The importace of Courtship?
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ok.. have been loitering ard sgforums for sometime..
this issue of courtship is bothering me... actually i've some questions but i cant think of a suitable title to express my thts on this.. basically it revolves ard courtship and chasing, etc.
one question i've been wanting to ask... How Important is Courtship?
i've searched for past threads on this but haven found a satisfactory answer
recently, there is this thread on ' how to test water' and this guy was like eager to know whether this gal he is interested in is attached?.. but the moment the TS mentioned that the gal didn't want to go out with him... doko feels that he's out.. so no point chasing?
yes.. i know courtship begins with dates.. so u have to get her out 1st rite?
but .... doesn't courtship begins right at the start?.. b4 u even start dating?
if the gal likes u, she will make things easy for u.. yeah i know..
then wat if the gal is not that into u?
i know ultimately the gal's interest in u is the most impt. no way to raise it?
doko seems to feel that if the gal is not into u.. then u r out.. no point chasing..
so that means a guy shld NEVER attempt to chase a gal if she is not interested? hmm..
how do u define interested anyway? i mean where do u draw the line? as in stop chasing her completely
i'm sure there are cases where the gal is totally not into the guy, but in the end they got together after some courtship.
Aunt yun offers some brillant advices on courtship. on how one shld behave etc. but doesnt really touch on this point.
Past threads i'm always seeing doko and Aunt yun having diff perspectives and arguing.. etc
another question..
the perfect courtship
ok.. with regards to the 1st question.. we have a follow up on the perfect chase? lol
generally.. threads posted here are answered on a case to case basic..
and to tell u the truth... most of the threads here are abt broken relationships. and threads become more of a counselling thread.(nothing against that) just that wouldn't it be better to know how to handle a relationship b4 someone suffers from another broken heart?
such as ok.. this guy thinks he's into some r/s trouble and decides to seek for help here.. but in actual fact.. the relationship is already in tatters.. he has been doing too many wrongs and any amt of advices can not aid his cause since the damaged has already been done...
so the perfect courtship starts right at the start b4 u 2 are attached all the way till the both of u get married.
hmm.. might want to phase this question to.. the proper behavior of a guy??
see.. i cant seem to think of the most ideal question to express my thoughts.. lol
Aunt yun.. kindly advice.. saw some of your replies damn chim..don know wat CloUdiSm thing.. lol kk
Let's hear some truth on this
PS. not here to pin point on any one, or start any trouble. (doko sorry i kept mentioning your name ..lol )
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Because this is AUNT AGONY!Originally posted by royale9:ok.. have been loitering ard sgforums for sometime..
this issue of courtship is bothering me... actually i've some questions but i cant think of a suitable title to express my thts on this.. basically it revolves ard courtship and chasing, etc.
one question i've been wanting to ask... How Important is Courtship?
i've searched for past threads on this but haven found a satisfactory answer
recently, there is this thread on ' how to test water' and this guy was like eager to know whether this gal he is interested in is attached?.. but the moment the TS mentioned that the gal didn't want to go out with him... doko feels that he's out.. so no point chasing?
yes.. i know courtship begins with dates.. so u have to get her out 1st rite?
but .... doesn't courtship begins right at the start?.. b4 u even start dating?
if the gal likes u, she will make things easy for u.. yeah i know..
then wat if the gal is not that into u?
i know ultimately the gal's interest in u is the most impt. no way to raise it?
doko seems to feel that if the gal is not into u.. then u r out.. no point chasing..
so that means a guy shld NEVER attempt to chase a gal if she is not interested? hmm..
how do u define interested anyway? i mean where do u draw the line? as in stop chasing her completely
i'm sure there are cases where the gal is totally not into the guy, but in the end they got together after some courtship.
Aunt yun offers some brillant advices on courtship. on how one shld behave etc. but doesnt really touch on this point.
