Confuse Relationship
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ask yourself this very simple qns.
1) if he never changes, will you be able to live with him and be happy?
2) are there any other problems in the relationship?
3) can you imagine yourself married to him?
don't bother about D, what he thinks is irrelevant. you should make this decision on your own. -
LTNS? You bery busy izzit?Originally posted by smudgey:ask yourself this very simple qns.
1) if he never changes, will you be able to live with him and be happy?
2) are there any other problems in the relationship?
3) can you imagine yourself married to him?
don't bother about D, what he thinks is irrelevant. you should make this decision on your own.
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ignore that D la. so extra.. your relationship not his problem. seems like hes interested in you. or else he wouldnt bother to find faults of ur bf. think.
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Gal..one advice for u
Must be contented with what u hav...
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i ans from few point of view.Originally posted by chaah:But then came along my close fren D.
Who keep analaysing things between me and bf.
He told me my bf isn't committed to me, and by reminding him i am helping him when he slack. This way i will never leave him.
He taught me to secretly mark H, faults and slack in relationship. And to the point give up if the relationship go haywire. And do not tell my bf what's wrong but let him think hard. If he has heart for me, he would do so.
I am lost now.
Coz i don't know if i should heed D advise ?
The guy UNLESS is really a good friend den wil help u.But to analise ur problem wid ur bf is a NO NO. a normal friend wil ask u to talk things out wid him.. not saying/adding things.
1.wat he do is shooting ur bf>making him look bad when u are verunable,he may be wan u to think alot den give up then he come into the pic to confort u,den eat u..etc..den start from where u left.
>(telling from experiance,i also do tat in the past,keep bad-mouthing the gal's bf when i wan to snatch her away)
2.i feel a guy can be at time insensitive to her gf,do his own things.hack care gals.say/scold/face black black at own gf. we "guys" know but still do it, den regret in the end.sometime guys are lik tat(well>for me;tat is)
3.mayb your friend also know wat a "guy" think> so he ask u to use the way to counter ur bf.which MAY also indirectly let ur bf feel something is wrong & treasure ur relationship more.BUt is hard to say.
i personelly think he may wan to eat u> but again, unless that guy is really ur very good friend(tat type tat even u naken will not hv bad thoughts)>(very hard lah..guys ^^>i also guy) den wil tel u how to counter ur situation.
EDITED: Go wid ur heart, if u love ur bf, tahan abit more, talk to him,let him know.Cry it out to him.Make him feel guilty.(tat's wat my gf do.)Guys also wil soft heart only time not last long enough. -
Originally posted by chaah:Ok i admit i am confuse.
Let me elaborate n summaries my relationship :
BF : H
Fren : D
Actually my bf treat me well, bring me to nice dinning, pick me up as and when from office for dinner. Pay for my computer which i wanna change but no $$.
Only things is his hobbies is taking up too much time, at times i felt neglected.
i have tried talking to him, but he just avoid the things and prevent quarrel. But things do not change at all. After my grumble he is back to square one. Actually i dnt mind, coz i am grumbling. And also he had mentioned before if he had fail to treat me well, remember to remind him. As gal i though that is nice of him.
But then came along my close fren D.
Who keep analaysing things between me and bf.
He told me my bf isn't committed to me, and by reminding him i am helping him when he slack. This way i will never leave him.
He taught me to secretly mark H, faults and slack in relationship. And to the point give up if the relationship go haywire. And do not tell my bf what's wrong but let him think hard. If he has heart for me, he would do so.
I am lost now.
Coz i don't know if i should heed D advise ?
Goodness! Your boyfriend is indulging in HEALTHY and DECENT hobby... I don't see why there is a cause for concern, unless it drains too much financial ability (which you would probably nag) or if he truly neglects you in that sense. Would you rather your boyfriend spend those precious dollars in nightclubs and fool around with slattern woman?
That isn't my greatest shock - your man actually mention that he willing to compromise if there is something he hasn't done well, namely the way he treats you. If there are dissatisfaction with regards to the quality of time spent, shouldn't you be talking to him and letting him know that sometimes, you just wanna spent your time together like movies and shopping? You could also arrange that if he wants to do his photography, he would indulge in alone/with friends and when he is done with it, he could meet you for a proper date? You know that sort of thingy?
I always fear advice dispensed from random people, especially when it is for with people I know, because some people don't understand what wtf they are talking about and the consequence of their words on these poor soul.
