Mourning the death...
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out of curiosity.... is ur sister in law more good lookin than u are?Originally posted by mistyblue:I cannot speak freely about his family because like what shinta observed, the guys are used to the family and will never see the things they do as wrong. My husband told me he's used to dirty house, with smells and he finds clean floors and fresh air uncomfortable. It was seen as driving a wedge between him and myself and he would take the side of his family. I was seen as spoilt and demanding and adding troubles to his life. I point out some things but i was seen as whining and criticizing.
Yea, what was I thinking when I married him.
I have to start watching what I say and how I say things.
the MIL sometimes would be sane but what should I know. All I know is that this woman tells me not to go to any beach because there is tsunami, not to go tour because other countries are dangerous, not to fly because planes can crash and etc. She cannot accept a different opinion and she cannot accept I do not do things or like the things she do. She's a bit***y control freak. She likes fann wong and praise her as if she's her daughter but I asked her if she knows anything about fann. She cannot say anything but that she is beautiful and so she likes her. She's shallow, small minded, obnoxious, boastful, stupid and hypocrite. She always speaks as if her son drives a BMW and have a 10K job and she does not know the stupid things she say start people sniggering. She's the type of aunty you met on the bus that you cannot stand. During my wedding, my sister heard some things she said and come by and ask if she knows what she's saying is an embarassing, baseless and stupid. She also asked why the MIL face so black like she's paying for all these. I told her not to pay any attention to her.
My neighbour is moving away. I didn't think much of it and didn't always run into them. She came by one day to say that the neighbours are stuck up people and never greeted her. They are so arrogant they always pretend never to see her (I know why because she always dirty the corridor and throw her rubbish at the lift landing or along the corridor. No one on that level does this so I am not surprise no one like her.). She also claim the neighbours are jealous of her because she has so many grandkids and that they are childless and so cannot stand it. They are unhappy that the children make so much noise. All these are the stupid things that come out from her mouth - nothing is fact, just her shallow, stupid mind coming up these ideas about other people. I cannot imagine what made her think of things this way. Even if I am a happy person, listening to this sort of crap everyday, I will also become depressed and negative. I dare not tell my husband because I know its nonsense. I just felt that I would love to buy over the neighbour's house. -
Why not start planting cactus?
Im sure those 2 brats will not yank it out. Trust me. -
depends.. some cactus got really soft spikes?Originally posted by TYING:Why not start planting cactus?
Im sure those 2 brats will not yank it out. Trust me.
i can rest my palm on it... n dump my whole body weight on it oso
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condolences....
I don't know what to say.. -
Hi mistyblue
As long as you are unable or not willing to do something to help yourself and stand up for yourself, nothing will change. I think it's because you feel you have something important to lose, which is why you choose to put up with all this. IMO you're an intelligent and strong woman, so I cannot understand your tolerance of the situation & your inertia & silent sufferance - but I'm sure there are reasons behind it, reasons which I/we may never understand but which are still relevant to you still.
Never undervalue yourself just because others do so. There are other better options than ending your life. Once you have resolved to let go of whatever's holding you back and change your life for the better, you will definitely recognise them easily.
So, all I can say is stay strong and I hope things work out in the end. -
oh, den i refering to those hard hard ones. The kind where it will really poke into you making you yell out.Originally posted by shinta:depends.. some cactus got really soft spikes?
i can rest my palm on it... n dump my whole body weight on it oso -
but those ugly lehOriginally posted by TYING:oh, den i refering to those hard hard ones. The kind where it will really poke into you making you yell out. 
if me hor.. i will kenna poked a few times at least
shinta very clumsy -
lol, so shen handling those plants tt time, u wear rubber gloves la! like tt no matter how clumsy u are sure wont get poke.Originally posted by shinta:but those ugly leh
if me hor.. i will kenna poked a few times at least
shinta very clumsy -
tink u shud move out ba, or at least bring this matter up to your husband, then all of you shud sit together and have a good talk...cos what they are doing seems really unfair to you...
