Is chastity still valued?
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If you insist on your 'no sex before marriage' policy then give him other things to smoothe the tensions...?Originally posted by kuri:been dating for two mths plus now.. two weeks plus ago decided to give him a nice surprise n make us 'official' by playfully asking if he would b my bf oneday after he has been lamenting why i still didnt want to accept him as my bf and we had spasms of tensions cos of that issue for quite a while.
i knew we still had outstanding issues that's why i was even holding back on that bf/gf thing but technically we were just like any other couple hold hands etc. n he said if he just wanted a physical relationship with me he wouldnt bothered if we'r official cos better still if i'm not his gf he could still get another one. well,true and i do hav feelings for him but i had doubts if it would work out cos with clashes in a few fundamental issues the tiffs we had so often it's gona b difficult..asked myself quite a couple of times why then did i make concessions towards him time n again n gave him my first kiss when we werent even together smt which i even kept from my ex.
perhaps i was too scared of losing him or my last break-up scarred n changed me. just felt he means too much to me to just let him go without giving each other a chance..
i'm still gona stick to my staunch belief n he knows very well that but it still causes upheavals sometimes when he asks for one or two related compromises.. he has no intention of breaking up no matter how bad our tiffs or tensions get.. but it has gave us quite a lot of stress at times n inevitably some subvert stress as well.. he says he loves me with all his heart so he's willing to do watever it takes to keep us together i do believe him yet i know some things r easier said than done i can sense his frustrations. just hope it can really work out..
Give him 'physical comfort'! i.e. Cuddles... Kisses (need not be french), touch him (show him physical affection without the intimacy part), grab him and pull him real close.. Squeeze yourself into the comforts of his arms... etc.
Give him 'love'! i.e. Show him cares.. Give him attention... Have interesting conversation and chat with him... etc. -
Seriously
Put yourself in the guy's shoes - enough meh? Originally posted by Devil1976:If you insist on your 'no sex before marriage' policy then give him other things to smoothe the tensions...?
Give him 'physical comfort'! i.e. Cuddles... Kisses (need not be french), touch him (show him physical affection without the intimacy part), grab him and pull him real close.. Squeeze yourself into the comforts of his arms... etc. -
By the way.. Do both of ya often spend time with each other only...?
Try to have some mutual friends which you can both hang out with in groups... That might just put his mind off from the 'wander into the woods of sex' mode..?
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Well.. Really depends on how 'hardcore' that guy is mah...Originally posted by choco B:Seriously Put yourself in the guy's shoes - enough meh?
What I've suggested is based on the fact that the TS has already insisted on her stand... So what I suggested are just 'alternatives'...
That's the problem with people with much experience in previous relationship(s) ya see... They have 'expectations'... And those need not only come in the form of emotional baggage..? They just often have a more 'fixed' idea of how they would like their relationship to be... With some of the things likely to be habits already... And one stronger aspect of that in a relationship could just easily be 'sex'...?
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The choice is yours and you have to face the consequences. Just don't have illusions that if you remain a virgin, it means that you are a good person or that people that have premarital sxx are bad people.Originally posted by kuri:been dating for two mths plus now.. two weeks plus ago decided to give him a nice surprise n make us 'official' by playfully asking if he would b my bf oneday after he has been lamenting why i still didnt want to accept him as my bf and we had spasms of tensions cos of that issue for quite a while.
i knew we still had outstanding issues that's why i was even holding back on that bf/gf thing but technically we were just like any other couple hold hands etc. n he said if he just wanted a physical relationship with me he wouldnt bothered if we'r official cos better still if i'm not his gf he could still get another one. well,true and i do hav feelings for him but i had doubts if it would work out cos with clashes in a few fundamental issues the tiffs we had so often it's gona b difficult..asked myself quite a couple of times why then did i make concessions towards him time n again n gave him my first kiss when we werent even together smt which i even kept from my ex.
perhaps i was too scared of losing him or my last break-up scarred n changed me. just felt he means too much to me to just let him go without giving each other a chance..
i'm still gona stick to my staunch belief n he knows very well that but it still causes upheavals sometimes when he asks for one or two related compromises.. he has no intention of breaking up no matter how bad our tiffs or tensions get.. but it has gave us quite a lot of stress at times n inevitably some subvert stress as well.. he says he loves me with all his heart so he's willing to do watever it takes to keep us together i do believe him yet i know some things r easier said than done i can sense his frustrations. just hope it can really work out..
