I need some advice...
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I came across this forum by chance and I think I really in need of some advice and help desperately.
I'm a guy age 27. I've been contemplating suicide many times over the past 1 year. Reason I'm holding back is because of my parents who are in their 60s and I'm the only son. I know if their only son is to commit suicide, they will be really heart broken and devastated and will drive them to their grave.
I hold a degree, have a managerial job in a telco company, earning a decent salary and performance well. My parents and 2 sisters shower me with care and love. Even though I have few close friends yet they are always there for me. But I'm still not contented and not happy. Cos what I'm seeking for is a gf who hopefully can me by future wife. Someone can loves me, treasure me and appreciate me deeply. Even though i'm consider good looking with a height of 1.75m, yet, after years of searching and trying, It all ended with a nought. I don't ask for much, just someone with decent looks, someone I can communicate and feel comfortable with.
Yet scars after scars, my heart just get more and more numb. From a humours and talkative guy, over years I have changed to a different person - quite and reserved person. Alot of things I just keep to myself. I lock myself in my room most of the time if not go out and drink myself silly. Even though I'm always out clubbing I do not approach gals cos I guess it will only make myself look stupid and most importantly I think I cannot handle rejections.
Recently I know a gal through friendster and we went out a couple of times. She's a cheerful, jovial person, someone I truly feel happy and comfortable with. I thought she's the one for me even though she's older by 2yrs.
She's currently taking a part-time degree and she told me whenever she has class she doesn't take dinner. This afternoon I ask her if I can meet for her dinner after class at 10pm. She agreed yet and I went there at 8:30pm, worrying that the class may end early. Yet at 9pm, she asked me to go home first even though I told her I'm already there waiting for her. What's wrong with me???!! What have I done to deserve this??!! Why must it bring pains and disappointment for being nice to someone you like??!!
Perhaps I moving towards depression or maybe I'm already into it. Nevertheless, I have still harbour the dream to marry and have kids before 30yr old. I really don't know if I can hang on long enough to see this day comes. -
you are too anxious. nuff said
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Wah you have somebody who will reject you. Mine didn't bother to reply SMS!
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are you sure that not being able to get a gf is the reason as to why you wanna commit suicide?
are there any other reasons?
have you tried talking to a friend or someone about your problem? -
friendster?
seems like u are probably looking in the wrong places.......... -
In all honesty, I think you may have some issues with anxiety. The fact that you worry that her class may end early even though you already know that it ends at 10pm says quite a lot. Come on... surely not many classes are going to end 1 1/2 hours early?
And she messaged you at 9pm because she certainly doesn't expect you to be already waiting for her at that time. For all you know her class may be ending later than usual or her mum might want her to come home early. Why don't you just stop and try to rationalise things properly before jumping to all sorts of conclusions?
Here's my advice to you: first thing tomorrow morning, make an appointment with a professional counsellor. You need some proper counselling to help deal with your anxiety issues and suicidal thoughts.
At the very least, please call the Samaritans of Singapore at this number:
1800 221 4444 -
u need to stop harboring such thoughts about settling down fast. Its totally uncalled for.. getting urself stressed up over nothing (ur zealousness goes the wrong way and it probably scares the gals off).
U'r only 27.. not 47. Be more open-minded. Don't go around making friends with intentions of getting hitch. Take it easy, dude. -
Dude u need professional help!
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS)
1800 221 4444
24 hours daily
more help here:
http://www.imyc.org.sg/contact_helpline.html -
For a guy, you are really still young. have some patience, you will find HER.
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Fwah, you meet her at 10 and you already started to wait for her at 8.30. Power lah you. Too much free time ah?
Damn it, if only all my friends are like you. -
ya, actually i think so too. if a guy does that, i will feel very uneasy.Originally posted by mase101:Fwah, you meet her at 10 and you already started to wait for her at 8.30. Power lah you. Too much free time ah?
Damn it, if only all my friends are like you. -
What you need to do is really slow things down. You are putting yourself into a pressure spot.Originally posted by melmel17:I came across this forum by chance and I think I really in need of some advice and help desperately.
I'm a guy age 27. I've been contemplating suicide many times over the past 1 year. Reason I'm holding back is because of my parents who are in their 60s and I'm the only son. I know if their only son is to commit suicide, they will be really heart broken and devastated and will drive them to their grave.