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She's obese. But her skin is very pale which my MIL thinks is beautiful.Originally posted by shinta:out of curiosity.... is ur sister in law more good lookin than u are?
I find my SIL very insecure, selfish and very immature. She's mid 20s. -
and be blamed for intentionally hurting the precious brats?Originally posted by TYING:Why not start planting cactus?
Im sure those 2 brats will not yank it out. Trust me. -
ahOriginally posted by mistyblue:She's obese. But her skin is very pale which my MIL thinks is beautiful.
I find my SIL very insecure, selfish and very immature. She's mid 20s.
lemme guess ur mil likes ur sil cos she's "beautiful"?
have cactus.. u can argue sayin its not like u use the cactus to hit them
and have it high high above ground -
One idea is to let your parents stay with you. Your parents will defend you .Originally posted by mistyblue:I cannot speak freely about his family because like what shinta observed, the guys are used to the family and will never see the things they do as wrong. My husband told me he's used to dirty house, with smells and he finds clean floors and fresh air uncomfortable. It was seen as driving a wedge between him and myself and he would take the side of his family. I was seen as spoilt and demanding and adding troubles to his life. I point out some things but i was seen as whining and criticizing.
Yea, what was I thinking when I married him.
I have to start watching what I say and how I say things.
the MIL sometimes would be sane but what should I know. All I know is that this woman tells me not to go to any beach because there is tsunami, not to go tour because other countries are dangerous, not to fly because planes can crash and etc. She cannot accept a different opinion and she cannot accept I do not do things or like the things she do. She's a bit***y control freak. She likes fann wong and praise her as if she's her daughter but I asked her if she knows anything about fann. She cannot say anything but that she is beautiful and so she likes her. She's shallow, small minded, obnoxious, boastful, stupid and hypocrite. She always speaks as if her son drives a BMW and have a 10K job and she does not know the stupid things she say start people sniggering. She's the type of aunty you met on the bus that you cannot stand. During my wedding, my sister heard some things she said and come by and ask if she knows what she's saying is an embarassing, baseless and stupid. She also asked why the MIL face so black like she's paying for all these. I told her not to pay any attention to her.
My neighbour is moving away. I didn't think much of it and didn't always run into them. She came by one day to say that the neighbours are stuck up people and never greeted her. They are so arrogant they always pretend never to see her (I know why because she always dirty the corridor and throw her rubbish at the lift landing or along the corridor. No one on that level does this so I am not surprise no one like her.). She also claim the neighbours are jealous of her because she has so many grandkids and that they are childless and so cannot stand it. They are unhappy that the children make so much noise. All these are the stupid things that come out from her mouth - nothing is fact, just her shallow, stupid mind coming up these ideas about other people. I cannot imagine what made her think of things this way. Even if I am a happy person, listening to this sort of crap everyday, I will also become depressed and negative. I dare not tell my husband because I know its nonsense. I just felt that I would love to buy over the neighbour's house.
My grandma who treated my mom like crap is scared of my maternal grandma ...It's a joke ....she avoids her like crazy.
Like I said however you have to make your husband be the mediator and get all the stress or else your marriage will break down. -
I don't really know what's the deal with SIL and MIL. But the SIL gave birth like a sow and shove the responsibility of taking care of the kids to the MIL. My MIL only believe that a woman achievement is when she produce like a sow.Originally posted by shinta:ah
lemme guess ur mil likes ur sil cos she's "beautiful"?
have cactus.. u can argue sayin its not like u use the cactus to hit them
and have it high high above ground
I personally do not like cactus. The plants I keep range from tomatoes, chill, capsican, frogjoy, lime, ginger, fa-chai plants, clover, money plants, peppermints and such. They are kept in little pots to prevent them from growing too much and too fast. -
In the eyes of my husband, I am spoilt and difficult. In his eyes, his family is first. I have not felt like family.
