GF of 7 yrs left me
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somehow... i maybe cruel to tell u this... my gf of 5 yrs left me... when gers are heartless , they can really be.. be prepared loh.. u might lose her foreva...
like me, im still recovering after broke up for 5 yrs already and whenever i think of her, my heart still hurts... -
i understand how u feel..
cus my gf left me rite aft my BMT..
dun worry abt it..
time heals everything..
eventually, u WILL recover.. -
sad....
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MY condolences
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What actually happen? And what actually happened over the years that sets your relationship on the decline?Originally posted by paul_muaddib:Well, we're in our late 20s. And you r right that something did happen, only that i happened over a very long period.
I guess our relationship just died down, over many quarrels and arguments. Each of us withdrew a little bit of ourselves from the relationship after every disappointment.
In the end, there's nothing left. And I am feeling terrible, due to the fact of this happening, but I guess after thinking about it, it really isnt something totally unexpected.
Cheers -
Tats what I want to know too... How can someone who bear to leave a 7 years r/s?
But like what the rest of the forumites had mentioned, it aint easy to move on and all depends on you and the encouragement from close friends and families.
I had survived this ordeal, dun wan to mention abt the past either but thefeeling sucks...
Be happy, know more friends and go out often. Do whatsoever things u didnt do or completed when u are single...Be it setting up a new hobby but requires alot of time and effort.
Try not to know too much abt her. When the memory of her drifted away from u, u feel more easier to move on and faster in a way... -
No one could help you. Let just say if what she say is true. When she is with you, you treat her quite badly. Then it your fault, never cherish it when it around, only know it important when it not around. I'm not lecturing you by the way..
I too is in about the same way at you. My gf of 6 yrs left me too, i too treat her quite badly and when she left me. All her close friend felt that she make the right decision. During the period, i am lost, sad, moody and depression for over a yr after we broke off...
4 yr has pass since the incident, something i too will feel the hurt and pain if remind of it. But trust me, time will heal the wounds even if it did not heal, It will lesser the pain... I know there no hope for me to recouncile with her again, but after every relationship. There are always things to learn from it, just take it as a lifetime experience and treat your next relastionship with more caring and cherish it...
Life is not a bed of rose
Good luck to you.. May you be strong and learn somethings from it -
I guess it just was gradual. Frankly, my own feelings for her also hv lessened. But I just thought being able to meet her needs and all would compensate. Plus I also kept thinking about how much time and effort i've put into this relationship and the joys and pain we went together.
I guess while i was able to accept her changing character, I was slowly neglecting her as well, as my feelings lessened. Coupled with all other reasons like not being interested, nasty, etc, just made the whole r/s worse. ... Its not like we're unhappy all the time. We're just living day to day, repeating the same things. Its during the arguments tat made the relationships worse, and when the pressure is too much, she just re-evaluated everything and called it quits.
Im just getting mixed signals from her. She never mentioned the words break off, or leave, but the feeling is just as strong. She wants time for herself, to discover life on her own, and to see if she really needs me in her life. So far, she said there's fewer and fewer reasons for it.
Im not saying she's a perfect woman, but its just painful to go through this. Logically thinking, I dont think she's the perfect one or the suitable one - our tastes r just too different. Many times a long the way I thought of leaving her, but I just felt it would break her heart. ... I guess she just called it quits first.
I think the worst thing is when we've begun to spend the last 2 yrs living together. Previously, it was just a long term relationship, with occasional long holidays together.
I want to find new friends and new ppl and new hobbies, but I just cant chuck my past overnight. New friends dont just drop in (but u guys r all very helpful!), but takes time. Likewise, new interests and all. -
Thx to everyone who posted and left a kind word, a piece of advice, or just to share their experience.
Trying to distance myself from her. Like I mentioned earlier, I was just so torn up because she never mentioned abt breaking etc., just that she never wants to go through the same life with me again, that she wants her own time and space, that she wants to move out, that there is no 'us' anymore.
We've talked and agreed to a cooldown period, and like the fool i was, just clinged on to her. Talking to her whenever she's back from her, msg her online, and sometimes SMS and writing emails.
Fat load of good it did - not only she just got fedup and frustrated, i was also just severely affected seeing each and every single thing i did got rebuffed. Sort of driving a car at 100km/s straight into a brick wall, only that i did it over and over again.
Now, i just want to find my own path. Its hard - ive been a loner all my life and hv few very good friends. I hv hardly been without her, be it physical presence or just a comforting mental presence at the back of my mind. To rip all those out - I dont know who i am anymore. All this while i 'thought' i was planning for our future - get money, buy house, buy car, get married, etc.
Guess I should hv taken care of her first before getting all those grandiose ideas. -
She just came back. Went out with someone. NOw just feel like crap inside - its better if I didnt ask. And the whole day I've managed to successfully kept my mind off matter, and kept all those painful feelings back to the minimum.
