family n us...
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Totally agree. Just be careful not to put your boyfriend in a difficult position.Originally posted by choco B:IMO when it comes to relations with the bf's mother (and family in general) , the bf has a huge part to play. He should be the mediator, on one hand getting his mom to accept & understand you, on the other hand guiding you on the proper behavior in his house. If the mom is showing you color for reasons you don't understand, it's best you tell your bf to help before relations get worse.
Same goes for the bf's brother.
The better relations your bf has with his family, the easier it will be for you to be integrated. -
Maybe make more effort on your part to win the support of his brother.
For example my own family my brother hated my ex and does everything to make life miserable for him, including making obvious things like buying ice-cream for everyone except for him
Then my husband came along and I think my husband is smart in the sense that the first thing he did was win my brother's support So it's all peace. -
[quote]Originally posted by elindra:
Maybe make more effort on your part to win the support of his brother.
For example my own family my brother hated my ex and does everything to make life miserable for him, including making obvious things like buying ice-cream for everyone except for him
Then my husband came along and I think my husband is smart in the sense that the first thing he did was win my brother's support So it's all peace.[/quotE]
how he did it? lol.. the obvious part was funny... -
I dunno how his brother is likeOriginally posted by aHGer^83:how he did it? lol.. the obvious part was funny...
Getting to know him
Talking to him etc
And buying him stuff
Was what my hubby did
Actually I think the 'bribes' did the trick. -
i only "replace" when she's not in SG at all. but when she's here, i juz offer to help lor.. den when she duwan me to help, she complain to my bf dat i not doing anything at home n treat her like a maid.. cbz...Originally posted by sillyme:I think his mum regards the kitchen as her 'territory'. You should try not to 'replace' her. So just be her son's girlfriend instead of a 'threat'. Offer to help as polite gesture, but don't insist.
Her brother obviously doesn't like you. So spend some time to befriend him.
when ever i buy things, i sure buy for the bro if possible. dat's provided i have cfm he likes the thing lah...same goes to my bf.. when we got the chance to go shopping, we sure buy smtng back for the bro. at least some food he or the mom likes.
some ppl juz dun appreciate
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apparently, the "bribes" dun seem to work for me... cbz!!!!!Originally posted by elindra:I dunno how his brother is like
Getting to know him
Talking to him etc
And buying him stuff
Was what my hubby did
Actually I think the 'bribes' did the trick. -
kinda agree with u... but also cannot totally ignore the nonsense mah..Originally posted by pwnz0r:If you intend to be with him long term and marry him, all this nonsense about family doesn't matter.
Just make sure your BF agrees with you in terms of thinking and mentality.
we some how feel dat we wanna be tgt for long... so somehow, i feel dat must make he's mom happy tho he mentioned to me dat he choose a gf/wife is not to please he's family... but he's dad has quite a good impression of me tho... despite the fact that im not exactly highly educated. but it's the working experience n he's so-called "biz brain" i have (but i dun i have lei...) -
oOps, i foresee u will hav a "difficult mother-in-law"...
if dey ask u do wad den u do wad lo, as u dun do wad den u dun do wad lo.....if dey nvr say den help out lo....ya.... -
some how we both wun exactly go all the way to please each other's family.. juz very natural lor... but my mom is quite impressed that he's the most highly educated bf i had so far...
juz dat my sis always add salt add sugar n tryin to make my mom dislike my bf.. but she failed!!!! haha~
so far, she ok with him liaoz.. not so nasty towards my bf..
juz dat he's family... dunno y... 8 characters dun match? -
er... actually i dun regard her as my "mother-in-law" yet... but he's grandma, auntiessss, unlcesssss n dad like me.. excaept mom n bro lor... dey 2 like to chang fan diao one...Originally posted by hiphop2009:oOps, i foresee u will hav a "difficult mother-in-law"...
if dey ask u do wad den u do wad lo, as u dun do wad den u dun do wad lo.....if dey nvr say den help out lo....ya.... -
haha =) ur bf seems to be a nice n pleasant person.Originally posted by aHGer^83:some how we both wun exactly go all the way to please each other's family.. juz very natural lor... but my mom is quite impressed that he's the most highly educated bf i had so far...
juz dat my sis always add salt add sugar n tryin to make my mom dislike my bf.. but she failed!!!! haha~
so far, she ok with him liaoz.. not so nasty towards my bf..
juz dat he's family... dunno y... 8 characters dun match?
as for ur sister part, i dun think she is dat kind who always look for trouble, coz she isnt nasty to ur bf. for now, i suggest dat u keep it this way.
not dun match la, but sometimes some pple really....dunnoe wad dey thinking lo. for myself, i getting well n ok with my gf's mum n family, while my gf has impressed my family too. coz i noe my mum isnt those kind of "troublemakers" and is pleasant, i always try to invite my gf over for dinner and stuff like dat.
