I need some advice...
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I think you doing well in overall in your personal life and career.
But I think you lack of confidence or rather security in relationship issue. Having say that, there is always a sense of insecurity and fear that you might not be able to find a prospective partner in your future livehood.
If she is someone you like, you got to show your patient and concern incrementally. I understand you may feel rejected after your first attempt in showing some concern over her, but if you really interested in her, preserve your determination and forget this incident and move ahead to pursue in your gaol in life. -
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=227909
Maybe you can read on this forummer problems as well, he is 36 and no gf. -
As for girlfriend, I can advise you, but not sure if you agree to my philosophy.
No big deal not having a gf, but a bid deal not having enough money especially in Singapore.
Since you are a grad, you can join SDU, or other paid dating agencies for their services. SDU have a lot of activities for their members, and if you join their activities regularly, I am sure you will find your soulmate soon.
If you want to get married before 30, how about getting a wife from Vietnam, Myanmar if by then you are not able to find a soulmate.
Sad to say this, appearances does play a part. If you are handsome, no lack of gfs, but if you are ugly, thats it, thats the nature of the world isnt it. Money also apply to this logic. If you are ugly, but rich and drives a ferrari, I guess girls will stick to you like bees attracted to honey.
Heck why do you have to think you have to get married before or at 30 and start a family. There are people who are married at 30, 30 plus or even 40.
If you have this concept of marriage before 30, you are putting yourself under alot of undue pressure and stress.
Would you want to rushed into a marriage, then find that the girl is not your type, or vice versa, personality clashes, no common interests and so forth.
A divorce is both time consuming and expensive for man. Also marriage does not mean married happily after. There are a lot of divorces in Singapore.
Thats life for you
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so what's wrong now? you seem to have figured it all out... chill man... life is good.
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Why so pessimestic? It's not even a rejection what..? Maybe she's just too occupied with school work and didn't want you to wait?Originally posted by melmel17:I came across this forum by chance and I think I really in need of some advice and help desperately.
I'm a guy age 27. I've been contemplating suicide many times over the past 1 year. Reason I'm holding back is because of my parents who are in their 60s and I'm the only son. I know if their only son is to commit suicide, they will be really heart broken and devastated and will drive them to their grave.
I hold a degree, have a managerial job in a telco company, earning a decent salary and performance well. My parents and 2 sisters shower me with care and love. Even though I have few close friends yet they are always there for me. But I'm still not contented and not happy. Cos what I'm seeking for is a gf who hopefully can me by future wife. Someone can loves me, treasure me and appreciate me deeply. Even though i'm consider good looking with a height of 1.75m, yet, after years of searching and trying, It all ended with a nought. I don't ask for much, just someone with decent looks, someone I can communicate and feel comfortable with.
Yet scars after scars, my heart just get more and more numb. From a humours and talkative guy, over years I have changed to a different person - quite and reserved person. Alot of things I just keep to myself. I lock myself in my room most of the time if not go out and drink myself silly. Even though I'm always out clubbing I do not approach gals cos I guess it will only make myself look stupid and most importantly I think I cannot handle rejections.
Recently I know a gal through friendster and we went out a couple of times. She's a cheerful, jovial person, someone I truly feel happy and comfortable with. I thought she's the one for me even though she's older by 2yrs.
She's currently taking a part-time degree and she told me whenever she has class she doesn't take dinner. This afternoon I ask her if I can meet for her dinner after class at 10pm. She agreed yet and I went there at 8:30pm, worrying that the class may end early. Yet at 9pm, she asked me to go home first even though I told her I'm already there waiting for her. What's wrong with me???!! What have I done to deserve this??!! Why must it bring pains and disappointment for being nice to someone you like??!!
Perhaps I moving towards depression or maybe I'm already into it. Nevertheless, I have still harbour the dream to marry and have kids before 30yr old. I really don't know if I can hang on long enough to see this day comes.
Often there's no perfect life in this world... Learn to be CONTENTED... Otherwise you'll probably just be complaining about other things even if ya get a gf of satisfactory...?
I say be fair to yourself and enjoy life... Rejections and failures are just part of life... -
If a girl doesnt likes you, bro, time to move on and chase the next available skirt
There are so many single and available skirts here in Singapore and from elsewhere.
There is mental anguish for one if the gal does not like you, but there is also mental anguish for you if a gal likes you, but you do not like the gal, how ironic -
melmel,
you yourself have stated all the good things in your life, all the things to be happy and grateful for...
learn to embrace your single-hood. learn to love yourself.
nothing turns a gal off more than virtually non-existance self confidence (too much is also a no-no), and desperation.
you just got to know the gal.... take things slow.
get to know her as a FRIEND. if things progress, great you got yourself a gf, if things doesn't, great you got yourself a good friend!
don't focus so much on BGR. let these things come to you. do not chase after it blindly. when u do, even if you get into a relationship, chances are things wont work out and it's time wasted.
Love yourself. BE YOU. don't change just to suit the other party. -
u are good looking and tall eh..Originally posted by melmel17:I came across this forum by chance and I think I really in need of some advice and help desperately.