Just don't have the illusion that if you remain a virgin, your life will be wonderful because you remained a virgin. Just don't have illusions that all those that have pre-marital sxx live horrible lives.
IT IS NOT SO SIMPLE.
Everybody make their choices and face the consequences. Any choice you make will not be the perfect choice because we live in an imperfect world and we do not have perfect knowledge to make perfect choice.
You make your choice, live with the consequences and continue with life one day at a time, make new choices some resulting in good consequences, some with bad consequences. If you want to have premarital sxx, I suggest that you take THE PILL AND ask him to use condoms.
Taking THE PILL is good because it has many health benefits. I encourage single women that do not even think of having pre-marital sxx to take THE PILL. It helps prevent cancer and heart disease later on in life. The benefits outweigh the possible side effects by a very wide margin.
I also encourage women to go for the immunization jab that would help prevent cervical cancer.
Back to your issue, remember also that men treat sxx with less significance and importance than women. Don't jump to conclusion that all men will dump you after sxx.
These are just some of the suggestions that I can give you. The rest is up to you. I do not have to suffer any consequence as a result of the choices that you make.
But hey, you have made it so far and you are now in a difficult phase of your life. Billions of people had to make the same choices as you have to make now and life went on for them... just remember that whatever choice you make, life goes on and it is never as bad as you imagined unless you choose to make a big deal out of it.
You regretted not kissing your ex. Don't waste your time regretting, dear. If you had kissed your ex you might have broken up with him too. Hey nobody knows! Don't live life, if only, if only, if only... Find your own happiness. Do what makes you happy.
Hey, there is no free lunch. Whatever choice you make, there are consequences. Just be prepared for them and don't live life with regrets. -
dun understand y ur first relatonship hurt u that deep when there's not much intimacy involved?Originally posted by kuri:been dating for two mths plus now.. two weeks plus ago decided to give him a nice surprise n make us 'official' by playfully asking if he would b my bf oneday after he has been lamenting why i still didnt want to accept him as my bf and we had spasms of tensions cos of that issue for quite a while.
i knew we still had outstanding issues that's why i was even holding back on that bf/gf thing but technically we were just like any other couple hold hands etc. n he said if he just wanted a physical relationship with me he wouldnt bothered if we'r official cos better still if i'm not his gf he could still get another one. well,true and i do hav feelings for him but i had doubts if it would work out cos with clashes in a few fundamental issues the tiffs we had so often it's gona b difficult..asked myself quite a couple of times why then did i make concessions towards him time n again n gave him my first kiss when we werent even together smt which i even kept from my ex.
perhaps i was too scared of losing him or my last break-up scarred n changed me. just felt he means too much to me to just let him go without giving each other a chance..
i'm still gona stick to my staunch belief n he knows very well that but it still causes upheavals sometimes when he asks for one or two related compromises.. he has no intention of breaking up no matter how bad our tiffs or tensions get.. but it has gave us quite a lot of stress at times n inevitably some subvert stress as well.. he says he loves me with all his heart so he's willing to do watever it takes to keep us together i do believe him yet i know some things r easier said than done i can sense his frustrations. just hope it can really work out..
IMPO, applies to me only la.. the lesser the intimacy when we are together.. the higher chances of us able to be frens again after the break up. -
have to know where's the line..Originally posted by Devil1976:If you insist on your 'no sex before marriage' policy then give him other things to smoothe the tensions...?
Give him 'physical comfort'! i.e. Cuddles... Kisses (need not be french), touch him (show him physical affection without the intimacy part), grab him and pull him real close.. Squeeze yourself into the comforts of his arms... etc.
