Mourning the death...
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Welcome to my mom's world. But my dad saw my grandma for what she was worth because of the way she used to treat my mom, my sibling and I.Originally posted by mistyblue:In the eyes of my husband, I am spoilt and difficult. In his eyes, his family is first. I have not felt like family.
I only wish to have my own place and peace.
I am thinking too. What should I do. I wanted to get my own place. I only want to be able to go home everyday and be happy and get rest. Not hear kids and people scream and see the house like a pig sty all sticky and dirty because everyone is waiting for me to clean up. No one wash up after themselves and leaves a pile of dished in the sink until you have no clean utensils to use. Or go home to see the kitchen sink clogged once again for 3 days and no one bothered to unclog it until I am home. OR have sh!t stans on the toilet floor or by the side of the toilet bowl hardened to a crust and you need a jet to soften it before scrubbing it. Or find a pile of used tissue under the coffee table with a dish cloth soaking wet there for one week making the living room smell like the rubbish chute. Or that they dump food into the sink and didn't flush it that it rotted there for 3 days and then the whole kitchen smelled like sewage. All these happened and is still happening. No joke.
The sad part is, we only moved in for 3 months. The bad joke is that I want to move out. The worse part is, I work super OT everyday to avoid going home and avoid all these people because I cannot stand them.
That is why I will never date a mommy's boy. That is why I will never give up working because money will be the power I hold sway over MILs.
Did you pay for the house in part? If I were you , I will let the old lady know she is living in my place out of MY GENEROSITY because I am the co-OWNER of the house and I paid for it in part. I will also let her know I have nothing against her staying as long as she follows the guidelines of being A GUEST in a person's house.
If she is not happy , she can go back to the house of PEOPLE WHO WILL NOT WELCOME HER BACK AT ALL. -
easier said than done.
I just wish for a peaceful place to rest.
I didn't think I had to do the same political sh!t I do in office at home.
Then seriously, I feel no peace.
I continue to mourn for the plants. -
A tip for you if you are childless. Get a son in asap. Sure change of attitude .
You can also do it this way to make the unwelcome invaders look damn bad while u look good .
Be very nice to her even if you cannot stand her.
Put ideas in her head to take money for babysitting and anything else there is she can claim money off the other side. They will look bad if she asks and they refuse.
Take her out and do something nice. Show how much better a DIL you are.
Whatever you do , don't be mean to her if your husband is attached to mommy.
Do it for 1 month or more but no more than 3 months. Just be nice and smile.
Find a diplomatic way of showing what kind of mess they do to you and still smile and be nice.
Whatever you do - do not lose your temper. Just be very diplomatic and smile and be nice
Then when she starts softening up to you , that is the time to make life difficult for the other side. Your hubby will also be happy if his mother dearest get along withyou.
When they bring their brats over and they destroy things, cry in front of her and say you cannot take the destruction of those brats anymore. No matter what , people are people ...crying will make them melt but don't do too much.
You will be on the stronger ground of getting rid of those brats and their family from your house instead of doing no favours to yourself. -
the old woman thought I have an easy office job not like her. she think her kids had a hard time growing up so she pampered them till they are utterly spoilt. she's doing the same with the grandkids. actually I told my husband that they are better off then I had ever been when I was a kid. I never had toys, or new clothes. I studied hard to get what I have today and I owed no one but my parents. His parents did not provide him a conducive environment to study and its the same with the grandkids. The MIL thought that its ok to turn a blind eye to the grandkids bad behaviour because someone like a teacher or in future they will mature and change for the better. Anyways my FIL is a gambler. That's why they cannot own a house so they had to rely on my husband for a roof.
Anyways, she lodge a complain to my husband that I had intentionally stay out to avoid her. Of course I lied. She didn't see me "helping" my husband therefore she does not think much about my earning power or my title.. She rather have me cooking and cleaning the house. She's mentioned that she rather have me work around the house than running out-there shopping and enjoying myself. I felt she was insinuating that I go out and flirt with men or that I enjoy myself too much - as if I spend my husband money to enjoy myself. She should tell the same to her oldest son wife. She's the one who wears translucent clothes and showed her bre@st to guys. my bit**y SIL shops only branded stuff, and till she does not have money. Then her husband comes over to ask money from us. They are free loaders in my house and they have the face to ask money for necessities when they spend all their money on branded clothes. They really have the gall.
