27 lady has curfew
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ask all her friends go to her house for party lor since she can't stay out late. then her parents can keep an eye on her too.
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then the parents will tell all her friends to leave by 11Originally posted by freedom4ever:ask all her friends go to her house for party lor since she can't stay out late. then her parents can keep an eye on her too. -
You pusssyOriginally posted by Not4rent:what is wrong with curfew. u owe ur life to your parents -
You pusssyOriginally posted by Not4rent:what is wrong with curfew. u owe ur life to your parents -
Originally posted by imouto222:Hi ppl,
My friend has a 27 yrs old girlfriend who has curfew. She needs to reach home by 11pm daily else the parent will flare up. Applies to weekends, public holidays like Xmas, New Yr etc. Is there anyway we can do to convince the parents of this girl that their daughter is already VERY GROWN UP and can go out after midnight. We are trying to organise a Xmas party but this girl cant go ... what should we do?? Anyone has suggestion?
Behind this simple curfew lies a greater malice: this is deep parental complex since young; nothing much you can guys could do unless she is willing to fight for her own freedom?
Her parents is not going to 'wake up' one day and say 'hey, our daughter has grown up... so she could fare better with some freedom in her life', especially since they haven't thought that issue even when she is 27?
Some parents never realise this - the longer you shelter your child with all these 'rules', the later they learn to survive in society and the more vulnerable they are to setbacks and failures. This is especially true in love and relationship. She may learn to cope with her career gradually, but when it comes to love - she just become another perfect victim for the universe to unleash nasty cosmic lesson.
Parental complex is one classic reason why people become what they are... leading their sort of relationship. There is this massive conflict that engaged itself on our unconscious level, whenever our individual nature tries to hatch and liberate ourselves from parental bondage. Some people have easy transition, but to those who have difficulty in this metamorphosis, they usually suppress this divine self right, in order to compromise with external parental pressure - still seeking for their approval, acknowledgment and love.
Her parents wrote script based on their own perspective/thoughts and demanding their daughter to learn their script.
There is this spiritual tension - on one side, she tries to evolve into a true individual grasping her own life and on the other hand, she too tried to accept her parents' pre-prepared script of what they reckon is positive for her life. And if she accepts the former ideology, the parents would give her the coveted message that her choice is something punishable by abandonment. It gives rise to message like disloyalty and cultivates seeds of guilt into her soul.
In other words, her parents instil the message of 'you will hurt me if you don't listen to me...' or 'being myself is wrong', which will inevitably make her feel that she is responsible for everybody's happiness.
The struggle to manifest her authentic self or to gain approval from her parents continues and this affects relationship from all dimension (In astrology, this is where Moon/Saturn or 4th/10th house [or ruler of those house] is heavily dignified, probably with bad placing and hard aspects, which causes much of these tension).
I don't know how you want to help her. This is more like a personal struggle in which she would have to surmount. All her life, she probably suppress herself not to look into that direction I have pointed - a bona fide route to emotional self-actualization by forging a separate identity... an identity where it's truly hers.
You may want her to read what I have written? And maybe it's time to preview her own life to see what she wants to see in her own future.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
can you summaries in one word Behind this simple curfew lies a greater malice: this is deep parental complex since young; nothing much you can guys could do unless she is willing to fight for her own freedom?
Her parents is not going to 'wake up' one day and say 'hey, our daughter has grown up... so she could fare better with some freedom in her life', especially since they haven't thought that issue even when she is 27?
Some parents never realise this - the longer you shelter your child with all these 'rules', the later they learn to survive in society and the more vulnerable they are to setbacks and failures. This is especially true in love and relationship. She may learn to cope with her career gradually, but when it comes to love - she just become another perfect victim for the universe to unleash nasty cosmic lesson.
Parental complex is one classic reason why people become what they are... leading their sort of relationship. There is this massive conflict that engaged itself on our unconscious level, whenever our individual nature tries to hatch and liberate ourselves from parental bondage. Some people have easy transition, but to those who have difficulty in this metamorphosis, they usually suppress this divine self right, in order to compromise with external parental pressure - still seeking for their approval, acknowledgment and love.