Your husband needs to intervene on your behalf. After all, she's been living with him all these while before he got married, whereas you're just someone who just popped out. If he does not help, then it will be difficult.
When two people get married, they form a new family (even without children), and that family should be the priority. -
Why you worry so much about the kids? It's their parents who want them spoilt and things messed up.. End of the day, they would likely be the people tasting their own fruits?Originally posted by mistyblue:I saw how my MIL took care of the kids and I saw the kinds of things she teach them. I think I rather get paid help - because she teaches the wrong values and encourages the wrong behaviour. Then I also see how the MIL neglects the children and spends hours on the phone gossiping. Then claims she is so tired and cannot do any housework. She does not wash up after herself and leaves trash all over the floor, under tables, in drawers and then there would be a stench of rotting things. Then you will know there is something not right so I had spend lots of time hunting down the rubbish dumps she created all over the house. My husband told me my MIL cannot change her behaviour. I told him my dad is 70+, his mom is only 50. My dad can change his behaviour why she is not capable. She's just a old B**** who refused to change and wants status quo with a maid to serve her.
Besides, I know my MIL love that bratty grand daughter and constantly bullies the grandson. She talks endlessly of the tricks and the naughty things, rude acts, and bad behaviours so proudly like the girl is so intelligent. The children learnt from their parents and grandmother to treat me like a maid. So she comes into my house and act as if I was never there. She quickly learnt from her grandmother to throw things around and have her bad temper as well. When I have dinner she always want a share of my food and climbs all over me and around the chair. So sometimes, I give up and let her play.
One time she refused to listen to anyone and was playing on a chair. The chair toppled. Anyways, she took the hint from the grandmother because she made all those senseless talk and noise until the child got the hint to cry. She really knows how to milk people, of course cried hard to gain as much sympathy as possible and then for the next couple of days got her way in whatever she wanted. After the incident, the girl had the gall to say that her daddy never took care of her therefore she fell. The grandmother was so proud the girl her age learn to blame her parents for her own fault. From then onwards, whenever she fell down, she would blame it on an adult. Actually no one can prevent the accident because she was such a stubborn brat and would do the opposite just to spite people, she was up and down, and playing around the chair. She's always doing things like this just to show off because she gets praised by her grandmother that she is so smart. Then like her grandmother, she would show everyone her injuries and then keep telling you that someone didn't take care of her therefore she fell or got hurt. Mind you, this is a 4 year old I am talking about.
How old is your MIL?
In any case if you really decides to move out... Have one LAST GOOD TALK with your husband before making that sort of decision? -
Mmm... How's your sister doing now?Originally posted by mistyblue:my brother threw my sister and myself out of my parent's house.
the day he put his name down for the new house - and my parents became his dependents, he swore that he will teach the old folks a lesson. Such is the kind of brother I had. I know my parents live in hell but I cannot help them.
I rather stay out on my own... there is no option of "going back" -
Mmm...Originally posted by mistyblue:no need, the plants are in the balcony in my house. Only 2 brats will do this sort of damage to my plants.
I know the kids and I know the parents and their grandmother. I live with them. But for what they had done, had the adults own up and made the kids apologise. I would have forgiven them for causing the death of my plants.
But the worse part is that they tried to hide it from me!
I cook and clean for the whole f**** family. This is the kind of respect I get.
I paid for the house, food, water, electricity and every piece of furniture and appliance they use, and this is the kind of respect they have for me and my things!
You must understand that I will not be welcome to the kid's home because their mother is a selfish b****. Even if I am in their place, I would never had done this kind of thing because I respect their home and they are the owner.
This is what I am angry about. I cannot let this go because I am already treated like sh!t in my own home. Then to have these people disrespect me in my own home. This is Too much. -
You SERIOUSLY THINK that would be better for everyoneOriginally posted by mistyblue:my MIL will say nice things to him.