(I) Helping him when he is slack? In that way you would never leave him? In the first place, why is there a requirement to leave the relationship if your relationship is (1) what you want... (2) it doesn't turn into an obsession/bondage... (3) doesn't ruin the original model of love?
(II) To take down all his faults and when things go out of hand, leave him? When you have noted a certain flaw, shouldn't you be the first to let him know, in order to reduce certain intensity in the relationship? Then you two could work together to resolve issues and not dump him with all his blind spot as you condemn him?
You are LEADING a relationship; this is not a competition on who's personality is more perfect my dear.
(III) And worst of all crime; don't tell your boyfriend anything. Let him think.
OMFG!
Lemme translate that sh!t for you:
Eliminate communication and decentralization; allow circumstances to control market force.
Your relationship will probably die sooner if you eliminate communication and expect everything to be enlightened from nothing. If you wants him to reflect on certain issues, you got to FIRST speak to him before you could allow him some time to digest those mambo jambo.
WTF is if he got heart for him, he will know what to do?
I throw the question back at you: if you got heart for him, do you know what to do? And are you DOING it now? Doing it RIGHT?
P.S: Remember, you are in relationship that's truly yours. Should your relationship fail, it doesn't affect D in any ways. You better think twice about ruining something that could have much potential to soar... with his 'advice'.
Cheers -
Originally posted by chaah:
so boring~
Humhh.. I dnt mind him having that hobby so long he dnt forget abt family.
So far, he still take good care of his parents senting them etc..
Buy goods for home consume.
When i am sick he came all the way frm Jurong to Bishan send me to doctor buy food for me to eat. When my sickness didn't get well he went to temple pray for my health.
Overall i still feel him very nice to me. At times, he is very oriental man i guess, those cannot hug and kiss in public.. haa...
I guess i shld be contented with his etc...
Am i ?
but well he treat u so well... can't complain abt tt la. Hobby is just a hobby.... you should just talk to your bf... i dun see any serious flaws in this relationship. Following your friend's advice is a recipe for some disaster to happen. -
u juz need to talk to him la.
he won't know what you want unless you tell him right? -
you know the mattress advertisment about a guy bringing his friend, a bridegroom, to view a mattress?
then end up the bridegroom fell asleep and the guy went on to comfort the crying bride, with a smirk on his face?
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Your starting thread will make people reading it feels D is trying to spoil your relationship with ur poor H bf.
You must have trust in your boyfriend and by talking to him and telling him what you want is the basic of a relationship.
You mention you does grumble about his hobbies. But honestly, everyone have a hobby, and it will surely be times when he indulge in his favourite hobby and thus have less time for you. And that doesnt mean he dont love you ya?
Keep in mind, a relationship is not to control and to be obsess with someone or something. You also have your hobby, you also have things you like to do. But when you are spending time doing things you like to do, you will have to sacrifice time with him. It's the same with him.
Never keep to yourself what you want and then tell your other so call "good fren" about it and let him / her decide it for you. You yourself knows what's best for you. You decided this relationship, not others. Love is such a wonderful thing, do not let opinion spoil your thoughts. Think of the times you all spend together. Dont let small disappointment ruin the inperfect love. -
D might have hidden agenda.
I would rather accept the fact that my bf is neglecting me bcos of his hobby (eg. games) than to find out that he's seeing somebody else lor.
Cherish what you have. -
The lesser of the two evil.Originally posted by browniebaobao:D might have hidden agenda.
I would rather accept the fact that my bf is neglecting me bcos of his hobby (eg. games) than to find out that he's seeing somebody else lor.
Cherish what you have. 
Cheers -
Tks for your reply
I think.. You are not understanding enough to your BF's interests. At this time, all your complaints are only about yourself. You know that he treats you well. You know that he likely loves you by buying expensive stuff for you. But you are not contented.
i know he treat me well but i want more then expensive stuff. I need his attention.
You want to put a stranglehold on his life, to not pursue his interest, because you selfishly want him to spend time with you.
I didn't mention nor need him to stop pursue his interest to company me through out. I just need him to not to be so much engross in hobby until 7 days a week, 4 days into hobby and 4 days of meetup with me is follow him to photographing..
Relationships arent about being sticky. You should find other avenues to keep yourself occupied.
