I love her, I love her not...
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What should you do when the girl you love let on that she is a divorcee with 2 kids? I love her alot, but many people are telling me to move on. I also think about it everytime. Having 2 kids would be a huge financial burden to me now. The 2 kids are very lovely.
Now my job is not paying well but she is not asking for much. I really don't want to give her up as she is really perfect in my eyes. Never once has she complained of difficult times with me. She is unlike many singapore girls, she never expect me to pay everything for her. We get alone very well and can talk about anything under the sun.
Why is bringing children up in Singapore so expensive? I wish I have the ability to raise those 2 lovely angels up, but I don't want to destroy their future. I am sure she will have no problems finding a richer man.
Sad... Helpless.
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how old are the kids?
i believe love can overcome all obstacles.
dun give up juz bcos of the extra baggages that she has. -
That's a pretty bold statement.
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Yep Superman is a Jerk , who lives on as Clark Kent as an office nerd, and saves the World for free.
He lets another man raise his child.
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simi?Originally posted by M©+square:That's a pretty bold statement. -
Dont do things out of sympathy.
If you dont have strong financial support for her, it will be even more tiring when the road gets further. If you truely cares and thinks for her, let her find a better man who can financial support her.
I hope you truely understand why your friends ask you to move on with life. They know you better then us.
Know what's best for you. Do not go to the extreme and in the end make yourself suffer. There are 2/3 of female living in sg and onli 1/3 of males to satisfy them. 
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she was hurt last time round so u can go be her knight n make her hapi... u can talk abt kids n money but most impt thing is whether u can get her as ur gf first anot... one step at a time la... u like her jz go for it... kids? can slowly build things up...Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:What should you do when the girl you love let on that she is a divorcee with 2 kids? I love her alot, but many people are telling me to move on. I also think about it everytime. Having 2 kids would be a huge financial burden to me now. The 2 kids are very lovely.
Now my job is not paying well but she is not asking for much. I really don't want to give her up as she is really perfect in my eyes. Never once has she complained of difficult times with me. She is unlike many singapore girls, she never expect me to pay everything for her. We get alone very well and can talk about anything under the sun.
Why is bringing children up in Singapore so expensive? I wish I have the ability to raise those 2 lovely angels up, but I don't want to destroy their future. I am sure she will have no problems finding a richer man.
Sad... Helpless. -
Actually we hae been going steady for 1 year. She didn't want to let me know because she also don't want to lose me. She let me know after about 6 months together.
My friends ask me to leave her because of the fact she has 2 kids, they ask me why want to help other people raise up their kids. The ex is a jerk. I am very confused. I am thinking of taking on extra jobs. It might be tiring but at least it might help.
I am not sympathis with her but i really love her. -
i have a fren with the same experience.Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:Actually we hae been going steady for 1 year. She didn't want to let me know because she also don't want to lose me. She let me know after about 6 months together.
My friends ask me to leave her because of the fact she has 2 kids, they ask me why want to help other people raise up their kids. The ex is a jerk. I am very confused. I am thinking of taking on extra jobs. It might be tiring but at least it might help.
I am not sympathis with her but i really love her.
he could not accept it when she told him that she has a daughter.
then he gave up on her.
but some time later, he realized that he still love her..
now, they are happily married. -
if u gt no saving ...better not..
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since both of u together liao then its time for u to plan ur future lo... u might wan to upgrade urself to u can draw better pay n tis can sarpot them liao lo... since u ok with things, heck care wat ur frens say abt buy 1 get 2 free... go with ur heart....Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:Actually we hae been going steady for 1 year. She didn't want to let me know because she also don't want to lose me. She let me know after about 6 months together.
My friends ask me to leave her because of the fact she has 2 kids, they ask me why want to help other people raise up their kids. The ex is a jerk. I am very confused. I am thinking of taking on extra jobs. It might be tiring but at least it might help.
I am not sympathis with her but i really love her. -
parenting very gan kor one, and its not only financially. be prepared.
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I see you have two problems here.To be frank, the financial aspect is the lesser of the two problems.
The very fact that she could raise two kids on her own should tell you something. If she can do it on her own, then I'm sure you can do raise them together with her. I won't lie, it won't be easy. But if you're up to the challenge, and she's willing to let you try, then I say that you can face the financial issues.
Here's the bigger challenge: are you willing and prepared to act as a father figure for her two children? Are you willing to raise the kids of a negligent and uncaring man? If your answer is anything short of a resounding 'yes', then I suggest you solve this issue first before you start thinking about the financial aspect. -
Thank you guys for answer. Feel good to let it out. Those 2 kids are lovely, they call me papa, the feeling is good. I know sound stupid since not mine.Originally posted by fudgester:I see you have two problems here.To be frank, the financial aspect is the lesser of the two problems.
The very fact that she could raise two kids on her own should tell you something. If she can do it on her own, then I'm sure you can do raise them together with her. I won't lie, it won't be easy. But if you're up to the challenge, and she's willing to let you try, then I say that you can face the financial issues.