Give him 'love'! i.e. Show him cares.. Give him attention... Have interesting conversation and chat with him... etc.
some guys... touch a bit nia he will really get horny..
then she better know how to defend herself. -
This is really something NEW.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:The choice is yours and you have to face the consequences. Just don't have illusions that if you remain a virgin, it means that you are a good person or that people that have premarital sxx are bad people.
Just don't have the illusion that if you remain a virgin, your life will be wonderful because you remained a virgin. Just don't have illusions that all those that have pre-marital sxx live horrible lives.
IT IS NOT SO SIMPLE.
Everybody make their choices and face the consequences. Any choice you make will not be the perfect choice because we live in an imperfect world and we do not have perfect knowledge to make perfect choice.
You make your choice, live with the consequences and continue with life one day at a time, make new choices some resulting in good consequences, some with bad consequences. If you want to have premarital sxx, I suggest that you take THE PILL AND ask him to use condoms.
Taking THE PILL is good because it has many health benefits. I encourage single women that do not even think of having pre-marital sxx to take THE PILL. It helps prevent cancer and heart disease later on in life. The benefits outweigh the possible side effects by a very wide margin.
I also encourage women to go for the immunization jab that would help prevent cervical cancer.
Back to your issue, remember also that men treat sxx with less significance and importance than women. Don't jump to conclusion that all men will dump you after sxx.
These are just some of the suggestions that I can give you. The rest is up to you. I do not have to suffer any consequence as a result of the choices that you make.
But hey, you have made it so far and you are now in a difficult phase of your life. Billions of people had to make the same choices as you have to make now and life went on for them... just remember that whatever choice you make, life goes on and it is never as bad as you imagined unless you choose to make a big deal out of it.
You regretted not kissing your ex. Don't waste your time regretting, dear. If you had kissed your ex you might have broken up with him too. Hey nobody knows! Don't live life, if only, if only, if only... Find your own happiness. Do what makes you happy.
Hey, there is no free lunch. Whatever choice you make, there are consequences. Just be prepared for them and don't live life with regrets. -
I wonder if there is a risk of 'Give them an inch, and they'll ask for a mile' occuring.Originally posted by Devil1976:If you insist on your 'no sex before marriage' policy then give him other things to smoothe the tensions...?
Give him 'physical comfort'! i.e. Cuddles... Kisses (need not be french), touch him (show him physical affection without the intimacy part), grab him and pull him real close.. Squeeze yourself into the comforts of his arms... etc.
Give him 'love'! i.e. Show him cares.. Give him attention... Have interesting conversation and chat with him... etc. -
I guess it a time u both tell thing out...
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Of cos there is, aint there? Otherwise, what is desire?Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:I wonder if there is a risk of 'Give them an inch, and they'll ask for a mile' occuring. -
mayb that's why it felt so pure? i didnt know things could get so complicated with a guy when i was with him. it still feels emotional now sometimes n guess he still cant really accept me as frd yet ba tho he told me he's good frds with his exes when we were together guess mayb it doesnt apply this time round?cos so long no contact le..kinda sad..not pinning that we'll b together again decided to let go when i accepted my bf just genuinuely concerned bout him cos he was a really good frd to me n well, with all the complications i face now occasionally still cant help but lamenting to myself why i had to have lost before i realised i loved. i know no point whining bout what ifs..just rattling on to relief some stress..haihOriginally posted by browniebaobao:dun understand y ur first relatonship hurt u that deep when there's not much intimacy involved?
IMPO, applies to me only la.. the lesser the intimacy when we are together.. the higher chances of us able to be frens again after the break up. -
I pretty much agree with the point on Choices and Consequences.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:The choice is yours and you have to face the consequences. Just don't have illusions that if you remain a virgin, it means that you are a good person or that people that have premarital sxx are bad people.
