GF of 7 yrs left me
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Its been nearly a week now and the pain is still as raw as the first day. My gf, the light of my life, just called it quits. God, it still hurts ...
At first, I just reacted with shock and then anger, then emotions just went for a rollercoaster ride. Happy, sad, extreme grief, regret. I was feeling so clingy, that any scrap of attention she gave me I was so grateful and happy about it.
She said she just wants to be friends. So we talked about normal stuff and all. Yet when I tried to talk more serious things, she just either clams up or ...
She said she's just beyond all feelings of frustration and grief. Said everyone who heard her tale just told her ... leave him. Said that I neglected her, did not appreciate her, didnt truly care for her needs, didnt share her interest, and was cruel, callous and nasty. Called and accussed her of all sorts of things and names during arguments.
Thinking back, I just feel so stupid. Always felt smug with myself for having such a beautiful girl in my life. And when she's gone, just a huge chunk of my life is gone. All the things she said was true. Every single word. ....
I just couldnt believe it at first. Begged her to stay on - she said I could do watever i wanted, but she wanted no part of me anymore. No more pain, grief for her. She wants her own life and her own path.
We agreed to a 'cooloff period' but I think its just plain hopeless. Anytime we talk something more serious, beyond what 'friends' talk, she just balks and back off. She's just dead on the inside.
I'm just lost. There's so much more to tell, but I just cant think coherently. I've tried begging, pleading, cajouling ... nothing works. So much so I've begun to fear the pain that all this activities cause, when she just brushes it off.
She said there's no hope anymore. After talking for hours with her, I begun to see that.
Just lost and confused. Raw pain. Grief. Regret. Just cant sit down alone and do nothing, cause all manner of stupid thoughts intrude my mind, including suicide.
Help ... please ... anyone? -
I am sorry. I can't help. Maybe there are others who can help
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Time heals most wounds.
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how old are u and her? What is the real cause for both of u have gone through a seven year r/s. Somethine might have happened that made her give it all up.
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What kind of help do you want?
consolations? empathy, listening ear, want her back?
If you are a person who is what your have described in your first post, do you think you deserve her? If she comes back to you just to get more grief and pain, might as well let her leave and seek a better life.
In conclusion, if you think you are a jerk but in your heart you love her, try not to get her back. remain as friends.
If you are willing to change, tell her that. that you were wrong and you have been taking her for granted. tell her u are regretful. promise her if you let her down again, she is free to leave. The rest is up to you. -
Well, we're in our late 20s. And you r right that something did happen, only that i happened over a very long period.Originally posted by ptw:how old are u and her? What is the real cause for both of u have gone through a seven year r/s. Somethine might have happened that made her give it all up.
I guess our relationship just died down, over many quarrels and arguments. Each of us withdrew a little bit of ourselves from the relationship after every disappointment.
In the end, there's nothing left. And I am feeling terrible, due to the fact of this happening, but I guess after thinking about it, it really isnt something totally unexpected. -
I guess im just holding on. We've been together since 19, and I've watched her grow from a naive girl to the confident woman she is today. I played a big part of it, being her support and giving her advice.Originally posted by dibilo:What kind of help do you want?
consolations? empathy, listening ear, want her back?
If you are a person who is what your have described in your first post, do you think you deserve her? If she comes back to you just to get more grief and pain, might as well let her leave and seek a better life.
In conclusion, if you think you are a jerk but in your heart you love her, try not to get her back. remain as friends.
If you are willing to change, tell her that. that you were wrong and you have been taking her for granted. tell her u are regretful. promise her if you let her down again, she is free to leave. The rest is up to you.
I guess I've begun to pay less attention to her as she grew older. Maybe it was just the familiarity, but partially also because I felt she no longer needed constant attention / guidance.
Somewhere a long the way, we started quarreling a lot, and everytime it happened, each of us withdrew a bit of ourselves from the relationship. Eventually, she just snapped.
At first I wanted her back, and wanted to make up. But now, Im not so sure. I am willing to change, and win her back, but for tat to happen, i guess she still has to have a little hope left. But i think even tat is gone now.
I guess all i want now is to know not feel so much pain anymore. -
You will have to first realize that you cannot avoid the pain you are feeling now.Originally posted by paul_muaddib:Just lost and confused. Raw pain. Grief. Regret. Just cant sit down alone and do nothing, cause all manner of stupid thoughts intrude my mind, including suicide.
Help ... please ... anyone?
This pain is essential. It is a fact of life.
While waiting patiently for your emotional pain to diminish, you need to develop the correct state of mind.
There should be some happy moments in your relationship with her. Take comfort in that.
There are so many people in this world who have sadly never experience that happiness.
On the other hand, also take comfort of the fact that the relationship is over.
Why should you invest any more in a relationship in which you canÂ’t derive any more happiness from?
Try to examine why the relationship failed. Are you the cause of the problems?
