family n us...
-
ok.. yunhaier knows dat i dun usually post out my probs like this. but now i need a genral advise from most of u including yun lah...
my bf n i has been tgt for 1 yr liaoz... and we love each other deeply. i dunno if i did change for him, but i try not to work in pubs since he's mom dun like. my family n he's dad feels that it's ok so long its a decent pub, not those la sup one or night club.
and he's usual woman-looking and lover-finding.... tho still there, but he's trying to cut down cos we once had a huge quarrel over the issue. now he's slowing mellowing down liaoz.
we r both not very out-going ppl. i mean as in shopping or g out walk walk those type.. we prefer to club/pub. once in a blue moon, we go for sun-tan.
now he's bro feels dat im an eye-sore for staying at he's plc every weekend n not gg out. den he ask my bf "kor, how come u 2 nv go out one? not bored meh? at home oso nv help mom." but my bf juz ignore.. den after dat, we make it a pt to go out juz to sit at cafe for couple of hrs or catch a show n have dinner at he's plc. when after dinner, he's mom say "girl, nv mind. leave the dishes to auntie to wash" but i still went ahead to do it. but after dat, i only go collect more dirty dishes, she took over the washing, i wipe the table n throw rubbish. but she like still not happy. she went to tell my bf dat i dun help. but infact, when she's not in sg, i will always make it a pt to cook, wash, clean n iron for dem, without complains.
but he's bro will tell he's mom dat i stay over everyday. wad he didn't know is dat, i will leave latest by 11 everyday lor.. den next day go work, after work go to he's plc n repeat lor.. everyday without fail when he's mom is over-seas lor. my bf even told he's mom abt wad i did when i came over. but he's bro juz add salt, add vinegar n not telling the story rite... i dun need credits for doing those stuffs. afterall, im doing them cos i love my bf, n at the same time, learn to cook n do house chores.
now, i try not to go over every weekends, but he still insists. -
mind you, every parents will want their child to marry a good partner..
Afterall, you are a gal..and he as a guy, should be gentleman enough, to even pop by your place instead of you going to his house everyday. What will his mum think of a gal, who goes to their house everyday, and stayed inside the room till late at night? I am not doubting your integrity, but i am just advicing you on the worse scenario what some pp may think of your inncocent actions.
worse of all, you and him are not even married..and you are going to his house everyday...though it may seems to be a healthy r/s by seeing each other as often as possible, it could also spell trouble for getting "tired" of seeing you..there must be a balance..
why do you always have to go his house and do the same things again and again? Do you and him have really nothing much to do other than staying at home? To maintain a healthy r/s, should take up some activities...
you should have your own circle of friends as well...and give each other some space of breather...
remember...a good r/s doesnt means you stick to each other everyday, unless you are married lah.. -
we dun stick to each other. n when i meet my frens, he wanna join or not, up to him. we have our own frens too, of cos. n i dun stay everyday.. only either fri or sat. when he's mom is overseas, i only go over to cook dinner for dem n such den go home after dinner. the latest i wld stay is 11pm. n i dun stay in he's room from dinner time till i go home.Originally posted by darknessfall:mind you, every parents will want their child to marry a good partner..
Afterall, you are a gal..and he as a guy, should be gentleman enough, to even pop by your place instead of you going to his house everyday. What will his mum think of a gal, who goes to their house everyday, and stayed inside the room till late at night? I am not doubting your integrity, but i am just advicing you on the worse scenario what some pp may think of your inncocent actions.
worse of all, you and him are not even married..and you are going to his house everyday...though it may seems to be a healthy r/s by seeing each other as often as possible, it could also spell trouble for getting "tired" of seeing you..there must be a balance..
why do you always have to go his house and do the same things again and again? Do you and him have really nothing much to do other than staying at home? To maintain a healthy r/s, should take up some activities...
you should have your own circle of friends as well...and give each other some space of breather...
remember...a good r/s doesnt means you stick to each other everyday, unless you are married lah..
