why is my family so screwed up ?
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Hey cheer up, Be calm yourself s ou can help u family... U can handle the whole thing urself so just pray...
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if ur bro refuses to see a doc abt his pro, i dun think anyone can help him leh.
only he can help himself. talk him over. he needs listening ear n encouragement. -
yep.Originally posted by dkyy:my bro is very defensive and flares up whenever we talk about psychiatrist and counselling. i really don't know how i can drag him and my whole family for counselling.
i'm preparing to go see a psychiatrist myself and ask the doc what i can do in such a situation....
that would be a good idea
your psychiatrist would be able to talk to your family also...
9 years is a long time for someone to be depressed.
it would be good to seek outside help... -
I agree with him, certain place will have certain effect to different people. Have you heard mencius's mum shifted three times to look for correct enviroment for his son?Originally posted by mistyblue:I don't know but some times certain house, certain room might be filled with negative energy. Theree is no way to describe it but its just is. It affects the person staying there but there must be a way to resolve it.
Another thing might be concern about spirit, you can check with this website
http://www.kktanhp.com/Spirits,Ghosts.htm -
He no longer in the relationship with that foreigner?Originally posted by dkyy:my bro is in depression for a few years liao. he says it started when we moved to this new place where he hates the environment and neighbours. on top of this, he got into a sticky long-distance relationship with a foreigner. due to all these problems he can't keep his jobs and is unemployed again. his life seems to nose-dive after we moved into this new place. whether it's bad fengshui or not, i really don't know.
since he keeps saying the new place causes his depression, my mum and i want to help him turn it around. the best logical solution is to shift house.... expensive and massive job but can't be helped because his depression is quite severe. he won't speak to anyone at home and keeps to himself most of the time in his room. even talks about suicide.
so it seems that we have nailed the solution which given some effort and $$, the problem can be readily solved, right ? wrong. my dad is dead beat against shifting. he is one stubborn person who doesn't know heck about this illness called depression or believe my bro that the house is causing him so much stress. he thinks it's all B.S. and that there is no problem at all. he doesn't bother to communicate with my bro, or try to understand what's happening. everyday he just buries his head in the sand like an ostrich by merrily watching TV when everyone around him is depressed.
my mum is depressed and worried for my bro, but she's too soft and helpless to talk my dad around. as for me, this family problem gives me stress and sometimes i deliberately stay out to avoid coming home. it has also eroded my trust in human relationships. i don't understand why men can be so egoistic, blind and hard-hearted. and why women can be so helpless..
the way i see it, this problem can be solved easily as long as people communicate and try to understand each other's viewpoint. unfortunately when you have ego, stupidity, attachment to own perception and ignorance in the way, simple things can become complicated. i always thought that i have quite good parents (dad) until now. funny thing is, if we do shift house i'll be the one who's picking up most of the tab. and nobody really cares how i feel.
what would you do if you were me ? -
thanks dude. yeah right i gotta hang in there. i'm now the sole breadwinner and if we shift house, the burden will be on my shoulders. stressed leh....Originally posted by soulwinner:Hey cheer up, Be calm yourself s ou can help u family... U can handle the whole thing urself so just pray...
everyday come back home see 2 sad faces and 1 ultra happy face... hiaz -
still in, but on/off mode. the relationship has taken a toll due to his depression. honestly i think this relationship also got a part to play in his screwed up life. because his gf is quite sticky - you know it can be stressful trying to maintain a long-distance relationship. laggi worse when both parties are immature, gf is demanding and bf is accommodating.Originally posted by Devil1976:He no longer in the relationship with that foreigner?
it's all pretty screwed up. can become script for mediacorp tv series
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this is from personal experience......some pple simply need a little knocking into his or he senses...Originally posted by udontknowme:
your advice would be a wonderful way to make a depressed person more depressed and suicidal. -
How well you know the relationship between him and her? Can you give more details on it?Originally posted by dkyy:still in, but on/off mode. the relationship has taken a toll due to his depression. honestly i think this relationship also got a part to play in his screwed up life. because his gf is quite sticky - you know it can be stressful trying to maintain a long-distance relationship. laggi worse when both parties are immature, gf is demanding and bf is accommodating.
it's all pretty screwed up. can become script for mediacorp tv series -
Hi,
Frankly, shifting house may not work out and furthermore like what u said, it would be a risky financial burden for u and ur family.
