Divorce and re-marry
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Originally posted by allentyb:its true, she is unreasonable, but as far i know, all woman are unreasonable, and they think they are right, so what to do........ Singapore is a better environment for your child to grow up in........
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No personal attack pls...?Originally posted by allentyb:Isn't singapore a far better place to bring up your child, which part of the sentence, you didn't understand, i think you only focus on the fact that woman are unreasonable, and between this is the internet, we are entitled to freedom of speech, and please go back to school and learn back your english, or i have to start and type, oh my god, is this in Greek.
Please STAY FOCUS on TOPIC... -
You got married in Singapore?Originally posted by father_and_son:I have married to a HK wife, and relationship has been 3.5 years. My son is singaporean, already 2.5 years old. She dont like the life in SG, as it boring and lesser money to spend. She is a PR and not working, and as far as i know she is unwilling to work in SG reason to unacceptable low wages.
It seems that i have been giving in to her for the past 3 years. I have been working hard, and trying my best to bring in more money; changing higher paid job and requesting for more increment from employer. Financially, i would say making ends meet, take home pay of about 2.5k per mth. With theses, every mths spending is tight, with little saving for buying tickets to HK every year.
I have done my parts as a husband and father. Trying to help my wife, I have actually promised her to go HK to find settle a living and work. And my wife is in HK now, with my son. I have been doing it slowly and openly to what my intention and plan.
Somehow, i started to realise that my family will not be financially stable and secure if i going to settle in HK. Its almost like starting all over again. And too many uncertainties that lies ahead.
I did mention to my wife that I am not able to financially support you and son a living while im working in SG. I have to secure my job, while she is trying to settle down based on her account. Requirement is to rent a flat, provide son's education and her stable job for 2 mths. In return, she said that im not responsible of taking care of the family and Im leaving problems for her to solved in HK.
I guess, 2.5K per mth is not a lot, if i incluede air ticket to visit my son per mth, housing and insurrance liabilities, allowances and if i were to go HK, i need some saving to secure an empty house for at least 6 mths.
Im in despair, as she has ask for a divorce, and will not return to SG forever, including my son. I dont see that i have done anything wrong, yet she stated me as a failure, useless and selfish person.
Till now, the only mistake that i have made is that i have promise her to go HK to find liviing and work. But that doesnt mean that she has force me to surrender, as if i have owe her the entire life. She has to contribute, sensible, and mindful what she is doing now. In all, I just want to say, I cant affort to follow the blind and gullible, due to my concern of family and my son.
Before i would proceed to say more.. I would need some opinions and comments in my married life. And a question of how can i bring my son back to SG without a passport. Im thinking of a 'emergency exit'.
How old are the both of you...?
I'm afraid chances are... You might not be holding the child...? -
Thread starters topic.
Divorce & remarry.
Think very far hor. -
I think it is time for you to face facts. Many foreigners think that life in Singapore is a bed of roses because of the "outward" appearances. She started with a wrong impression.Originally posted by father_and_son:I have married to a HK wife, and relationship has been 3.5 years. My son is singaporean, already 2.5 years old. She dont like the life in SG, as it boring and lesser money to spend. She is a PR and not working, and as far as i know she is unwilling to work in SG reason to unacceptable low wages.
It seems that i have been giving in to her for the past 3 years. I have been working hard, and trying my best to bring in more money; changing higher paid job and requesting for more increment from employer. Financially, i would say making ends meet, take home pay of about 2.5k per mth. With theses, every mths spending is tight, with little saving for buying tickets to HK every year.
I have done my parts as a husband and father. Trying to help my wife, I have actually promised her to go HK to find settle a living and work. And my wife is in HK now, with my son. I have been doing it slowly and openly to what my intention and plan.
Somehow, i started to realise that my family will not be financially stable and secure if i going to settle in HK. Its almost like starting all over again. And too many uncertainties that lies ahead.
I did mention to my wife that I am not able to financially support you and son a living while im working in SG. I have to secure my job, while she is trying to settle down based on her account. Requirement is to rent a flat, provide son's education and her stable job for 2 mths. In return, she said that im not responsible of taking care of the family and Im leaving problems for her to solved in HK.
I guess, 2.5K per mth is not a lot, if i incluede air ticket to visit my son per mth, housing and insurrance liabilities, allowances and if i were to go HK, i need some saving to secure an empty house for at least 6 mths.