furthermore, i will tell my mom whenever i go over he's plc n she's ok with dat. i still make it a pt to drink her soup or eat abit of wadeva left during dinner. -
since his family got problem wif u then go there less lo... but when go there jz be friendly lo... but u better plan wif him next time get own place if wan to get married cos it could be hell if u 2 stay with family... his bro is jz jealous la so no need care abt him... but u should go try other places to hang out n hv fun other than jz pubs...Originally posted by aHGer^83:ok.. yunhaier knows dat i dun usually post out my probs like this. but now i need a genral advise from most of u including yun lah...
my bf n i has been tgt for 1 yr liaoz... and we love each other deeply. i dunno if i did change for him, but i try not to work in pubs since he's mom dun like. my family n he's dad feels that it's ok so long its a decent pub, not those la sup one or night club.
and he's usual woman-looking and lover-finding.... tho still there, but he's trying to cut down cos we once had a huge quarrel over the issue. now he's slowing mellowing down liaoz.
we r both not very out-going ppl. i mean as in shopping or g out walk walk those type.. we prefer to club/pub. once in a blue moon, we go for sun-tan.
now he's bro feels dat im an eye-sore for staying at he's plc every weekend n not gg out. den he ask my bf "kor, how come u 2 nv go out one? not bored meh? at home oso nv help mom." but my bf juz ignore.. den after dat, we make it a pt to go out juz to sit at cafe for couple of hrs or catch a show n have dinner at he's plc. when after dinner, he's mom say "girl, nv mind. leave the dishes to auntie to wash" but i still went ahead to do it. but after dat, i only go collect more dirty dishes, she took over the washing, i wipe the table n throw rubbish. but she like still not happy. she went to tell my bf dat i dun help. but infact, when she's not in sg, i will always make it a pt to cook, wash, clean n iron for dem, without complains.
but he's bro will tell he's mom dat i stay over everyday. wad he didn't know is dat, i will leave latest by 11 everyday lor.. den next day go work, after work go to he's plc n repeat lor.. everyday without fail when he's mom is over-seas lor. my bf even told he's mom abt wad i did when i came over. but he's bro juz add salt, add vinegar n not telling the story rite... i dun need credits for doing those stuffs. afterall, im doing them cos i love my bf, n at the same time, learn to cook n do house chores.
now, i try not to go over every weekends, but he still insists. -
the jealous part, i dunno lah... up to him to say anything lor... ive been very friendly already... but get married?? not so soon bah.... too early... other places? er..... dunnoe lei... pubs/clubs.. not very keen to go. but if only wanna have a drink, i go pub lor...Originally posted by BrUtUs:since his family got problem wif u then go there less lo... but when go there jz be friendly lo... but u better plan wif him next time get own place if wan to get married cos it could be hell if u 2 stay with family... his bro is jz jealous la so no need care abt him... but u should go try other places to hang out n hv fun other than jz pubs...
-
so demanding future mother-in-law. Next time married le how?
i got a fren ROM le also dun stay at husband's place, dun do housework de leh.
she never do before de lor. she said dun wana do it before she moves over, so that his mum will not have high expectations of her. She even asked her hubby to tell his mum what she dun do.
She said wait till after customary, she move in le, then see how. -
and one thing v funny..
is pub/club a place for ple who are not out-going?
i tot out-going ple go there to know more ple! -
then ur bf nv say anything to her or him meh..
wa couple always go club/pub dosent sound healthy lei
-
ya no need care him... since not so soon marry then jz relax n go out more lo... y not bring him to ur home instead?Originally posted by aHGer^83:the jealous part, i dunno lah... up to him to say anything lor... ive been very friendly already... but get married?? not so soon bah.... too early... other places? er..... dunnoe lei... pubs/clubs.. not very keen to go. but if only wanna have a drink, i go pub lor... -
no ma she go with bf so...just 2 of them...Originally posted by browniebaobao:and one thing v funny..
is pub/club a place for ple who are not out-going?
i tot out-going ple go there to know more ple!