I hold a degree, have a managerial job in a telco company, earning a decent salary and performance well. My parents and 2 sisters shower me with care and love. Even though I have few close friends yet they are always there for me. But I'm still not contented and not happy. Cos what I'm seeking for is a gf who hopefully can me by future wife. Someone can loves me, treasure me and appreciate me deeply. Even though i'm consider good looking with a height of 1.75m, yet, after years of searching and trying, It all ended with a nought. I don't ask for much, just someone with decent looks, someone I can communicate and feel comfortable with.
Yet scars after scars, my heart just get more and more numb. From a humours and talkative guy, over years I have changed to a different person - quite and reserved person. Alot of things I just keep to myself. I lock myself in my room most of the time if not go out and drink myself silly. Even though I'm always out clubbing I do not approach gals cos I guess it will only make myself look stupid and most importantly I think I cannot handle rejections.
Recently I know a gal through friendster and we went out a couple of times. She's a cheerful, jovial person, someone I truly feel happy and comfortable with. I thought she's the one for me even though she's older by 2yrs.
She's currently taking a part-time degree and she told me whenever she has class she doesn't take dinner. This afternoon I ask her if I can meet for her dinner after class at 10pm. She agreed yet and I went there at 8:30pm, worrying that the class may end early. Yet at 9pm, she asked me to go home first even though I told her I'm already there waiting for her. What's wrong with me???!! What have I done to deserve this??!! Why must it bring pains and disappointment for being nice to someone you like??!!
Perhaps I moving towards depression or maybe I'm already into it. Nevertheless, I have still harbour the dream to marry and have kids before 30yr old. I really don't know if I can hang on long enough to see this day comes.
Take your time and enjoy yourself.
She asked you to go home?
You know what? She's out!
doko -
is she ur girlfriend officially or at the wooing stage?
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ya, x2. dun waste your time.Originally posted by dokono:What you need to do is really slow things down. You are putting yourself into a pressure spot.
Take your time and enjoy yourself.
She asked you to go home?
You know what? She's out!
doko
next please! -
well, did she know that he was already waiting for her?Originally posted by dokono:What you need to do is really slow things down. You are putting yourself into a pressure spot.
Take your time and enjoy yourself.
She asked you to go home?
You know what? She's out!
doko
did she call him out again later?
perhaps she was being nice by calling him to go home first as she didnt want him to wait so long?
the TS didnt give us any details on that.
we cant just assume that the girl is being horrible... -
Ok, the girl is out in my book.Originally posted by udontknowme:well, did she know that he was already waiting for her?
did she call him out again later?
perhaps she was being nice by calling him to go home first as she didnt want him to wait so long?
the TS didnt give us any details on that.
we cant just assume that the girl is being horrible...
Here he was, being nice(perhaps too nice) and she agreed to meet him. Then she pulled a stunt on him. wtf??
It is obvious the girl lost interest in him. If not, she would have stayed later to meet him. Girls seldom say things directly like: "I don't like you. You are not my type."
But the guy really need to slow things down.
doko -
dude, 27 is still young leh. watch this video and you'll know the reason. It lie in one word. Pay attention to the speech given.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zqW8gge3FE
good luck -
girls... the more you want, the more you don't get. But you should have no trouble dating girls wat... just take it easy and enjoy the process.
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Hey dude, you are actually quite fortunate. Why are u focusing on the half-glass empty??Originally posted by melmel17:I came across this forum by chance and I think I really in need of some advice and help desperately.
I'm a guy age 27. I've been contemplating suicide many times over the past 1 year. Reason I'm holding back is because of my parents who are in their 60s and I'm the only son. I know if their only son is to commit suicide, they will be really heart broken and devastated and will drive them to their grave.
I hold a degree, have a managerial job in a telco company, earning a decent salary and performance well. My parents and 2 sisters shower me with care and love. Even though I have few close friends yet they are always there for me. But I'm still not contented and not happy. Cos what I'm seeking for is a gf who hopefully can me by future wife. Someone can loves me, treasure me and appreciate me deeply. Even though i'm consider good looking with a height of 1.75m, yet, after years of searching and trying, It all ended with a nought. I don't ask for much, just someone with decent looks, someone I can communicate and feel comfortable with.
Yet scars after scars, my heart just get more and more numb. From a humours and talkative guy, over years I have changed to a different person - quite and reserved person. Alot of things I just keep to myself. I lock myself in my room most of the time if not go out and drink myself silly. Even though I'm always out clubbing I do not approach gals cos I guess it will only make myself look stupid and most importantly I think I cannot handle rejections.
