i have social problems with others ...
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u are forever "elusive"Originally posted by laurence82:like meeeeeee!!!!!
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i was like that when i was in secondary schOriginally posted by Ravenguy:I always feel left out of groups and don't talk to people around me in school,have been having low self esteem and im always thinking people are looking down on me.
I remembered i always got bullied in primary school
as a result i always tend to shy away from others and
im now becoming more and more lonely
Is there any way to seek help for this
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try to get ur friends to bring you to parties
meet people, and most impt start talking and communicating. first few times might seem awkward but it takes practice -
me too.......maybe i and u can be friends.Originally posted by Ravenguy:I always feel left out of groups and don't talk to people around me in school,have been having low self esteem and im always thinking people are looking down on me.
I remembered i always got bullied in primary school
as a result i always tend to shy away from others and
im now becoming more and more lonely
Is there any way to seek help for this ? -
SureOriginally posted by Battlecrusier:me too.......maybe i and u can be friends.
You people are great -
Yes, cheer up! the future can only get better! start widening your social circle now, starting with ur interests.
before u know it, u'll have a group of ppl sharing similar interests. that becomes a regular topic of conversation that everyone enjoys. -
if someone puts you down, don't think too much about it. it usually isn't true. just brush it off.
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Met Death a couple of times before during outings liao...Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:Devil1976, are you looking for death?
I can bet you will be meeting death very soon. -
take it step by step
i used to be like that too but i slowly try to open up by initiating small conversations.
but up till now i am still unable to overcome the shyness totally and there seems to be some kind of barrier that prevents me from speaking up in certain groups. at least it is a big improvement from the past =) -
I nid frenz too !!!
any1 ???
I have the same problem as the threadstarter .
But I have improved by a bit . -
Just to share with u.
I have had social problems since a very young age, right from the beginning of my schooling life. Even till now when i am working, my social circle has been very small no matter how hard i try.
New people around me would think that i am just being quiet. (The fact is i dunno what i can talk about, i am quite the passive type when it comes to socialising. When i try, things get real odd). As time passes, people will have different perceptions of you, some will still think u are just a quiet character, others may develop negative impressions of you like 'being dao', being 'unfriendly', wierdo.....etc. Believe me, such sentiments spreads around fast, and sad to say, natural extroverts tends to pour down on introverts (not all are like that though).
No matter if the impressions are negative or not, being the 'not so fun' character, you will eventually be left out of subsequent activities being planned. When people are inviting ppl around to join in certain activities and yet you being the omitted one even when u are standing right there, I can tell you the feelings ain't so good. Thats just one of the situations you may encounter. As much as I would like to mix around, i can't function properly when i am with them. Its a very contradicting emotion.
So while you are still young, try hard and get wild (within your own moral limits of course). I was too strict on myself when i was younger, i believe that sort of partially contributed to what i am today. I do not wish to see another like u to walk my painful path, i hope you walk out of your current predicament, even if it will take years.....
And if you want some medical point of view, go google Asperger's Syndrome. This was at a point when i thought i had some kind of autism and i spent some time doing some research. Of course, most cases its not medical, just a character issue. -
No body is an island. You have to learn how to live in the community.
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how can you say tt.. don't you know we are being scrutinised by the media? this thread even appeared in some chinese paper.Originally posted by NUS_Superst@r:You can start learn to drink & smoke. -
lol can smoke and drink?
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hey TS, i have the same problem as u and i am more lonely, shy, than u.Originally posted by Ravenguy:I always feel left out of groups and don't talk to people around me in school,have been having low self esteem and im always thinking people are looking down on me.
I remembered i always got bullied in primary school
as a result i always tend to shy away from others and
im now becoming more and more lonely
Is there any way to seek help for this ?
so dun worry man, at least theres someone who is worse than u -
Secondary school
Actually when I was in secondary school, I was quite popular in class. I managed to know a little of everyone in each small clique, and never felt lonely.
JC
However when I went to JC, it was a different story. Everyone seemed to know each other (E.g. during the 3 mths pre-JC entrace time / ex-secondary school mates / ex -school mates) except me. I became a loner. Is like there is nothing I can talk to them about rite, when u do not know anything about them
. It was such a sad time, and I cliqued with only one gal who was more sociable than me. I was really counting down to the end of my JC days. 
Off course I was teased in every possible way, but seriously wat could I do.
University
than I went U and luckily came to know my colleagues' (From part time work) daughter . From there came to know her friends etc. But the social circle was still limited, coz is the same gang (there was quite a bunch of us).
Work life
Come work, I had a great time with my colleauges coz all are young (1/2/3 yrs older), share the same horrid seniors (So we complain etc), share the same work horrors. Whenever I wanted to have dinner, I just had to ask around and just go out and have eat / just go gym together. Even than I was the quietest in my unit, and I am thankful they accepted me.
New job
Now I have a new job. There is no one I can talk to . Sometimes I have to convince myself I am normal. I can hardly find someone to lunch with / talk normal topics with. Its so bad that i tell myself I was born mute and deaf, and its okay not to tok.
After reading my long story, I hope u get the point that environment plays a large part . I never changed much from the beggining. One way to look more appealing is SMILE . Look happy= will feel happy. Or do a count-down like me, and know that in your new school there is new hope. Or read self-help books. Or find activities where others share your same interest e.g. some ECA. -
Originally posted by Ravenguy:I always feel left out of groups and don't talk to people around me in school,have been having low self esteem and im always thinking people are looking down on me.