Anyways, I keep my money far away from them. I have no further obligation towards them. I now keep my funds and investments out of their eyes. I cannot trust them. -
when you are treated like a maid, having a kid the the furthest thing on your mind.
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Yea . The way I see it . Don't even let your husband know you are squirreling the money away. It is his family - he can give them HIS money but you are not obliged to although you might have married into his.Originally posted by mistyblue:the old woman thought I have an easy office job not like her. she think her kids had a hard time growing up so she pampered them till they are utterly spoilt. she's doing the same with the grandkids. actually I told my husband that they are better off then I had ever been when I was a kid. I never had toys, or new clothes. I studied hard to get what I have today and I owed no one but my parents. His parents did not provide him a conducive environment to study and its the same with the grandkids. The MIL thought that its ok to turn a blind eye to the grandkids bad behaviour because someone like a teacher or in future they will mature and change for the better. Anyways my FIL is a gambler. That's why they cannot own a house so they had to rely on my husband for a roof.
Anyways, she lodge a complain to my husband that I had intentionally stay out to avoid her. Of course I lied. She didn't see me "helping" my husband therefore she does not think much about my earning power or my title.. She rather have me cooking and cleaning the house. She's mentioned that she rather have me work around the house than running out-there shopping and enjoying myself. I felt she was insinuating that I go out and flirt with men or that I enjoy myself too much - as if I spend my husband money to enjoy myself. She should tell the same to her oldest son wife. She's the one who wears translucent clothes and showed her bre@st to guys. my bit**y SIL shops only branded stuff, and till she does not have money. Then her husband comes over to ask money from us. They are free loaders in my house and they have the face to ask money for necessities when they spend all their money on branded clothes. They really have the gall.
Anyways, I keep my money far away from them. I have no further obligation towards them. I now keep my funds and investments out of their eyes. I cannot trust them.
MAKE YOUR HUBBY HELP OUT and clean the shit , if both of you are earning the wages to pay 50/50 on the house. I never believe in the BS of woman doing housework when the woman is also paying for the house through work.
If your MIL say again that you are avoiding her, tell your hubs yes and tell him why. You are not making him choose between his wife and mother - just make it clear to him that you just want to give a reason why you avoid her (so to preserve the peace in the house) and expect him to support you in that aspect of avoidance especially if she is making your life a misery.
Next time if they ask for money - say loudly in front of your MIL - ahhh SIL , what pretty dress you have .....waaah GOT BRAND one ....must be worth a few hundred ...even I cannot afford that . That is only the first step - then do it repeatedly.
When the eldest ask your husband for money , you just say aaa ....I thought you are doing so well . Got money to buy one shirt for a hundred bucks. Make sure your MIL is there to hear it.
I don't know what is going on so I cannot help you much in that aspect. I only know my grandma backs off from using me for info against my mom because of what I say to her in very sarcastic but diplomatic terms. She backs off from my mom now . -
well, appreciate your advice.
People are so fake nowadays
I got to learn how to deal with such kinds of people.
I see my plants and I am in depression. There's nothing in this house that I am happy with except my plants. To have them destroyed like that, is painful. -
Seen it happen to my mom.Originally posted by mistyblue:well, appreciate your advice.
People are so fake nowadays
I got to learn how to deal with such kinds of people.
I see my plants and I am in depression. There's nothing in this house that I am happy with except my plants. To have them destroyed like that, is painful.
She tolerated , she cried and she ended up venting it on me. Now she vents it out to me.
Just bite it in the bum or else it will stress your marriage out .
There is so much a person can tolerate - so cut your losses and talk to your husband. If he still sides with his mom , think of it this way , there is only so long your MIL can live . He will have difficulty dealing with his mom if he is forced to choose sides so ask him to be the mediator because the stress should be on him not you since it is his family .
