Girlfriend and friends...
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Okay, before I get shot down/flamed/bitten by those whom know me, I have asked for the consent of my Rainee dear to post this for views and suggestions. (Since both of us are forumities it will be good for her to agree first :3 )
Yesterday dear she highlighted to me a growing problem which both of us think that it must be addressed fast before it worsens into an argument. The problem stems from me still outside with my friends past the time we are supposed to communicate over the phone. (10:30pm)
A little bit of our background. Me and Rainee are having a LDR (I'm in Singapore and she is from JB) and we can only meet up one day a week (Sunday). Thus in order to maintain this relationship it will be good to communicate frequently and so we set a time to call each other everyday. Up till recently there's some change in the routine.
I have many circles of friends... online-gaming friends (who will meet up every now and then for get-togethers), designer friends (ex-classmates/colleagues), RT/army khakis, ex-arcade khakis (whom become my good friends now even though we stopped going to gaming arcades), university coursemates, church group friends, fellow SGforumities etc etc. Quite often I will go out with my friends for a get-together as we don't have much time for catching up (they have their own commitments too) and most of the time we will be staying out till midnight. (Most of the time have to meet up after 9-10pm as some friends are in sales-line, have late knock-off hours and designer friends OT most of the time) Dear she is pretty ok if it's only once every now and then but I can sense that she is unhappy when I have to meet up with different groups of friends over a 2-3day period consec. From what she told me is that she kept up her end of the compromise of trying hard not to call/sms/msn me in the day and in the end seeing the conversation last only 5-10mins at night because I need to go back to my friends.
Anyone has suggestions and views about this matter? -
Since you meet your friends around 9 - 10, can't you bring your communication time forward earlier?
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I tink muz be smth with Rainee having hard time handling the student there.
Ok... Maybe you two should come up with a plan regarding your meetings and gatherings with your friends. Discuss with her when you meeting the groups. What time till what time and how frequent your outing is for a period of time. See she ok with it or not. If no then do changes and amendments.
Once you two agreed which day and time you devote to your friends, you stick with it and she has to contend with the time you are unable to converse with her. The time allocated to you being with your friends are to be exclusively be with your friends. Occasional smses or calls are ok but your time is with your friends. The remaining time you are NOT out with your friends are the time you two have agreed upon initially to devote to yourselves alone.
Work out a plan when you go with your friends, when you two get together. Then once both side agree liao then its both sides' responsibilities and decision to keep it that way. -
Firstly, you need to set your priorities straight for the record. Who in the equation in the specified equation above is more significant to you? Don't say equally important. There is no equally important in this world. Choose one which you deem more important and stick to it. You have to compromise, because there is no such thing in this world called "equally important.
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FIRST time see so cheem phrases coming out from you...Originally posted by ditzy:Firstly, you need to set your priorities straight for the record. Who in the equation in the specified equation above is more significant to you? Don't say equally important. There is no equally important in this world. Choose one which you deem more important and stick to it. You have to compromise, because there is no such thing in this world called "equally important. -
hmm i only got home after 1030...when I do the afternoon shift...Originally posted by elindra:Since you meet your friends around 9 - 10, can't you bring your communication time forward earlier?
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Then believe in the words you put above your avatar on the left.Originally posted by rainee:hmm i only got home after 1030...when I do the afternoon shift... -
Then maybe Rin have to let his friends understand that he has this commitment to keep and let them entertain themselves for half hour or so while he talkings to his darling
Only way to have his cake and eat it
If not cut down on the meeting time with friends >< -
Yep, that's why we come up with the 1030pm every night compromisation. But then quite alot of my gatherings are mostly ad-hoc, they decide very last minute, not easy to keep turning them down with the same reason "I need to chat with my dear." everytime they want to go out.Originally posted by Bontakun:I tink muz be smth with Rainee having hard time handling the student there.
Ok... Maybe you two should come up with a plan regarding your meetings and gatherings with your friends. Discuss with her when you meeting the groups. What time till what time and how frequent your outing is for a period of time. See she ok with it or not. If no then do changes and amendments.
Once you two agreed which day and time you devote to your friends, you stick with it and she has to contend with the time you are unable to converse with her. The time allocated to you being with your friends are to be exclusively be with your friends. Occasional smses or calls are ok but your time is with your friends. The remaining time you are NOT out with your friends are the time you two have agreed upon initially to devote to yourselves alone.
Work out a plan when you go with your friends, when you two get together. Then once both side agree liao then its both sides' responsibilities and decision to keep it that way. -
hmmm....
Neko....
I'm sure if you have to disappear for let's say 30mins to talk to rainee, your friends should be ok with that right?
so....
go out as usual with your friends,
let your friends know you will be gone for XXmins to chat with rainee,
when it's time to call rainee, go somewhere quiet and chat there.... -
haiz partly true...I am having a lot of stress at my workplace recently. Last time it is okie, but the ppl in my office has been rather demanding lately ie kept asking me to conduct extra lessons outside my schedule, then i have to also layan the parents of the problematic students, haiz...Originally posted by Bontakun:I tink muz be smth with Rainee having hard time handling the student there.