Im in despair, as she has ask for a divorce, and will not return to SG forever, including my son. I dont see that i have done anything wrong, yet she stated me as a failure, useless and selfish person.
Till now, the only mistake that i have made is that i have promise her to go HK to find liviing and work. But that doesnt mean that she has force me to surrender, as if i have owe her the entire life. She has to contribute, sensible, and mindful what she is doing now. In all, I just want to say, I cant affort to follow the blind and gullible, due to my concern of family and my son.
Before i would proceed to say more.. I would need some opinions and comments in my married life. And a question of how can i bring my son back to SG without a passport. Im thinking of a 'emergency exit'.
She is not willing to continue with the Singaporean life-style. Having lived overseas, I can empathise with her.
Whether she "must" force you and whether it is right for her to do that is immaterial.
You must face facts right now. You will get through this. There is not much that you can do. If she comes back with your son, then she comes back and if not, there is not much you can do about it.
Don't try to force anything or change anything or wish for anything. Just do what is necessary. Be like a zombie for now and know that you will need time to heal but you will heal. There will be scars but you will heal. Life is like that, accept it.
Concentrate on your work and put all your time and effort into it. That will give you some normality and take your mind off your problems. Focus your mind on your work.
Almost everyone in the USA comes from a broken family and so your son will also do well. It is never as bad as we imagine. Life looks really bad for you right now but in reality it is not as bad as you think it is. Keep in touch here. -
I think you have all the answer but just to make that decision is difficult
Let me ask you why would you married her in the first place?
If you really committed to the relationship show her you are committed to the relationship move over to HKG and slave out for 1 year. If you make it in HkG good for you. You get higher pay job. You get to spend time with your family. If you don't try you wife and children will not convince.
If you did not make it. come back to singapore start all over again. No Shame.....Remember it is Not how you "Learn from mistake" but how you get up that and recovered that matters. -
No harm going to HK & giving it a try. Maybe u can find a good job.
My own brother married a foreign wife who cannot adapt to life in S'pore.
He uprooted himself & followed her back to Japan despite the fact he cannot speak a word of Japanese.
He manage to make a successful career there & even bought 2 properties.
In S'pore, he won't be able to earn what he is getting so it is a blessing in disguise. -
Hi AndrewPKYap and the rest,
My wife with such a dominant attitude and mindset of money-dictates-everything. I think as any married guy in the household, will not feel secure. Starting from scratch is i quet difficult, iM not already 32. If HK living failed, i may perhaps take another 3 years to gain back. I would rather stick on to my current job, at least consistency is there.
I also got no assurance that i will get the same pay in HK as well. I guess most of those older singaporean guys know .. Its like serving NS as recruit and private, thinking of being tekan, tekan, and tekan .. A guy may have no-say in the family, simply submissive to wife.
Well, I see how it goes .. I be patient, and react upon situation.
Anymore opinions and comments is welcome. -
Just curious. you had promised her to move to HK? When you promised her, did you mean it?Originally posted by father_and_son:Hi AndrewPKYap and the rest,
My wife with such a dominant attitude and mindset of money-dictates-everything. I think as any married guy in the household, will not feel secure. Starting from scratch is i quet difficult, iM not already 32. If HK living failed, i may perhaps take another 3 years to gain back. I would rather stick on to my current job, at least consistency is there.
I also got no assurance that i will get the same pay in HK as well. I guess most of those older singaporean guys know .. Its like serving NS as recruit and private, thinking of being tekan, tekan, and tekan .. A guy may have no-say in the family, simply submissive to wife.
Well, I see how it goes .. I be patient, and react upon situation.
Anymore opinions and comments is welcome.
if you did, why you've changed your mind?
if you didnt mean it, why you promised her? -
Time to play the game now.Originally posted by father_and_son:Hi AndrewPKYap and the rest,
My wife with such a dominant attitude and mindset of money-dictates-everything. I think as any married guy in the household, will not feel secure. Starting from scratch is i quet difficult, iM not already 32. If HK living failed, i may perhaps take another 3 years to gain back. I would rather stick on to my current job, at least consistency is there.