Sometimes, I just dont know if there's any point in going on living. The whole world seems so shitty. Maybe if I had someone else to go out with, things might be better, but ... frankly, nothing seems worthwhile anymore. -
dude gratz on having your mind off her for one day, u did great... keep it up
of corz there is meaning, in fact there ARE... though im not in the position to tell u this coz i too just broke off... u can get your frenz to go out with u... everything is worthwhile when u feel good doing it...
gd luck -
hi guys,
after browsing here for a few days,i decided to join this forum and discuss on this particular topic:
i'm also seperated with my ex-gf of 8 years since end 2006 and still trying very hard to get over with it. the main problem with us is lack of communication.Being with her,instead of happy but was stress instead due to my work and personal issues which caused me to suggest the break up.but the main reason was i did not tell her deep down inside my feelings abt this which was to earn hard and proposed to her,providing her a good living in the future but her thinking was totally diff and she did not want to get married at all due to her surrounding frens are all either divorced or seperated,i guess she was scared that would happen to her,although i have tried my best to show her that will not happen to us but still did not work out.i tried to patch things up jus like TS did but she juz could not accept as her main reason was:
1.she could not face me as i did too much for her but she did not.
2.she is looking for someone that could entertain her,make her happy and not those down-to-earth type like me.
3.she's tired of this relationship.
i regreted what i did and
i must admit that i too was at faultor neglecting her feelings but hey,sometimes,guys like me also have their own goals and passion,and i think i have been dragging this relationship for too long as some of my frens say but,i juz could not marry her as i was too,worried of giving her happiness.Although,we are not in contact now but still,8 years being together and seperated is not an easy task to juz like moving on......life is juz like a box of chocolates,u never know what you going to get.
currently,i juz keep myself as busy as possible like joining groups gathering,taking up courses,getting to know more new friends,although most of the times,she keep springing into my mind but that's jus life and definiely have to accept it.
i hope TS too,will pull urself together and hope for the very best in the future. -
Yr case is very close to mine, anyway this is life, learn to let go ,see far and work for the next r/s.Originally posted by TerenceYYK:hi guys,........ -
sorry to hear that...
it happened to me before too...
all i can say is that " if u really love her, let her go"
no point holding back..it will only change u and the relationship u and her used to have... -
My current gf is smarter and more understanding, all that she had gone through made her stronger and I also learn something from her. R/s really need alot of hard work to maintain . And I also took mths to get over the pain, so don't giveup, we still have 40-70 years to live.
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It's a phase you need to get past.Originally posted by paul_muaddib:Sometimes, I just dont know if there's any point in going on living. The whole world seems so shitty. Maybe if I had someone else to go out with, things might be better, but ... frankly, nothing seems worthwhile anymore.
Everything seems meaningless to you now because you have built your happiness on having a future with this woman.
You are looking for answers about your life right now. That is why you came here.
Trust me. You will not find the answers you want from anybody.
Searching for answers is a lost cause in this case. Not every question in life has an answer!
You have been given the gift of life Paul.
DonÂ’t waste this gift searching for answers and purpose. It will hold back your life.
Use this gift well. For now, accept things the way they are.
Stop analyzing.
Stop asking why and how.
Live.
Shut off the PC, go out and live your life.
Take care of yourself. -
Listening to music now.
After the most terrible weekend of my life, feeling so down until hv to contact every good friend i know and tell them my problems, im just feeling numb.
Actually, a little happy listening to music. Yanni. Life just goes on.
Pain will go, and soon I'll just be calm. But i really should use this opportunity to change my life, so see things with new eyes and try new things. Do all the things i've always been reluctant to do.
I just think for now, I'll just spend time on myself, and no worry abt this relationship anymore. No more begging and pleading, and so, no more suffering. All this actions were making me feel worse than before, and im not going to torture myself emotionally anymore.
Chatting with another of my ex now. We've both grown old, and now pretty happy to be able to talk to each other. I've not seen her since her wedding
Time to look for both old and new friends and rekindle the friendships again. -
You are a good lad. I wish the best for you too.Originally posted by TerenceYYK:hi guys,
after browsing here for a few days,i decided to join this forum and discuss on this particular topic:
i'm also seperated with my ex-gf of 8 years since end 2006 and still trying very hard to get over with it. the main problem with us is lack of communication.Being with her,instead of happy but was stress instead due to my work and personal issues which caused me to suggest the break up.but the main reason was i did not tell her deep down inside my feelings abt this which was to earn hard and proposed to her,providing her a good living in the future but her thinking was totally diff and she did not want to get married at all due to her surrounding frens are all either divorced or seperated,i guess she was scared that would happen to her,although i have tried my best to show her that will not happen to us but still did not work out.i tried to patch things up jus like TS did but she juz could not accept as her main reason was:
1.she could not face me as i did too much for her but she did not.