then go find their spaces settle down -
Which bothers you more?Originally posted by aHGer^83:ok.. yunhaier knows dat i dun usually post out my probs like this. but now i need a genral advise from most of u including yun lah...
my bf n i has been tgt for 1 yr liaoz... and we love each other deeply. i dunno if i did change for him, but i try not to work in pubs since he's mom dun like. my family n he's dad feels that it's ok so long its a decent pub, not those la sup one or night club.
and he's usual woman-looking and lover-finding.... tho still there, but he's trying to cut down cos we once had a huge quarrel over the issue. now he's slowing mellowing down liaoz.
we r both not very out-going ppl. i mean as in shopping or g out walk walk those type.. we prefer to club/pub. once in a blue moon, we go for sun-tan.
now he's bro feels dat im an eye-sore for staying at he's plc every weekend n not gg out. den he ask my bf "kor, how come u 2 nv go out one? not bored meh? at home oso nv help mom." but my bf juz ignore.. den after dat, we make it a pt to go out juz to sit at cafe for couple of hrs or catch a show n have dinner at he's plc. when after dinner, he's mom say "girl, nv mind. leave the dishes to auntie to wash" but i still went ahead to do it. but after dat, i only go collect more dirty dishes, she took over the washing, i wipe the table n throw rubbish. but she like still not happy. she went to tell my bf dat i dun help. but infact, when she's not in sg, i will always make it a pt to cook, wash, clean n iron for dem, without complains.
but he's bro will tell he's mom dat i stay over everyday. wad he didn't know is dat, i will leave latest by 11 everyday lor.. den next day go work, after work go to he's plc n repeat lor.. everyday without fail when he's mom is over-seas lor. my bf even told he's mom abt wad i did when i came over. but he's bro juz add salt, add vinegar n not telling the story rite... i dun need credits for doing those stuffs. afterall, im doing them cos i love my bf, n at the same time, learn to cook n do house chores.
now, i try not to go over every weekends, but he still insists.
Your bf being a woman-looker / lover-finder or his brother's pickings and mum's demands?
Between you and his brother... How old is his younger brother? Somehow I've got this feeling that he either wish to have more time by himself alone at home when his mum is not around or he really detest you...? What do you think?
Regarding his mum's demands... I'm sorry if I'm asking this inappropriately but does your bf has a dad?
What's your bf's star sign? -
Originally posted by aHGer^83:ok.. yunhaier knows dat i dun usually post out my probs like this. but now i need a genral advise from most of u including yun lah...
my bf n i has been tgt for 1 yr liaoz... and we love each other deeply. i dunno if i did change for him, but i try not to work in pubs since he's mom dun like. my family n he's dad feels that it's ok so long its a decent pub, not those la sup one or night club.
and he's usual woman-looking and lover-finding.... tho still there, but he's trying to cut down cos we once had a huge quarrel over the issue. now he's slowing mellowing down liaoz.
we r both not very out-going ppl. i mean as in shopping or g out walk walk those type.. we prefer to club/pub. once in a blue moon, we go for sun-tan.
now he's bro feels dat im an eye-sore for staying at he's plc every weekend n not gg out. den he ask my bf "kor, how come u 2 nv go out one? not bored meh? at home oso nv help mom." but my bf juz ignore.. den after dat, we make it a pt to go out juz to sit at cafe for couple of hrs or catch a show n have dinner at he's plc. when after dinner, he's mom say "girl, nv mind. leave the dishes to auntie to wash" but i still went ahead to do it. but after dat, i only go collect more dirty dishes, she took over the washing, i wipe the table n throw rubbish. but she like still not happy. she went to tell my bf dat i dun help. but infact, when she's not in sg, i will always make it a pt to cook, wash, clean n iron for dem, without complains.
but he's bro will tell he's mom dat i stay over everyday. wad he didn't know is dat, i will leave latest by 11 everyday lor.. den next day go work, after work go to he's plc n repeat lor.. everyday without fail when he's mom is over-seas lor. my bf even told he's mom abt wad i did when i came over. but he's bro juz add salt, add vinegar n not telling the story rite... i dun need credits for doing those stuffs. afterall, im doing them cos i love my bf, n at the same time, learn to cook n do house chores.
now, i try not to go over every weekends, but he still insists.