Cheers -
You seem to assume that you lost your ex because you did not kiss him. Well you kissed your new bf and now you have other problems!Originally posted by kuri:mayb that's why it felt so pure? i didnt know things could get so complicated with a guy when i was with him. it still feels emotional now sometimes n guess he still cant really accept me as frd yet ba tho he told me he's good frds with his exes when we were together guess mayb it doesnt apply this time round?cos so long no contact le..kinda sad..not pinning that we'll b together again decided to let go when i accepted my bf just genuinuely concerned bout him cos he was a really good frd to me n well, with all the complications i face now occasionally still cant help but lamenting to myself why i had to have lost before i realised i loved. i know no point whining bout what ifs..just rattling on to relief some stress..haih
Then what? If you break off with him, you will say, "if only I have slept with him?"
If you sleep with him, then you will have some other problems... so don't go around living life with such simplistic thinking. There is no such thing as "if only I had, then..."
"if only I had, then... rubbish" nobody knows and you will never know
If you think, "if only I had kissed my ex then I will still be with him...." rubbish!
If only life was so simple.
If only I had finished university then... rubbish!
You live with what you have and find your happiness with what you have and always remember that "if only I whatever whatever is rubbish, rubbish!" -
Can u not be so rude and demeaning?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:The choice is yours and you have to face the consequences. Just don't have illusions that if you remain a virgin, it means that you are a good person or that people that have premarital sxx are bad people.
Just don't have the illusion that if you remain a virgin, your life will be wonderful because you remained a virgin. Just don't have illusions that all those that have pre-marital sxx live horrible lives.
IT IS NOT SO SIMPLE.
OF COURSE IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
The issue wasnt over the fact at face value that he's not a virgin i m.
It is the implications that we have different expectations in a relationship.
He thinks sex is a natural part of a normal relationship I never considered sex in a relationship. n he once told me to him sex is a big part of love. isnt that enough to cause some trouble between us?
And it's baffling that while he says he's not into a virgin bride he has this mentality that he believes if he makes love with the girl he loves she's his forever that's his explanation for having sex with his ex. blurt out a few times "want u to be my gal" when we'r alr together doesnt it mean consciously or subconsciously he still believes in that idea?u make love with a woman she's urs?isnt that so old school?how is he less radical than me?
Things aint simple just as u so much like to say. So dun go around dismissing everybody like u did to me n blu_sky as having simplistic thinking when u simply didnt think bout what we'r thinking. -
rubbish!i absolutely love the way u jump to rubbish conclusions. it's not just bout the kiss la,rubbish.how do u like it?lol.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:You seem to assume that you lost your ex because you did not kiss him. Well you kissed your new bf and now you have other problems!
Then what? If you break off with him, you will say, "if only I have slept with him?"
If you sleep with him, then you will have some other problems... so don't go around living life with such simplistic thinking. There is no such thing as "if only I had, then..."
"if only I had, then... rubbish" nobody knows and you will never know
If you think, "if only I had kissed my ex then I will still be with him...." rubbish!
If only life was so simple.
If only I had finished university then... rubbish!
You live with what you have and find your happiness with what you have and always remember that "if only I whatever whatever is rubbish, rubbish!"
chill.u dun know the story it's "not so simple" as u love to emphasize. my post was just a reply to bbb. -
As long as you know that the issue is not so simple as: If everyone values chastity, then relationships will be wonderful as implied in your question: "Is chastity still valued?"Originally posted by kuri:rubbish!i absolutely love the way u jump to rubbish conclusions. it's not just bout the kiss la,rubbish.how do u like it?lol.
chill.u dun know the story it's "not so simple" as u love to emphasize. my post was just a reply to bbb.
Well, I have made my point and you have taken it, good. -
Frankly, I don't think that you really have a problem but you have an agenda to promote "Chastity". That is why I "rubbish!" "rubbish!" you. It is never so simple.
The individual has to make a choice and suffer the consequences EITHER WAY; please don't think that remaining a virgin before marriage is free of consequences.