2.she is looking for someone that could entertain her,make her happy and not those down-to-earth type like me.
3.she's tired of this relationship.
i regreted what i did and
i must admit that i too was at faultor neglecting her feelings but hey,sometimes,guys like me also have their own goals and passion,and i think i have been dragging this relationship for too long as some of my frens say but,i juz could not marry her as i was too,worried of giving her happiness.Although,we are not in contact now but still,8 years being together and seperated is not an easy task to juz like moving on......life is juz like a box of chocolates,u never know what you going to get.
currently,i juz keep myself as busy as possible like joining groups gathering,taking up courses,getting to know more new friends,although most of the times,she keep springing into my mind but that's jus life and definiely have to accept it.
i hope TS too,will pull urself together and hope for the very best in the future.
Paul, you should read what he wrote too.
There are millions of doors in life. Go to each door bearing in mind that there are million others that will always be open in your life.
Take care and good luck to all the posters in here. -
Oh...I missed this post!Originally posted by paul_muaddib:Listening to music now.
After the most terrible weekend of my life, feeling so down until hv to contact every good friend i know and tell them my problems, im just feeling numb.
Actually, a little happy listening to music. Yanni. Life just goes on.
Pain will go, and soon I'll just be calm. ]But i really should use this opportunity to change my life, so see things with new eyes and try new things. Do all the things i've always been reluctant to do.
I just think for now, I'll just spend time on myself, and no worry abt this relationship anymore. No more begging and pleading, and so, no more suffering. All this actions were making me feel worse than before, and im not going to torture myself emotionally anymore.
Chatting with another of my ex now. We've both grown old, and now pretty happy to be able to talk to each other. I've not seen her since her wedding
Time to look for both old and new friends and rekindle the friendships again.
I'm glad you are feeling better now.
The part I highlighted in blue makes me smile.
Good luck! -
COOL.Originally posted by paul_muaddib:Listening to music now.
After the most terrible weekend of my life, feeling so down until hv to contact every good friend i know and tell them my problems, im just feeling numb.
Actually, a little happy listening to music. Yanni. Life just goes on.
Pain will go, and soon I'll just be calm. But i really should use this opportunity to change my life, so see things with new eyes and try new things. Do all the things i've always been reluctant to do.
I just think for now, I'll just spend time on myself, and no worry abt this relationship anymore. No more begging and pleading, and so, no more suffering. All this actions were making me feel worse than before, and im not going to torture myself emotionally anymore.
Chatting with another of my ex now. We've both grown old, and now pretty happy to be able to talk to each other. I've not seen her since her wedding
Time to look for both old and new friends and rekindle the friendships again.
If you need help, just PM me?
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Really happy that there's still so many caring ppl around.
No guarantees that this happy feeling will last ... after all, emotions are still in a roller coaster mood, but im going take comfort in every little joy i can have the moment.
One thing for sure ... even though the healing process is something u've to do on ur own ... it sure wont happen without ppl supporting u! Thanks a million everyone.
Will keep posting to keep all of u informed! -
Time is yr cure, u will love yr next gf better.
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Wow... Amazing you can somehow find a way to convince youself to move on and let go. (unlike some ppl...)
You are on a good track to recovering and you have good help this time round. You even acknowledged you need time and company to help you pass the pain. I dare to say you are one of the few people who just needed a listening ear and a pat on the back to tide you through without whining forever and forever.
Keep this up! You will slowly find something meaningful to hold on to and be back up again one day. Find a close friend to keep you company. Talk some more about this and focus omre on the positive. Need more listening, this is a good place to put your words too.
We are behind you even though we all never met you. -
Its ok to pm me, or maybe another outing...
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Originally posted by Bontakun:
I couldnt hv done this without support from others. We human beings are never meant to live alone, without support from others. This episode practically wiped my pride, my comfort zones and my natural procrastination away ... procrastination part might just come back though
[b]Wow... Amazing you can somehow find a way to convince youself to move on and let go. (unlike some ppl...)
...
We are behind you even though we all never met you. [/b]
I also really happy to discover that when i was living in hell, there are still ppl concerned enough for me. Ppl genuinely want to help me, and see me get better. That was a big help for me, as it gave me hope that not all this in this world is so bleak. So wat if one person no longer loves me ... there are so many more other ppl who is sincere abt wanting me to get better.
Getting spiritually now, i guess ... But now, it just makes me feel alive and belonging in this world. Hv not felt this way for a long time. Humbled, yet ... at peace.
Not sure how long it lasts, but it sure feels good now. Sometimes, u need something taken from u for u to appreciate all other things in ur life. Friends, health, family ... or just plain living.