If you believe that you were responsible for the breakup, then see what you can change about yourself so that the same issues will not reoccur in your next relationship.
We tend to repeat negative situations in relationships until we take some time to figure ourselves out.
Grieving is comfortable.
But there is always the problem of ending up back in the same place you are now.
DonÂ’t allow this failed relationship to continue directing the course of your life.
Make a decision to move on.
Take care. -
sometimes u hv to ask urself if u reali did everything wrong... since she made the choice and sticked to it theres no way back liao... so jz take it like a man and treat ur next gf better...Originally posted by paul_muaddib:Its been nearly a week now and the pain is still as raw as the first day. My gf, the light of my life, just called it quits. God, it still hurts ...
At first, I just reacted with shock and then anger, then emotions just went for a rollercoaster ride. Happy, sad, extreme grief, regret. I was feeling so clingy, that any scrap of attention she gave me I was so grateful and happy about it.
She said she just wants to be friends. So we talked about normal stuff and all. Yet when I tried to talk more serious things, she just either clams up or ...
She said she's just beyond all feelings of frustration and grief. Said everyone who heard her tale just told her ... leave him. Said that I neglected her, did not appreciate her, didnt truly care for her needs, didnt share her interest, and was cruel, callous and nasty. Called and accussed her of all sorts of things and names during arguments.
Thinking back, I just feel so stupid. Always felt smug with myself for having such a beautiful girl in my life. And when she's gone, just a huge chunk of my life is gone. All the things she said was true. Every single word. ....
I just couldnt believe it at first. Begged her to stay on - she said I could do watever i wanted, but she wanted no part of me anymore. No more pain, grief for her. She wants her own life and her own path.
We agreed to a 'cooloff period' but I think its just plain hopeless. Anytime we talk something more serious, beyond what 'friends' talk, she just balks and back off. She's just dead on the inside.
I'm just lost. There's so much more to tell, but I just cant think coherently. I've tried begging, pleading, cajouling ... nothing works. So much so I've begun to fear the pain that all this activities cause, when she just brushes it off.
She said there's no hope anymore. After talking for hours with her, I begun to see that.
Just lost and confused. Raw pain. Grief. Regret. Just cant sit down alone and do nothing, cause all manner of stupid thoughts intrude my mind, including suicide.
Help ... please ... anyone? -
at least you know it in time?
i know of one who walked out on the day of ROM.
Just pick up the pieces n correct wht went wrong for you.
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Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Thanks for the meaningful advice. I really appreciate it.
You will have to first realize that you cannot avoid the pain you are feeling now.
This pain is essential. It is a fact of life.
While waiting patiently for your emotional pain to diminish, you need to develop the correct state of mind.
...
[b]Grieving is comfortable.
But there is always the problem of ending up back in the same place you are now.
DonÂ’t allow this failed relationship to continue directing the course of your life.
Make a decision to move on.
Take care.
[/b]
I guess there's always fear of the unknown. Even when making the decision to move on, there's this fear of never able to find someone just as special. Tat's why i guess there's still apart of me that hope things will get better, as at least, i know what im dealing with now.
Frankly, looking back, I dont think I made all the mistakes. Both of us have our share of pet peeves. I was just able to put up with her eccentricities better than her. In the end, she just didnt hv the tolerance and patience anymore.
You are right that I should reflect on the happy moments. But maybe in a while more, since doing that now just brings grief and regret. -
I had did what yr ex did, so I know how she feel. On yr part just accept it and move on. We r all in the learning process to accept others but never take them for granted. Everybody have their own will to do what they want.
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Haha. I guess so. Still, 7 years is a long time. Best part of my life invested in a relationship, which I thought had a bright future.Originally posted by Pitot:at least you know it in time?
i know of one who walked out on the day of ROM.
Just pick up the pieces n correct wht went wrong for you.
Just glad to read these posts from all you ppl. Keeping my mind busy also keeps me from feeling remorse and grief and pain. -
I guess at this moment, all my 'manly' pride has gone out the window. Need to find the courage to pick up the pieces and go on. But its not easy ...Originally posted by BrUtUs:sometimes u hv to ask urself if u reali did everything wrong... since she made the choice and sticked to it theres no way back liao... so jz take it like a man and treat ur next gf better... -
My condolences. Well, now that it's gone, the way forward is not to dwell too long on the unhappiness but to just let it go. Time heals all wounds. I've been thru this and gone on to live an even better life. You can too. You just have to get your new life going. Once you are busy living your new life, you'll have no time to feel hurt and sorry and all the pain of the failed relationship will simply evaporate without a trace........
