Divorce and re-marry
-
I have married to a HK wife, and relationship has been 3.5 years. My son is singaporean, already 2.5 years old. She dont like the life in SG, as it boring and lesser money to spend. She is a PR and not working, and as far as i know she is unwilling to work in SG reason to unacceptable low wages.
It seems that i have been giving in to her for the past 3 years. I have been working hard, and trying my best to bring in more money; changing higher paid job and requesting for more increment from employer. Financially, i would say making ends meet, take home pay of about 2.5k per mth. With theses, every mths spending is tight, with little saving for buying tickets to HK every year.
I have done my parts as a husband and father. Trying to help my wife, I have actually promised her to go HK to find settle a living and work. And my wife is in HK now, with my son. I have been doing it slowly and openly to what my intention and plan.
Somehow, i started to realise that my family will not be financially stable and secure if i going to settle in HK. Its almost like starting all over again. And too many uncertainties that lies ahead.
I did mention to my wife that I am not able to financially support you and son a living while im working in SG. I have to secure my job, while she is trying to settle down based on her account. Requirement is to rent a flat, provide son's education and her stable job for 2 mths. In return, she said that im not responsible of taking care of the family and Im leaving problems for her to solved in HK.
I guess, 2.5K per mth is not a lot, if i incluede air ticket to visit my son per mth, housing and insurrance liabilities, allowances and if i were to go HK, i need some saving to secure an empty house for at least 6 mths.
Im in despair, as she has ask for a divorce, and will not return to SG forever, including my son. I dont see that i have done anything wrong, yet she stated me as a failure, useless and selfish person.
Till now, the only mistake that i have made is that i have promise her to go HK to find liviing and work. But that doesnt mean that she has force me to surrender, as if i have owe her the entire life. She has to contribute, sensible, and mindful what she is doing now. In all, I just want to say, I cant affort to follow the blind and gullible, due to my concern of family and my son.
Before i would proceed to say more.. I would need some opinions and comments in my married life. And a question of how can i bring my son back to SG without a passport. Im thinking of a 'emergency exit'.
-
Feel sad for you dude, that's all I can say for now.
-
how did your son get to HK without a passport??
and does your wife have a job now??
IF and when u two DO file for divorce, i think you might have a higher chance of getting the child cos at least you will be able to support him??? -
Hmm clearly from your post, your wife marry you thinking she can have a good life in Singapore. I really suggest you to seek counselling regarding this. The way I see it, she just want an easy life. But I may be wrong.
As a father, you have every right to bring back your child. Is your wife PR or citizen of singapore?
If you talking about divorce, you can clearly gain a foothold in gaining your son back. As he is a singaporean, and you are the provider for him.
Check with ICA on how you can request and seek advice from them on bringing your child back. I assume your son is on tourist visa in HK? -
Tough qusetion, She need to give in. In Singapore both couple have to work and same goes to HK. In HK housing is small and ex. Car is cheap but lot is ex too. Money seem to be the main issue she brought up. Let her cool down and see whether she changes her mind.
-
but will HK's side comply and give the son back?Originally posted by mhcampboy:Hmm clearly from your post, your wife marry you thinking she can have a good life in Singapore. I really suggest you to seek counselling regarding this. The way I see it, she just want an easy life. But I may be wrong.
As a father, you have every right to bring back your child. Is your wife PR or citizen of singapore?
If you talking about divorce, you can clearly gain a foothold in gaining your son back. As he is a singaporean, and you are the provider for him.
Check with ICA on how you can request and seek advice from them on bringing your child back. I assume your son is on tourist visa in HK?
-
fark, I feel for you bro ....
the worst thing that can happen to a man is to marry the wrong type of chick ... and have a kid to show for it ... -
Why wouldnt they?Originally posted by Ito_^:but will HK's side comply and give the son back?
The son is citizen of singapore.
And dear TS, I think, right now, dun think too much of your marriage. Your son is important to you. -
I really thanks all for the quick response.. I just finish drying my clothes in hanger..
Would like to answer every questions at a time.
1) udontknowme
-- I travel to HK with SG passport, and now my wife has successfully applied for mwe and my son the dependant visa for 12 mths.
--My wife at current is looking for job, But I think she will only start work earliest after CNY period, like say in March 07.