Past threads i'm always seeing doko and Aunt yun having diff perspectives and arguing.. etc
another question..
the perfect courtship
ok.. with regards to the 1st question.. we have a follow up on the perfect chase? lol
generally.. threads posted here are answered on a case to case basic..
and to tell u the truth... most of the threads here are abt broken relationships. and threads become more of a counselling thread.(nothing against that) just that wouldn't it be better to know how to handle a relationship b4 someone suffers from another broken heart?
such as ok.. this guy thinks he's into some r/s trouble and decides to seek for help here.. but in actual fact.. the relationship is already in tatters.. he has been doing too many wrongs and any amt of advices can not aid his cause since the damaged has already been done...
so the perfect courtship starts right at the start b4 u 2 are attached all the way till the both of u get married.
hmm.. might want to phase this question to.. the proper behavior of a guy??
see.. i cant seem to think of the most ideal question to express my thoughts.. lol
Aunt yun.. kindly advice.. saw some of your replies damn chim..don know wat CloUdiSm thing.. lol kk
Let's hear some truth on this
PS. not here to pin point on any one, or start any trouble. (doko sorry i kept mentioning your name ..lol ) 
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lol... need some answers to this
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when i read about your thread, something came to me.Originally posted by royale9:ok.. have been loitering ard sgforums for sometime..
this issue of courtship is bothering me... actually i've some questions but i cant think of a suitable title to express my thts on this.. basically it revolves ard courtship and chasing, etc.
one question i've been wanting to ask... How Important is Courtship?
i've searched for past threads on this but haven found a satisfactory answer
recently, there is this thread on ' how to test water' and this guy was like eager to know whether this gal he is interested in is attached?.. but the moment the TS mentioned that the gal didn't want to go out with him... doko feels that he's out.. so no point chasing?
yes.. i know courtship begins with dates.. so u have to get her out 1st rite?
but .... doesn't courtship begins right at the start?.. b4 u even start dating?
if the gal likes u, she will make things easy for u.. yeah i know..
then wat if the gal is not that into u?
i know ultimately the gal's interest in u is the most impt. no way to raise it?
doko seems to feel that if the gal is not into u.. then u r out.. no point chasing..
so that means a guy shld NEVER attempt to chase a gal if she is not interested? hmm..
how do u define interested anyway? i mean where do u draw the line? as in stop chasing her completely
i'm sure there are cases where the gal is totally not into the guy, but in the end they got together after some courtship.
Aunt yun offers some brillant advices on courtship. on how one shld behave etc. but doesnt really touch on this point.
Past threads i'm always seeing doko and Aunt yun having diff perspectives and arguing.. etc
another question..
the perfect courtship
ok.. with regards to the 1st question.. we have a follow up on the perfect chase? lol
generally.. threads posted here are answered on a case to case basic..
and to tell u the truth... most of the threads here are abt broken relationships. and threads become more of a counselling thread.(nothing against that) just that wouldn't it be better to know how to handle a relationship b4 someone suffers from another broken heart?
such as ok.. this guy thinks he's into some r/s trouble and decides to seek for help here.. but in actual fact.. the relationship is already in tatters.. he has been doing too many wrongs and any amt of advices can not aid his cause since the damaged has already been done...
so the perfect courtship starts right at the start b4 u 2 are attached all the way till the both of u get married.
hmm.. might want to phase this question to.. the proper behavior of a guy??
see.. i cant seem to think of the most ideal question to express my thoughts.. lol
Aunt yun.. kindly advice.. saw some of your replies damn chim..don know wat CloUdiSm thing.. lol kk
Let's hear some truth on this
PS. not here to pin point on any one, or start any trouble. (doko sorry i kept mentioning your name ..lol )
i think you need to define courtship first. is it the time when you know this person well enough and decides that you want to be with him/her? or does it include while getting to know the person? with that you got to consider if its a physical attraction which is usually the case for initiating a 'going after' process or is it personality attraction?
the thing that came to my mind is that, the partners that i actually went after, ended so much earlier than those that i didn't go after. -
courtship starts from the moment when both parties decide that they want to take this relationship further than friendship.
it is important because this is the period where both parties will need to figure out if their initial decision is correct or not. -
You, me, bed, now.
