highly sensitive person and mood swing
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Oh dear...Originally posted by Gunyandao:i hardly communicate with anyone in my family. normally just normal conversation surrounding work and stuffs, apart from that mostly i just keep to myself.when i was a kid and being bullied by that someone in my family, a number of times i try telling my mother i feel very sad hearing those things, she just brush me off.
from then on, i never tell her or my father anything regarding my personal feelings for everything. i just keep to myself.
now if my parents tend to be a bit more concern about me, i feel really uneasy and it really gives me goose pimples. that's why i think it will be quite difficult to recall past unpleasant experience.
a few years back when i mentioned to my mother over all these abuse i suffered as a kid, she denied it, saying i remember wrongly, that no such things happen.
my father even worst, claim that i am talking rubbish.
What you have remembered in the past from your point of view is not the same as their point of view. I am not sure how letting them know about what happened to you before could further help now, since you said they deny it. Shirking any possible responsibilities and further chances of fostering a good relationship between you and them...
Do you want to seek professional help? From what I see, unless you let this go, you will have some difficulty relating to other people because of these affecting you at an emotional level.
This is only my suggestion. You don't have to go through this channel and still can make friends. -
my parents are quite naive people. my mother thought i will grow out of it.Originally posted by Bontakun:Oh dear...
What you have remembered in the past from your point of view is not the same as their point of view. I am not sure how letting them know about what happened to you before could further help now, since you said they deny it. Shirking any possible responsibilities and further chances of fostering a good relationship between you and them...
Do you want to seek professional help? From what I see, unless you let this go, you will have some difficulty relating to other people because of these affecting you at an emotional level.
This is only my suggestion. You don't have to go through this channel and still can make friends.
it is only after insisting that i need an exact and accurate account of the past and act on it so that actions can be taken to tackle those psychological problems i am facing, finally she gave in and agreed that i was treated badly in the past.
it's a funny family i grew up in.
as a kid, those adults around me keeps on insisting that i will never make it in life. cannot study, confirm a loser.
uneducated electricians and mechanics who came to my home to do repair work, my mother will tell me to go and observe so that next time i can become an electrician or mechanic since they already predicted that i got no hope in studies.
i am reasonably well educated and now my parents are singing a different tune. i am not doing well in my career and now they are saying why my cousins all doing so well with the same qualifications as me and why i am so jialart.
i feel like telling them, isn't that what you wish of me all along?
i know that all parents love their kids lah but the thing is this kind of parenting need to be corrected.
as for making friends, i do like to mingle with people but have to be absolutely certain that they like me before i feel that they really want me and take me as a friend.
as for professional help, the counselor has never handle abuse case like mine.
i feel that her approach is more for people suffering from depression or people suffering from anxiety due to job loss, financial, family problems.
and the thing is i find her quite unapproachable also, like she seems to get impatient when i ask more questions or i drift away from topics.
perhaps i have to fork out money to really seek professional help. -
I think you should get a different counsellor.
I can see you have clear ideas what you are doing. This is good.
I think your parents are those envious people who can't seem to see the good points they have but rather amplify the things they see which are not theirs. You can still clarify matters with them, but from what you said, I don't think its a good idea to rely on them if things go rough for you. Looks like negative 'encouragement' from them, to me lah.
I think the most important thing for you now is to settle your issue with your past and how to mould a good future for you. Your parents can wait for their turn should they need help. Finding good friends are never easy. Effort has to be put in by BOTH sides to make it work. I am sure you are willing, just that you have to go through many aquaintances to find those true friends who deserved to be called 'friends'.
See all the "I think"?
I can only give my views and suggestions. You are mature enough to decide what is best for you. 
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Actually I am a pessimistic person too...haha. But no $ to see doctor, so cure myself lah.
My parents sometimes suan me about my non-existent career too....so I think its better not to tok to them anyways on anything 
Dun let wat your parents say about your career put u down. If there is a problem with your current job, maybe can consider changing yourself, e.g. your work habits etc, or does not help, than change the job lor. See...at least u overcomed your parent's predictions, and got a reasonable education and career wat!