Try to look at solutions within ur means.
How about redoing the house. That is painting, changing some furniture, shifting the location of the furniture, etc! Very importantly, the family must be involved. If your father is still stubborn and don't wish to participate, just get urself, ur mum and very importantly ur brother to work it out! Furthermore, CNY is coming and would be a good excuse to redo the house.
Maybe you guys can get some ideas from Monday show Bai Jai Le! Get ur brother to be involved and perhaps add in some fengshui stuff like got water and stones, etc (I not sure but perhaps u can post another qn on house fengshui)
Include changing the outside corridor as well since he complains about his neighbours...
By working on the renovation, he will get recognition from the family. Hopefully get ur father involved as well. Ur brother will be doing sth for the family and u and ur mum must show appreciation. How much u let go for him to handle is also critical to getting some confidence back in him. However, redoing the house will not be sufficient to bring his confidence back.
Other than that, u brother need to go out and meet ppl. He has to start working and get appreciated. A lot of ppl mistake making money from work is the most important thing. I disagree and I tell u that being appreciated in life is just as important and often more important!
Getting job for him can be difficult. I would think even starting off with doing some social work (low paid or even free) is helpful in letting him see ppl worst than his plight and letting him feel important.
Forget about girl relationship. He needs to get his confidence back and step out of depression first.
Another idea for u is to ask him or even urself to find comfort in religion. For example, sitting down in a Buddhist temple and meditating or chanting can calm urself.
As for harsh talks, it's not easy to get it to work and it will backfire most of the time and even if it does, u brother may get very bad opinion of u thereafter.
Cheers and Be Strong Yourself -
any history if mental issues or depression in your family? it's hereditary so if there was then moving house may not really help. medical help is required asap....
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thanks apples for the list of suggestions.
u are right, perhaps we shld think abt other solutions. my job sucks and i dread of taking on the financial burden and having to slog away my life at some stupid job just because i'm chained by debt.
most of the things which you hv mentioned - i tried liao. ultimately my bro got to want to improve and help himself for them to work. i can count several ways which we hv tried but to no avail :-
* change room => refused
* see psychiatrist => refused
* get new furniture, i even wanted to sponsor => refused
* rent place outside => he tried but shifted back
* shift house => blocked by my dad
* stop the relationship => he's an adult, i can't stop him from having feelings for a gal
maybe my dad is right, he's just one selfish bum blaming everything on everyone else.
sorry for agonising lots and dragging everyone down here. but i do feel drained emotionally by this entire thingy. maybe i give myself too much stress, but this is the agony of the only other sibling -
I think hor.. even tho he refuse to see a psychiatrist..
die die must bring him to one de..
if not, you won't know whether he will attempt to end his life. -
dangerous leh. what if he cant take it anymore and really commited suicide? at least he at home parents can look after him.Originally posted by nightzip:okok, problem easily solve.
Help your bro find a place to rent a room. Then all the rest of the family can remain stay at the house.
Your bro can go find somewhere he likes, and rent the flat or room. This very easy, cuz everywhere you see people paste paper to rent their flat.
Then ask some monk or priest to cleanse the rental room, then ok liao.