Whatever it is , tell yourself that it is only a temporary situation . -
yah loh... so scaryOriginally posted by mistyblue:People are so fake nowadays -
Thanks. I know and I am sometimes bitter that I have to accept this lot and give way to this extend. Yet they are all ungrateful and it all seems like I am expected to do. Unfortunately she's not that old and she's very into eating bird's nest, ginseng, and all that tonics. She had brought up her oldest son and DIL with their kids to never touch overnight food and so I have become the trash can. The DIL even had the gall to pass us frozen food that had been overdue in her freezer. MIL made us eat it then tell us that its overdue food. The B*****. Anyways, I am sure she might just live beyond me. I feel my joints ache and fatigue all the time. Sometimes, I think of sucide and its not such a bad idea. The tracks are attractive and accidents do happen.Originally posted by fymk:Seen it happen to my mom.
She tolerated , she cried and she ended up venting it on me. Now she vents it out to me.
Just bite it in the bum or else it will stress your marriage out .
There is so much a person can tolerate - so cut your losses and talk to your husband. If he still sides with his mom , think of it this way , there is only so long your MIL can live . He will have difficulty dealing with his mom if he is forced to choose sides so ask him to be the mediator because the stress should be on him not you since it is his family .
Whatever it is , tell yourself that it is only a temporary situation .
One time, she saw me massage my husband and she had the look of envy. I thought to myself, why should I do anything for her. She might accuse me of aggreviating any of her aches and pains. Anyways, I am in pain most of the time myself and no one help me or pity me. I walk with a limp and most of my joints are really aching. Why should I extend myself anymore for her. She's in better health than I will ever be. She never asked her other DIL to do anything for her - in fact she is always doing things for her willingly and serve the ungrateful b***** and next turn around to complain about her to us. -
haiz your husband know all this or not? must stop giving to them de. in fact i feel should throw them outOriginally posted by mistyblue:the old woman thought I have an easy office job not like her. she think her kids had a hard time growing up so she pampered them till they are utterly spoilt. she's doing the same with the grandkids. actually I told my husband that they are better off then I had ever been when I was a kid. I never had toys, or new clothes. I studied hard to get what I have today and I owed no one but my parents. His parents did not provide him a conducive environment to study and its the same with the grandkids. The MIL thought that its ok to turn a blind eye to the grandkids bad behaviour because someone like a teacher or in future they will mature and change for the better. Anyways my FIL is a gambler. That's why they cannot own a house so they had to rely on my husband for a roof.
Anyways, she lodge a complain to my husband that I had intentionally stay out to avoid her. Of course I lied. She didn't see me "helping" my husband therefore she does not think much about my earning power or my title.. She rather have me cooking and cleaning the house. She's mentioned that she rather have me work around the house than running out-there shopping and enjoying myself. I felt she was insinuating that I go out and flirt with men or that I enjoy myself too much - as if I spend my husband money to enjoy myself. She should tell the same to her oldest son wife. She's the one who wears translucent clothes and showed her bre@st to guys. my bit**y SIL shops only branded stuff, and till she does not have money. Then her husband comes over to ask money from us. They are free loaders in my house and they have the face to ask money for necessities when they spend all their money on branded clothes. They really have the gall.
Anyways, I keep my money far away from them. I have no further obligation towards them. I now keep my funds and investments out of their eyes. I cannot trust them.
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How old are you?Originally posted by mistyblue:Thanks. I know and I am sometimes bitter that I have to accept this lot and give way to this extend. Yet they are all ungrateful and it all seems like I am expected to do. Unfortunately she's not that old and she's very into eating bird's nest, ginseng, and all that tonics. She had brought up her oldest son and DIL with their kids to never touch overnight food and so I have become the trash can. The DIL even had the gall to pass us frozen food that had been overdue in her freezer. MIL made us eat it then tell us that its overdue food. The B*****. Anyways, I am sure she might just live beyond me. I feel my joints ache and fatigue all the time. Sometimes, I think of sucide and its not such a bad idea. The tracks are attractive and accidents do happen.
One time, she saw me massage my husband and she had the look of envy. I thought to myself, why should I do anything for her. She might accuse me of aggreviating any of her aches and pains. Anyways, I am in pain most of the time myself and no one help me or pity me. I walk with a limp and most of my joints are really aching. Why should I extend myself anymore for her. She's in better health than I will ever be. She never asked her other DIL to do anything for her - in fact she is always doing things for her willingly and serve the ungrateful b***** and next turn around to complain about her to us.