I consider myself nt sticky, coz i am working 5.5 days full time. At times, i do my freelance twice a week. So i am not sticky
Importantly, realise that relationships isn't exactly about needs. You dont need to be with him very oftenly to be happy.
Still I believe the best form of relationship is where both party do not need or obssess with one another, but one where you CHOOSE and WANT to be with each other and able to keep apart without affecting your feelings.
I need someone who is family man and will company me. Not someone who dump lump sum monthly and go out.
Seriously, with this kind of thoughts, I think your BF is better without you, not the other way around. Reflect carefully.
And you have no right to judge who is better off without who. Coz he nor me had mentioned wanting without each other. But in anyway thanks for your prompt reply. appreciated. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Thank you so much for the time in enlighten me. Goodness! Your boyfriend is indulging in HEALTHY and DECENT hobby... I don't see why there is a cause for concern, unless it drains too much financial ability (which you would probably nag) or if he truly neglects you in that sense. Would you rather your boyfriend spend those precious dollars in nightclubs and fool around with slattern woman?
That isn't my greatest shock - your man actually mention that he willing to compromise if there is something he hasn't done well, namely the way he treats you. If there are dissatisfaction with regards to the quality of time spent, shouldn't you be talking to him and letting him know that sometimes, you just wanna spent your time together like movies and shopping? You could also arrange that if he wants to do his photography, he would indulge in alone/with friends and when he is done with it, he could meet you for a proper date? You know that sort of thingy?
I always fear advice dispensed from random people, especially when it is for with people I know, because some people don't understand what wtf they are talking about and the consequence of their words on these poor soul.
(I) Helping him when he is slack? In that way you would never leave him? In the first place, why is there a requirement to leave the relationship if your relationship is (1) what you want... (2) it doesn't turn into an obsession/bondage... (3) doesn't ruin the original model of love?
(II) To take down all his faults and when things go out of hand, leave him? When you have noted a certain flaw, shouldn't you be the first to let him know, in order to reduce certain intensity in the relationship? Then you two could work together to resolve issues and not dump him with all his blind spot as you condemn him?
[b]You are LEADING a relationship; this is not a competition on who's personality is more perfect my dear.
(III) And worst of all crime; don't tell your boyfriend anything. Let him think.
OMFG!
Lemme translate that sh!t for you:
Eliminate communication and decentralization; allow circumstances to control market force.
Your relationship will probably die sooner if you eliminate communication and expect everything to be enlightened from nothing. If you wants him to reflect on certain issues, you got to FIRST speak to him before you could allow him some time to digest those mambo jambo.
WTF is if he got heart for him, he will know what to do?
I throw the question back at you: if you got heart for him, do you know what to do? And are you DOING it now? Doing it RIGHT?
P.S: Remember, you are in relationship that's truly yours. Should your relationship fail, it doesn't affect D in any ways. You better think twice about ruining something that could have much potential to soar... with his 'advice'.
Cheers [/b]
I know what i should do. I will let BF know what is in my mind.
Thanks. -
25 DecOriginally posted by chaah:Thank you so much for the time in enlighten me.
I know what i should do. I will let BF know what is in my mind.
Thanks.
can imagine i have get a chance to talk to my own BF even since xmas.
Xmas he isn't in sg coz he was companying his family for some gathering, which i am not involve as i have yet to be intro to the family.
26 Dec
KL for business trip
27 Dec
Go phototaking cant meet me. Promise to arrange meet up on 28 Dec
28 Dec
He vehicle is down, cant be repair
29 Dec
Photo taking
30 Dec
Photo Taking
31 Dec
Family gathering countdown, i am not involve
1st Jan 07
He is at home, nothing improve nor made any call to meet me.
SO now is this i am asking for too much love, or he isn't cherishing me.
I tried to sms nice message, to shown concern. Ask him to take care.
But all i got from him is short sharp sms, ok or take care. Happy new year to you and your family.
I am wondering is this love ? I am sad and miserable for these holiday. WHich lots of people don't understand at all. I spend my holiday alone, loitering outside. Do any of you understand my feelings ?
I am trying my best to made the things work, even told him how i feel, without fury. But he just divert the conversations. He doesn't want to talk about it.
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Of course we don't understand you. We are not you. You boyfriend don't even understand you. Rather, did you try to understand him? Are you being loving like what a real woman should? Being loving doesn't mean you sms him your love. It can also mean you know what he is thinking and understand his problems. It also means you don't cling onto him like some guys do.Originally posted by chaah:25 Dec
can imagine i have get a chance to talk to my own BF even since xmas.
