What Can I do about a father who never Care ?
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Ignore the quote if u thinks too long...
He gambles, bets, for the family, he says.
Sometimes looking at other people's happy family,
I just feel jealous looking at them.
A family that can talk to each other with no worries..
For me, my dad, I never wished for much but many for him do behave like a father.
From young, I was always beaten, hands, belts, wooden rots... All that made the cane look like a blessing.
Beaten to the extent of bleeding.
At youth, I did well, no one cared. To be exact, my dad doesn't care.
My mum did, a little anyway, being in the top 5 positions in school at sec 3.
Well that did prompt me to stop studying, cause i thought it was a wasted effort
At present,With my family poor and finacially laid back, My dad has now found another woman causing much grief and pain to my mum.He even beats my mum up on 1 occasion. He practically lived in the other womans house, my mum waits at home after her work, with the bedroom door half close, hoping to see him come home.
He caused most kind of troubles, for my mum, now her sisters and brothers have forsaken her.
He never listens to reason,
When he beat me up, it was never a time, He was wrong.
At 16 onwards, my words to him never exceeded 100 words in a year.
I work and try to earn for my own.
And today, when i got home late while i was at my girlfriends house, doing some Final Year Project stuff, the door was bolted, my brother banging at the front door. Tried to call, but My mum hp was off, the house phone was left off the hook. In the end my mum woke up and opened the door, she didn't know the man had came home and did all that stuff.
I don't know what to do now, just so lost.
I've finacial problems and a life to live,
Family to support.
Now a man once called my father, now becomes the bane of my life.
What should i do...
I'm really lost.
I really need help.
Thanks to those who made a effort to read. -
your mom has never considered divorce?
how badly does he beat your mom up? 
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Tried consulting professionals or your teachers?
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if its me i would beat my dad to sense seriously.
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is the hse fully paid for?
if so, divorce.....
get half of it... -
beat as in beat physically???Originally posted by Pitot:if its me i would beat my dad to sense seriously.
cannot.
he is still your father.
cannot beat him. liddat not respect.
he may be wrong, but that doesnt entitle you to do something liddat... -
Cannot.
he is still your father.
cannot beat him. liddat not respect.
he may be wrong, but that doesnt entitle you to do something liddat...[/b][/quote]
Ya, but to have a father like that(Sorry no offends), beating up your mum, outside got woman, happy happy come back, not happy just leave. U can kahan nah? Yes, u can talk to your father, but will yr father understand what or how u feel? When a man's heart changes, it's hard for the man to turn back untill something serious happen to him that makes him regret for what he had done. -
i agree with pitotOriginally posted by udontknowme:beat as in beat physically???
cannot.
he is still your father.
cannot beat him. liddat not respect.
he may be wrong, but that doesnt entitle you to do something liddat...
with this kind of father...what respect should he have from me?
i would whack him for each and every pain he inflicted on me and the family..thats the way i think -
TS needs genuine advice.
yet you people are arguing if it is respectful to beat the living daylights out of him.
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Should it be underwhose name ? to fulfil the condition ?Originally posted by missqi:is the hse fully paid for?
if so, divorce.....
get half of it...
I'm not sure missqi haha...
Ya, but to have a father like that(Sorry no offends), beating up your mum, outside got woman, happy happy come back, not happy just leave. U can kahan nah? Yes, u can talk to your father, but will yr father understand what or how u feel? When a man's heart changes, it's hard for the man to turn back untill something serious happen to him that makes him regret for what he had done.[/b][/quote]Originally posted by redpicanto:Cannot.
he is still your father.
cannot beat him. liddat not respect.
he may be wrong, but that doesnt entitle you to do something liddat...
Its not about change of heart,
I don't think he loved my mum anymore since the day my parents moved out of my aunts place. Regret ? i hope he does.
This is messed up.
I never looked up to him,
Only to 1 thing, which i think its a shame to mention now.
Worthless.
I tried talking,
all he did was denial.
I'm not sure now,
haven tried professional help or teachers.
but in poly I don't feel like talking to my lecturers about my stuff,
just wanna deal the issue on my own,
Well,
Is that right or wrong ? -
father who never care? till what extent?
if really those hopeless case?
even hopeless close friend or same blood brother can fight together.
I will just do more social service to serve those other in need old senior citizen better.
I have seen cases of Missing father in some home in Singapore, the family member just live together without that missing man.
even room rental average is S$400 per month, is he still supporting this amount of money?
if not change all house lock, keep him out of the house if you and remainder family member do not want him back. -
I think the house is under his name, can't really do that, a average room rental is 400 bucks a month ?can consider on moving out with my mum and bro but my bro going jc next year... sigh... need to take care of him also..Originally posted by zaxis:father who never care? till what extent?
if really those hopeless case?
even hopeless close friend or same blood brother can fight together.
I will just do more social service to serve those other in need old senior citizen better.