I also got no assurance that i will get the same pay in HK as well. I guess most of those older singaporean guys know .. Its like serving NS as recruit and private, thinking of being tekan, tekan, and tekan .. A guy may have no-say in the family, simply submissive to wife.
Well, I see how it goes .. I be patient, and react upon situation.
Anymore opinions and comments is welcome.
First of all , don't ever let her know your intention of not going to Hongkong. You get fucked straight out of your son's life.
Find a way to land your son in Singapore now. Play along with her and then figure out a way to get him back on Singaporean soil. If you have relatives , let them look after your son without her knowledge when she is persistent on separation and divorce . The custody battle will get ugly but you need support on that aspect from your relatives.
Remember Singapore will hang on to any male Singaporean for the sole purpose of NS , therefore your wife will not be able to get him out easily once custody comes into play.
Delay until the age where she needs to set a bond for him to go out and usually Singapore won't let high risk sons go out. So it is up to you on this part.
I know it sounds callous but it has to be your call. -
I can recommend a lawyer if need be . Just PM me .
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you already make up your mind.....so hope you are not using this site to justified your view.
but Understand this...
it is always easy to play it safed.....at the end of the day it is your life and how you want to spend it......32 years old.....Your career hasn't even begins......Up root is not easy.....and sucess is not a sure thing.
But if you dare to move...it is to build your character and strength and face live forward. Working 9 to 5 earn $2500 and say is enough!!!!! Which world you come from....take a foreign wife must prepared to face the global standard......of relationship.
If you file for divorce you will face these issue for the next half of your life.
1) huge legal cost including custody battle.
2) Your child will not forgive you.
At the end of the day there is no easy way out...so don't even think about it. -
32 and dont want to leave a stable job.
I am 33, out of job, divorced & got home loans to feed.
And here I am in USA, cooking & nannying nephew & neice.
If you think you are justified. Then so be it. Understand that no one will be able to forgive you for your inflexibility. -
No money, then she provides money.Originally posted by father_and_son:Hi AndrewPKYap and the rest,
My wife with such a dominant attitude and mindset of money-dictates-everything. I think as any married guy in the household, will not feel secure. Starting from scratch is i quet difficult, iM not already 32. If HK living failed, i may perhaps take another 3 years to gain back. I would rather stick on to my current job, at least consistency is there.
I also got no assurance that i will get the same pay in HK as well. I guess most of those older singaporean guys know .. Its like serving NS as recruit and private, thinking of being tekan, tekan, and tekan .. A guy may have no-say in the family, simply submissive to wife.
Well, I see how it goes .. I be patient, and react upon situation.
Anymore opinions and comments is welcome.
You think, with her and son in HK, and you in Singapore? You should maybe hope for the best that your wife will eventually find means to bring up your sons and your excuse for not being in HongKong providing?
or are you planning to stop contributing financially since you guys are spilt apart at the moment?
if so....yes, I still think you are thinking far, and there is lots of such males around. You arent the only one to have calculated to that step. -
hi kitty where in orange county u are residing?
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Actually Hmmm, I think the issue with ur wife is more that she does not want to leave HK than anything else.
It is very difficult to be 'uprooted' from family and a culture you are familiar with. Ultimately her actions show that it is not that she doesn't want to work. You say it is hard for you to 'settle' in HK find a new job etc, but for her it would have been the same thing. To come to Singapore, suddenly get a pay cut, work in a strange new environment.
Ultimately both of you are alike. Both refuse to get used to strange surroundings, adapt to new challenges, take risks. But at the very least, she HAS joined you in Singapore for a short while, even though she gave up. Perhaps you should at least return the favour, and TRY to do what she could not.
Ask her, if you keep your promise, join her in HK but due to different environment etc, will need time to settle financially again - how would she feel? She may have said nasty things in quarrel - about herself being richer, etc - but who doesn't say angry hurtful things in an argument? Give each other a time frame - how many years did she stay with you in Singapore? 2? 3? Stay with her 2 years in HK and start to build a life together there. Like you said, the child is the biggest victim in a divorce. Don't think about that so fast because you havent tried EVERY solution yet.