A person does not need that many friends one lah, can be difficult keeping up to appearance. Just have a few friends u like, and like u is enuff. -
adapting to new work environment will be very tedious for me. my life has partly been plagued by severe anxiety.Originally posted by sheri:Actually I am a pessimistic person too...haha. But no $ to see doctor, so cure myself lah. My parents sometimes suan me about my non-existent career too....so I think its better not to tok to them anyways on anything
Dun let wat your parents say about your career put u down. If there is a problem with your current job, maybe can consider changing yourself, e.g. your work habits etc, or does not help, than change the job lor. See...at least u overcomed your parent's predictions, and got a reasonable education and career wat!
A person does not need that many friends one lah, can be difficult keeping up to appearance. Just have a few friends u like, and like u is enuff.
don't know leh, i feel that it is partly also because my "shell" is too weak.
i mean my esteem is way too low.
life in itself is a journey full of stumbling blocks, and you must have an objective and a dream in life which you want to reach. time and again when you fall down, you must learn how to stand up again to continue with the journey to reach your objective in life.
you must have the will, the confidence, drive and determination to succeed.
for my case is as if the shell is too weak.
i am very prone to negative feedbacks and setbacks.
people looks towards moving towards their objective in life, mine is plagued by all kinds of worries and negative thoughts and sometimes i feel so tired having all these worries so heavily weighing on my mine.
the best solution is not to do anything and my mine will be free from worries.
think i am still trying to improve.
still trying to find out problems i am facing so that can read up on solutions tackling my problems.
i think there are certain jobs i may not be that suitable because my stress response system is hypersensitive to stress. i suppose i have to start off from there, learn how to calm myself down. -
It appears that you are a very eligible to qualify for a lifetime membership at the IMH liao.........
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correction: should be "it appears that you are eligible to qualify for a lifetime membership at the Institute of Mental Health liao.Originally posted by :It appears that you are a very eligible to qualify for a lifetime membership at the IMH liao.........
don't have "a" before very eligible
it's okay lah.
i am immune to comments like that kind liao. can come out with something more creative or not?
thanks a lot for supporting this thread anyway. -
very encouraging stuffs you wrote.Originally posted by sheri:Actually I am a pessimistic person too...haha. But no $ to see doctor, so cure myself lah. My parents sometimes suan me about my non-existent career too....so I think its better not to tok to them anyways on anything
Dun let wat your parents say about your career put u down. If there is a problem with your current job, maybe can consider changing yourself, e.g. your work habits etc, or does not help, than change the job lor. See...at least u overcomed your parent's predictions, and got a reasonable education and career wat!
A person does not need that many friends one lah, can be difficult keeping up to appearance. Just have a few friends u like, and like u is enuff.
you sound rather positive now.
hmm....i hope to emulate you.
this society got all kinds of funny creatures and i met one as a kid, surrounded by lots of them as an adult. they try all kinds of ways to pass nasty comments to put us down. just like some funny replies i received to my thread.
anyway, must choose frens wisely.
true frens are people who will support each other and lend a helping hand whenever one is in distress. these r ppl who will help to keep us positive in out attitude towards life. -
Originally posted by Gunyandao:is there a connection between the two?
my mood is very unstable and everyday things i see, hear or the environment i am exposed to can affect my mood greatly.
like someone saying not so favourable things, angry gestures, facial expressions , or a new environment i am not used to for example can leave me very down, hurt and depress.
i will then feel like shutting myself in my own world, unable to focus on what i am doing, even completely losing interest in what i intend to do n dwell over what happened.
i do have very very low self esteem due to those very harsh condemning words i was frequently exposed to as a kid.
