Confessions of a Cheap Guy
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usually after someone is already in a r/s for 7 years, he or she will start to have a change of mind and want to change partnersOriginally posted by rmyfrm:what's with this seven year itch thing ... my gf always brings this up
reading TS post ... boy am I glad that all I'm attracted to are my computer/work/cars and my gf - together for years le, never change! and i hope it never does ...
anyway TS:
Why don't you think about it from your gf's viewpoint? Sounds to me like you're just a clingish little b*t*h. Be a man - your gf may have given you her best 7 years of her life, but that doesn't mean you should stay with her and have her sacrifice the next good 40 years of her life.
If your gf still wants you after fessing up, then yea ok .. she's the one living with it - then you will have a duty to make sure you don't screw up.
If your gf does not want to be with you after fessing up, then even better .. she'll find someone more deserving, and you can live through your "breathless" moments once again. -
I just call and ask to meet my gf but she said she is still busy. We hardly had time to see each other lately since she got promoted. Anyway i think i should really had a good talk with her, nowadays our conversation is all about her work.
i call myself cheap beacause i am attracted to another girl while still in relationship, i should not allow myself to get pass the first barrier. -
yes, please talk to her. if you feel neglected, communicate with her and work something out. Try to be understanding too, since she juz got promoted. This could be a transitionary phase.Originally posted by thickskin23:I just call and ask to meet my gf but she said she is still busy. We hardly had time to see each other lately since she got promoted. Anyway i think i should really had a good talk with her, nowadays our conversation is all about her work.
i call myself cheap beacause i am attracted to another girl while still in relationship, i should not allow myself to get pass the first barrier. -
temptations will always be there, it is up to how you are going to handle itOriginally posted by thickskin23:I just call and ask to meet my gf but she said she is still busy. We hardly had time to see each other lately since she got promoted. Anyway i think i should really had a good talk with her, nowadays our conversation is all about her work.
i call myself cheap beacause i am attracted to another girl while still in relationship, i should not allow myself to get pass the first barrier.
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I really need help. For the past 2 weeks , i been sleeping only 2 hours a day. Whenever i lie down on my bed, i will think of her. I really been making myself numb during the day by keeping myself busy.
Right now i sleep in the living sofa at night. How do i forget her completely? -
Time.Originally posted by thickskin23:I really need help. For the past 2 weeks , i been sleeping only 2 hours a day. Whenever i lie down on my bed, i will think of her. I really been making myself numb during the day by keeping myself busy.
Right now i sleep in the living sofa at night. How do i forget her completely?
don't worry, you are not alone. Many people had been thru that. Let time do the job in helping you forget. Meanwhile, since you gf is not free, occupy your time with somethings you enjoy doing or go out with friends. -
Originally posted by thickskin23:
You shd.
I just call and ask to meet my gf but she said she is still busy. We hardly had time to see each other lately since she got promoted. Anyway i think i should really had a good talk with her, nowadays our conversation is all about her work.
i call myself cheap beacause i am attracted to another girl while still in relationship, i should not allow myself to get pass the first barrier.
Btw, I dun think ur cheap. I applaud ur efforts in wanting to set things right. Can see ya efforts albeit some undesirable stuff had taken place.
Jia You! -
ya... and also women & men think differently too... we weigh different matters differently too...Originally posted by smudgey:difference in opinions ba....
cos as i said,
I May be able to forgive his betrayer
but never if it's coupled with deception. -
i AGREE....Originally posted by YouDonKnowMe:You shd.
Btw, I dun think ur cheap. I applaud ur efforts in wanting to set things right. Can see ya efforts albeit some undesirable stuff had taken place.
Jia You!
after all's said and done, at least you saw the temptation and took action to remove the temptation from your path. that is not easy and should be applaud...
bottomline you CHOSE your gf.
kambadei!!!
talk to your gf, and try to work out a way to see each other more.... both must make compromises....
once again....
kambadei!!! -
yeah... these i agree with ya..Originally posted by blu_sky:yes, please talk to her. if you feel neglected, communicate with her and work something out. Try to be understanding too, since she juz got promoted. This could be a transitionary phase. but as for if its a transitionary phase... we shall wait for him to update us again... -
How do u get to know this girl?
Is she your colleague?
Well.. u are doing the right thing so that u wun hurt ur gf..
but what about her?
Why did you tell her that u have been toying her feelings?
Coz u ever told her that u like her? Or she knows that there's mutual liking?
As a girl, I would advise you not to tell your gf also..
things like that, I'd rather not know..
save the heartache and tears..