Also, as vicious kitty says, how come your topic talk about remarry? Havent even divorce u think about remarry liao. Already have someone in mind? -
Not telling you until I know who and what you are.Originally posted by Arapahoe:hi kitty where in orange county u are residing? -
To be fair, that's hardly a fair assessment to make. It's hardly even remotely true to suggest that "almost everyone in the USA comes from a broken family". Even for those that come from broken families and thrive, a lot has to be attributed to the environment over there which encourages independence from young - it's the culture and environment that helps to nurture the survival instincts in them.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Almost everyone in the USA comes from a broken family and so your son will also do well. It is never as bad as we imagine. Life looks really bad for you right now but in reality it is not as bad as you think it is. Keep in touch here. -
I think your wife feel financially insecure about your $2.5K having to feed 3 mouths. $2.5k is quite a big amount of money in Spore. But in hk, maybe thats not enough. Can consider moving to live in places like Shenzhen in China where your salary is considered very high, as the cost of living there is very low.
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The only mistake you've made in this whole episode is not your promise to go to HK; rather, it's you committing yourself to a woman whom you barely know(of course, your wife is not blameless in this too) - and that, in essence, is your entire problem.Originally posted by father_and_son:I have married to a HK wife, and relationship has been 3.5 years. My son is singaporean, already 2.5 years old. She dont like the life in SG, as it boring and lesser money to spend. She is a PR and not working, and as far as i know she is unwilling to work in SG reason to unacceptable low wages.
It seems that i have been giving in to her for the past 3 years. I have been working hard, and trying my best to bring in more money; changing higher paid job and requesting for more increment from employer. Financially, i would say making ends meet, take home pay of about 2.5k per mth. With theses, every mths spending is tight, with little saving for buying tickets to HK every year.
I have done my parts as a husband and father. Trying to help my wife, I have actually promised her to go HK to find settle a living and work. And my wife is in HK now, with my son. I have been doing it slowly and openly to what my intention and plan.
Somehow, i started to realise that my family will not be financially stable and secure if i going to settle in HK. Its almost like starting all over again. And too many uncertainties that lies ahead.
I did mention to my wife that I am not able to financially support you and son a living while im working in SG. I have to secure my job, while she is trying to settle down based on her account. Requirement is to rent a flat, provide son's education and her stable job for 2 mths. In return, she said that im not responsible of taking care of the family and Im leaving problems for her to solved in HK.
I guess, 2.5K per mth is not a lot, if i incluede air ticket to visit my son per mth, housing and insurrance liabilities, allowances and if i were to go HK, i need some saving to secure an empty house for at least 6 mths.
Im in despair, as she has ask for a divorce, and will not return to SG forever, including my son. I dont see that i have done anything wrong, yet she stated me as a failure, useless and selfish person.
Till now, the only mistake that i have made is that i have promise her to go HK to find liviing and work. But that doesnt mean that she has force me to surrender, as if i have owe her the entire life. She has to contribute, sensible, and mindful what she is doing now. In all, I just want to say, I cant affort to follow the blind and gullible, due to my concern of family and my son.
Before i would proceed to say more.. I would need some opinions and comments in my married life. And a question of how can i bring my son back to SG without a passport. Im thinking of a 'emergency exit'.
That said, your issues are certainly more complicated than what they seem on the surface. I suggest you consider your divorce and your child's custody as seperate matters if it helps you sort out your thoughts somewhat.
Addressing a potential divorce (should things come to that), where exactly was your marriage registered - HK, Singapore or both? That alone would go a long way towards dictating which course (and where) of legal action to pursue.
As for the custody of your child, while you mentioned he's a Singapore citizen, is he also a HK SAR resident? Whether your child is a HK SAR resident would also dictate how the fight for your child's custody could eventually pan out. Needless to say, should your child be a HK SAR resident (whether he was registered as a resident by birth or your wife did so for him without your knowledge), then this might not be an issue that could be addressed by the Singapore judicial system (which would be further complicated if your marriage was registered in HK) alone.
Without answers to the above questions, it's almost impossible for anyone to dispense any sound advice as to how to address the legal aspects of this issue. I suggest you then consult a lawyer in Singapore and/or HK on the above, depending on what your answers to the above questions are.
