I love her, I love her not...
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And you call them "extra baggages"...Originally posted by browniebaobao:the kids lor. -
Mmh can't answer all points but I try.Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I agree with Fudgy's reply.
If you can overcome the stigma of rearing 'someone else's' children - there shouldn't be a problem.
The problem with society is that people are generally self absorbed. Everything is quantified - your children is not my children that sort of things? If you have cases where kids dump their BIOLOGICAL parents to the old folks home or leaving them in a lurch, you would probably understand that the karmic debts between the parent and the child has nothing to do with their biological nature.
I have no issue with your relationship with her; but if it's possible, I would like to know more about her:
I) Her overall relationship history (Other ex-bfs, the length of it, the process)
II) BGR relationship with her ex-hubby. (Dated how long, likely external reason for marriage, if any)
III) The marriage itself (What has likely to taken place and causes the break down in marriage)
IV) Her overall circumstances/relationship between her and her family (Harmony or in conflicts?)
V) Both of your astrological sign.
P.S: If you know more about it, feel free to describe more.
Cheers
1) This one not sure. Think had 2 bf in school. Married with the 2nd guy.
2) I think they dated for 4 months only.
3) The husband was very abusive and good for nothing. Did nothing to help the family.
4) She on very good terms with family, I also like her family members as all very friendly.
5) I'm a virgo and she's libra. -
most ple will say 'extra baggages' mah.Originally posted by Bontakun:And you call them "extra baggages"... -
Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:Mmh can't answer all points but I try.
1) This one not sure. Think had 2 bf in school. Married with the 2nd guy.
2) I think they dated for 4 months only.
3) The husband was very abusive and good for nothing. Did nothing to help the family.
4) She on very good terms with family, I also like her family members as all very friendly.
5) I'm a virgo and she's libra. Why would she agree to a marriage when they have only dated 4 months? Any reason to spark to marital proposal? How old is she when that happen and how long is the marriage?
How old is everybody currently? (You, him and her).
Cheers -
The marriage was about 4-5 years, during which she has the 2 kids, now is 5 and 4 years respectively. They separated about 3 years ago during which she took care of the kids. Don't know when was the official divorce.Originally posted by Yunhaier: Why would she agree to a marriage when they have only dated 4 months? Any reason to spark to marital proposal? How old is she when that happen and how long is the marriage?
How old is everybody currently? (You, him and her).
Cheers
I am 26+, she is 27, think he is 30? -
They sae it coz they never consider the feelings of da little kids wat. And they watch too much tv...Originally posted by browniebaobao:most ple will say 'extra baggages' mah.
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this will b tough leh. really tough. not juz financially.
maybe u have to endure unpleasant comments from people also.[tv dramas always like tt]
BUT,
after the two girls grow up liao den everything is worth it la.
wahhhh this is so cliche... -
Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:The marriage was about 4-5 years, during which she has the 2 kids, now is 5 and 4 years respectively. They separated about 3 years ago during which she took care of the kids. Don't know when was the official divorce.
I am 26+, she is 27, think he is 30? Lastly, was it a shotgun marriage?
Cheers -
I hope its not... Coz I have seen many such cases and so far non have happy "endings"...Originally posted by Yunhaier: Lastly, was it a shotgun marriage?
Cheers -
Nope it wasn't a shotgun marriage. Think some spur of the moment think.Originally posted by Yunhaier: Lastly, was it a shotgun marriage?
Cheers -
$1800?Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:Nope, if it's $3000 I wouldn't have any worries. It's $1800. Now you know why I am sad and helpless. She is working as a hotel recep so the hours also quite long.
haha. no worries. Your kids can always apply for future subsidies.
But of course, they cant enjoy most of the luxuries. But what matters is that the whole family is united and together. I have a relative with 3 kids and 2 elderly parents to support with a monthly income of $1400. They are doing just as well.
So dont give up due to these porblems. Life is forever full of unforseen obstacles. Its a matter of whether you stay and solve or run and hide. -
Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:Nope it wasn't a shotgun marriage. Think some spur of the moment think. Early and hasty marriages, especially when love isn't ready to evolve itself into the next level, are recipes for difficult marriage.
Haste is produced in Uranus-influenced relationship - Divorce is Uranus triggered event.