Her parents wrote script based on their own perspective/thoughts and demanding their daughter to learn their script.
There is this spiritual tension - on one side, she tries to evolve into a true individual grasping her own life and on the other hand, she too tried to accept her parents' pre-prepared script of what they reckon is positive for her life. And if she accepts the former ideology, the parents would give her the coveted message that her choice is something punishable by abandonment. It gives rise to message like disloyalty and cultivates seeds of guilt into her soul.
[b]In other words, her parents instil the message of 'you will hurt me if you don't listen to me...' or 'being myself is wrong', which will inevitably make her feel that she is responsible for everybody's happiness.
The struggle to manifest her authentic self or to gain approval from her parents continues and this affects relationship from all dimension (In astrology, this is where Moon/Saturn or 4th/10th house [or ruler of those house] is heavily dignified, probably with bad placing and hard aspects, which causes much of these tension).
I don't know how you want to help her. This is more like a personal struggle in which she would have to surmount. All her life, she probably suppress herself not to look into that direction I have pointed - a bona fide route to emotional self-actualization by forging a separate identity... an identity where it's truly hers.
You may want her to read what I have written? And maybe it's time to preview her own life to see what she wants to see in her own future.
Cheers[/b] -
Her dad needs someone to abuse... Her mum needs her to do the chores..
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
What you're saying is not unfounded, but I feel the cultural context plays a big part too. No disrespect, but asian families tend to exhibit such traits more prominently - and disproportionately on a larger scale too - than their western counterparts(at least from my experience of having lived in both parts of the world). Behind this simple curfew lies a greater malice: this is deep parental complex since young; nothing much you can guys could do unless she is willing to fight for her own freedom?
Her parents is not going to 'wake up' one day and say 'hey, our daughter has grown up... so she could fare better with some freedom in her life', especially since they haven't thought that issue even when she is 27?
Some parents never realise this - the longer you shelter your child with all these 'rules', the later they learn to survive in society and the more vulnerable they are to setbacks and failures. This is especially true in love and relationship. She may learn to cope with her career gradually, but when it comes to love - she just become another perfect victim for the universe to unleash nasty cosmic lesson.
Parental complex is one classic reason why people become what they are... leading their sort of relationship. There is this massive conflict that engaged itself on our unconscious level, whenever our individual nature tries to hatch and liberate ourselves from parental bondage. Some people have easy transition, but to those who have difficulty in this metamorphosis, they usually suppress this divine self right, in order to compromise with external parental pressure - still seeking for their approval, acknowledgment and love.
Her parents wrote script based on their own perspective/thoughts and demanding their daughter to learn their script.
There is this spiritual tension - on one side, she tries to evolve into a true individual grasping her own life and on the other hand, she too tried to accept her parents' pre-prepared script of what they reckon is positive for her life. And if she accepts the former ideology, the parents would give her the coveted message that her choice is something punishable by abandonment. It gives rise to message like disloyalty and cultivates seeds of guilt into her soul.
[b]In other words, her parents instil the message of 'you will hurt me if you don't listen to me...' or 'being myself is wrong', which will inevitably make her feel that she is responsible for everybody's happiness.
The struggle to manifest her authentic self or to gain approval from her parents continues and this affects relationship from all dimension (In astrology, this is where Moon/Saturn or 4th/10th house [or ruler of those house] is heavily dignified, probably with bad placing and hard aspects, which causes much of these tension).
I don't know how you want to help her. This is more like a personal struggle in which she would have to surmount. All her life, she probably suppress herself not to look into that direction I have pointed - a bona fide route to emotional self-actualization by forging a separate identity... an identity where it's truly hers.
You may want her to read what I have written? And maybe it's time to preview her own life to see what she wants to see in her own future.
Cheers[/b]
Put it this way, I feel - generally speaking - an Asian upbringing better inculcates family values in one, but ultimately, a western upbringing better prepares an individual for life... -
Organise the party at her house.Originally posted by imouto222:Hi ppl,
My friend has a 27 yrs old girlfriend who has curfew. She needs to reach home by 11pm daily else the parent will flare up. Applies to weekends, public holidays like Xmas, New Yr etc. Is there anyway we can do to convince the parents of this girl that their daughter is already VERY GROWN UP and can go out after midnight. We are trying to organise a Xmas party but this girl cant go ... what should we do?? Anyone has suggestion? -
i have a 17 years old friend that have curfew too. some more guy. but he always action, say he want sleep all dont want come out. but in truth is he really cannot go out. but anyway, 1 thing i think can work is go to her house, talk to the parents and give them a good impression, assure them u guys are not doing something wild and stupid. just say normal bbq all.