You have to give people the available information to help them make the choice. It is up to them. -
been there done that? if only that will be enough?Originally posted by Devil1976:If you insist on your 'no sex before marriage' policy then give him other things to smoothe the tensions...?
Give him 'physical comfort'! i.e. Cuddles... Kisses (need not be french), touch him (show him physical affection without the intimacy part), grab him and pull him real close.. Squeeze yourself into the comforts of his arms... etc.
Give him 'love'! i.e. Show him cares.. Give him attention... Have interesting conversation and chat with him... etc.
he can be rather oblivious to sweet lil things
thanks anyway..he's saying now he knows my firm stand will respect that..perhaps he has given much thoughts after our last tiff..things seem peaceful now..lets hope it stays that way.n perhaps he'll finally find enough comfort in what u just described. -
so now ur suspecting i'm an undercover pastor? nothing aint simple to u huh.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Frankly, I don't think that you really have a problem but you have an agenda to promote "Chastity". That is why I "rubbish!" "rubbish!" you. It is never so simple.
The individual has to make a choice and suffer the consequences EITHER WAY; please don't think that remaining a virgin before marriage is free of consequences.
You have to give people the available information to help them make the choice. It is up to them. -
Please don't think so highly of yourself.Originally posted by kuri:so now ur suspecting i'm an undercover pastor? nothing aint simple to u huh. Most pastors understand that people have to make their own choices no matter what they say on the pulpit.
Most of them will not try, I think, to promote Chastity as an anonymous open forum as a "commandment". Christians "commandments" apply only to Christians.
The rest of the world understand the consequences and sometimes take a chance. It is hard for you to understand because you are like a frog that lives in a well. You cannot see other point of views because you have been "protected".
Saint Paul said, somethings he doesn't say because it is not edifying for the church. He also said, when I was a child...
Get the hint? -
Are you on FBI's most wanted list yet?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:"I have a right to kill people in the defense of my Faith and Killing people in the defense of my faith is good - I have a right to my beliefs! -
InterpolOriginally posted by curiousOrange:Are you on FBI's most wanted list yet? -
Andrew, if u have no constructive comments, we would appreciate if u just SHUT UP.
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This is an important issue in a number of ways.Originally posted by browniebaobao:Andrew, if u have no constructive comments, we would appreciate if u just SHUT UP.
One of the issues cuts right into the heart of what having a relationship is all about.
Religious people live their lives or at least try to live their lives according to a set of "rules'.
"As long as we follow a set of rules, the ten commandments, for example, we will have a happy and blessed life".
"As long as I am chaste I will have a wonderful relationship and a happy marriage".
This is a Religious Point of View!
This might or might not work for everyone and only if everyone follows the same set of rules.
There is still the question of what to do if the rules are silent?
Do you then create more rules?
Is that what a relationship is all about? Having rules to guide each other' behavior?
If you want to go further, you ask yourself whether or not religion is a set of rules? That God is an FBI agent constantly interrogating you to see if you have broken any of his laws?
A relationship is about mutual love and support. A relationship is about giving of oneself to the other.
It is about being there when the other person is down and being there to share the joys.
It is about forgiveness and tolerance and working out what is acceptable behavior to both.
It is about knowing that someone in this world is there for you no matter what happens to you. It is about having someone stand by you and take your side even when your are wrong.
It is about someone pleading for a life sentence when you clearly deserve the death penalty. It is about someone pleading for parole when you deserve a jail sentence.
It is about making each other laugh. It is about helping each other become what they want to be. It is accepting the other person for what they are.
During courtship, it is a time to find out if you can give yourself to the other party. Nobody is forcing nobody. Everyone comes with intelligence to decide if he/she wants to be the other person's fool.
It is certainly not about a piece of tissue inside the vagina.
Which is why I worry for TS. What has she been taught? That life and relationships and relationships with the almighty is about rules and regulations?
Wake up, wake up. It is "Our Father who art in heaven" not our FBI agent looking down on us!
Live is not so simple as, "Follow the rules and you will have a wonderful life!"