As for the emotional issues surrounding this problem of yours, you might want to seriously consider speaking to your wife about what the future holds for your family. In particular, to avoid a repeat of this scenario in future, you two might want to iron out the issues ranging from your immediate relocation conundrum to what exactly each party's role and contribution(do address issues including meeting her demands unreasonable housing and travelling demands if you find that to be unreasonable) to the marriage/family should entail. The fact that your wife has gone off to HK with your son clearly demonstrates she isn't that selfish afterall - at least, she bothered to bring your son back to HK with her instead of just packing up and returning to your in-laws' place on her own while carrying out her divorce proceedings. Besides, the fact she's still "threatening" you with a divorce could perhaps serve as an indication she's still in the "considering-all-options" phase(rather than having made an irrevocable decision where a divorce is inevitable) and that things may not yet be as dire as you imagine them to be? (While I wouldn't know what your wife is like, I think - from my experience at least - it's generally fair to say more often than not, women, in the heat of things, do tend to make threats which they may not be really intending to carry out.)
In essence, all hope's not lost and you should perhaps work on the emotional issues before considering the legal alternatives...
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Hi to All,
Happy Lunar New Year to everyone here. And I deeply appreciate every contribution of your advise, opinions, comments, etc... Over here, i will reply in 2 section, where first is to reply to individual's query, as also to help others a better understanding.
Secondly, to share with everyone an update of mystay in HK these few days with inlaws, and wife. -
Blu_sky
Just curious. you had promised her to move to HK? When you promised her, did you mean it?
Yes, i promise and i meant it. But common understand is still to try this possibility, and should there be any failure that living dont contribute any better, both will return to SG. Period is 2 years. My concern is my son and family stability, in term of finance, son's education, and accommodation. I did mention to her in my last changes that, I would like to see finance, son's education, and accommodation in stable mood, then i will take action for my move to HK gradually. . Well, transition could be 4 to 8 mths.if you did, why you've changed your mind
As i said earlier, i cant afford to take this hash decision, due to family and my kid as a major concern.if you didnt mean it, why you promised her?
I have to be very cautious, i dont put my family at risk.
fymk
Your point noted, seems very true though.Remember Singapore will hang on to any male Singaporean for the sole purpose of NS , therefore your wife will not be able to get him out easily once custody comes into play.
But no one know what my son or the country will be in 20 years time.
Give your lawyer contacts. thanks. Does sgforums accept private msg?
ArapahoeBut if you dare to move...it is to build your character and strength and face live forward. Working 9 to 5 earn $2500 and say is enough!!!!! Which world you come from....take a foreign wife must prepared to face the global standard......of relationship.
I does have a thought that my wife make my life widen to newer horizon, with every new challenges. However, all contribute to pressure of being the sole bread-winner for the household. ITs 21st centuary, I wish im living in the 70s, that should work.. Lolzzz..
viciouskitty74You think, with her and son in HK, and you in Singapore? You should maybe hope for the best that your wife will eventually find means to bring up your sons and your excuse for not being in HongKong providing?
This is Singapore and HK, not USA.. There is no natural resource, land is scarce, and where the only resource is HUMAN .. Government here dont support pension or any form of long term $$$ relief. May say calculative, but I just want to be very cautious.
or are you planning to stop contributing financially since you guys are spilt apart at the moment?
if so....yes, I still think you are thinking far, and there is lots of such males around. You arent the only one to have calculated to that step.
ShrodingersCat
Its true that my wife not really to leave HK than anything else. But sometime, she still has optimistic view living in SG, such as security, housing, and education. Only that for now, every singapore things and thoughts is always the worst.Ask her, if you keep your promise, join her in HK but due to different environment etc, will need time to settle financially again - how would she feel? She may have said nasty things in quarrel - about herself being richer, etc - but who doesn't say angry hurtful things in an argument? Give each other a time frame - how many years did she stay with you in Singapore? 2? 3? Stay with her 2 years in HK and start to build a life together there.
I ever have that thought of 'exchanging' trials... of living in different country 2-3 years.. I think long term; the fact is HK is Special Administrative Region (S.A.R.) to China, where SG is already a country. Im not worry about myself in HK or SG, Its my son who will be living through in 20-30 years time. What lies ahead is the future, though staying in SG is sometime quiet f**k up.
SG is not too bad afterall.
normI think your wife feel financially insecure about your $2.5K having to feed 3 mouths. $2.5k is quite a big amount of money in Spore. But in hk, maybe thats not enough. Can consider moving to live in places like Shenzhen in China where your salary is considered very high, as the cost of living there is very low.