Recently I know a gal through friendster and we went out a couple of times. She's a cheerful, jovial person, someone I truly feel happy and comfortable with. I thought she's the one for me even though she's older by 2yrs.
She's currently taking a part-time degree and she told me whenever she has class she doesn't take dinner. This afternoon I ask her if I can meet for her dinner after class at 10pm. She agreed yet and I went there at 8:30pm, worrying that the class may end early. Yet at 9pm, she asked me to go home first even though I told her I'm already there waiting for her. What's wrong with me???!! What have I done to deserve this??!! Why must it bring pains and disappointment for being nice to someone you like??!!
Perhaps I moving towards depression or maybe I'm already into it. Nevertheless, I have still harbour the dream to marry and have kids before 30yr old. I really don't know if I can hang on long enough to see this day comes.
Do i need to remind you that you have a decent job & salary, siblings and parents who showered love to you and friends whom cared for you. There are many meaningful things in life than having a BGR.
As long ur heart is filled with love and compassion for the human beings around you, you Will never feel lonely. There are people who are constantly surrounded by friends but yet complained that they are lonely.
If you are looking for people who can talk to and desire for there genuine human connection, why not try talking to your sister or someone u can trust regarding about your problems. Don't keep all things and carry all the pains to yourself. You must learn to see things lightly and letting go of unneccessary emotional debris.
oh btw i feel that you do not need to feel so hurt because that she can't meet up with you.. i really see it as 'a small matter to get so grossly upset with'. It's really a small matter... just let this tiny incident go and move on.In comparison with this tiny incident, there are people who are pretty worse off than you..
BTW the girl didn't really reject you yet right? Maybe she can't meet u for some reasons and do u know what is that? if you don't know, never mind.. don't worry too much and try to be relaxed during dating... jiayou wor..
if she is not interested, then must learn to let go and find "the one" for you. -
Man, I think you're feeling too insecure. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, just relax, be normal.
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That's life. In life, there are bound to have happiness and sadness. you are fortunate to be educated to a degree level and having a good job, but you are not having it easy in your romance, compared to people living in developing or third world countries, your current problem is considered miniscule or insignificant, where HIV, TB, malaria, malnourishment, illiteracy, politicial unstability, poverty and so forth, are afflicting millions of people there.
They would certainly be queuing up to take your place in your current status and identity in Singapore, no doubt.
Everybody are bound to have their setbacks along the way, whether in love life, career, health, education, status and so forth, you have to face them upfront. By choosing death abeit an easier way out of your problems, its a coward way of escaping your current problems. You have to face up your problems bravely and not by escaping via death, it still wouldnt solve your problem and your parents will be heartbroken after giving birth and bringing you up all these years to a nought. I read in the papers that a father grieves his daughter's death so much he himself also passes away shortly after his daughter's demise. You wouldnt want your parents to go down this route, do you, hands in your hearts.
There are a lot of people who are singles, like Creative founder and CEO Sim Wong Woo, PAP MP Irene, Andy Lau (handsome, rich and famous). There is isnt a law to say you can't be single all your life. You have choices in life, to get married or remain single, thats up to you, nobody can dictate you must or mustnt get married.
As for thoughts of death, the more you think of it, the more you will want to go commit suicide. The mind is like a programming language. If you always think negatively, everything is negative before you, and vice versa. If you think that you are useless, then your mind will start to think that you are indeed useless. Thoughts come and go in an instant, they are impermanent.
How about trying meditation or try volunteering.
I think you need help. This is definitely the onset of depression. Go see a counsellor or a psychologist or pyschiatrist. Its ok to see one, doesnt mean you are mad to see one though. Some hollywood actors and actresses also suffer from depression, like bipolar disorder (Robin Williams), manic depression, psychosis, obssesive compulsive disorder (David Beckham) and so forth.
Worries, anxiety, anguish, hatred and other mental defilements that afflict the mind, can reduce a healthy man into fragility and illness. Some of the mental illness are actually self induced, one way or another. A pretty woman and a handsome man with all these mental defilements, can actually reduce their physical appearances into wrinkled and aged very quickly. People will be amazed how a pretty woman can be reduced to a haggard looking woman.