Should set finance right? Who should contribute how much to the house's expenses and such?
Mmm.. I think you've quite some problems there...? How's your relationship with your husband?
Suicide is a silly option and should not really be so simply thought over...? It's a life, not something to be taken so lightly... Worst situation perhaps you should just move out and stay on your own? -
Originally posted by Devil1976:
[b]
How old are you?
Should set finance right? Who should contribute how much to the house's expenses and such?
Mmm.. I think you've quite some problems there...? How's your relationship with your husband?
Suicide is a silly option and should not really be so simply thought over...? It's a life, not something to be taken so lightly... Worst situation perhaps you should just move out and stay on your own?[/b]
X2.
I said before: you will implode one day if things continues this way. Do you have anyone else in reality to share this emotional burden with?
/me pat pat.
Cheers -
my MIL will say nice things to him.Originally posted by hisoka:haiz your husband know all this or not? must stop giving to them de. in fact i feel should throw them out
Turn around, call her relatives and start some nasty talk. When she speaks to me, its totally different. For instance, I had asked not to be fetched around (I paid for the first 10% and insurance of his car, no questions asked), in fact, I told him not to fetch me anymore because my MIL had told I should put my husband at priority and that I had never think for him as he needs his rest and he should not be bothered to do such thing. She claim I had been asking for rides and been unreasonable to ask him to drive all the way to jurong to fetch me while we stay in the east. (fact is that I never wanted to stay in the east if not for her and her grandkids. I would have f**** moved to redhill, Telok Blangah or some other spot nearer to MRT or a new house along punggol line) Anyways, I told her I had insisted he stop picking me up. So she didn't have flodder to feed her gossip lines. Nowadays I dare not ask anything, in fact I tell him to stay put, I rather get rained on than sit in that car and do my 1hr and 30min commute per direction. Besides I am also working lots of super OT, till I am so tired just to avoid her. When I told my husband what my MIL said, he was shocked.
I felt she had gone overboard poking her nose into things that do not concern her. Anyways, her own daughter married a rich guy but he's weak and did not really hold the main control of the family business. She worried that her daughter will not get her share of the money and pokes her nose into it. You see, the MIL is one who had taken 3 refuge. It means something in buddhist circle. To me practice is more important than shallow mouthing of some chant. Anyways, she bends any rules where she sees fit and she bends us when she wants to get her way.
He's stayed 30+ years with this women and love her "endearing" ways. How many years had he been with me?
Truth is that wives can be replaced. Mothers cannot.
Maybe if I am gone, with the insurance payout, the nice house and car, he can get a better woman for his needs. By then he's rich with insurance payout, he propably do not need to work. I am sure my MIL will say good riddance. -
Wow, your MIL seems like a terrible person to get along with. What were you thinking when you married her son?
Or did she only become like this after your marriage?
Kind of reminded me bout my ex's mum. Except that she'll be super nice to me in the presence of his father, and pretty sarcastic to me in his absence.
In the long run, I couldn't take it anymore cos to me, a marriage is definitely not about 2 persons but of 2 families.
I'd rather she tell me if she has any issues with me, rather den blowing hot and cold cos it's just so hypocritical.
And no matter what, dun contemplate suicide, cos it was your family who raised you and they are the ones who will be hurt, not your MIL, so why let her have the last laugh?
In my opinion, if your husband cannot empathise and understand you, preferring instead to side his Mum, den you're better off without him.
Like you mentioned, you have the financial ability and I believe, the emotional capacity to be independant, free from the clutches of your evil MIL and SIL.
Do NOT, contemplate bringing a son into the house ASAP cos judging by the way things are, you dunnoe if the MIL has a preference for boys or gers and the sex of the baby is definitely not something that you can decide on.
Don't bring a child into an unhappy family cos in the long run, it'll affect the child. -
I saw how my MIL took care of the kids and I saw the kinds of things she teach them. I think I rather get paid help - because she teaches the wrong values and encourages the wrong behaviour. Then I also see how the MIL neglects the children and spends hours on the phone gossiping. Then claims she is so tired and cannot do any housework. She does not wash up after herself and leaves trash all over the floor, under tables, in drawers and then there would be a stench of rotting things. Then you will know there is something not right so I had spend lots of time hunting down the rubbish dumps she created all over the house. My husband told me my MIL cannot change her behaviour. I told him my dad is 70+, his mom is only 50. My dad can change his behaviour why she is not capable. She's just a old B**** who refused to change and wants status quo with a maid to serve her.