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27 years old still cannot be responsible for her own life? She has to talk to her parents about it - it is not like she is some 17 year old. Is she paying rent and expenses tho? But like my parents always say their house their rules ...that is why I flown the coop at 22.
Now it's my place , my rules - when they just come over sometimes and stay without hassling me about the time I come back at. Can even go out at 7 pm and come back at 6 am next day to see my mom's face mien chow chow but she cannot say anything. -
my mum once asked me (i'm a guy)
"one day when you have a girlfriend, will you forget mummy?"
heh. It's pretty cute that my mum would actually ask me that.
But on a serious note, I think it pretty much sums up what parents think at times of their kids: her case is probably that of "letting go"
We all must agree that at 27 it's about time she starts going out, having freedom and all that. What other reasons can there be at this age to be restrained?
Talking is very important. It's gonna be hard for them to let go, but everything's gotta take a shot, sometimes a long shot even. Keep talking, and keep going at it. Someday it'll happen. Good luck to your friend -
It's only 11pm. At most, the party continue in her house
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Worth a try? Better if you people can mingle around a bit with her parents 1st...? But be sure to leave GOOD impressions lah...Originally posted by imouto222:We understand...but we just want to help her to get out of house on Xmas Eve and have a small celebration with us at another friend's house. She wont be the only lady as me and another friend's girlfriend will be around ... and we are all very decent ppl .... we were thinking of sending me and the friend's girlfriend to show our face to the parents that we are bringing the girl out for that day
What do ya ppl think? -
hahaha i agree! got curfew must be homke at 11. doesnt mean mus sleep by 11!Originally posted by pwnz0r:It's only 11pm. At most, the party continue in her house
BRING THE PARTY DOWN TO HER HOUSE!
make sure u break alot of things!
den next time she ask for party, her parents'll be too terrified for their posessions to not say yes =x -
Her problem still not settled yet?
She should try to talk nicely to her parents first. Den try to reach home a bit late, then a bit more... Eventually, they should understand that you are fcking old to take care of your own life. -
how about inviting the parents to the party? let the parents hang about her friends to let them know what kind of company their daughter she is in. on her part, she has to slowly talk to her parents. she will one day get married and move away from her parents. dont tell me the guy has to marry into her family if the parents object to her leaving them and moving out.
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KNNNNNNCCCBBBBBOriginally posted by kecang_puteh:You pusssy -
I suspect this woman has been sexually abused as a child.
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Agreed. If they are not the outside people, can get friends to visit them instead and have a chat with them. Slowly find out more and understand why her parents still put a curfew on her even if she is 27.Originally posted by huiz:how about inviting the parents to the party? let the parents hang about her friends to let them know what kind of company their daughter she is in. on her part, she has to slowly talk to her parents. she will one day get married and move away from her parents. dont tell me the guy has to marry into her family if the parents object to her leaving them and moving out.
Do they trust her? They are overprotective? Or something happened between them in the past? There are many factors and getting them to talk about it is one way to understanding and seeing a bigger picture. -
You = impatient.Originally posted by leo-kun:can you summaries in one word
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Read the post above yours and tell me if it makes sense.Originally posted by Bontakun:Agreed. If they are not the outside people, can get friends to visit them instead and have a chat with them. Slowly find out more and understand why her parents still put a curfew on her even if she is 27.
Do they trust her? They are overprotective? Or something happened between them in the past? There are many factors and getting them to talk about it is one way to understanding and seeing a bigger picture. -
by uOriginally posted by iveco:I suspect this woman has been sexually abused as a child. -
Me? Do I even know her?Originally posted by Not4rent:by u
It could be her own father doing all that stuff for all we know. He probably just wants to keep her for his own pleasure. -
People...
-_-"