Turn around, call her relatives and start some nasty talk. When she speaks to me, its totally different. For instance, I had asked not to be fetched around (I paid for the first 10% and insurance of his car, no questions asked), in fact, I told him not to fetch me anymore because my MIL had told I should put my husband at priority and that I had never think for him as he needs his rest and he should not be bothered to do such thing. She claim I had been asking for rides and been unreasonable to ask him to drive all the way to jurong to fetch me while we stay in the east. (fact is that I never wanted to stay in the east if not for her and her grandkids. I would have f**** moved to redhill, Telok Blangah or some other spot nearer to MRT or a new house along punggol line) Anyways, I told her I had insisted he stop picking me up. So she didn't have flodder to feed her gossip lines. Nowadays I dare not ask anything, in fact I tell him to stay put, I rather get rained on than sit in that car and do my 1hr and 30min commute per direction. Besides I am also working lots of super OT, till I am so tired just to avoid her. When I told my husband what my MIL said, he was shocked.
I felt she had gone overboard poking her nose into things that do not concern her. Anyways, her own daughter married a rich guy but he's weak and did not really hold the main control of the family business. She worried that her daughter will not get her share of the money and pokes her nose into it. You see, the MIL is one who had taken 3 refuge. It means something in buddhist circle. To me practice is more important than shallow mouthing of some chant. Anyways, she bends any rules where she sees fit and she bends us when she wants to get her way.
He's stayed 30+ years with this women and love her "endearing" ways. How many years had he been with me?
Truth is that wives can be replaced. Mothers cannot.
Maybe if I am gone, with the insurance payout, the nice house and car, he can get a better woman for his needs. By then he's rich with insurance payout, he propably do not need to work. I am sure my MIL will say good riddance.
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I don't care if their kids destroy their own house, problem is that the kids are always at my place almost 90% of the time.Originally posted by Devil1976:Why you worry so much about the kids? It's their parents who want them spoilt and things messed up.. End of the day, they would likely be the people tasting their own fruits?
How old is your MIL?
In any case if you really decides to move out... Have one LAST GOOD TALK with your husband before making that sort of decision?
She's mid 50s. -
She's ok. She's moved past that, we both continue to visit our parents though we avoid our brother. He would sulk and all sorts of things. we just ignore him loh.Originally posted by Devil1976:Mmm... How's your sister doing now? -
I do not have an answer. What I know is that I've been told that life had been cosy before I was added into this family. Anyways, he's said he regretted getting married. I always told him he had been married to his family and to his mother.Originally posted by Devil1976:You SERIOUSLY THINK that would be better for everyone
I can only reduce complexity by taking myself out of the equation. -
pat pat i realy pity U
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you should never let yourself get bullied by uneducated, unreasonable MIL who treats you not as a DIL but as a maid, or cook. what i see is the limiting factor is your husband, because he will most likely be defending his mother.
asking your parents to move in is not a good idea, because conflicts may arise in your already crowded home, making things difficult for everyone. for the issue of the brats, it seems like they cant keep their hands to themselves, and there is one way you can get rid of them.
since they like to touch your stuff so much, why not consider investing in those cheap glass figurines or toys you can find from flea markets, etc and putting them around the house? this way if the kids play with them - drop and break them - and get hurt from it, no one can say its your fault because
1) you are working, what stupid excuse no one to take care of them?
2)your MIL may blame you for keeping such decorations, but it is a perfectly reasonable decoration for a house and your husband cannot fault u for it and 3)if she says you should not have those because there are kids in the house, you can ask her "kids? what kids? do i look like i have kids?"
and psychologically, the kids will be scared because they hurt themselves, and two results will occur, namely
1)they will learn to keep their hands to themselves, including your beloved plants
2)they will not dare to go to your house anymore for fear of getting hurt
which then solves the problems of the kids. -
hi mistyblue,
dont be upset over these kind of people, its not worth it. since you are working, i suggest that you move out first. then get your husband to choose either you or his mother. if he chooses his mother, he is not worth your time and love.