I have seen cases of Missing father in some home in Singapore, the family member just live together without that missing man.
even room rental average is S$400 per month, is he still supporting this amount of money?
if not change all house lock, keep him out of the house if you and remainder family member do not want him back. -
What is your most immediate problem now that cannot wait?Originally posted by Sekundes:I think the house is under his name, can't really do that, a average room rental is 400 bucks a month ?can consider on moving out with my mum and bro but my bro going jc next year... sigh... need to take care of him also.. -
Do you wanna call one of those numbers for help...?Originally posted by Sekundes:Ignore the quote if u thinks too long...
He gambles, bets, for the family, he says.
He caused most kind of troubles, for my mum, now her sisters and brothers have forsaken her.
He never listens to reason,
When he beat me up, it was never a time, He was wrong.
At 16 onwards, my words to him never exceeded 100 words in a year.
I work and try to earn for my own.
And today, when i got home late while i was at my girlfriends house, doing some Final Year Project stuff, the door was bolted, my brother banging at the front door. Tried to call, but My mum hp was off, the house phone was left off the hook. In the end my mum woke up and opened the door, she didn't know the man had came home and did all that stuff.
I don't know what to do now, just so lost.
I've finacial problems and a life to live,
Family to support.
Now a man once called my father, now becomes the bane of my life.
What should i do...
I'm really lost.
I really need help.
Thanks to those who made a effort to read.
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=75218 -
Parent problem leave them to the parent
since you now can work & study, less time to enjoy, but it is a not a choice you would want but just take it easy, boy.
if your so call father is that bad, just treat him as very normal normal people loh.
you should spend more time with your mother then, -
Take out a PPO against your dad the next time he lays a finger on you or your family.
Let him noe that you guys are not his punching bags and that you have growned up le.
Hopefully it will deter him from ever thinking of harming you and your family again -
i think the best thing now is to seek professional help...
try the numbers that MC have provided you with.
meanwhile, what's the situation... it's all a little vague. -
Do u know when and why ur father behaves this way? Have ur mum told u?
Try to reflect back on the happenings in ur family in a quiet serene place like a park. Going along with ur mum should help too. Break away from ur current routine and have a simple outing to a park or even downstairs or any place that u guys are comfortable with and have a heart to heart talk on the family matter.
You can discuss things like what happened to ur father?
Do ur all still want him back?
Do ur all still want to help him?
Do ur all think ur father still wants the family?
What should u guys do?
...
While u guys are unhappy. Ur father is probably also a very unhappy person and for him, his way of venting out his anger is through violence. And dun be afraid to use those very useful counseling numbers from Devil 1976. -
Always thinking about MC...?Originally posted by smudgey:i think the best thing now is to seek professional help...
try the numbers that MC have provided you with.
meanwhile, what's the situation... it's all a little vague.
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Originally posted by Devil1976:Always thinking about MC...?
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The world would be a better place, If every child knew their worth to their family.
I could fully relate to how you feel. =\ -
If i were TS, I would have the urge to beat him up too..
but nope.. ever since my dad has left this world..
i wish i wish.. i wish i had another chance to talk to him nicely, hug him and tell him I love him..
No matter what he did to you and your family.. he's the one who gave you life.
I have a buddy.. his dad also kept a woman outside.. for years.. the mum was always waiting for him to come home.. and prentending that she dinoe anything.. my buddy refused to talk to him ever since.. and they used to be very very close..
Few years have passed.. finally he returned home.. left that woman.. but not long after, he met with an accident, broke his leg, suffered serious injuries and is still in a coma right now. My buddy travelled in and out of JB just to visit him despite of her busy work schedule.. and it really hurts me when I saw the scars on her wrist.. she must have attempted to cut her wrist many times before..
TS, be there for your mum. When her husband is always not around, she can only rely on her children. Have you ever asked your mum why is she waiting? Bcos she still treats him as her husband or because of her children? If he ever lays a finger on you or your family again, make a police report ba. You dun use violence to deal with violence. Let the law teach him a lesson.
Be strong ya.. your mum and family still needs you. And no matter what, do not try to end your life or do silly things that will break your mum's heart. And if you need someone to talk to, dun hesitate to call the helplines. -
i empathise with ur plight.
hope you can seek counsellor help
that is the best advice i can give you -
faster go to mata liao la. report child abuse
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when i read the quote with regards on, "From young, I was always beaten, hands, belts, wooden rots... All that made the cane look like a blessing." i really feel that you've probaly been through hell from young.
but from what i feel if he's able to have a woman outside, i believe he still has a heart. i mean a woman wouldn't fall in love with a man who resorts to violence and has no money right?
in anyways now that you are in poly and able to support yourself in terms of your daily expenses, and your brother is going JC next year and i assume he's 16? 17 this year. should be old enough to think about what to do. have a get together in the family excluding your father that is. try to talk about the problem with your dad. either to live with him, or without.
but personally i feel that you should call the hotlines and get some professional advises. remember do not take things into your own hands. you will only make matters worse. good luck.