Xmas he isn't in sg coz he was companying his family for some gathering, which i am not involve as i have yet to be intro to the family.
26 Dec
KL for business trip
27 Dec
Go phototaking cant meet me. Promise to arrange meet up on 28 Dec
28 Dec
He vehicle is down, cant be repair
29 Dec
Photo taking
30 Dec
Photo Taking
31 Dec
Family gathering countdown, i am not involve
1st Jan 07
He is at home, nothing improve nor made any call to meet me.
SO now is this i am asking for too much love, or he isn't cherishing me.
I tried to sms nice message, to shown concern. Ask him to take care.
But all i got from him is short sharp sms, ok or take care. Happy new year to you and your family.
I am wondering is this love ? I am sad and miserable for these holiday. WHich lots of people don't understand at all. I spend my holiday alone, loitering outside. Do any of you understand my feelings ?
I am trying my best to made the things work, even told him how i feel, without fury. But he just divert the conversations. He doesn't want to talk about it.
I believe there are more information that you have not been telling us. What else did you sms him? Are you expecting more sms from him? Are you secure in yourself? Or are you expecting him to make you feel secure?
I believe he's been pressured by you to spend more time with you. He's probably trying to breathe. You are trying too hard. Sometimes, you should just keep a hold on yourself.
doko -
Once again, i find Threadstarter have her reason to doubt.
From that doubt, she needs to find the path to solution in her relationship. -
D is a bastard trying to seperate u and your bfOriginally posted by chaah:Ok i admit i am confuse.
Let me elaborate n summaries my relationship :
BF : H
Fren : D
Actually my bf treat me well, bring me to nice dinning, pick me up as and when from office for dinner. Pay for my computer which i wanna change but no $$.
Only things is his hobbies is taking up too much time, at times i felt neglected.
i have tried talking to him, but he just avoid the things and prevent quarrel. But things do not change at all. After my grumble he is back to square one. Actually i dnt mind, coz i am grumbling. And also he had mentioned before if he had fail to treat me well, remember to remind him. As gal i though that is nice of him.
But then came along my close fren D.
Who keep analaysing things between me and bf.
He told me my bf isn't committed to me, and by reminding him i am helping him when he slack. This way i will never leave him.
He taught me to secretly mark H, faults and slack in relationship. And to the point give up if the relationship go haywire. And do not tell my bf what's wrong but let him think hard. If he has heart for me, he would do so.
I am lost now.
Coz i don't know if i should heed D advise ?
Pls leave him now -
Originally posted by FBI:D is a bastard trying to seperate u and your bf
Pls leave him now
Nothing started...how to leave? -
I understand how you feel.Originally posted by chaah:25 Dec
can imagine i have get a chance to talk to my own BF even since xmas.
Xmas he isn't in sg coz he was companying his family for some gathering, which i am not involve as i have yet to be intro to the family.
26 Dec
KL for business trip
27 Dec
Go phototaking cant meet me. Promise to arrange meet up on 28 Dec
28 Dec
He vehicle is down, cant be repair
29 Dec
Photo taking
30 Dec
Photo Taking
31 Dec
Family gathering countdown, i am not involve
1st Jan 07
He is at home, nothing improve nor made any call to meet me.
SO now is this i am asking for too much love, or he isn't cherishing me.
I tried to sms nice message, to shown concern. Ask him to take care.
But all i got from him is short sharp sms, ok or take care. Happy new year to you and your family.
I am wondering is this love ? I am sad and miserable for these holiday. WHich lots of people don't understand at all. I spend my holiday alone, loitering outside. Do any of you understand my feelings ?
I am trying my best to made the things work, even told him how i feel, without fury. But he just divert the conversations. He doesn't want to talk about it.
So what do you intend to do about it?
What are both your star signs? -
ic, guess tis is bad stuff.... tink u reali need to call him up and get him to come out n talk seriously... he seems to be reali too much into his hobbies so u need to remind him.... actually weird tat he haven ask u meet his parents since he is traditional type... but every guy has their way of showing love or handling his relationship so dun tink anyone can striaght say he dun love u... my word is for u to ask him out for talk n sort it cos letting this go on will nto help... good luck and happy new year...Originally posted by chaah:25 Dec
can imagine i have get a chance to talk to my own BF even since xmas.
