Friendship dilemma...

• NeverSayGoodBye

  1 Jan 07, 12:36

  ..... My close female friend (only friend nothing more) good buddy had been pissing me off for a long time. She knows this buddy much more longer than me. But she is very nice to me too. We always hang out together in the same pub and this buddy can be friendly when she is around, always act innocent. At times when she is not around to join us, this buddy will changed into another person, treat me like invisible or totally ignore me when i talk to him.
  
  He had been doing this for three years now, many times i thought of not joining them but keep holding back cause i value my friendship with my female friend. I am angry is not how he treated me, but the way he behaved behind my female friend. In my opinion he is not giving my female friend the right respect for treating her friend badly.
  
  Actually i wanted to tell my female friend about this, so that she won't mistaken that it was her fault if i decided to quit the group. Another thing is i am afraid if i tell her, i may disrupt her close friendship with this buddy or she might not believe me. She also treat this buddy as buddy nothing more.
  
  So should i tell her or shouldn't i??
• browniebaobao

  1 Jan 07, 13:40

  is it bcos he can't open up to u?
  
  or is he juz putting on an act to show ur fren that he enjoys the company of her frens? is he interested in her?
• Ito_^

  1 Jan 07, 13:44

  ps did you post this before?
• NeverSayGoodBye

  1 Jan 07, 16:06

  Originally posted by browniebaobao:

  is it bcos he can't open up to u?
  
  or is he juz putting on an act to show ur fren that he enjoys the company of her frens? is he interested in her?

  ..... I can understand if he can't open up to me, can you imagine he shake everyone's hand and always avoid my way. I can be right infront of him yet he can be bo chap. But i sui sui still go and shake his hand automatically.
  
  I agreed with you that he will put an act to show he enjoys the company of my female friend, whenever she brought someone new in the group. No matter how hard i tried to please him, he will still ignore me. I believed he is super jealous that my female is also very nice to me.
  
  Nope, they are only buddy buddy, nothing more, the girl had told him before.
• NeverSayGoodBye

  1 Jan 07, 16:07

  Originally posted by Ito_^:

  ps did you post this before?

  .....yeah some friendship problem, but different situation from this one. wah you very alert man
• Devil1976

  2 Jan 07, 00:12

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  ..... My close female friend (only friend nothing more) good buddy had been pissing me off for a long time. She knows this buddy much more longer than me. But she is very nice to me too. We always hang out together in the same pub and this buddy can be friendly when she is around, always act innocent. At times when she is not around to join us, this buddy will changed into another person, treat me like invisible or totally ignore me when i talk to him.
  
  He had been doing this for three years now, many times i thought of not joining them but keep holding back cause i value my friendship with my female friend. I am angry is not how he treated me, but the way he behaved behind my female friend. In my opinion he is not giving my female friend the right respect for treating her friend badly.
  
  Actually i wanted to tell my female friend about this, so that she won't mistaken that it was her fault if i decided to quit the group. Another thing is i am afraid if i tell her, i may disrupt her close friendship with this buddy or she might not believe me. She also treat this buddy as buddy nothing more.
  
  So should i tell her or shouldn't i??

  Mmm. Why have you let this guy bother you so much
• browniebaobao

  2 Jan 07, 00:16

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  ..... I can understand if he can't open up to me, can you imagine he shake everyone's hand and always avoid my way. I can be right infront of him yet he can be bo chap. But i sui sui still go and shake his hand automatically.
  
  I agreed with you that he will put an act to show he enjoys the company of my female friend, whenever she brought someone new in the group. No matter how hard i tried to please him, he will still ignore me. I believed he is super jealous that my female is also very nice to me.
  
  Nope, they are only buddy buddy, nothing more, the girl had told him before.

  no offence.. but is ur female fren very pretty?
  
  and how abt u? juz a plain girl?
  
  some guys are very shallow.. only pay attention to pretty girls.
• NeverSayGoodBye

  2 Jan 07, 10:44

  Originally posted by browniebaobao:

  no offence.. but is ur female fren very pretty?
  
  and how abt u? juz a plain girl?
  
  some guys are very shallow.. only pay attention to pretty girls.

  ..... sorry i am a guy. My female friend average looking but have a cheerful personality.
• NeverSayGoodBye

  2 Jan 07, 11:08

  Originally posted by Devil1976:

  Mmm. Why have you let this guy bother you so much

  .....good question devil... I didn't let him bother me actually, it's hard to mix around in the same group when someone keep treating you like an outcast. There will be tension and you don't get to enjoy much with this kind of atmosphere. In fact i had ignore him from now on, and also decided to join other group whenever he is around. I am afraid that my female friend will mistaken that i am proud or don't like her company.
  