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The questions u r askin are more like reasons y u like her? whereas courtship is more like, u already like the person and u r initiating a chase.. no? the reasons y u like the person does not really link with how u want to chase a person?Originally posted by alwaysdisturbed:when i read about your thread, something came to me.
i think you need to define courtship first. is it the time when you know this person well enough and decides that you want to be with him/her? or does it include while getting to know the person? with that you got to consider if its a physical attraction which is usually the case for initiating a 'going after' process or is it personality attraction?
the thing that came to my mind is that, the partners that i actually went after, ended so much earlier than those that i didn't go after.
.. Don mind if u elaborate a little more
as for your last para.. hmmm *ponders -
Tactics, Mindset and Life - ::: by CuriousOrange
When She Say "I Just Want to Be Friends" By Callan
I believe this two Articles in DA could give you more insight?
Btw, i suppose you haven't read through all the topics in AA yeah?
Enjoy your stay in AA.
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i think there's no such thing as a perfect courtship.
it differs with everyone....
one thing u can do, be a perfect gent. do all the things for her that u don't normally do for others....
but in the end, can you upkeep this behaviour? even after you got her?
if not, won't she feel 'cheated' in a way? I got to gether with a perfect gent, but now he's........
so my advice is, just be yourself. if she is attractted to the YOU that she knows, then it's the YOU that she is getting. you won't have to 'put up a show/act for the courtship. -
WOo.. interesting..Originally posted by M©+square:Tactics, Mindset and Life - ::: by CuriousOrange
When She Say "I Just Want to Be Friends" By Callan
I believe this two Articles in DA could give you more insight?
Btw, i suppose you haven't read through all the topics in AA yeah?
Enjoy your stay in AA.
both r very well written!
thanks -
i don't think they are questions asking reasons. what i'm trying to say is you got to define the time span. do you consider being in a relationship a courtship too?Originally posted by royale9:The questions u r askin are more like reasons y u like her? whereas courtship is more like, u already like the person and u r initiating a chase.. no? the reasons y u like the person does not really link with how u want to chase a person?
.. Don mind if u elaborate a little more
as for your last para.. hmmm *ponders
about my last para, girls that i went after and got into a relationship didn't last more than 3 months and those that i didn't go after lasted for about 2 years. its ironic. -
type so long..
end of it, i still cant make out wat u are asking.
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And what have you learn from it?Originally posted by alwaysdisturbed:i don't think they are questions asking reasons. what i'm trying to say is you got to define the time span. do you consider being in a relationship a courtship too?
about my last para, girls that i went after and got into a relationship didn't last more than 3 months and those that i didn't go after lasted for about 2 years. its ironic. -
yup.. when u r in a relationship.. i still consider it a courtship.. until of course u r officially married.Originally posted by alwaysdisturbed:i don't think they are questions asking reasons. what i'm trying to say is you got to define the time span. do you consider being in a relationship a courtship too?
about my last para, girls that i went after and got into a relationship didn't last more than 3 months and those that i didn't go after lasted for about 2 years. its ironic.
hmm.. wait maybe i shldn't even use the word courtship... trying to analyse the 2 articles posted by mc2...
somehow... i'm coming to a conculsion that courtship is redundant? both articles stress that we shld focus on oneself 1st.. which i totally agree with
have to continue studying those 2 articles b4 i start askin questions again
in the mean time anyone can help to enlighten -
LOL!Originally posted by browniebaobao:type so long..
end of it, i still cant make out wat u are asking.
i tht gals shld be better at deciphering the meaning behind the message?
or my english damn lousy? haha -
and i tot men dun like to beat around the bush?Originally posted by royale9:LOL!
i tht gals shld be better at deciphering the meaning behind the message?
or my english damn lousy? haha -
Sorry la.. quite confused abt this courtship aka chasingOriginally posted by browniebaobao:and i tot men dun like to beat around the bush?
cant quite express everything in words
since all my thoughts are jumbled up in my mind... probably because i'm confused? lol -
what's there to be confused abt?!