Doesnt matter take home pay is 2.5k o not. Its a matter of whose role and resposibility one is playing in a family. Its practicality, both parents works theses days to support a family living, moreover, i didnt force her to work also. She has an option, i have none.
walesaAddressing a potential divorce (should things come to that), where exactly was your marriage registered - HK, Singapore or both? That alone would go a long way towards dictating which course (and where) of legal action to pursue.
I register in SG only.
My son is not HK SAR Resident. Its takes 7 years to turn a second class PR to HK SAR citizen. However, he has just successfully approve of Dependant Visa, same as me. The approval, i guess 70% of the support is based on my assets, and the rest from my wife's.. Besides, the fact she's still "threatening" you with a divorce could perhaps serve as an indication she's still in the "considering-all-options" phase(rather than having made an irrevocable decision where a divorce is inevitable) and that things may not yet be as dire as you imagine them to be? (While I wouldn't know what your wife is like, I think - from my experience at least - it's generally fair to say more often than not, women, in the heat of things, do tend to make threats which they may not be really intending to carry out.)
Its a relief, and I can see it may be true when im with her since friday. -
Kitty
some ex crazy killer from singapore curently residing in orange county....
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Met my wife in HK last friday evening. Same kinda of attitude, but better than that day she is sobbing and wanting a divoice... I think partly its becos i done my work to sent her 50 roses to her in HK 2 days before V-day ..
But still kinda turn-down attitude to me, as if i owe her a life's time money. Its visible that certain action does show concern to me and know what i want without asking. Not to be too sensitive if im right, but i jus want to be appreciative. Furthermore, she still telling the world that she will never return to SG again.
today happen an incident where i cant endure any longer... U know every has a name,, and she keep yelling at me, Wei!!, Wei!! ... its in the public, many people, and its loud that every can hear and notice her. Im telling myself "Am i your pet, or a stranger to you?I have a name and im your husband!" "Wei!, Wei! come here. Wei! Wei! "
I got face off and by ignoring her initially, till she come nears me.. She still keep calling ,, "Wei!!, Deaf!! Mr Deaf!! Wei!! .. While busy looking my son, I turn back and reply her "I DONT HAVE A NAME?, WHO ON EARTH DO I KNOW THAT YOU ARE CALLING ME?" ... She show anger by walking back ...
Life is sucxx.!!... But its gets better after reunion dinner by calling my name.... Some how, that kinda piss-off attitude is with her.. On the other hand im appreciative of some of her concern is showing. ..
Oh well.. I think i would like to share a fair bit of my update the forums ... Any opinions, comments, advise, criticisms, etc are welcome .. In all, the situation is optimistic. She show being happy living in HK, and i cant perceive whats inside her heart. -
I hope you can resolve this matter peacefully, my sincere concern to you, cheersOriginally posted by father_and_son:Met my wife in HK last friday evening. Same kinda of attitude, but better than that day she is sobbing and wanting a divoice... I think partly its becos i done my work to sent her 50 roses to her in HK 2 days before V-day ..
But still kinda turn-down attitude to me, as if i owe her a life's time money. Its visible that certain action does show concern to me and know what i want without asking. Not to be too sensitive if im right, but i jus want to be appreciative. Furthermore, she still telling the world that she will never return to SG again.
today happen an incident where i cant endure any longer... U know every has a name,, and she keep yelling at me, Wei!!, Wei!! ... its in the public, many people, and its loud that every can hear and notice her. Im telling myself "Am i your pet, or a stranger to you?I have a name and im your husband!" "Wei!, Wei! come here. Wei! Wei! "
I got face off and by ignoring her initially, till she come nears me.. She still keep calling ,, "Wei!!, Deaf!! Mr Deaf!! Wei!! .. While busy looking my son, I turn back and reply her "I DONT HAVE A NAME?, WHO ON EARTH DO I KNOW THAT YOU ARE CALLING ME?" ... She show anger by walking back ...
Life is sucxx.!!... But its gets better after reunion dinner by calling my name.... Some how, that kinda piss-off attitude is with her.. On the other hand im appreciative of some of her concern is showing. ..
Oh well.. I think i would like to share a fair bit of my update the forums ... Any opinions, comments, advise, criticisms, etc are welcome .. In all, the situation is optimistic. She show being happy living in HK, and i cant perceive whats inside her heart.