Here's the bigger challenge: are you willing and prepared to act as a father figure for her two children? Are you willing to raise the kids of a negligent and uncaring man? If your answer is anything short of a resounding 'yes', then I suggest you solve this issue first before you start thinking about the financial aspect. -
ah browniebaobao meow meow,Originally posted by browniebaobao:i have a fren with the same experience.
he could not accept it when she told him that she has a daughter.
then he gave up on her.
but some time later, he realized that he still love her..
now, they are happily married.
how old is their daughter now? -
Nope, it doesn't sound stupid to me. If you feel that you can be there emotionally for the kids an act as a father figure to them, then that's one problem solved. If the kids acknowledge having you around as a father figure then to me that's a job well done.Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:Thank you guys for answer. Feel good to let it out. Those 2 kids are lovely, they call me papa, the feeling is good. I know sound stupid since not mine.
As for the financial aspect... what are you and your girlfriend working as? What I believe is that if you're willing to work hard and put in the effort, then the both of you combined can raise those kids.
If you want to know, my taxi driver father worked hard to put all his four kids through university. It wasn't easy, for I sure as hell remember the times when I had to go without food just to buy lecture notes. And yet, my father succeeded in doing so. My two elder siblings are working as schoolteachers now, and my younger sis and I are both in uni. I'm sure you can pull it off with her kids, too.
Bear in mind, though... if you do marry her, this means that you have to put off having a child of your own with her until your finances have become more stable. Unless you're willing to bear the responsibility and burden of raising three kids, I would suggest putting off having a child with her for some time if you do marry. -
When I read your post I want to be the same. I will try hard to make this happen.Originally posted by browniebaobao:i have a fren with the same experience.
he could not accept it when she told him that she has a daughter.
then he gave up on her.
but some time later, he realized that he still love her..
now, they are happily married.
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duiz.Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:ah browniebaobao meow meow,
how old is their daughter now?
i tot u MIA liao..
i duno how old..
maybe 3-5 ba. -
your current job salary how much?
If its around $2000 to $3000, you know how to scrimp and spend wisely. Life can be easy and happy for a family of four. You can try to look for better paying jobs which commands like $4500. Its considered good enough of you dont have any ambition or just want a simple life.
Opportunity does not come by that easy. Grab it now before she leaves with those two kids. She must be a very understanding woman when she hid the presence of the two children from you. -
wow.. both of you are so sweet....
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Nope, if it's $3000 I wouldn't have any worries. It's $1800. Now you know why I am sad and helpless. She is working as a hotel recep so the hours also quite long.Originally posted by TYING:your current job salary how much?
If its around $2000 to $3000, you know how to scrimp and spend wisely. Life can be easy and happy for a family of four. You can try to look for better paying jobs which commands like $4500. Its considered good enough of you dont have any ambition or just want a simple life.
Opportunity does not come by that easy. Grab it now before she leaves with those two kids. She must be a very understanding woman when she hid the presence of the two children from you. -
Woah...Originally posted by browniebaobao:how old are the kids?
i believe love can overcome all obstacles.
dun give up juz bcos of the extra baggages that she has.
What extra baggages you toking? -
Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:What should you do when the girl you love let on that she is a divorcee with 2 kids? I love her alot, but many people are telling me to move on. I also think about it everytime. Having 2 kids would be a huge financial burden to me now. The 2 kids are very lovely.
Now my job is not paying well but she is not asking for much. I really don't want to give her up as she is really perfect in my eyes. Never once has she complained of difficult times with me. She is unlike many singapore girls, she never expect me to pay everything for her. We get alone very well and can talk about anything under the sun.
Why is bringing children up in Singapore so expensive? I wish I have the ability to raise those 2 lovely angels up, but I don't want to destroy their future. I am sure she will have no problems finding a richer man.
Sad... Helpless. I agree with Fudgy's reply.
If you can overcome the stigma of rearing 'someone else's' children - there shouldn't be a problem.
The problem with society is that people are generally self absorbed. Everything is quantified - your children is not my children that sort of things? If you have cases where kids dump their BIOLOGICAL parents to the old folks home or leaving them in a lurch, you would probably understand that the karmic debts between the parent and the child has nothing to do with their biological nature.
I have no issue with your relationship with her; but if it's possible, I would like to know more about her:
I) Her overall relationship history (Other ex-bfs, the length of it, the process)
II) BGR relationship with her ex-hubby. (Dated how long, likely external reason for marriage, if any)
III) The marriage itself (What has likely to taken place and causes the break down in marriage)
IV) Her overall circumstances/relationship between her and her family (Harmony or in conflicts?)
V) Both of your astrological sign.
P.S: If you know more about it, feel free to describe more.
Cheers -
the kids lor.Originally posted by Bontakun:Woah...
What extra baggages you toking?