I remembered i always got bullied in primary school
as a result i always tend to shy away from others and
im now becoming more and more lonely
Is there any way to seek help for this ? hi, ravenguy, go for counselling, it will help! Read books about it, it helps, too. -
do you wear black shirt and jeans? do you like Slipknot?
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Your prob reminds me of a prob a friend just confided in me about. believe or not, it is a very common "prob". People in general, just do not like to do anything that may look "funny" to others.Originally posted by Ravenguy:I always feel left out of groups and don't talk to people around me in school,have been having low self esteem and im always thinking people are looking down on me.
I remembered i always got bullied in primary school
as a result i always tend to shy away from others and
im now becoming more and more lonely
Is there any way to seek help for this ?
my advice will be the same.
"I always feel left out of groups and don't talk to people around me in school"
When you are in gps that you feel comfy in (as in you know them well enough to know they wont judge, or gps that are full of crap themselves) don't be afraid to speak out.
What's the worst that can happen? -u say something, they laugh? they distance themselves? well if they laugh, laugh with them. if they distance themselves, then they are not your friends to begin with.
I can remember so many things i did, that made ppl laugh.... the difference is I LAUGHED WITH THEM TOO.....
Remember, they all say and do the wrong things at times too....
"have been having low self esteem and im always thinking people are looking down on me."
Well this is a demon that only you can fight. every one have times when they think shlT about themselves, some more then others.....
I too have a huge demon of that nature. but i fought it. I told myself (b4 i entered Poly) that this was a fresh start. no one there knows me. and i do not want them to meet the "outcast" "shy" "scared" me. I want them to know the "friendly" "brave" "hack care" me.
and so during the freshmen orientation meets, I stepped out. in a gp, I'm the first to introduce myself, to gals and guys too. and i realised, eveyone is feeling the same. they are also feeling scared, shy, afraid of making a fool of themselves... but when someone with them loosen up, they do too.
It is a change you have to force upon yourself.
Even if i have battled the demon and won, the demon is not vanquish. it is merely sitting at a corner waiting for the time to strike.
When you are feeling sad, and esp when you just ended a relationship, this demon will strike again... the key is to remember the faces of all your friends and loved ones, ppl who just accepted you as you are, not wanting you to change.
it is really about the courage to change yourself. I changed. I have learned that sometimes making a fool of myself in front of others may not be that big a deal.... that most of the time I just have to learn to take a step back and look at the situation.... it is really quite funny... and you laugh, along with the others, laughing not AT you, but WITH yourself.
Of course there's times when you do something really stupid, and really embarassing..... but who here have not?!
Take courage my friend. -
Originally posted by sheri:
i agree that environment and different stages of yr life play a part.
After reading my long story, I hope u get the point that environment plays a large part . I never changed much from the beggining. One way to look more appealing is SMILE . Look happy= will feel happy. Or do a count-down like me, and know that in your new school there is new hope. Or read self-help books. Or find activities where others share your same interest e.g. some ECA. [/b]
in my first job, my colleagues are as young as me and i got a lot of kakis (mahjong and karaoke )
then my new work place is littered with lao jiao (old birds) - uncles and aunties. the environment is "old", slow-paced and lacks energy. so i become quite moody and lonely -
Join Us For the basketball outing
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=230353 -
You have inferiority complex,your parents are never supportive and always critical of you,even your dog look down on you.....what some more?? Coming to forum will not help you at all.First you need to feel good about yourself,start by writing down a list of good things about yourself.....dont worry I am sure in the beginning you will have a very short list but you work your way from there.Focus on your strong points and spend more time doing the things you are good at.....dont spend too much time PCC(pah chiew cheng) Ok? Dont worry kiddo you will be ok but after 5 years still like this then ........better go and die!
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i have a suggestion which i use personally.
get a self help book or those with lots of quotes (of successful people, etc). everyday in the morning read a chapter and let the words sink in to your mind. do this daily as a discipline, don't falter. by the 2nd month, you'll see your thinking change bit by bit already.
new thinking => new action => affirmation of new thinking => new habit => SUCCESS + HIGH SELF ESTEEM !!
if you don't like to read, buy those audio tapes and record into mp3 player. listen to it daily till it becomes you.
try it. it works.
the important thing for this to work is to have the DISCIPLINE to do it daily.
good luck -
lolOriginally posted by NUS_Superst@r:You can start learn to drink & smoke. -
HEY! I also working at a place with lots of "old birds". Boring place. May I know what is the name of the books. I mean even in library , how do I go about searching for them. Hmm.... positive words =positive thinking = happierOriginally posted by snoopii:i have a suggestion which i use personally.
get a self help book or those with lots of quotes (of successful people, etc). everyday in the morning read a chapter and let the words sink in to your mind. do this daily as a discipline, don't falter. by the 2nd month, you'll see your thinking change bit by bit already.
new thinking => new action => affirmation of new thinking => new habit => SUCCESS + HIGH SELF ESTEEM !!
if you don't like to read, buy those audio tapes and record into mp3 player. listen to it daily till it becomes you.
try it. it works.
the important thing for this to work is to have the DISCIPLINE to do it daily.
good luck -
machiam self-brain washing.Originally posted by snoopii:i have a suggestion which i use personally.
get a self help book or those with lots of quotes (of successful people, etc). everyday in the morning read a chapter and let the words sink in to your mind. do this daily as a discipline, don't falter. by the 2nd month, you'll see your thinking change bit by bit already.
new thinking => new action => affirmation of new thinking => new habit => SUCCESS + HIGH SELF ESTEEM !!
if you don't like to read, buy those audio tapes and record into mp3 player. listen to it daily till it becomes you.
try it. it works.
the important thing for this to work is to have the DISCIPLINE to do it daily.
good luck