-- my best knowledge, no one has file for divorce, though she said she initiated will find a lawyer. But based on ground rules of divorce, I have not commited any wrong doings or desertion to family. So i doubt she can successfully file for one. Secondly, Im not interested, I i know and mentioned to her that our son is the victim in parent's divorce.
-- "..might have a higher chance of getting the child.." does that mean i have to issue this in court? I doubt we can settle this on our own, as both is not willing , though she show more temper towards my son.
2) mhcampboy
--Yes, she admit that she was wrong to see that her life can be that dreadful living in SG. But i do see that its partially up to her to decide and liven up to her current enviroment.
-- my wife is a PR. Not SG citizen.
-- Seem to be the winning side to keep my son, but not if he is in HK now. So i think no matter how the battle goes, custody of child could still be losing, and ended up follow mother instead. Unless my son is in SG.
-- My son at current is hollding dependant Visa for 12 mths.
3) T.Ryousuke
-- Im trying to be patience and let her to cool down 1st.
4) mhcampboy
-- Speaking of court, if the judge is a female. I think the chance may be slim.
Hi All,
I be patience and giving this situation to last till june. And i really hope that she will one day understand and feel remorseful. Fly back to SG on her own without my knowing. Am i thinking too simple? -
To be honest, if she has make up her mind about divorcing you, she would done so already, and move back to her parents house, you have your fault as well, you did promise her that you will go to hongkong and settle down, for that, you are at blame, if you still want to salvage your family ties, go to hongkong and settle down, well, think of it, this way, i think she has spend almost all her life in hong kong, and all parent are in hongkong, and maybe she is full of uncertain about adjust to singapore lifestyle or the environment, so do you still want this marriage, put yourself into her shoes, and you know her better than we do,
-
why dun the wife put herself in his shoes? rather than running away cowardly with the child in hand.Originally posted by allentyb:To be honest, if she has make up her mind about divorcing you, she would done so already, and move back to her parents house, you have your fault as well, you did promise her that you will go to hongkong and settle down, for that, you are at blame, if you still want to salvage your family ties, go to hongkong and settle down, well, think of it, this way, i think she has spend almost all her life in hong kong, and all parent are in hongkong, and maybe she is full of uncertain about adjust to singapore lifestyle or the environment, so do you still want this marriage, put yourself into her shoes, and you know her better than we do,
its her responsibility as a wife and mother to understand the hardships the father and husband is facing.... -
2nd time i heard this type of story... same hk wife... aiya bobian la... jz let her keep ur son la... not easy for son without mum...Originally posted by father_and_son:I have married to a HK wife, and relationship has been 3.5 years. My son is singaporean, already 2.5 years old. She dont like the life in SG, as it boring and lesser money to spend. She is a PR and not working, and as far as i know she is unwilling to work in SG reason to unacceptable low wages.
It seems that i have been giving in to her for the past 3 years. I have been working hard, and trying my best to bring in more money; changing higher paid job and requesting for more increment from employer. Financially, i would say making ends meet, take home pay of about 2.5k per mth. With theses, every mths spending is tight, with little saving for buying tickets to HK every year.
I have done my parts as a husband and father. Trying to help my wife, I have actually promised her to go HK to find settle a living and work. And my wife is in HK now, with my son. I have been doing it slowly and openly to what my intention and plan.
Somehow, i started to realise that my family will not be financially stable and secure if i going to settle in HK. Its almost like starting all over again. And too many uncertainties that lies ahead.
I did mention to my wife that I am not able to financially support you and son a living while im working in SG. I have to secure my job, while she is trying to settle down based on her account. Requirement is to rent a flat, provide son's education and her stable job for 2 mths. In return, she said that im not responsible of taking care of the family and Im leaving problems for her to solved in HK.
I guess, 2.5K per mth is not a lot, if i incluede air ticket to visit my son per mth, housing and insurrance liabilities, allowances and if i were to go HK, i need some saving to secure an empty house for at least 6 mths.
Im in despair, as she has ask for a divorce, and will not return to SG forever, including my son. I dont see that i have done anything wrong, yet she stated me as a failure, useless and selfish person.
Till now, the only mistake that i have made is that i have promise her to go HK to find liviing and work. But that doesnt mean that she has force me to surrender, as if i have owe her the entire life. She has to contribute, sensible, and mindful what she is doing now. In all, I just want to say, I cant affort to follow the blind and gullible, due to my concern of family and my son.
