why is my family so screwed up ?
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Just as I have thot. Computer is really the devil here! I would bet he surf's porn as well. I dunno, I always feel that too much porn can affect a person mental well being. I can imagine all this because I know of someone who was like this when he was jobless for years too. That person got out of it when he got a job and he remained at that job and got out of his depression.Originally posted by dkyy:bottling up at home. always in front of the computer dunno do what ...??
hope he's at least releasing some steam at sgforums
this family problem contributes to most of the crap in my life right now. many things in my plan have been diao2 and put on standby mode pending resolution if ever.
anyway tomorrow will be better.... optimistic forever
There are a few things that u have to keep trying even if it has been done b4. You will be surprised how doing sth in a different way and in a more appropriate time can yield better results. So continue to
1) Ask him and Help him get a job. Another possible way is say that u need help to do sth and when he finish, u can reward him with a dinner outing, etc.
2) Engage with him some sports.
3) Talk to him. Instead of the blunt method, try talking about his happier past, the happy moments together as brother and those childhood moments. Then u can slowly talk about ur problem and how u feel about this family. Let him realise again how he has affected the family indirectly and say it out himself. When to strike the conversation can be critical, so find the right time.
Your father is certainly not wrong in some way but u should also talk to him about how u feel and how he can help.
Preservere! U Can Do IT! -
"computer addiction" came to my mind too.Originally posted by apples:Just as I have thot. Computer is really the devil here! I would bet he surf's porn as well. I dunno, I always feel that too much porn can affect a person mental well being. I can imagine all this because I know of someone who was like this when he was jobless for years too. That person got out of it when he got a job and he remained at that job and got out of his depression.
There are a few things that u have to keep trying even if it has been done b4. You will be surprised how doing sth in a different way and in a more appropriate time can yield better results. So continue to
1) Ask him and Help him get a job. Another possible way is say that u need help to do sth and when he finish, u can reward him with a dinner outing, etc.
2) Engage with him some sports.
3) Talk to him. Instead of the blunt method, try talking about his happier past, the happy moments together as brother and those childhood moments. Then u can slowly talk about ur problem and how u feel about this family. Let him realise again how he has affected the family indirectly and say it out himself. When to strike the conversation can be critical, so find the right time.
Your father is certainly not wrong in some way but u should also talk to him about how u feel and how he can help.
Preservere! U Can Do IT!
nowadays i hate going home and feel quite depressed myself.
thanks apples. really appreciate your suggestions. will keep trying..
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the gist of their long-distance relationship goes like this :-Originally posted by Devil1976:By the way, try touching bits on his relationship... And in all aspects, try to know him and his life better... No rushing through though...? Even casual chatting and bonding could also be a valid move...
gf catches cold. bf drops everything and flies to america. difficult to believe but this is the truth. like that how to keep job ???
i dunno if i should be happy or sad to have a modern-day qing2 sheng4 (casanova, i think in english) for a bro. -
Personally I think it's bad? Quite very bad.Originally posted by dkyy:the gist of their long-distance relationship goes like this :-
gf catches cold. bf drops everything and flies to america. difficult to believe but this is the truth. like that how to keep job ???
i dunno if i should be happy or sad to have a modern-day qing2 sheng4 (casanova, i think in english) for a bro.
Are they still in the relationship? How are things developing between them now?
Somehow I just can't help to feel.. Hmm... Your brother's more than just a qing sheng?
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your bro is a loner? any friends he hang out with very often?Originally posted by dkyy:my bro is in depression for a few years liao. he says it started when we moved to this new place where he hates the environment and neighbours. on top of this, he got into a sticky long-distance relationship with a foreigner. due to all these problems he can't keep his jobs and is unemployed again. his life seems to nose-dive after we moved into this new place. whether it's bad fengshui or not, i really don't know.
since he keeps saying the new place causes his depression, my mum and i want to help him turn it around. the best logical solution is to shift house.... expensive and massive job but can't be helped because his depression is quite severe. he won't speak to anyone at home and keeps to himself most of the time in his room. even talks about suicide.
so it seems that we have nailed the solution which given some effort and $$, the problem can be readily solved, right ? wrong. my dad is dead beat against shifting. he is one stubborn person who doesn't know heck about this illness called depression or believe my bro that the house is causing him so much stress. he thinks it's all B.S. and that there is no problem at all. he doesn't bother to communicate with my bro, or try to understand what's happening. everyday he just buries his head in the sand like an ostrich by merrily watching TV when everyone around him is depressed.
my mum is depressed and worried for my bro, but she's too soft and helpless to talk my dad around. as for me, this family problem gives me stress and sometimes i deliberately stay out to avoid coming home. it has also eroded my trust in human relationships. i don't understand why men can be so egoistic, blind and hard-hearted. and why women can be so helpless..
the way i see it, this problem can be solved easily as long as people communicate and try to understand each other's viewpoint. unfortunately when you have ego, stupidity, attachment to own perception and ignorance in the way, simple things can become complicated. i always thought that i have quite good parents (dad) until now. funny thing is, if we do shift house i'll be the one who's picking up most of the tab. and nobody really cares how i feel.
what would you do if you were me ?
what's his previous job?
like what apples said, i think the main culprit has got to be his addiction to PC.
his case reminds me of those parasite single or NEET that exist in the japanese society. -
last time he had some friends. but after he sank into depression, he became more of a loner. actually he's quite a nice guy, not that type of bad problem kid. don't know why he becomes like that. the transition seems to be after we move into the new house, which brings us back to the original theme of shifting house - and that is in stalemate.Originally posted by Gunyandao:your bro is a loner? any friends he hang out with very often?
what's his previous job?
like what apples said, i think the main culprit has got to be his addiction to PC.
his case reminds me of those parasite single or NEET that exist in the japanese society. -
Have the situation improve? Can email me if u need take ...
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Before you try to bring him to a counsellor or psychiatrist, y not ask him out for a coffee or go some place quiet like the sea side or park? No talking so deeply or profound at that moment. He needs to release some of those depression level.Originally posted by dkyy:last time he had some friends. but after he sank into depression, he became more of a loner. actually he's quite a nice guy, not that type of bad problem kid. don't know why he becomes like that. the transition seems to be after we move into the new house, which brings us back to the original theme of shifting house - and that is in stalemate.
If you have any vcds or shows that is positive, like hope, friendship values or funny (what genre does he prefer?) tell him to see it. Maybe he like playing certain sports, but dun wanna involve many people? Then play with him alone first.
These things have to be done slowly and you don't force him to do things he not ready to do. Let him get to it by himself. -
well he had problems, you urself knew that he had been bottling himself. The problems in his life maybe overwhemling for him now.
well he need a person who can listen to him and not be too judgemental.
By talking, u can know what is the problem.
As he say , it is because of the family problems, r/s problems, somehow it will affect the self-esteem.
Sometime scolding did help but you must listen to him too , whether the problems can be solve by himself. must be supportive too.
And u also say that the family is so screw up, u put the blame on him.
Of course it is not very good too. Can I ask u what is the definition of family?
Sometime he need time too.