  This guy bothered me it is because it involved my close female friend. If she is just a normal friend then i can't be bother long time ago. That's why i want to tell her it's not her but it's him that i decided not to join them. Not sure what her reaction be if i told her??? Good friends are hard to come by these day, just wanna thread carefully.
• dokono

  2 Jan 07, 11:30

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  .....good question devil... I didn't let him bother me actually, it's hard to mix around in the same group when someone keep treating you like an outcast. There will be tension and you don't get to enjoy much with this kind of atmosphere. In fact i had ignore him from now on, and also decided to join other group whenever he is around. I am afraid that my female friend will mistaken that i am proud or don't like her company.
  
  This guy bothered me it is because it involved my close female friend. If she is just a normal friend then i can't be bother long time ago. That's why i want to tell her it's not her but it's him that i decided not to join them. Not sure what her reaction be if i told her??? Good friends are hard to come by these day, just wanna thread carefully.

  But it's not as if he is the boss of the whole group, why do you find it difficult?
  
  I believe there's no harm in telling your female friend tactfully, just don't make a big mess of it. If she's a real friend, I don't see why she would not listen to you.
  
  Meanwhile, you don't have to really ignore him. Show that you are in control. You just don't have to talk to him. Acknowledge his existence, nothing more.
  
  doko
• NuTcRaCk

  2 Jan 07, 11:32

  from wat i cn see... dun tell her...
  just do somethin like askin her out as usual but when she prompt to ask the other guy out u just react like not very happy. soon she'll ask u n den u cn tell her. den tell her it's up to her to believe, but she has to observe him.
  den towards treatin the guy, u cn always fake a smile whenever he talks to u, soon he'll get the idea dat u ain't happy abt his att.
  
  but on the bright side, he's jealous of u bein as close as him to her. so... it proves dat u have an influence towards her also..
• Bontakun

  2 Jan 07, 11:37

  Have you tried to talk to this guy friend of yours/hers? Have a normal chat then slowly change topic to this concern you have. As long as you approach with no offensive posture or malice, maybe he will tell you?
  
  However if he is still the same and treat you with indifference, I suggest you talk to your girl friend next.
  
  If I am you, I would NOT talk to the girl friend first for it may bring some kind of awkwardness, discomfort and strain in the relationship between all 3 sides. By approaching the guy 1st, I have already attempt to address the issue with the guy beforehand and treated him with prior respect.
  
  If he ignores me, then I have no option but to tell the girl about this issue and see if this situation can come to a compromise.
• browniebaobao

  2 Jan 07, 13:03

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  ..... sorry i am a guy. My female friend average looking but have a cheerful personality.

  har?
  
  hahahaha..
  
  but are u gay?
  
  or u are closer to the fren of yours?
  
  or u are more good looking or doing better?
  
  seriously if it's a man thing, i wun know.
• NeverSayGoodBye

  2 Jan 07, 16:07

  Originally posted by dokono:

  But it's not as if he is the boss of the whole group, why do you find it difficult?
  
  I believe there's no harm in telling your female friend tactfully, just don't make a big mess of it. If she's a real friend, I don't see why she would not listen to you.
  
  Meanwhile, you don't have to really ignore him. Show that you are in control. You just don't have to talk to him. Acknowledge his existence, nothing more.
  
  doko

  ......haha there is no boss in my group. I am thinking of a way to tell her. I had reached a stage when i see him i just want to punch his face. This kind of guy make me real sick.
• NeverSayGoodBye

  2 Jan 07, 16:16

  Originally posted by NuTcRaCk:

  from wat i cn see... dun tell her...
  just do somethin like askin her out as usual but when she prompt to ask the other guy out u just react like not very happy. soon she'll ask u n den u cn tell her. den tell her it's up to her to believe, but she has to observe him.
  den towards treatin the guy, u cn always fake a smile whenever he talks to u, soon he'll get the idea dat u ain't happy abt his att.
  
  but on the bright side, he's jealous of u bein as close as him to her. so... it proves dat u have an influence towards her also..

  ..... i am a straight forward person. If i don't like you i show it. I don't know how and don't like to put on a mask. We meet up on christmas and new years eve. I went round wishing everybody except him, so he should get the idea by now. For three years i had offer my friendship to him, he blew it. It's time to regain my self respect back.
  
  ..... i agreed on your last paragraph, though he knew this girl much longer than me, but i had greater influence on her. Jealous for what right? After all we are only good friend nothing more, and this very clear.
• NeverSayGoodBye

  2 Jan 07, 16:22

  Originally posted by Bontakun:

  Have you tried to talk to this guy friend of yours/hers? Have a normal chat then slowly change topic to this concern you have. As long as you approach with no offensive posture or malice, maybe he will tell you?
  
  However if he is still the same and treat you with indifference, I suggest you talk to your girl friend next.
  
  If I am you, I would NOT talk to the girl friend first for it may bring some kind of awkwardness, discomfort and strain in the relationship between all 3 sides. By approaching the guy 1st, I have already attempt to address the issue with the guy beforehand and treated him with prior respect.
  
  If he ignores me, then I have no option but to tell the girl about this issue and see if this situation can come to a compromise.