Be good to ur gf.. love her and treasure her more..
even if she dun have time for you..
perhaps wat u can do is to buy her dinner when she works OT lor.. -
Ive had this sistuation many times before.
u sound like me in a male version.
my ex works alot,he barely have time for me except on weekends.
and im the kinda girl who needs communication, needs at least abit of attention.
but i know he couldt give that.
so we were frank to each other, i told him i have guy friends.
he knows that its impossible for some of them not to fall for me.
or me to feel tempted.
well to tell u the truth.
many times i had those feelings, of having long chats and comfortable outings with another guy.
i would think of tt guy more den my ex for tt period of time.
i was afraid too.
but i thought about it and told myself hey its just an infactuation, it'll fade.
it really did over time and our relationship managed to last 3 years..
and no we didnt break up cause of tt.
but the main point was.
did u like tt girl cause she gave u more attention den ur ex??
do u crave attention rather den love from tt girl cause ur ex couldnt fufill tt?
cause many times, we fall for that trap and think its love cause we didnt get attention and care from the person we love.
don't mix that up..
think about it..
if u think u made a mistake..
tell it to her, if she loves u tt much,she'll accept it.
if not..
den take it as a life lesson for u. -
it is easy.
leave her number here.
when she got attached.
you will 4get her.
unless she ur classmate.
everyday can see 1. -
Originally posted by thickskin23:I just call and ask to meet my gf but she said she is still busy. We hardly had time to see each other lately since she got promoted. Anyway i think i should really had a good talk with her, nowadays our conversation is all about her work.
i call myself cheap beacause i am attracted to another girl while still in relationship, i should not allow myself to get pass the first barrier.
Your emotional needs are not satisfied, therefore vulnerability creeps in.
Even if there's another girl whom you regard highly with a weird feeling, I don't think that would constitute you being 'cheap', as long as you don't cheat on your gf, by going anywhere further.
Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe in the abstinence of evil for the preservation of good - I believe in knowing temptation (evil) and get in touch with them because only when you have bathed in pool of 'temptation' and gotten out 'unscathed' by choosing good, would you actually gain enlightenment and self guard yourself from future adversity.
Of course, the common man's belief is that if you cannot handle it, avoid it - I would say that is hellva right too.
But I always choose the unorthodox way to manage myself.
Rule of thumb is: if you feel something is not quite right, always look into your relationship for reasons and resolve it. Most of the time, the actual reasons are not found beyond the boundaries of your relationship (although it may seemed so). In simple: You may think that it's the girl's appearance in your life, but I would tell you that it's your relationship.
Cheers -
What's your girl working as? Your conversations about work are boring her, I feel. Try talking about other stuff. How often does your girlfriend says she's busy nowadays?Originally posted by thickskin23:I just call and ask to meet my gf but she said she is still busy. We hardly had time to see each other lately since she got promoted. Anyway i think i should really had a good talk with her, nowadays our conversation is all about her work.
i call myself cheap beacause i am attracted to another girl while still in relationship, i should not allow myself to get pass the first barrier.
Don't put yourself down. At least, you aren't two-timing her. Control your desires.
doko -
That could be the case.Originally posted by Yunhaier:You may think that it's the girl's appearance in your life, but I would tell you that it's your relationship.
Cheers
doko -
@ least you still got some moral valuesOriginally posted by thickskin23:I just call and ask to meet my gf but she said she is still busy. We hardly had time to see each other lately since she got promoted. Anyway i think i should really had a good talk with her, nowadays our conversation is all about her work.
i call myself cheap beacause i am attracted to another girl while still in relationship, i should not allow myself to get pass the first barrier.
nowadays teens that turn into adults in future will be WORSER i assure you
humans will only get more evil instead of "BETTER" -
I agree....Originally posted by Yunhaier: Your emotional needs are not satisfied, therefore vulnerability creeps in.
Even if there's another girl whom you regard highly with a weird feeling, I don't think that would constitute you being 'cheap', as long as you don't cheat on your gf, by going anywhere further.
Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe in the abstinence of evil for the preservation of good - I believe in knowing temptation (evil) and get in touch with them because only when you have bathed in pool of 'temptation' and gotten out 'unscathed' by choosing good, would you actually gain enlightenment and self guard yourself from future adversity.
Of course, the common man's belief is that if you cannot handle it, avoid it - I would say that is hellva right too.
But I always choose the unorthodox way to manage myself.
Rule of thumb is: if you feel something is not quite right, always look into your relationship for reasons and resolve it. Most of the time, the actual reasons are not found beyond the boundaries of your relationship (although it may seemed so). In simple: You may think that it's the girl's appearance in your life, but I would tell you that it's your relationship.