Xmas he isn't in sg coz he was companying his family for some gathering, which i am not involve as i have yet to be intro to the family.
26 Dec
KL for business trip
27 Dec
Go phototaking cant meet me. Promise to arrange meet up on 28 Dec
28 Dec
He vehicle is down, cant be repair
29 Dec
Photo taking
30 Dec
Photo Taking
31 Dec
Family gathering countdown, i am not involve
1st Jan 07
He is at home, nothing improve nor made any call to meet me.
SO now is this i am asking for too much love, or he isn't cherishing me.
I tried to sms nice message, to shown concern. Ask him to take care.
But all i got from him is short sharp sms, ok or take care. Happy new year to you and your family.
I am wondering is this love ? I am sad and miserable for these holiday. WHich lots of people don't understand at all. I spend my holiday alone, loitering outside. Do any of you understand my feelings ?
I am trying my best to made the things work, even told him how i feel, without fury. But he just divert the conversations. He doesn't want to talk about it. -
Allow me to share mine.Originally posted by chaah:25 Dec
can imagine i have get a chance to talk to my own BF even since xmas.
Xmas he isn't in sg coz he was companying his family for some gathering, which i am not involve as i have yet to be intro to the family.
26 Dec
KL for business trip
27 Dec
Go phototaking cant meet me. Promise to arrange meet up on 28 Dec
28 Dec
He vehicle is down, cant be repair
29 Dec
Photo taking
30 Dec
Photo Taking
31 Dec
Family gathering countdown, i am not involve
1st Jan 07
He is at home, nothing improve nor made any call to meet me.
SO now is this i am asking for too much love, or he isn't cherishing me.
I tried to sms nice message, to shown concern. Ask him to take care.
But all i got from him is short sharp sms, ok or take care. Happy new year to you and your family.
I am wondering is this love ? I am sad and miserable for these holiday. WHich lots of people don't understand at all. I spend my holiday alone, loitering outside. Do any of you understand my feelings ?
I am trying my best to made the things work, even told him how i feel, without fury. But he just divert the conversations. He doesn't want to talk about it.
Dec:
26- he is working. chatted half hour at night
27- he is working. chatted half hour at night
28- he is sick. No chat
29- he is sick. Only reply my sms 5 hours later
30- he is sick. Only reply my sms 5 hours later
31- he is sick. Only reply my sms 5 hours later
jan 1- HP is off.
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did you try to initiate to meet up on 1st Jan07?Originally posted by chaah:25 Dec
can imagine i have get a chance to talk to my own BF even since xmas.
Xmas he isn't in sg coz he was companying his family for some gathering, which i am not involve as i have yet to be intro to the family.
26 Dec
KL for business trip
27 Dec
Go phototaking cant meet me. Promise to arrange meet up on 28 Dec
28 Dec
He vehicle is down, cant be repair
29 Dec
Photo taking
30 Dec
Photo Taking
31 Dec
Family gathering countdown, i am not involve
1st Jan 07
He is at home, nothing improve nor made any call to meet me.
SO now is this i am asking for too much love, or he isn't cherishing me.
I tried to sms nice message, to shown concern. Ask him to take care.
But all i got from him is short sharp sms, ok or take care. Happy new year to you and your family.
I am wondering is this love ? I am sad and miserable for these holiday. WHich lots of people don't understand at all. I spend my holiday alone, loitering outside. Do any of you understand my feelings ?
I am trying my best to made the things work, even told him how i feel, without fury. But he just divert the conversations. He doesn't want to talk about it. -
Which is the 'he'?Originally posted by galfriend:Allow me to share mine.
Dec:
26- he is working. chatted half hour at night
27- he is working. chatted half hour at night
28- he is sick. No chat
29- he is sick. Only reply my sms 5 hours later
30- he is sick. Only reply my sms 5 hours later
31- he is sick. Only reply my sms 5 hours later
jan 1- HP is off.
The 5 years guy? -
since he sick y dun u visit him??? wats his answer for off hp???Originally posted by galfriend:Allow me to share mine.
Dec:
26- he is working. chatted half hour at night
27- he is working. chatted half hour at night
28- he is sick. No chat
29- he is sick. Only reply my sms 5 hours later
30- he is sick. Only reply my sms 5 hours later
31- he is sick. Only reply my sms 5 hours later
jan 1- HP is off.