Besides, I know my MIL love that bratty grand daughter and constantly bullies the grandson. She talks endlessly of the tricks and the naughty things, rude acts, and bad behaviours so proudly like the girl is so intelligent. The children learnt from their parents and grandmother to treat me like a maid. So she comes into my house and act as if I was never there. She quickly learnt from her grandmother to throw things around and have her bad temper as well. When I have dinner she always want a share of my food and climbs all over me and around the chair. So sometimes, I give up and let her play.
One time she refused to listen to anyone and was playing on a chair. The chair toppled. Anyways, she took the hint from the grandmother because she made all those senseless talk and noise until the child got the hint to cry. She really knows how to milk people, of course cried hard to gain as much sympathy as possible and then for the next couple of days got her way in whatever she wanted. After the incident, the girl had the gall to say that her daddy never took care of her therefore she fell. The grandmother was so proud the girl her age learn to blame her parents for her own fault. From then onwards, whenever she fell down, she would blame it on an adult. Actually no one can prevent the accident because she was such a stubborn brat and would do the opposite just to spite people, she was up and down, and playing around the chair. She's always doing things like this just to show off because she gets praised by her grandmother that she is so smart. Then like her grandmother, she would show everyone her injuries and then keep telling you that someone didn't take care of her therefore she fell or got hurt. Mind you, this is a 4 year old I am talking about. -
Please, suicide is a very silly option.Originally posted by mistyblue:my MIL will say nice things to him.
Turn around, call her relatives and start some nasty talk. When she speaks to me, its totally different. For instance, I had asked not to be fetched around (I paid for the first 10% and insurance of his car, no questions asked), in fact, I told him not to fetch me anymore because my MIL had told I should put my husband at priority and that I had never think for him as he needs his rest and he should not be bothered to do such thing. She claim I had been asking for rides and been unreasonable to ask him to drive all the way to jurong to fetch me while we stay in the east. (fact is that I never wanted to stay in the east if not for her and her grandkids. I would have f**** moved to redhill, Telok Blangah or some other spot nearer to MRT or a new house along punggol line) Anyways, I told her I had insisted he stop picking me up. So she didn't have flodder to feed her gossip lines. Nowadays I dare not ask anything, in fact I tell him to stay put, I rather get rained on than sit in that car and do my 1hr and 30min commute per direction. Besides I am also working lots of super OT, till I am so tired just to avoid her. When I told my husband what my MIL said, he was shocked.
I felt she had gone overboard poking her nose into things that do not concern her. Anyways, her own daughter married a rich guy but he's weak and did not really hold the main control of the family business. She worried that her daughter will not get her share of the money and pokes her nose into it. You see, the MIL is one who had taken 3 refuge. It means something in buddhist circle. To me practice is more important than shallow mouthing of some chant. Anyways, she bends any rules where she sees fit and she bends us when she wants to get her way.
He's stayed 30+ years with this women and love her "endearing" ways. How many years had he been with me?
Truth is that wives can be replaced. Mothers cannot.
Maybe if I am gone, with the insurance payout, the nice house and car, he can get a better woman for his needs. By then he's rich with insurance payout, he propably do not need to work. I am sure my MIL will say good riddance.
If you care for the lives of your plants so much, your is worth so much more.
Without you, the would be lesser plants that would be taken under such great care by you.
A Life, once gone, cannot be replaced.
You know that.
I sugguest that you speak to your husband regarding every single issues that you are facing, make him understand that there is so much that you are facing. Other then that, make him choose.
As a guy, I feel, when a situation get this bad like yours, it is time for the man to decide. How can we let our beloved woman suffer like this?
Loving a mum is one thing, tolerating an unreasonable mum is another. There is a difference.
I wish you all be best.