  .....i tried many times liao. No effect. Delicate situation, a friendship triangle where by each and everyone is close in a certain way.
• NeverSayGoodBye

  2 Jan 07, 16:33

  Originally posted by browniebaobao:

  har?
  
  hahahaha..
  
  but are u gay?
  
  or u are closer to the fren of yours?
  
  or u are more good looking or doing better?
  
  seriously if it's a man thing, i wun know.

  ..... ermmm..am i gay? hahaha this must be funniest joke i hear in 2007. I am as straight as a bamboo stick, i love girls too much to be a gay. You can say i am close to this girl just like her buddy. It's a man's thing with a dash of feminity. If all are guys then easy to solve, when a girl is in between much more difficult. How often can you find a close platonic female relationship? It is very special than a guy's friendship.
• Bontakun

  2 Jan 07, 19:40

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  .....i tried many times liao. No effect. Delicate situation, a friendship triangle where by each and everyone is close in a certain way.

  Then let me ask you a few questions:
  
  Would you want this situation to remain as it is?
  
  Would you prefer to tell your girl friend since "confronting" him had no effects with regards to the situation?
  
  OR
  
  Would you leave this group if you do not wish to tell her after having a futile talk with him?
  
  
• Patrik

  2 Jan 07, 19:44

  He jealous of u la.
  
• Ito_^

  2 Jan 07, 21:36

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  .....yeah some friendship problem, but different situation from this one. wah you very alert man

  quite amazed its still happening too. i supposed if i were u, i'd juz return the same attitude back.
• browniebaobao

  2 Jan 07, 21:50

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  ..... ermmm..am i gay? hahaha this must be funniest joke i hear in 2007. I am as straight as a bamboo stick, i love girls too much to be a gay. You can say i am close to this girl just like her buddy. It's a man's thing with a dash of feminity. If all are guys then easy to solve, when a girl is in between much more difficult. How often can you find a close platonic female relationship? It is very special than a guy's friendship.

  bamboo stick too hard liao..
  
  hmm platonic frenship ar.. to me, it's not difficult lor. but of course, im not the type of girl that will have 2 guys getting jealous over me.
  
  could be that guy is interested in her and therefore dun like u lor, coz u too close to her liao. =x
• Devil1976

  3 Jan 07, 00:24

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  .....good question devil... I didn't let him bother me actually, it's hard to mix around in the same group when someone keep treating you like an outcast. There will be tension and you don't get to enjoy much with this kind of atmosphere. In fact i had ignore him from now on, and also decided to join other group whenever he is around. I am afraid that my female friend will mistaken that i am proud or don't like her company.
  
  This guy bothered me it is because it involved my close female friend. If she is just a normal friend then i can't be bother long time ago. That's why i want to tell her it's not her but it's him that i decided not to join them. Not sure what her reaction be if i told her??? Good friends are hard to come by these day, just wanna thread carefully.

  If it's her you're more concerned with, I'm quite sure there might be other ways to keep this friend of yours?
• FBI

  3 Jan 07, 00:26

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  ..... I can understand if he can't open up to me, can you imagine he shake everyone's hand and always avoid my way. I can be right infront of him yet he can be bo chap. But i sui sui still go and shake his hand automatically.
  
  I agreed with you that he will put an act to show he enjoys the company of my female friend, whenever she brought someone new in the group. No matter how hard i tried to please him, he will still ignore me. I believed he is super jealous that my female is also very nice to me.
  
  Nope, they are only buddy buddy, nothing more, the girl had told him before.

  seriously i think that he's treating u as a love rival and refuse to speak to u.
  
  how narrow minded he is!
  
  and one thing, he likes her for sure!
  
  and mayb u too!
• NeverSayGoodBye

  3 Jan 07, 11:00

  Originally posted by Bontakun:

  Then let me ask you a few questions:
  
  Would you want this situation to remain as it is?
  
  Would you prefer to tell your girl friend since "confronting" him had no effects with regards to the situation?
  
  OR
  
  Would you leave this group if you do not wish to tell her after having a futile talk with him?
  
  

  .....I had cancelled him out for good. I bend until i cannot bend anymore. From now i will mix with other group of friends when we are in the same pub, and let her ask me why i don't join her group. Then i will tell her the real reason. In fact i enjoy more with other group of friends, everyone is easy going.
• NeverSayGoodBye

  3 Jan 07, 11:07

  Originally posted by browniebaobao:

  bamboo stick too hard liao..
  
  hmm platonic frenship ar.. to me, it's not difficult lor. but of course, im not the type of girl that will have 2 guys getting jealous over me.
  
  could be that guy is interested in her and therefore dun like u lor, coz u too close to her liao. =x

  .....too hard?? you got softer version? can recommend?
  
  Platonic friendship got different levels you know, some are just buddy buddy type nothing deep, some are so close that people can mistaken both of you are a couple which actually it is not. The latter one is more special.
  
  Well of course you won't let two guys get jealous over you, you married both of them