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Then I emphatise with your ex. ... But i can tell u, while it may be justified, the pain it causes to another makes it one of the most terrible things u can do to another person.Originally posted by T.Ryousuke:I had did what yr ex did, so I know how she feel. On yr part just accept it and move on. We r all in the learning process to accept others but never take them for granted. Everybody have their own will to do what they want. -
I see. I'll just have to keep myself busy until then. Forgetting something is never easy, especially if your whole life previously revolved around it.Originally posted by :My condolences. Well, now that it's gone, the way forward is not to dwell too long on the unhappiness but to just let it go. Time heals all wounds. I've been thru this and gone on to live an even better life. You can too. You just have to get your new life going. Once you are busy living your new life, you'll have no time to feel hurt and sorry and all the pain of the failed relationship will simply evaporate without a trace........ -
like what you said, her feelings is dead inside...
dude, i hope you can learn from your mistakes and not to repeat it in your next r/s.
You cant cry over spill milk... pick yourself up, and look forward to the future..
Somewhere out there, there will always be someone waiting for you.. -
Well, there is no justification here. It's about understanding, respect and love.Originally posted by paul_muaddib:Then I emphatise with your ex. ... But i can tell u, while it may be justified, the pain it causes to another makes it one of the most terrible things u can do to another person. -
Yeah. I've been talking to a lot of ppl, and they are all seem to agree on a few key things - that I should learn from this, I should move on, and focus on myself and make myself happy.Originally posted by darknessfall:like what you said, her feelings is dead inside...
dude, i hope you can learn from your mistakes and not to repeat it in your next r/s.
You cant cry over spill milk... pick yourself up, and look forward to the future..
Somewhere out there, there will always be someone waiting for you..
It makes a huge difference to know that even though u r suffering, there are still ppl that are concerned abt u. Like u guys ... It makes things more bearable too, that hearing there are ppl who hv gone through the same situation and still survived. -
Sorry to hear abt your plight. There's a possibility of the presense of a 3rd party.Originally posted by paul_muaddib:Its been nearly a week now and the pain is still as raw as the first day. My gf, the light of my life, just called it quits. God, it still hurts ...
At first, I just reacted with shock and then anger, then emotions just went for a rollercoaster ride. Happy, sad, extreme grief, regret. I was feeling so clingy, that any scrap of attention she gave me I was so grateful and happy about it.
She said she just wants to be friends. So we talked about normal stuff and all. Yet when I tried to talk more serious things, she just either clams up or ...
She said she's just beyond all feelings of frustration and grief. Said everyone who heard her tale just told her ... leave him. Said that I neglected her, did not appreciate her, didnt truly care for her needs, didnt share her interest, and was cruel, callous and nasty. Called and accussed her of all sorts of things and names during arguments.
Thinking back, I just feel so stupid. Always felt smug with myself for having such a beautiful girl in my life. And when she's gone, just a huge chunk of my life is gone. All the things she said was true. Every single word. ....
I just couldnt believe it at first. Begged her to stay on - she said I could do watever i wanted, but she wanted no part of me anymore. No more pain, grief for her. She wants her own life and her own path.
We agreed to a 'cooloff period' but I think its just plain hopeless. Anytime we talk something more serious, beyond what 'friends' talk, she just balks and back off. She's just dead on the inside.
I'm just lost. There's so much more to tell, but I just cant think coherently. I've tried begging, pleading, cajouling ... nothing works. So much so I've begun to fear the pain that all this activities cause, when she just brushes it off.
She said there's no hope anymore. After talking for hours with her, I begun to see that.
Just lost and confused. Raw pain. Grief. Regret. Just cant sit down alone and do nothing, cause all manner of stupid thoughts intrude my mind, including suicide.
Help ... please ... anyone?
But since it's over, you have to admit it's over. 7 years is no short business. I know it's going to be a tough time for you. I've seen even worse. 8 years of relationship and the girl got dumped. And the girl picked herself up.
I can suggest to you is that expand your social circle, know more people. Even if you do not have another gf, it won't kill you. If you're aware, there're also many other people who're equally devastated as you. Find more firends. Pick up a new hobby. You'll find that the world doesn't revolve only on relationships. -
can't do much.. jus get over it ba
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Tat's something that i planned to do as well. Everyone in a relationship has a story or two to tell. Just glad to hear from all of u.Originally posted by MS:Sorry to hear abt your plight. There's a possibility of the presense of a 3rd party.
But since it's over, you have to admit it's over. 7 years is no short business. I know it's going to be a tough time for you. I've seen even worse. 8 years of relationship and the girl got dumped. And the girl picked herself up.
I can suggest to you is that expand your social circle, know more people. Even if you do not have another gf, it won't kill you. If you're aware, there're also many other people who're equally devastated as you. Find more firends. Pick up a new hobby. You'll find that the world doesn't revolve only on relationships.
But it wont be easy to do such a drastic change. I can only keep myself occupied to i wont be so down in the dumps all the time. -
Yup keeping yourself occupied helps to heal old wounds in time. All the best and hope life will be uphill for you =)
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take time to grief then reflect why things turn out this way. learn from that and move on.
i disagree with the post abt 3rd party. it doesn't take a 3rd party to end a relationship. some times pple just grow apart and realise they are no longer wat each other want.