Before i would proceed to say more.. I would need some opinions and comments in my married life. And a question of how can i bring my son back to SG without a passport. Im thinking of a 'emergency exit'. -
well he did promise to go to hong kong to settle down.... so how can you blame the wife?Originally posted by mhcampboy:why dun the wife put herself in his shoes? rather than running away cowardly with the child in hand.
its her responsibility as a wife and mother to understand the hardships the father and husband is facing.... -
I think we have to define the word "promise". I think this words does show to my wife that I commit, rather than she think it as I have owe her and im returning by promising her to HK.
Secondly, one have to think as a family and not just securing a self to do what she thought is correct and sacrificing.
thirdly, based on ground rules in Woman's charter, Unfulfill promise has not been categorizers in the list below.
"...five reasons which have caused the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage stated in section 95(3) (a ) to (e) of the Woman's Charter has been satisfied. The most commonly used reason is unreasonable behaviour, which encompass behaviour such as violence, gambling, intimate association with third parties, insufficient payment of maintenance, the use of vulgarities or abusive language, or even reluctance to engage in sexual intercourse without valid reason. For adultery, the burden of proof appears to be higher, and invariably requires a private investigator's report, even if the hearing is uncontested. The other reasons are desertion and separation. The Court does not order costs to be paid by the Respondent in the case of a Divorce Petition based on 3 or 4 years separation." Extracts from http://www.divorce.com.sg/page2.html
Hi allentyb,
In this situation, i am not trying to tell everyone that im doing the right thing all the time. Im open to all comments and opinions. Just that if situation persist, i have to make a decision and execute it. Jus imagine if you are a cow, with a ring pierced on your nose, and your master pulls and you obediently follows..... Thats painful in life, isnt it? -
I totally understand your pain, but in court, almost all court rule in favor of woman, there are cases in japan that even the man won the case against the woman, the woman ran away with the child, and you can't do anything about it, if you truly want to, go to hong kong with your parents on the pretext of visiting your wife relative, and ninja your son away, its not worthwhile to fight the cases in court, you may be in the losing end.
-
its true, she is unreasonable, but as far i know, all woman are unreasonable, and they think they are right, so what to do........ Singapore is a better environment for your child to grow up in........
-
stop generalizing!!!Originally posted by allentyb:its true, she is unreasonable, but as far i know, all woman are unreasonable, and they think they are right, so what to do........ Singapore is a better environment for your child to grow up in........
just because you had bad experiences or whatever...sheesh...
i hope the threadstarter wont be so stupid as to be influenced by the crap you type -
i am not generalizing woman, and between you don't know me at all, and furthermore, i am not saying anything out of the line here, and you point of view is also one sided, unless you have listen at the both side, then you can make a disinterested point of view, still your england sucks,Originally posted by udontknowme:stop generalizing!!!
just because you had bad experiences or whatever...sheesh...
i hope the threadstarter wont be so stupid as to be influenced by the crap you type
P.S. i don't hate woman -
Isn't singapore a far better place to bring up your child, which part of the sentence, you didn't understand, i think you only focus on the fact that woman are unreasonable, and between this is the internet, we are entitled to freedom of speech, and please go back to school and learn back your english, or i have to start and type, oh my god, is this in Greek.
-
i suppose ur wife is frm a rich family?
divorce will onli bring sadness to the child.
i would say tahan. -
Prolly this part gives others the idea that you hate women?Originally posted by allentyb:i am not generalizing woman, and between you don't know me at all, and furthermore, i am not saying anything out of the line here, and you point of view is also one sided, unless you have listen at the both side, then you can make a disinterested point of view, still your england sucks,
P.S. i don't hate woman
its true, she is unreasonable, but as far i know, all woman are unreasonable, and they think they are right, so what to do........ Singapore is a better environment for your child to grow up in........ [/quote] -
Hi allentyb and udontknowme,
Thanks for both and everyone's input.. I open and listening. No Bias, no criticizing, just want to be open to everyones opinion and comments.
At current, i dont intent to have a divorce. As i said earlier if situation persist, i have to make a decision and execute it. However, before i execute, i need to know my fighting ground 1st, else there will no substance and basis.
I decided not to go to HK already, and will hint to her instead of directly let her know. She will blow up and even more stubborn not to listen and return to SG.
My first plan is to bring back my son to SG.
Hi gigabyte14,
My wife is not from rich family. Its jus well-to-do type. As i see one difference is the culture of spending money freely, than in SG ppl who has to think twice. Perhaps, money play an important role in her life..
