:why do you ask this?
he works for his father. -
ya, i know wat time his working hours and meetings are. i dun call him when he is working.Originally posted by pocari_sweat:Well, if he works for somebody , office hours means something. But self employed you are always working and meeting.
the times that i called him, the reason for not picking up calls are:
1) fell asleep
2) phone on silent mode, forgot to on ringing tone after a meeting. -
Dont worry too much. After all men have to work. You dont want a loser who dont work but stick with you all the time. Relax. You are thinking too much.Originally posted by bee_gal:ya, i know wat time his working hours and meetings are. i dun call him when he is working.
cheers -
i dun want a loser. but i also dun want a man who is never there, cant even pick up a phone. do you want such a gal/guy?Originally posted by pocari_sweat:Dont worry too much. After all men have to work. You dont want a loser who dont work but stick with you all the time. Relax. You are thinking too much.
cheers -
Its still early , then if you think you cant handle it, then you should bail out now before you go any deeper.Originally posted by bee_gal:i dun want a loser. but i also dun want a man who is never there, cant even pick up a phone. do you want such a gal/guy?
If you cannot handle this, there is bound to be more things to worry about in the future. Go for simpler guys then. They should be less complicated. -
i dunno. i wonder what kind of busi-man cant even answer a call. you know?Originally posted by pocari_sweat:Its still early , then if you think you cant handle it, then you should bail out now before you go any deeper.
If you cannot handle this, there is bound to be more things to worry about in the future. Go for simpler guys then. They should be less complicated.
sometimes i wonder, if calls are so important to businessmen, and usually they cant 'afford' to miss calls, how come can forget about switchin phone back to ringing mode after meetings. you know? -
spy on him =X
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For me , if he calls back within an hour its fine with me. As long as not for one day, then thats is not fine.Originally posted by bee_gal:i dunno. i wonder what kind of busi-man cant even answer a call.
If you think his busi-busi is no excuse for not answering your call, then say goodbye. Get another one who will answer your call on dot everytime. -
you dun mind your gf/bf never once answer your call? even if it is at nite and she/he is at home?Originally posted by pocari_sweat:For me , if he calls back within an hour its fine with me. As long as not for one day, then thats is not fine.
If you think his busi-busi is no excuse for not answering your call, then say goodbye. Get another one who will answer your call on dot everytime. -
True in a way but also there is call record, so there is a luxury of knowing you can call back later.Originally posted by bee_gal:i dunno. i wonder what kind of busi-man cant even answer a call. you know?
sometimes i wonder, if calls are so important to businessmen, and usually they cant 'afford' to miss calls, how come can forget about switchin phone back to ringing mode after meetings. you know?
So after reading the thread your insecurity is not him spending less time with you or his sister accident or him being busy.
Its your insecurity over the phone calls. tsk tsk.
Where is your sympathy?The poor guy maybe having the worst time of his life and busi busi working. Relax for the both of you. -
no, that is not right there.Originally posted by pocari_sweat:True in a way but also there is call record, so there is a luxury of knowing you can call back later.
So after reading the thread your insecurity is not him spending less time with you or his sister accident or him being busy.
Its your insecurity over the phone calls. tsk tsk.
Where is your sympathy?The poor guy maybe having the worst time of his life and busi busi working. Relax for the both of you.
it is
not answering call at all + not talking + not meeting => breeds insecurity
it is everything adds together. i dunno if you can understand what i mean. -
The change of trend in phone calls could tell something?