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ok..Originally posted by smudgey:what's there to be confused abt?!
don mind if u share abit on your life stories...
can u think of a guy in your life whom u weren't that interested in, but he tried to chase u?
wat was the outcome? and y?
and
wat abt ur ex or current bf?
did the courtship play an important part? -
smudge.. see this guy's last para.. these are the things that are puzzling.. i was in a similar situation and i don't think its coincidenceOriginally posted by alwaysdisturbed:i don't think they are questions asking reasons. what i'm trying to say is you got to define the time span. do you consider being in a relationship a courtship too?
about my last para, girls that i went after and got into a relationship didn't last more than 3 months and those that i didn't go after lasted for about 2 years. its ironic. -
NICE.Originally posted by smudgey:i think there's no such thing as a perfect courtship.
it differs with everyone....
one thing u can do, be a perfect gent. do all the things for her that u don't normally do for others....
but in the end, can you upkeep this behaviour? even after you got her?
if not, won't she feel 'cheated' in a way? I got to gether with a perfect gent, but now he's........
so my advice is, just be yourself. if she is attractted to the YOU that she knows, then it's the YOU that she is getting. you won't have to 'put up a show/act for the courtship.
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Honestly.. I don't see where's the irony at all..?Originally posted by alwaysdisturbed:about my last para, girls that i went after and got into a relationship didn't last more than 3 months and those that i didn't go after lasted for about 2 years. its ironic. -
yes correct.. i also agree .. but think u all misunderstanding.. not askin on how to become someone i;m not....Originally posted by smudgey:i think there's no such thing as a perfect courtship.
it differs with everyone....
one thing u can do, be a perfect gent. do all the things for her that u don't normally do for others....
but in the end, can you upkeep this behaviour? even after you got her?
if not, won't she feel 'cheated' in a way? I got to gether with a perfect gent, but now he's........
so my advice is, just be yourself. if she is attractted to the YOU that she knows, then it's the YOU that she is getting. you won't have to 'put up a show/act for the courtship.
my idea of a courtship also does not involves acting or being someone u r not..
i have this idea that u just have to be natural and confident.. and after reading the curiousorange article as posted above.. think it further confirms it..
u mentioned that IF the girl is attracted to you.. than she will come to u.. yes i know...
then for those case that the girl just feels ok for u or not attracted to u at 1st.. then nothing will blossom? or even if something works out, it will be short lived?
am i right to say that NO amt of courtship will ever work if the gal is not attracted to u in the 1st place... so everyone shld just move on if the gal is not into u
if the above is true, then doko is right all along -
Originally posted by royale9:yes correct.. i also agree .. but think u all misunderstanding.. not askin on how to become someone i;m not....
my idea of a courtship also does not involves acting or being someone u r not..
i have this idea that u just have to be natural and confident.. and after reading the curiousorange article as posted above.. think it further confirms it..
u mentioned that IF the girl is attracted to you.. than she will come to u.. yes i know...
then for those case that the girl just feels ok for u or not attracted to u at 1st.. then nothing will blossom? or even if something works out, it will be short lived?
am i right to say that NO amt of courtship will ever work if the gal is not attracted to u in the 1st place... so everyone shld just move on if the gal is not into u
if the above is true, then doko is right all along
What for you bother who's right?
Different people... different cosmic lessons.
I suggest you should find your own answers because others' experience, may not be completely applicable to you. Actually to me, you are merely putting yourself at different perspectives - what matters is WHICH perspective you chose to inculcate into your core beliefs.
Cheers -
agreed auntie yun.Originally posted by Yunhaier: What for you bother who's right?
Different people... different cosmic lessons.
I suggest you should find your own answers because others' experience, may not be completely applicable to you. Actually to me, you are merely putting yourself at different perspectives - what matters is WHICH perspective you chose to inculcate into your core beliefs.
Cheers
royale9, as i said, if a gal doesn't like you, no amt of courtship can help, if she likes you, just a little courtship will do (every gal likes to be wooed).
and if she is neutral, courtship might help you attract her attention. and impress her.... but bottom line will still lie in how she feels about you.