Ok... Maybe you two should come up with a plan regarding your meetings and gatherings with your friends. Discuss with her when you meeting the groups. What time till what time and how frequent your outing is for a period of time. See she ok with it or not. If no then do changes and amendments.
Once you two agreed which day and time you devote to your friends, you stick with it and she has to contend with the time you are unable to converse with her. The time allocated to you being with your friends are to be exclusively be with your friends. Occasional smses or calls are ok but your time is with your friends. The remaining time you are NOT out with your friends are the time you two have agreed upon initially to devote to yourselves alone.
Work out a plan when you go with your friends, when you two get together. Then once both side agree liao then its both sides' responsibilities and decision to keep it that way.
So when i am stressed out I want to talk about it, so when i reach home I look forward to calling my dear...at least his voice can cheer me up and he is very good at saying things that will make me less stressed out
But imagine my disappointment when I called, then I heard noisy background, wanted to talk also cannot talk because I know his frens are all prolly in front of him and teasing him about having a gf who must call everynite...so most of the time convo only lasted 5 minutes. And I will feel like it is left hanging...cos 5 to 10 mins is not enuff for me to say what I want to say.
I dunno if it is unreasonable for me to ask for this...cos already in the daytime we agree to not call/sms/msn each other...i agree to this becos I know dear got a lot of things to do also at home...so I let him have his private time during the afternoon and early evening until I reach home... -
Then you should tell the friends your relationship with Rainee and what you two have planned. Sure they will understand. Say, maybe go out 3 times, 1 time 1030 siam loh. Should be ok one lah.Originally posted by NekoRin:Yep, that's why we come up with the 1030pm every night compromisation. But then quite alot of my gatherings are mostly ad-hoc, they decide very last minute, not easy to keep turning them down with the same reason "I need to chat with my dear." everytime they want to go out. -
lolz yesterday talked around 15 to 20 mins his frens calling him back leOriginally posted by smudgey:hmmm....
Neko....
I'm sure if you have to disappear for let's say 30mins to talk to rainee, your friends should be ok with that right?
so....
go out as usual with your friends,
let your friends know you will be gone for XXmins to chat with rainee,
when it's time to call rainee, go somewhere quiet and chat there.... -
Hehe they know and are okay about it. It has become a habit for them to remind me even. "Rin, 1030 le, time to report strength"Originally posted by smudgey:hmmm....
Neko....
I'm sure if you have to disappear for let's say 30mins to talk to rainee, your friends should be ok with that right?
so....
go out as usual with your friends,
let your friends know you will be gone for XXmins to chat with rainee,
when it's time to call rainee, go somewhere quiet and chat there.... -
cannot just believe la, must also put in effort to achieve dat maOriginally posted by Bontakun:Then believe in the words you put above your avatar on the left. -
Cannot talk later than 10.30pm some days ah?
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yea this is the plan I am discussing with him nowOriginally posted by choco B:Cannot talk later than 10.30pm some days ah? -
From experience and the details above, I would put this as honeymoon stage. Maybe not to those involved but from 3rd party POV, its honeymooning. Best advice I can give now, time will tell.
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bad excuse, what is more imortant to you, your dear or your friends? True friends will understand, otherwise, set a meeting time and meet later or they can go first and you can catch up.Originally posted by NekoRin:Yep, that's why we come up with the 1030pm every night compromisation. But then quite alot of my gatherings are mostly ad-hoc, they decide very last minute, not easy to keep turning them down with the same reason "I need to chat with my dear." everytime they want to go out. -
hmmm....i oso tot so leh...but honeymoon until nearly a year liaozOriginally posted by ditzy:From experience and the details above, I would put this as honeymoon stage. Maybe not to those involved but from 3rd party POV, its honeymooning. Best advice I can give now, time will tell. 
but if can I wud like to maintain it like this la, at least until I move to Spore then dun need to call everyday is also okie liaoz -
Ya lah... but the MAIN source is to believe and have faith. Trust each other and patiently waiting. Knowing some "late" appointments, in some way, test you two's resolve in your relationships. Its like moulding your relationship and forging it to be stronger. The thing is: you two have to persevere during this time.Originally posted by rainee:cannot just believe la, must also put in effort to achieve dat ma -
I don't think there is anything wrong with Nekorin's lifestyle and time spent with friends.
I also agree that daily chats are good for the relationship. Btw what exactly are the chats, 3-hour long "sharing sessions" ah?
10.30 sharp call time every night is impractical. Can try to keep to it as much as possible but must have room for flexibility. Just hope that nobody has a fixed bed-time -
get married!!
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They have no problem entertaining themselves. But one thing for sure is both sides cannot neglect.Originally posted by elindra:Then maybe Rin have to let his friends understand that he has this commitment to keep and let them entertain themselves for half hour or so while he talkings to his darling
Only way to have his cake and eat it
If not cut down on the meeting time with friends >< -
The 3times is with 3 different groups of friends, how to siam when they meeting 10pm?Originally posted by Bontakun:Then you should tell the friends your relationship with Rainee and what you two have planned. Sure they will understand. Say, maybe go out 3 times, 1 time 1030 siam loh. Should be ok one lah.