You probably caught a small glimpse of what this family's attitude is like towards you. I will group his family as a collective entity - they are bound to be issues. It can range from personal bias to negative impression - regardless of which, these can be altered through the use of time.
You probably only have two choices - one is to be nonchalant completely and the other one is to try to improve the situation. Of course, the latter is more worthy to pursue especially if you see long term with your current boyfriend.
To resolve this, you probably need to know 'what's wrong'. Understanding the family culture is the first step. Next, you might want to understand the mindset of his brother, on his constant nitpicking at your relationship. You see, there's probably two sides - there may be already sibling rivalry and he's displeasure could be his brother, not so much about you. The other possibility is that it could be you.
I say do what you can to address the impression first, if you cannot improve it. If things donÂ’t get worst, it can probably only get better - that's where with time, they will probably accept and get used to your presence. One year is still short in that long term vision - you probably need a few good years.
Work hard and good luck?
Cheers -
I think that the best policy is let ur bf due with his family before u do any actions... Try talking to him abt it... Although it may cause some headache to ur bf.... Heehee!! but of he love u , I think it is no problem....
Then in the meantime, try to be more independent and stay in ur own house!!! Then keep urself occupy....
jia you!!!
Hope u and ur bf will have a good future!
Stay happy! -
i mean it's like, we dun like to go shopping lor.. and me, totally hate it n feels its a waste of time to shop unless i wanna buy certain things.Originally posted by browniebaobao:and one thing v funny..
is pub/club a place for ple who are not out-going?
i tot out-going ple go there to know more ple!
we wld prefer to go pubbin or drinking... but not very often too...
even if i go his plc or he go over mine, we stay at home lor... dun go out de... -
he did tell dem b4 lor...Originally posted by SGpork:then ur bf nv say anything to her or him meh..
wa couple always go club/pub dosent sound healthy lei
we ok with clubbing n such de... -
which ah... actually both lor... but now he's slowly not looking anymore for my sake cos we had a huge quarrel n i juz "disappear" for days.. (but i was in my hse sleeping lah... haha.. make him worry only) den after dat i told him im gonna leave him if he dun change. n he's really changing lor...Originally posted by Devil1976:Which bothers you more?
Your bf being a woman-looker / lover-finder or his brother's pickings and mum's demands?
Between you and his brother... How old is his younger brother? Somehow I've got this feeling that he either wish to have more time by himself alone at home when his mum is not around or he really detest you...? What do you think?
Regarding his mum's demands... I'm sorry if I'm asking this inappropriately but does your bf has a dad?
What's your bf's star sign?
bro's pickings n mum's demand... im slowly ignoring their comments liaoz... but i still show due respect as dey r my bf's family lor... he's younger bro is 31 this yr.he's dad is ok n very re qin towards me. he even told my bf dat if he feels im the one or really loves me, he's ok with us getting engaged early. but i didn't want.
my bf's dad working in sabah n owns a shop there. now dat he's mom not working anymore, she goes over every 3 mths to help out. but he mentioned b4 to my bf dat he oso can't stand he's mom dat's y he went all the way to sabah to venture.
bf's sign is capricon? not very sure. he's bday is 21 jan 75 -
understand the family culture? im doing dat lor.. he's mom very li pu lor.. recently when i was having dinner with them, she even took out the religious issue suddenly n said smtng similiar to "Christianity is the best" n without considering dat she's the onyl Christian n the hse, her hubby is a Buddhist, me too. i juz feel dat from a personal bias to a relion attack, it's like... ARGH!!!!Originally posted by Yunhaier: You probably caught a small glimpse of what this family's attitude is like towards you. I will group his family as a collective entity - they are bound to be issues. It can range from personal bias to negative impression - regardless of which, these can be altered through the use of time.