Cheers
I've got a friend that is HAPPILY attached... and she meets a guy who is so so so HER TYPE.... they Hit it off...
but she told me, if she wasn't so happily attached with her bf, she would probably fall for this guy.
if there's no crack, then there'll be no leaks -
Agree!Originally posted by smudgey:I agree....
I've got a friend that is HAPPILY attached... and she meets a guy who is so so so HER TYPE.... they Hit it off...
but she told me, if she wasn't so happily attached with her bf, she would probably fall for this guy.
if there's no crack, then there'll be no leaks -
true, but we must also take note that not all can resist temptations.Originally posted by smudgey:I agree....
I've got a friend that is HAPPILY attached... and she meets a guy who is so so so HER TYPE.... they Hit it off...
but she told me, if she wasn't so happily attached with her bf, she would probably fall for this guy.
if there's no crack, then there'll be no leaks
To TS, dun put yourself down. You are doing a great job.
hang in there, try to hang on with your gf till she get used to her promotion and talk to her all the time. maintain communications for the time being.
and please, dont expose this to her. at least not now. -
Originally posted by thickskin23:I really need help. For the past 2 weeks , i been sleeping only 2 hours a day. Whenever i lie down on my bed, i will think of her. I really been making myself numb during the day by keeping myself busy.
Right now i sleep in the living sofa at night. How do i forget her completely?
Yes. Pls get yourself a LIFE.Originally posted by blu_sky:Time.
don't worry, you are not alone. Many people had been thru that. Let time do the job in helping you forget. Meanwhile, since you gf is not free, occupy your time with somethings you enjoy doing or go out with friends. -
I have a different analysis on this...
1. You want to tell your gf the truth because...
a. Your guilt is bugging you
b. In case gf breaks up with you, you will gladly go back to number 2....(with a clean plate showing everyone that you had been such an honest boyfriend...which increases the possibility of patching things up with #1 in case #2 doesn't work out....hmmm...just because you have been very "honest"?!)
2. You cannot sleep at night because....
a. You miss the excitement of having a secret affair
b. You suddenly felt that heart-thumping power which you no longer feel with your gf....(reality: heart really thumps with someone new....it will be gone after a while)(reality 2: It's people's nature to want something they cannot really have....)
3. You love your gf because....
a. She is your first and longest love and she knows all your weaknesses and had been with you through your worst times and you wouldn't want to waste that. (in short, you are secured that she really loves you and scared that you might be losing a gem over colored stones)
b. You really are decided and would want her to be the mother of your kids. (Which is what relationships really are, it is a choice. A decision that you have made. To love someone when the excitement is gone, the magic became comfort, when you need to accept things you hate).
I believe when you wanted to see a glimpse of her. I've been in the same situation then and it's good I found out earlier in the "affair" that he is engaged. I really felt the confusion he went through but it is a silent compromise not to ruin each other's lives that kept us from communicating now. It's been a year and though it is such a short, shallow affair, it is worth remembering. Just get on with your life and believe me, you'll get over it...it is just a feeling.not even love. -
Nah, you're doing ok lah, alot better than other guys already. Nowadays few people can have relationships over 5 years... you 7 years, steady lah.Originally posted by thickskin23:I have a gf who been with me for 7 years, She is very nice to me. One month ago i meet another girl. I guess i was attracted by her, we had lunch and phone chats and i could tell that she like me also, i just feel comfortable with her ( We never hold hands or do other things).
However i realised i cannot carry on this anymore, so i told that girl i was just toying with her feelings. I feel so sad when i said that but i could not be bad to my gf who give 7 years of her best life to me.
Now i am still trying to get over that girl but at times i find myself at the mrt station waiting to just catch a glimpse of her.
I really wanted to tell my gf that i did something wrong, i just cannot bear to meet with her eyes when we go out. I even stop holding her hands but i feel so terrible as i had been faithful for the past 7 years, i really feel that i am cheap. -
7 years is a long time to be together. But if you are not sure of yourself and commitment, then you should break up for a while.
From what I have seen, those who are meant to be together usually get back together after a few months, even if they date other people during this break up time.
Otherwise, if yo ustay together, it's like those marriages where the parents stay together "for the kid's sake".
This is a bad scenario because the two adults are never happy, the parents never smile, and for the next 30 to 40 years, you are just miserable.
Another way to see if you should be together is to travel overseas for a few months. You'll really see the nitty gritty of each other than.