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Basically, his butt needs to be moved and that is a big step because depressed ppl are very weak willed and will be what I call Mr. No to everything. Before those suggestions of house renovation can even get to his head, he needs to be talked to.Originally posted by dkyy:thanks apples for the list of suggestions.
u are right, perhaps we shld think abt other solutions. my job sucks and i dread of taking on the financial burden and having to slog away my life at some stupid job just because i'm chained by debt.
most of the things which you hv mentioned - i tried liao. ultimately my bro got to want to improve and help himself for them to work. i can count several ways which we hv tried but to no avail :-
* change room => refused
* see psychiatrist => refused
* get new furniture, i even wanted to sponsor => refused
* rent place outside => he tried but shifted back
* shift house => blocked by my dad
* stop the relationship => he's an adult, i can't stop him from having feelings for a gal
maybe my dad is right, he's just one selfish bum blaming everything on everyone else.
sorry for agonising lots and dragging everyone down here. but i do feel drained emotionally by this entire thingy. maybe i give myself too much stress, but this is the agony of the only other sibling
When u write this I would feel that u are very worried for ur brother and loves him and surely wants the family to be happy again.
What is he doing daily? Is he still going out and just bottle himself up at home? Is he hiding the reality with devices like the computer and TV? -
try to get him to talk to a professional,
it doesn't have to be a psychiatrist, maybe a counsellor?
or a friend who is a counsellor?
u mention he tried to rent a room outside... but moved back, why is that so? what reason did he give? -
Try to spend more time with him and slowly talk to him...?Originally posted by dkyy:thanks apples for the list of suggestions.
u are right, perhaps we shld think abt other solutions. my job sucks and i dread of taking on the financial burden and having to slog away my life at some stupid job just because i'm chained by debt.
most of the things which you hv mentioned - i tried liao. ultimately my bro got to want to improve and help himself for them to work. i can count several ways which we hv tried but to no avail :-
* change room => refused
* see psychiatrist => refused
* get new furniture, i even wanted to sponsor => refused
* rent place outside => he tried but shifted back
* shift house => blocked by my dad
* stop the relationship => he's an adult, i can't stop him from having feelings for a gal
maybe my dad is right, he's just one selfish bum blaming everything on everyone else.
sorry for agonising lots and dragging everyone down here. but i do feel drained emotionally by this entire thingy. maybe i give myself too much stress, but this is the agony of the only other sibling -
bottling up at home. always in front of the computer dunno do what ...??Originally posted by apples:Basically, his butt needs to be moved and that is a big step because depressed ppl are very weak willed and will be what I call Mr. No to everything. Before those suggestions of house renovation can even get to his head, he needs to be talked to.
When u write this I would feel that u are very worried for ur brother and loves him and surely wants the family to be happy again.
What is he doing daily? Is he still going out and just bottle himself up at home? Is he hiding the reality with devices like the computer and TV?
hope he's at least releasing some steam at sgforums
this family problem contributes to most of the crap in my life right now. many things in my plan have been diao2 and put on standby mode pending resolution if ever.
anyway tomorrow will be better.... optimistic forever -
I don't know how it will help if a person is force to be helped.Originally posted by browniebaobao:I think hor.. even tho he refuse to see a psychiatrist..
die die must bring him to one de..
if not, you won't know whether he will attempt to end his life.
Maybe it does work!
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ever try talking to a piece of wood ?Originally posted by Devil1976:Try to spend more time with him and slowly talk to him...?
yeah it's that bad -
ask him to get a job.. keep his mind occupied. btw, has he served his NS?
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he can't keep his jobs. that's the problem.....Originally posted by qooorange:ask him to get a job.. keep his mind occupied. btw, has he served his NS?
yeah he went through NS liao -
Become a volunteer
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Yes, I know. But he's your brother. If you really care and bother for, I think you've got quite little options left.. Though what you do might or might not have much if not even any effect at all... It's still nonetheless an effort on your part?Originally posted by dkyy:ever try talking to a piece of wood ?
yeah it's that bad -
By the way, try touching bits on his relationship... And in all aspects, try to know him and his life better... No rushing through though...? Even casual chatting and bonding could also be a valid move...Originally posted by dkyy:ever try talking to a piece of wood ?
yeah it's that bad