FYI, she did start off to threaten me with divorce by saying, "Im richer than you now, I will get a lawyer, I will .. bla bla bla.. ... . . " It makes be think has she just strike lottery? Its possible , i mean.
Anyway.. has any one here return to SG without a passport? . Im refering to my son. MY wife is holding the his passport, Im holding his birth certs. -
My suggestion is, if you have not decided on what you want yet, dont antagonise her, dont tell/hint her that you not moving there. REalli. it is easy to break the deal, but, make it up? it is so much harder.Originally posted by father_and_son:Hi allentyb and udontknowme,
Thanks for both and everyone's input.. I open and listening. No Bias, no criticizing, just want to be open to everyones opinion and comments.
At current, i dont intent to have a divorce. As i said earlier if situation persist, i have to make a decision and execute it. However, before i execute, i need to know my fighting ground 1st, else there will no substance and basis.
I decided not to go to HK already, and will hint to her instead of directly let her know. She will blow up and even more stubborn not to listen and return to SG.
My first plan is to bring back my son to SG.
Hi gigabyte14,
My wife is not from rich family. Its jus well-to-do type. As i see one difference is the culture of spending money freely, than in SG ppl who has to think twice. Perhaps, money play an important role in her life..
FYI, she did start off to threaten me with divorce by saying, "Im richer than you now, I will get a lawyer, I will .. bla bla bla.. ... . . " It makes be think has she just strike lottery? Its possible , i mean.
Anyway.. has any one here return to SG without a passport? . Im refering to my son. MY wife is holding the his passport, Im holding his birth certs. -
I tink F & S can tahan, its the wife that buay tahan..Originally posted by gigabyte14:i suppose ur wife is frm a rich family?
divorce will onli bring sadness to the child.
i would say tahan.
F & S, you have my absolute salute.. You're really a gentleman..
Be strong, whichever is the outcome, you will have our support.. -
may i ask do u still love your wife? it seemed like.. now both parties are putting the blame on each other due to financial problem. i think both of u should calm down n think.. if there is still love, i think the above problems may or can be compromise....Originally posted by father_and_son:I have married to a HK wife, and relationship has been 3.5 years. My son is singaporean, already 2.5 years old. She dont like the life in SG, as it boring and lesser money to spend. She is a PR and not working, and as far as i know she is unwilling to work in SG reason to unacceptable low wages.
It seems that i have been giving in to her for the past 3 years. I have been working hard, and trying my best to bring in more money; changing higher paid job and requesting for more increment from employer. Financially, i would say making ends meet, take home pay of about 2.5k per mth. With theses, every mths spending is tight, with little saving for buying tickets to HK every year.
I have done my parts as a husband and father. Trying to help my wife, I have actually promised her to go HK to find settle a living and work. And my wife is in HK now, with my son. I have been doing it slowly and openly to what my intention and plan.
Somehow, i started to realise that my family will not be financially stable and secure if i going to settle in HK. Its almost like starting all over again. And too many uncertainties that lies ahead.
I did mention to my wife that I am not able to financially support you and son a living while im working in SG. I have to secure my job, while she is trying to settle down based on her account. Requirement is to rent a flat, provide son's education and her stable job for 2 mths. In return, she said that im not responsible of taking care of the family and Im leaving problems for her to solved in HK.
I guess, 2.5K per mth is not a lot, if i incluede air ticket to visit my son per mth, housing and insurrance liabilities, allowances and if i were to go HK, i need some saving to secure an empty house for at least 6 mths.
Im in despair, as she has ask for a divorce, and will not return to SG forever, including my son. I dont see that i have done anything wrong, yet she stated me as a failure, useless and selfish person.
Till now, the only mistake that i have made is that i have promise her to go HK to find liviing and work. But that doesnt mean that she has force me to surrender, as if i have owe her the entire life. She has to contribute, sensible, and mindful what she is doing now. In all, I just want to say, I cant affort to follow the blind and gullible, due to my concern of family and my son.
Before i would proceed to say more.. I would need some opinions and comments in my married life. And a question of how can i bring my son back to SG without a passport. Im thinking of a 'emergency exit'.
the ticket to visit ur son can it be postphone? using webcam will be a cheaper idea... Rent out room in ur house to earn some income? just some ideas.. not sure if is workable..