Its proven that mental defilements are poisons, like when you worry or are anguish, you release a chemical into the brain, like serotonins (pardon me if i am wrong). When u sing at KTV, its no coincidence you are happy because you are releasing endorphins to your brain. When you exercise, you also release endorphins to your body. Meditation also does the same thing as well.
Actually, you have a choice whether you want to suffer or not mentally, just by deciding whether you want to be happy or not. The choice is yours truly.
You can break out from this cycle of self pity and depression by snapping out of it, just like that and its simple. Instead of wallowing in self pity and despondent, why not volunteer and help other people in need of help. If you help other people, surely your mind wont have time to wallow in self pity and will be more peaceful and happy. You are trapped and imprisoned by your own thoughts of self pity and fear of rejection. Why not you channel this energy into positive thinking and snap out of this vicious cycle of depression. -
Mind precedes all knowables,
mind's their chief, mind-made are they.
If with a corrupted mind
one should either speak or act
dukkha follows caused by that,
as does the wheel the ox's hoof.
Explanation: All that we experience begins with thought. Our words and deeds spring from thought. If we speak or act with evil thoughts, unpleasant circumstances and experiences inevitably result. Wherever we go, we create bad circumstances because we carry bad thoughts. This is very much like the wheel of a cart following the hoofs of the ox yoked to the cart. The cart-wheel, along with the heavy load of the cart, keeps following the draught oxen. The animal is bound to this heavy load and cannot leave it.
Mind precedes all knowables,
mind's their chief, mind-made are they.
If with a clear, and confident mind
one should speak and act
as one's shadow ne'er departing.
Explanation: All that man experiences springs out of his thoughts. If his thoughts are good, the words and the deeds will also be good. The result of good thoughts , words and deeds will be happiness. This happiness will never leave the person whose thoughts are good. Happiness will always follow him like his shadow that never leaves him. -
The mind is very hard to check
and swift, it falls on what it wants.
The training of the mind is good,
a mind so tamed brings happiness.
Explanation: The mind is exceedingly subtle and is difficult to be seen. It attaches on whatever target it wishes. The wise guard the mind. The guarded mind brings bliss.
Mind agitated, wavering,
hard to guard and hard to check,
one of wisdom renders straight
as arrow-maker a shaft.
The mind is very hard to see
and find, it falls on what it wants.
One whoÂ’s wise should guard the mind,
a guarded mind brings happiness. -
The mind is very hard to check
and swift, it falls on what it wants.
The training of the mind is good,
a mind so tamed brings happiness.
Explanation: The mind is exceedingly subtle and is difficult to be seen. It attaches on whatever target it wishes. The wise guard the mind. The guarded mind brings bliss.
Mind agitated, wavering,
hard to guard and hard to check,
one of wisdom renders straight
as arrow-maker a shaft.
The mind is very hard to see
and find, it falls on what it wants.
One whoÂ’s wise should guard the mind,
a guarded mind brings happiness. -
Understanding the nature of life
Most people dislike facing the true facts of life and prefer to lull themselves into a false sense of security by sweet dreaming and imagining. They mistake the shadow for the substance.
We need a better understanding of our life. We are living a life that does not always proceed as smoothly as we would like it to. Very often, we face problems and difficulties. We should not be afraid of them because the penetration into the very nature of these problems and difficulties can provide us with a deeper insight into life. The worldly happiness in wealth, luxury, respectable positions in life which most people seek is an illusion. The fact that the sale of sleeping pills and tranquilizers, admissions to mental hospital and suicide rates have increased in relation to modern material progress is enough testimony that we have to go beyond worldly, material pleasure to seek for real happiness.
Most of the rich people in the world today are suffering from numerous physical and mental problems. With all the money they have, they cannot buy a solution to their problems. Yet, the poorest men who have learnt to have contentment may enjoy their lives far more than the richest people do. As one rhyme goes:
'Some have too much and yet do crave
I have little and seek no more;
They are but poor though much more they have
And I am rich with little store.
They poor, I rich, they beg, I give;
They lack, I have; they pine, I live.'
Searching for a purpose in life
The aim in life varies among individuals. An artist may aim to paint masterpieces that will live long after he is gone. A scientist may want to discover some laws, formulate a new theory, or invent a new machine. A politician may wish to become a prime minister or a president. A young executive may aim to be a managing director of multinational company. However, when you ask the artist, scientist, politician and the young executive why they aim such, they will reply that these achievements will give them a purpose in life and make them happy. Everyone aims for happiness in life, yet experience shows time and again that its attainment is so elusive.