You probably only have two choices - one is to be nonchalant completely and the other one is to try to improve the situation. Of course, the latter is more worthy to pursue especially if you see long term with your current boyfriend.
To resolve this, you probably need to know 'what's wrong'. Understanding the family culture is the first step. Next, you might want to understand the mindset of his brother, on his constant nitpicking at your relationship. You see, there's probably two sides - there may be already sibling rivalry and he's displeasure could be his brother, not so much about you. The other possibility is that it could be you.
I say do what you can to address the impression first, if you cannot improve it. If things donÂ’t get worst, it can probably only get better - that's where with time, they will probably accept and get used to your presence. One year is still short in that long term vision - you probably need a few good years.
Work hard and good luck?
Cheers
even when my bf's dad was there listening, dey had an argue n he told her to shut up indirectly -
haiz... dun really wanna involve my bf at all tho he understands he's family the most. juz dat i feel dey r he's family so i dun really wan him to chup ji ka.Originally posted by Sakuraflower:I think that the best policy is let ur bf due with his family before u do any actions... Try talking to him abt it... Although it may cause some headache to ur bf.... Heehee!! but of he love u , I think it is no problem....
Then in the meantime, try to be more independent and stay in ur own house!!! Then keep urself occupy....
jia you!!!
Hope u and ur bf will have a good future!
Stay happy!
i very independant liaoz.. only weekends i go over he's plc.. but some times still quite reluctant.... -
drink too much also no good...Originally posted by aHGer^83:i mean it's like, we dun like to go shopping lor.. and me, totally hate it n feels its a waste of time to shop unless i wanna buy certain things.
we wld prefer to go pubbin or drinking... but not very often too...
even if i go his plc or he go over mine, we stay at home lor... dun go out de...
find some new activities la. -
keep away from in laws as much as possible and especially if you cannot get along... it only complicates matters.Originally posted by aHGer^83:haiz... dun really wanna involve my bf at all tho he understands he's family the most. juz dat i feel dey r he's family so i dun really wan him to chup ji ka.
i very independant liaoz.. only weekends i go over he's plc.. but some times still quite reluctant....
Find some excuse like going for classes to learn something during the weekend and don't stay at his house anymore! After the classes end, don't go back. Meet your bf outside or ask him to pick you up from your house and send you back.
Don't ask him to stay over at your place.
When you are married, you have no choice but to deal with each other's family and before marriage, stay far far away. -
wah. try talking to your bf's brother and mother? find out why they are so against you. dont be afraid of them or anything. prove to them that you're worthy to be dating him and that you're capable of taking good care of him and yourself. as long as you're sincere, im sure they can sense it. things should improve, unless they are really unreasonable. all the best yea (:
-
lol... he's bro oready know wad im capable of at hom... but when he's mom ask, he wld say no to everything... kns!!!Originally posted by kiseki:wah. try talking to your bf's brother and mother? find out why they are so against you. dont be afraid of them or anything. prove to them that you're worthy to be dating him and that you're capable of taking good care of him and yourself. as long as you're sincere, im sure they can sense it. things should improve, unless they are really unreasonable. all the best yea (: -
I think his mum regards the kitchen as her 'territory'. You should try not to 'replace' her. So just be her son's girlfriend instead of a 'threat'. Offer to help as polite gesture, but don't insist.
Her brother obviously doesn't like you. So spend some time to befriend him. -
If you intend to be with him long term and marry him, all this nonsense about family doesn't matter.
Just make sure your BF agrees with you in terms of thinking and mentality. -
IMO when it comes to relations with the bf's mother (and family in general) , the bf has a huge part to play. He should be the mediator, on one hand getting his mom to accept & understand you, on the other hand guiding you on the proper behavior in his house. If the mom is showing you color for reasons you don't understand, it's best you tell your bf to help before relations get worse.
Same goes for the bf's brother.
The better relations your bf has with his family, the easier it will be for you to be integrated.