Is she interested or is she not?
-
haha, u signed up just to reply me, or r u a clone somewhere.. anyway, thanks for sharing your secretsOriginally posted by happycny:Ray,
The advices provided by the other forumers above are good advices.
I would like to add one more, the SECRET to solve your problem.
You are still young and thats why so hooked up on her, thinking that she is the ONLY one. And thats why you are so sad. I have been through your situation and felt how you felt. I have spent day and night thinking of "her", gotten all excited when I received her phone, etc etc. It took me some years to realised that those feelings are bullshit waste of time. Yes I am still guilty of it once in a while but now, I never let that shitty feeling linger for more than 1 day cos I know the SECRET, which is....
THERE ARE PLENTY OF GIRLS OUT THERE!
Why limit yourself to chasing ONLY one girl???
Be interested in more than one girl!
When you gained the ability to be interested in multiple girls at the same time, you will feel less hurt when you kana rejected by one.
Think of it in another way. If that girl can date many guys, why can't you date many girls?
Of cos easier said than done. You have to internalised that secret first before you feel any better.
Go go go!
Gong xi fa cai
now.. how about sharing your female fren's contact to help me out more? -
does orange have a gf?
or a wife?
-
TS, she's my gf now.
I mentioned that I was once in your shoes, facing somewhat similar situations. I had confessed to her too and she didn't reject or accept me. She just told me she wasn't sure as she felt that we do not really know each other well enough then. (We knew each other for 5 months) Sounds familiar to you?
Like you, I was really depressed and was actively looking for answers. I mean how terrible can one feel when you expressed interest to a girl and yet, you don't get a response and ended up with a riddle thrown back at you. At that point in time, I really tried to find out what she meant, by observing her actions and her behaviours whether she's comfortable with me when we're out together, thereafter. I found that things remained practically the same between us. There wasn't any feeling of awkwardness or easiness between us...
You did a good thing by confessing to her and making your feelings known. You felt better after that don't you. Once is enough to test waters. To gauge where do you stand at that point in time. When she gives positive/negative responses, it'd have been easier for you to move on right. BUT it's neither. So you shouldn't pop that question/confess to her anymore. Once is enough to get the anxiety off your back and let her know your intentions. You've got past stage one.
Like I mentioned she might not really know you well enough to trust you. Trust is not just about lunch and dinner dates. Or is it about roses and diamond necklaces (it works for some girls though) She doesn't know your family background, your friends, your financial background, your present problems etc. And all these equates to whether she sees a future between the two of you. She's the kind of girl I feel, who portrays herself as an independant girl but rather insecured when it comes to commitment. This is what usually happen to girls at this age: Feelings vs What they actually want.
Since she did not reject you outright earlier on means that she might have feelings for you. Based on the fact that most girls would just reject you straight without leaving you any room to breathe. But on the other hand, she's not sure if you're the kind of guy she's looking for or see a future in. She's considering you, yet keeping her options open.
More often than not, if you keep pushing her to a decision or rush into things, chances are, you'll get a red card from her. What I suggest you can do now is
For yourself
1. Spend more time with other things, e.g. Friends/family/studies/work
2. Focus on your goals and dreams. Your own life, not you and her life.
For her/the both of you
1. Be around for her, when you know her bad habits or weaknesses (not everyday see/call each other) e.g. if she's always late for sch/work, give her a morning call. If she has the habit of skipping meals, remind her. Do these by not jepordising your own time. It's about piorities.
2. Get her dependent on you or want to be reliant on you. This is the hard part. Yet the most effective method when things move beyond the stage of initial attraction. How? I leave it to you to find out.
By doing all these, you give her the space she needs, and shows her you're a patient and reliable person. You will slowly gain her trust that your interest for her is not just on a superficial level. Girls loved to be respected, not pushed. When you're focusing your time on improving your life, she sees you as a guy who is decisive and confident, someone who knows how to handle his life properly, thus being able to handle her and the love life if bound to be. -
omg YES YES YES. that's exactly what im feeling now and she is what you've described. and she also told me many similar things that u mentioned regarding trust. actually before i made this post on sgforums, i have already made the mistake of pushing her for an answer. that actually significantly increases the distance between us. i'm gona make myself follow your advice.
-
The ball thingy was kinda cute hahaha
-
it really depends on how much you like her....
if u really do, why not just get to know her better now as FRIENDS... nothing more,...
let her get to know the real you and vis versa...
and then if the feeling is still there.... then work from there.... -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Look at the bright side of things -- you'll eventually win the Grand Slam at least.
Ray
You might have made 2 mistakes.
[b]Emotional involvement
The person who is less emotionally involved dictates and chooses. She has control over you right from the start.
Do you know why there are times when you simply cannot be yourself when you go out with her?
Because you are going out on a date with her as if your happiness depends on how the date goes.
In the early stage, emotional involvement led to pressure. The more you are stressed out about her feelings, the more you are likely to fail.
Your disappearance for one year
My speculation is that there was something else you feared. You feared of doing the wrong things.
When she hinted she is not completely uninterested, she left you in a difficult situation.
You are worried that doing the wrong things might blow your chances with her and make her turn the other way. For some time, you did not know how to proceed in this delicate situation.
The only problem is this :
What have you have been doing in the one year?
You never really stopped investing in her!
During that one year, you continue to invest a lot of time thinking about her. You became even more emotionally involved.
Her desires and obligation
Right now, she is torn between 2 choices:
Wait for love
She wants to be following her attraction and desires.
Over the course of time, she has grown to realise that the person who can give her all that is probably not you.
So she prefers to wait.
Succumb to her conscience
Accept someone who did not succeed in cultivating her attraction.
Accept you on the basis of her sense of fair play and feelings of obligation towards you who have tried so hard to make things happen.
What you can do now
The situation you are in reminds me of the game of tennis.
The rule of the game is simple. You hit the ball to her and wait for her to hit it back.
But you are impatient for her response.
When she is not hitting the ball back quick enough for you, you decided to hit more balls to her.
An impatient man is not a good tennis player.
A better approach is to hit the ball and wait. A good tennis game consists of back and forth exchanges.
DonÂ’t leave the pitch suddenly like what you did in the past.
DonÂ’t throw more balls at her like what you are doing now.
The only thing you can do now is to simply hit the ball to her and wait.
But my suspicion is that she has already made up her mind that playing tennis with you is a daunting task.
She may decide to leave the pitch for good.
Think about it.
[/b]