i am not sure whether mine is solely a self esteem problem or it is due to some other disorder like mood disorder or is it because some unpleasant things i was exposed to everyday could remind me of those so called trauma i was exposed to as a kid that's why i ended up depress -
You are caught in a vicious circle.Originally posted by Gunyandao:adapting to new work environment will be very tedious for me. my life has partly been plagued by severe anxiety.
don't know leh, i feel that it is partly also because my "shell" is too weak.
i mean my esteem is way too low.
life in itself is a journey full of stumbling blocks, and you must have an objective and a dream in life which you want to reach. time and again when you fall down, you must learn how to stand up again to continue with the journey to reach your objective in life.
you must have the will, the confidence, drive and determination to succeed.
for my case is as if the shell is too weak.
i am very prone to negative feedbacks and setbacks.
people looks towards moving towards their objective in life, mine is plagued by all kinds of worries and negative thoughts and sometimes i feel so tired having all these worries so heavily weighing on my mine.
the best solution is not to do anything and my mine will be free from worries.
think i am still trying to improve.
still trying to find out problems i am facing so that can read up on solutions tackling my problems.
i think there are certain jobs i may not be that suitable because my stress response system is hypersensitive to stress. i suppose i have to start off from there, learn how to calm myself down.
Verbal abuse in your younger days have dented your self esteem. Now your low self esteem is working on you. You are dragging yourself down.
Whats done cannot be undone, accept that.
But you can forgive. Forgive all those that have hurt you, and put it behind you. Do not play the blame game. Forgive absolutely. Hold no grudges.
You will be immediately relieved.
Your very attempt at finding a cure for yourself is an acknowledgement of your low self esteem. And you are doing it in a self depreciative way. This further compound your low self esteem. You need to break this vicious circle.
Forgive yourself also. You are what you are because of the circumstances that you have gone through. Because of what you have gone through you are exactly as you are now. there is no mistake and it is not your fault. Accept yourself as your are now.
Stop self treatment.
The past is over, today determines tomorrow.
Seek professional help. -
relationships can make or break a life... and that includes family.Originally posted by Gunyandao:very encouraging stuffs you wrote.
you sound rather positive now.
hmm....i hope to emulate you.
this society got all kinds of funny creatures and i met one as a kid, surrounded by lots of them as an adult. they try all kinds of ways to pass nasty comments to put us down. just like some funny replies i received to my thread.
anyway, must choose frens wisely.
true frens are people who will support each other and lend a helping hand whenever one is in distress. these r ppl who will help to keep us positive in out attitude towards life.
get one bad relationship and one can spend a lot of time & effort trying to rectify the harm done.
its unfortunate that you had bad experiences which have certainly contributed to create your "weak shell". when you have people talking down to you and doubting you over an extended period of time, your self esteem will suffer.
are you still living with your parents ? maybe consider move out ?
or try to engage yourself in healthy positive relationship(s) ?? i had a friend who told me that her life was "transformed" after she met her bf.
TS - you are not alone
there are many people suffering from similar symptoms.
you may like to check out out this discussion board under section "Anxiety"
http://healthboards.com
good luck -
i saw this article regarding the impact abuse has on the child and it seems that childhood abuse and neglect results in permanent physical changes to the developing human brain which is damaging enough to cause psychological and emotional problems in adulthood.
Childhood Abuse Changes the Brain
Permanent physical changes can cause problems in adulthood
A study published in Cerebrum in late 2000 demonstrated that childhood abuse and neglect results in permanent physical changes to the developing human brain. These changes in brain structure appear to be significant enough to cause psychological and emotional problems in adulthood.
Martin Teicher and his colleagues identified four different abnormalities in the brain that were much more prevalent in adult survivors of abuse and neglect than in adults who had not been abused.
Adults abused as children exhibited abnormal development of the left hemisphere of the brain. The researchers reported that these problems may be associated with depression and memory problems.