PS. We are always here for you. Can always PM us or if you need, our contact number is always just a PM away i supopse. Do not ever give up hope. -
u ever considered movin back to ur parents?
wait... are ur parents livin with ur brother n u're nt on good terms with him? not sure if its u or someone else i noe =X -
i think... the part on mommy's boy depends on ppl... my brother's a mama's boy
but he won't tolerate when my mom says/does stupid stuff.. he won't stop her himself.. he informs his 2 elder sisters so that they can yell at mama...
misty, if i'm u... i'll move to somewhere for the time being and let the husband get the idea thru his head...
a couple of times we had heated arguments cos of his brother... he's used to his brother's behaviour and all that n learned to shut them out... i'm not.. and i dun need to tolerate him... but when the arguments got worse.. i'd move back to my mother's and after a while things were ok again... i was still tolerating his brother's bullshyt... but at least he doesn expect me to put up with them anymore...
and he speaks up against his brother sometimes..
and we got married in a rush partly oso cos of his brother... we went to get a place first den rom... (we wanted to get rom-ed half a year earlier n get a plc a year or 2 later... not everything together in 2 mths) -
maybe its time get married and move out at the same time.
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i think she's already married n moved out?Originally posted by dragg:maybe its time get married and move out at the same time. -
my brother threw my sister and myself out of my parent's house.Originally posted by shinta:u ever considered movin back to ur parents?
wait... are ur parents livin with ur brother n u're nt on good terms with him? not sure if its u or someone else i noe =X
the day he put his name down for the new house - and my parents became his dependents, he swore that he will teach the old folks a lesson. Such is the kind of brother I had. I know my parents live in hell but I cannot help them.
I rather stay out on my own... there is no option of "going back" -
omg...Originally posted by mistyblue:my brother threw my sister and myself out of my parent's house.
the day he put his name down for the new house - and my parents became his dependents, he swore that he will teach the old folks a lesson. Such is the kind of brother I had. I know my parents live in hell but I cannot help them.
I rather stay out on my own... there is no option of "going back"
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I cannot speak freely about his family because like what shinta observed, the guys are used to the family and will never see the things they do as wrong. My husband told me he's used to dirty house, with smells and he finds clean floors and fresh air uncomfortable. It was seen as driving a wedge between him and myself and he would take the side of his family. I was seen as spoilt and demanding and adding troubles to his life. I point out some things but i was seen as whining and criticizing.
Yea, what was I thinking when I married him.
I have to start watching what I say and how I say things.
the MIL sometimes would be sane but what should I know. All I know is that this woman tells me not to go to any beach because there is tsunami, not to go tour because other countries are dangerous, not to fly because planes can crash and etc. She cannot accept a different opinion and she cannot accept I do not do things or like the things she do. She's a bit***y control freak. She likes fann wong and praise her as if she's her daughter but I asked her if she knows anything about fann. She cannot say anything but that she is beautiful and so she likes her. She's shallow, small minded, obnoxious, boastful, stupid and hypocrite. She always speaks as if her son drives a BMW and have a 10K job and she does not know the stupid things she say start people sniggering. She's the type of aunty you met on the bus that you cannot stand. During my wedding, my sister heard some things she said and come by and ask if she knows what she's saying is an embarassing, baseless and stupid. She also asked why the MIL face so black like she's paying for all these. I told her not to pay any attention to her.
My neighbour is moving away. I didn't think much of it and didn't always run into them. She came by one day to say that the neighbours are stuck up people and never greeted her. They are so arrogant they always pretend never to see her (I know why because she always dirty the corridor and throw her rubbish at the lift landing or along the corridor. No one on that level does this so I am not surprise no one like her.). She also claim the neighbours are jealous of her because she has so many grandkids and that they are childless and so cannot stand it. They are unhappy that the children make so much noise. All these are the stupid things that come out from her mouth - nothing is fact, just her shallow, stupid mind coming up these ideas about other people. I cannot imagine what made her think of things this way. Even if I am a happy person, listening to this sort of crap everyday, I will also become depressed and negative. I dare not tell my husband because I know its nonsense. I just felt that I would love to buy over the neighbour's house. -
MIL from hell...
Somehow why ur MIL doesnt treat her other DIL like this? Isit cos u easy to bully? This kind of old foggey shld wake up ideas. Old liao still act like unreasonable kid.