I'm a guy age 27. I've been contemplating suicide many times over the past 1 year. Reason I'm holding back is because of my parents who are in their 60s and I'm the only son. I know if their only son is to commit suicide, they will be really heart broken and devastated and will drive them to their grave.
I hold a degree, have a managerial job in a telco company, earning a decent salary and performance well. My parents and 2 sisters shower me with care and love. Even though I have few close friends yet they are always there for me. But I'm still not contented and not happy. Cos what I'm seeking for is a gf who hopefully can me by future wife. Someone can loves me, treasure me and appreciate me deeply. Even though i'm consider good looking with a height of 1.75m, yet, after years of searching and trying, It all ended with a nought. I don't ask for much, just someone with decent looks, someone I can communicate and feel comfortable with.
Yet scars after scars, my heart just get more and more numb. From a humours and talkative guy, over years I have changed to a different person - quite and reserved person. Alot of things I just keep to myself. I lock myself in my room most of the time if not go out and drink myself silly. Even though I'm always out clubbing I do not approach gals cos I guess it will only make myself look stupid and most importantly I think I cannot handle rejections.
Recently I know a gal through friendster and we went out a couple of times. She's a cheerful, jovial person, someone I truly feel happy and comfortable with. I thought she's the one for me even though she's older by 2yrs.
She's currently taking a part-time degree and she told me whenever she has class she doesn't take dinner. This afternoon I ask her if I can meet for her dinner after class at 10pm. She agreed yet and I went there at 8:30pm, worrying that the class may end early. Yet at 9pm, she asked me to go home first even though I told her I'm already there waiting for her. What's wrong with me???!! What have I done to deserve this??!! Why must it bring pains and disappointment for being nice to someone you like??!!
Perhaps I moving towards depression or maybe I'm already into it. Nevertheless, I have still harbour the dream to marry and have kids before 30yr old. I really don't know if I can hang on long enough to see this day comes.
so wats bothering u?
anyyway relationship this kind of thing cannot hurry de..
don think too much -
OMG! You're still so young! More possibilities in future, hey dun worry.
It seems like you hv everything going for you (well maybe except for what you've pointed out - your dissatisfaction with your love life). Relax dude. Others hv it much worse. If this gal's not the right one, move on to the next.
I rmb someone's told me the best age for a gal to get married is 30 and the best age for a guy is 35! Cos he had been married by 30 and regret so himself for marrying just to beat the "ideal age" the society carries. So no worries man! You still hv far to go! -
think you think too much , if she have no interest in you she will say no in the first place. Sometime last minute class may drag on so she sms you to go home 1st .... well at least she still remember you and have you in her heart.Originally posted by melmel17:I came across this forum by chance and I think I really in need of some advice and help desperately.
I'm a guy age 27. I've been contemplating suicide many times over the past 1 year. Reason I'm holding back is because of my parents who are in their 60s and I'm the only son. I know if their only son is to commit suicide, they will be really heart broken and devastated and will drive them to their grave.
I hold a degree, have a managerial job in a telco company, earning a decent salary and performance well. My parents and 2 sisters shower me with care and love. Even though I have few close friends yet they are always there for me. But I'm still not contented and not happy. Cos what I'm seeking for is a gf who hopefully can me by future wife. Someone can loves me, treasure me and appreciate me deeply. Even though i'm consider good looking with a height of 1.75m, yet, after years of searching and trying, It all ended with a nought. I don't ask for much, just someone with decent looks, someone I can communicate and feel comfortable with.
Yet scars after scars, my heart just get more and more numb. From a humours and talkative guy, over years I have changed to a different person - quite and reserved person. Alot of things I just keep to myself. I lock myself in my room most of the time if not go out and drink myself silly. Even though I'm always out clubbing I do not approach gals cos I guess it will only make myself look stupid and most importantly I think I cannot handle rejections.
Recently I know a gal through friendster and we went out a couple of times. She's a cheerful, jovial person, someone I truly feel happy and comfortable with. I thought she's the one for me even though she's older by 2yrs.
She's currently taking a part-time degree and she told me whenever she has class she doesn't take dinner. This afternoon I ask her if I can meet for her dinner after class at 10pm. She agreed yet and I went there at 8:30pm, worrying that the class may end early. Yet at 9pm, she asked me to go home first even though I told her I'm already there waiting for her. What's wrong with me???!! What have I done to deserve this??!! Why must it bring pains and disappointment for being nice to someone you like??!!
Perhaps I moving towards depression or maybe I'm already into it. Nevertheless, I have still harbour the dream to marry and have kids before 30yr old. I really don't know if I can hang on long enough to see this day comes.
If you no interest in you, she would totally forgot even to sms. You so eager till so desperate will frightened girls away. -
"and most importantly I think I cannot handle rejections. "
I think you must accept rejections slightly more positively.
I see rejection this way:
Rejections are very painful but are they are parts and parcels of everyday life.