Abuse survivors failed to integrate the functions of the left and right hemispheres as well as those who had not been abused. The researchers suggest that this may be caused by a decrease in the size of the corpus callosum - the fibers that connect the right and left sides of the brain. There was a difference between males and females in their response to abuse and neglect. Neglect was the more likely factor to reduce the size of the corpus callosum in males, while sexual abuse appeared to have no effect. Sexual abuse was associated with a decrease in the size in females, with neglect having no effect.
Adults who had been abused as children were more likely to experience epileptic seizures caused by changes to the limbic system, a part of the brain that controls emotions. A variety of emotions accompanied these seizures, including sadness, embarrassment, anger, intense laughter without feeling happy, serenity, and fear.
Teicher and his colleagues found that abuse survivors were twice as likely as non-abused to have abnormal electroencephalogram readings (EEGs). The type of abnormality found is reported by the authors to be associated with aggression and self-destructive behavior. Teicher concluded that "the trauma of abuse induces a cascade of effects, including changes in hormones and neurotransmitters that mediate development of vulnerable brain regions." Previous research has shown that stress affects that developing brains of several species of animals. It should not surprise us to find that humans respond the same way.[/quote] -
What ever damage that has been done, has been done, there is nothing you can do about it.
That's why the old addage, let bygone be bygones.
Start afresh from now.
You need to change your way of thinking. You can change your attitude.
Psychiatrists know that they cannot cure their patients, they can only make them feel better, live better.
Decide what you really want.
Look forward and try for a better tomorrow.
Do not blame yesterday, for what you are today. It gets you nowhere.
Start today.
Today determines tomorrow.
NB: The state of the inner mind is like that of the physical body.
The physical body in order to be well groomed, needs constant care, exercise, and upkeep. There musn't be any let up, else the state of the physical body deterioate and become unkempt. Do nothing and you become untidy and filthy.
Therefore to be well dressed and snappy you need to put in a lot of ceaseless effort.
Similarly
The mind also need constant grooming in the right direction. Think always in the positive, look for the good, talk about the good, give compliments, praise yourself. Generally feel good at all times without let up. Of course, don't be a fool and ignore bad experiences. Learn from bad experiences and get past them. Do not harbour grudges or think retaliation. Learn so that you do not experience the bad again, and move on. Control your mind. Abandon the control and what do you get. You dwell in the past, resentment grows, you pity yourself. Your is mind goes into negative mode automatically. It as easy as falling down. That what happens when you let your mind go.
Take control of your thoughts. Think positively, think good, without let up.
Twenty minutes of positive thinking cannot undo 20 years of negative thinking.
Persistent effort is required. -
thanks for your wise words of advice.Originally posted by mancha:What ever damage that has been done, has been done, there is nothing you can do about it.
That's why the old addage, let bygone be bygones.
Start afresh from now.
You need to change your way of thinking. You can change your attitude.
Psychiatrists know that they cannot cure their patients, they can only make them feel better, live better.
Decide what you really want.
Look forward and try for a better tomorrow.
Do not blame yesterday, for what you are today. It gets you nowhere.
Start today.
Today determines tomorrow.
NB: The state of the inner mind is like that of the physical body.
The physical body in order to be well groomed, needs constant care, exercise, and upkeep. There musn't be any let up, else the state of the physical body deterioate and become unkempt. Do nothing and you become untidy and filthy.
Therefore to be well dressed and snappy you need to put in a lot of ceaseless effort.
Similarly
The mind also need constant grooming in the right direction. Think always in the positive, look for the good, talk about the good, give compliments, praise yourself. Generally feel good at all times without let up. Of course, don't be a fool and ignore bad experiences. Learn from bad experiences and get past them. Do not harbour grudges or think retaliation. Learn so that you do not experience the bad again, and move on. Control your mind. Abandon the control and what do you get. You dwell in the past, resentment grows, you pity yourself. Your is mind goes into negative mode automatically. It as easy as falling down. That what happens when you let your mind go.
Take control of your thoughts. Think positively, think good, without let up.
Twenty minutes of positive thinking cannot undo 20 years of negative thinking.
Persistent effort is required.
it's a good starting point from here.