*** To me, it's the ego you are questioning.
Sure, there's love - but when you spoke about your lack of confidence with regards to financial support for the two kids, you hesitated. Logically speaking, if you were to give up this relationship, the mother will shoulder this burden alone and chances are, she wouldn't be able to cope... in time to come.
With your support, wouldn't the children be better off having an additional person to:
I) Represent a fatherly figure in the house
II) Additional income for the household.
III) A man who truly loves a woman and is able to accept her past.
You are thinking that she could find someone richer, in monetary sense, to ease her burden. Seriously, it wouldn't be too difficult to find some guy richer, but it wouldn't be so... for a man to accept a woman with complicating relationship background and to have her kids bond well... like you do.
Your confusion is because your masculine nature is challenged. Money... kids that isn't your own... a divorcee.... etc. I believe such considerations are a subconscious thingy - much as you may hate to admit, they are indeed part of your thoughts.
Your friends are against the relationship because once you chose this path, your journey will be arduous. Their advices are based on logics.
But is Love logical?
You make decision based on how you want your life to veer into. A successful marriage doesn't always mean that you must marry a first love or indulge in some fairy tale relationship - it simply means that people are willing to work to make things happen with deep, cultivated love as a motivator.
No money... can work, can save, can rob, can borrow, can beg.
No love... nothing can substitute.
Difficult decisions are not easy to make, but when make them, make sure you surmount your challenges. If love doesn't give you the courage to take on the problem head on, then I suggest you follow the main-stream, pack your bag and forget about this.
If you want to be with this woman, you got to battle everything that love's cosmic lesson is going to throw in your way. And trust me, it will throw EVERYTHING possible.
Think about it.
Cheers -
Yunnie... every time you mention "cosmic" in your explaination, I can't help but picture "Star Wars" in it......
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Originally posted by Bontakun:Yunnie... every time you mention "cosmic" in your explaination, I can't help but picture "Star Wars" in it......
*** Cosmic lesson are reasons for growth in relationship.
Relationship do not 'grow' from nothing.
Love is spiritual.
Cheers -
$1800 per month? Ok what. How much u earn and support yr family is depend on the mentality of the couple and yr partner. If she cannot take hardship and want good life. Even you earn $10000 per month also cannot satisfy her.
If what she wants is a reliable man,a man who really loves her. A man who really gives her yr best. No matter,how much you earn will not be very critical to her... Most critical is you love and care for her! As what some other say,don afford luxuries and yr finacial abilities can handle it.
I remember a lot of gys saying they wanted to make a mark for themselves before they will marry their gal. Cos they want to give her the best,let them live in bungalow,drive big car so that she will no be under the shade and work so hard. Having a maid to serve her and she having all the necessary money to buy her wanted items. But I ask them if u are so sucessful,will u have the time to acc her? They just answer me back. ' Aiyo! All those thing will compensate her! What's most important is don't let her take hardship...' But is this what really yr future wife want if she can afford everything she want but staying inside a empty big house without u by her side? If she is a materialisti gal,I will say 'Yes' but is she that type? What she really wants?
Remember to give her what she wants and not what u want to gives her! -
i thought about this again after i logged out..
u were together with her for such a short period of time only.. why would she let her kids call u papa?
is she in a hurry to look for a a father for her children and give her sense of security and comfort or does she really love you? -
Originally posted by Bontakun:They sae it coz they never consider the feelings of da little kids wat. And they watch too much tv...
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u think i like to call children 'baggages' ar?
i also pity the mother and children de ok.
but in this case, i think most men will call them baggages wat.
even threadstarter mentioned that it's funny they called him papa coz they are not his own. -
For a start, don't focus on what you cannot do. There are 1001 things that you definitely cannot do and there will be no end to it.
Sit down and focus on what you and your partner can do together going forward. If the picture you are getting is what you want, go for it.
Don't listen to your friends lah... they are not the one marrying her.
BTW, I'm a father of two. It doesn't cost a lot to bring up two kids if you know what they really need and what they don't. My dad was a hawker who have to bring up four kids. Two went to Uni and two did well on their own after Pre-U. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Yes I must agree I've hesitated partly because of what my friends are telling me. Sometimes the more I listen to them the more confused I get. But I was also thinking, should a woman with children be loved less? I think no right? She is no matter what still a human with feelings...