It hopefully leads us to the one we have been waiting for.
It is impossible that each time you go into a shop and you definitely buy the thing you want. The shopowner may be disappointed by your rejection of his goods, but the next customer may buy or the next shop could offer what you want. Just make sure you know what you want. Rejection is just parts and parcels of life.
When i got rejected, my thoughts are:
1. She thinks I am lousy.
2. She might be lousy, because she don't see my virtues.
3. Both are OK, but we have differences or due to some circumstances.
Since the reasons for rejection is subjective and usually personal. You should never be affected by it to the point that commit suicide is comtemplated.
But we should reflect on why things don't work.
If you have family and friends that are concerned about you, you should be quite OK. You should feel good about yourself.
Don't start a relationship by expecting to fulfill your dream of marriage and children by 30. You will frighten every gal you meet.
Just treat them like normal guy friends. Don't have too much expectation too soon, you also won't feel rejected this way.
But starting to wait at 8.30 when the time is 10.00 while does indicate you cares, is a little bit excessive.
The opposite party may feel a little bit controlled. If before marriage, things are like this, after marriage.......We all need to breathe.
Finding the right person is most important, not finding the right time (if there is such thing as the right time to marry.)
Life deals you quite nice cards. Take up some sports to take your thoughts of out of this suicide issue for your parents' sake. -
This shows God is fair in his arrangement of everybody fate. Got career and money but no love. Got Love but no money and career.Originally posted by melmel17:I came across this forum by chance and I think I really in need of some advice and help desperately.
I'm a guy age 27. I've been contemplating suicide many times over the past 1 year. Reason I'm holding back is because of my parents who are in their 60s and I'm the only son. I know if their only son is to commit suicide, they will be really heart broken and devastated and will drive them to their grave.
I hold a degree, have a managerial job in a telco company, earning a decent salary and performance well. My parents and 2 sisters shower me with care and love. Even though I have few close friends yet they are always there for me. But I'm still not contented and not happy. Cos what I'm seeking for is a gf who hopefully can me by future wife. Someone can loves me, treasure me and appreciate me deeply. Even though i'm consider good looking with a height of 1.75m, yet, after years of searching and trying, It all ended with a nought. I don't ask for much, just someone with decent looks, someone I can communicate and feel comfortable with.
Yet scars after scars, my heart just get more and more numb. From a humours and talkative guy, over years I have changed to a different person - quite and reserved person. Alot of things I just keep to myself. I lock myself in my room most of the time if not go out and drink myself silly. Even though I'm always out clubbing I do not approach gals cos I guess it will only make myself look stupid and most importantly I think I cannot handle rejections.
Recently I know a gal through friendster and we went out a couple of times. She's a cheerful, jovial person, someone I truly feel happy and comfortable with. I thought she's the one for me even though she's older by 2yrs.
She's currently taking a part-time degree and she told me whenever she has class she doesn't take dinner. This afternoon I ask her if I can meet for her dinner after class at 10pm. She agreed yet and I went there at 8:30pm, worrying that the class may end early. Yet at 9pm, she asked me to go home first even though I told her I'm already there waiting for her. What's wrong with me???!! What have I done to deserve this??!! Why must it bring pains and disappointment for being nice to someone you like??!!
Perhaps I moving towards depression or maybe I'm already into it. Nevertheless, I have still harbour the dream to marry and have kids before 30yr old. I really don't know if I can hang on long enough to see this day comes.
Ok joke aside! I think what u really lack is confident in yrself. With a good career and consider good look. U shall feel yrself ,capable of getting a gal u required. If the r/s turns bad. Don feel bad or pessimistic. If u have good confident of yrself, the gal rejecting u shall be the one making the loss and not u in the lossing end. Plus, try to avoid sources like pub of friendster for yr future wife as mostly likely they r quite problematic and attitude when comes in r/s or in their personal life! -
You are giving yourself too much pressure.
I dun understand why so many ple are so depressed due to the fact that they do not have a bf/gf. You know that you have parents and sisters who love and care for you.. and I think kinship is the most precious type of relationship in this world. Bcoz since the day u were born till the day u leave this world, they will always be with you.
You probably scare that girl away.. arranged to meet up at 10pm and u reached at 8.30pm.. you might have given her the feeling that you are too desperate.
Go engage in some healthy activities. Widen ur social circle and let nature take its course. Relationship is something that you really cannnot hurry into.. and it's also not something that will give you good results even tho u really worked very hard.
Life is not just above love relationship. Treasure what you have before they are gone. Whatever will come, will come. -
dear threadstarter,
no gf does not mean end of the world. try relaxing more, hang out with frens more, enjoy life in its many aspects.
you r still v young for guy. many of us here r older than you and single. we too would like to have someone to love but we know we can still be happy while searching for the right one.
take up a hobby or sports. that would help occupy your time and mind in a healthy way. or you might wanna just log on here and chat with the many many people who r online
btw, the gal might just be concern that u r waiting for her for so many hours. imo anyone who has a heart would not let anyone wait for them for hours.