You are thinking that she could find someone richer, in monetary sense, to ease her burden. Seriously, it wouldn't be too difficult to find some guy richer, but it wouldn't be so... for a man to accept a woman with complicating relationship background and to have her kids bond well... like you do.
Your confusion is because your masculine nature is challenged. Money... kids that isn't your own... a divorcee.... etc. I believe such considerations are a subconscious thingy - much as you may hate to admit, they are indeed part of your thoughts.
Your friends are against the relationship because once you chose this path, your journey will be arduous. Their advices are based on logics.
But when I think of the possibilities, the one with her in my life seems more beautiful... -
It may be odd for them to call him pops, but its something the person in the center stage has to decide. Its difficult in financial terms, but I can understand the standing of the woman. Its hard for her too.Originally posted by browniebaobao:
u think i like to call children 'baggages' ar?
i also pity the mother and children de ok.
but in this case, i think most men will call them baggages wat.
even threadstarter mentioned that it's funny they called him papa coz they are not his own. -
go slow... don't be so anxious to dive into a serious relationship yet cos you still have many years ahead of you.
correct me if i'm wrong, but i've always felt that wooing a girl when she's undergoing what could possibly be the most turbulent times in her life is a rather fatal thing to do. the relationship could then go both ways: ideally, the feelings could be mutual and she has grown to love you. on the other hand, she could have taken it on herself to love you for all the affection and care you have showered on her during these troubled times. The latter scenario does not exhibit true love but rather her vulnerability and susceptibility to what may seem like an offer promising provision for both mother and children... -
For her actually she don't ask for much, just a simple life will do. We don't eat out in restaurants but cook our own. But think it's my own ego, I want to give the 2 little angels a good life. Hehe children do make you smile, many young couples don't know what they are missing out in their married life...Originally posted by CannyOng:I remember a lot of gys saying they wanted to make a mark for themselves before they will marry their gal. Cos they want to give her the best,let them live in bungalow,drive big car so that she will no be under the shade and work so hard. Having a maid to serve her and she having all the necessary money to buy her wanted items. But I ask them if u are so sucessful,will u have the time to acc her? They just answer me back. ' Aiyo! All those thing will compensate her! What's most important is don't let her take hardship...' But is this what really yr future wife want if she can afford everything she want but staying inside a empty big house without u by her side? If she is a materialisti gal,I will say 'Yes' but is she that type? What she really wants?
Remember to give her what she wants and not what u want to gives her!
Ok, I seem to be clearer in what I want. Thank you so much all those who have replied to my thread... I look forward to this little family of mine.
Mmh maybe those who have friends with same experience can post them here. Hope to learn more about possible obstacles so I learn to overcome them... now am worried but excited. -
Hehe maybe because I'm with them nearly evening. The 2 angels does bring color in my life. Haiz maybe it's because see her smile when I play with the 2 little ones also make me smile.Originally posted by browniebaobao:i thought about this again after i logged out..
u were together with her for such a short period of time only.. why would she let her kids call u papa?
is she in a hurry to look for a a father for her children and give her sense of security and comfort or does she really love you?
Sometimes it makes me wonder which I will choose. True love (happiness) or wealth. I know in Singapore no money =
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But $$$ cant get you everything you want, well... maybe can get you all materialistic stuffs... you know...Originally posted by bigmouthjoe:Hehe maybe because I'm with them nearly evening. The 2 angels does bring color in my life. Haiz maybe it's because see her smile when I play with the 2 little ones also make me smile.
Sometimes it makes me wonder which I will choose. True love (happiness) or wealth. I know in Singapore no money = -
money isn't the answer to everything. But you can't do without it.Originally posted by Bontakun:But $$$ cant get you everything you want, well... maybe can get you all materialistic stuffs... you know...
nowofdays society is so competitive... many parents are sending their kids to classes to give them a headstart in life... and all these need money.
and when the kids go to school, they will need a psp or at least a gameboy to socialize with their friends... this costs money too. not to mention their food, pocket money etc.
kids are reallyy cumbersome. although they offer plenty of joy, they are also a serious strain to ones finances.