however, for u, sometimes u might wan to talk to ur bf regarding this issue. leaving a bit of personal spaces for each other might be gd actually, since, as u described, her mum, to me, seems like those who are a bit "fussy". yeap.... -
dat's y im here for advise... didn't tell him wadeva he's mom say abt me in the kitchen... all the nasty stuffs....Originally posted by sillyme:Totally agree. Just be careful not to put your boyfriend in a difficult position. -
hmm if this is the case den will be ok ba~...probably he's bro inherited he's mum genes while he inherited he's dad genes!...haha...jk...Originally posted by aHGer^83:er... actually i dun regard her as my "mother-in-law" yet... but he's grandma, auntiessss, unlcesssss n dad like me.. excaept mom n bro lor... dey 2 like to chang fan diao one... -
hmmm....Originally posted by aHGer^83:which ah... actually both lor... but now he's slowly not looking anymore for my sake cos we had a huge quarrel n i juz "disappear" for days.. (but i was in my hse sleeping lah... haha.. make him worry only) den after dat i told him im gonna leave him if he dun change. n he's really changing lor...
bro's pickings n mum's demand... im slowly ignoring their comments liaoz... but i still show due respect as dey r my bf's family lor... he's younger bro is 31 this yr.he's dad is ok n very re qin towards me. he even told my bf dat if he feels im the one or really loves me, he's ok with us getting engaged early. but i didn't want.
my bf's dad working in sabah n owns a shop there. now dat he's mom not working anymore, she goes over every 3 mths to help out. but he mentioned b4 to my bf dat he oso can't stand he's mom dat's y he went all the way to sabah to venture.
bf's sign is capricon? not very sure. he's bday is 21 jan 75
his bro may just like to have the house to himself more.... you know his own space...
with my first ex, he had to call back home b4 we go back to warn his bros that we are on our way... so they can get decent... it might be that the bro just wants to feel free to do whatever he wants in his own home...
maybe you can try to ask your bf to hang out at your place more for a while...
as for his mum, next time she say she wash the dishes, help her by standing by her to rinse out the dishes or something... don't take no as an answer... -
i tot so too!! haha~Originally posted by hiphop2009:hmm if this is the case den will be ok ba~...probably he's bro inherited he's mum genes while he inherited he's dad genes!...haha...jk...
like he always tell me dat he's bro n mom "breath from the same nose" (tong yi ge bi kong chu qi) -
lol!Originally posted by aHGer^83:i tot so too!! haha~
like he always tell me dat he's bro n mom "breath from the same nose" (tong yi ge bi kong chu qi)
hmm.....juz let things goes on naturally ba~....u noe~....since u had the " majority " support from his family....or u might even consult his dad in the future if any problem arises~
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apparently from wad i see, he's bro is a home person...Originally posted by smudgey:hmmm....
his bro may just like to have the house to himself more.... you know his own space...
with my first ex, he had to call back home b4 we go back to warn his bros that we are on our way... so they can get decent... it might be that the bro just wants to feel free to do whatever he wants in his own home...
maybe you can try to ask your bf to hang out at your place more for a while...
as for his mum, next time she say she wash the dishes, help her by standing by her to rinse out the dishes or something... don't take no as an answer...
and there's a period of time when he's fren shared a rented plc with him cos the rental is abit ex lah.. so dey shared. but it seems to me dat he's always at own hm rather den at the rented one... -
It really depends on how you and your BF intend to conduct familial relations in future. For me and my wife, we literally live our lives on our own, with little interference from our families. Any suggestions or comments or anything that irritates out, we will ignore and explicitly show our thoughts about any matter.Originally posted by aHGer^83:kinda agree with u... but also cannot totally ignore the nonsense mah..
we some how feel dat we wanna be tgt for long... so somehow, i feel dat must make he's mom happy tho he mentioned to me dat he choose a gf/wife is not to please he's family... but he's dad has quite a good impression of me tho... despite the fact that im not exactly highly educated. but it's the working experience n he's so-called "biz brain" i have (but i dun i have lei...)
If you set such a record straight with your BF, then I wouldn't worry about it so much for the future. -
Seriously, you should tell him. He is the best person in helping you integrate into the family. You won't be able to do it alone.Originally posted by aHGer^83:dat's y im here for advise... didn't tell him wadeva he's mom say abt me in the kitchen... all the nasty stuffs....
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Do you mean that your boyfriend's relationship with his family is not good?Originally posted by aHGer^83:i tot so too!! haha~
like he always tell me dat he's bro n mom "breath from the same nose" (tong yi ge bi kong chu qi) -
can say is better den me n my sis liaoz.. i see her only, fan gan...Originally posted by sillyme:Do you mean that your boyfriend's relationship with his family is not good?
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i know some how i have to tell him, butcome to think of it, dun really wanna cos of me, he n he's family not on good terms. he's mom n bro can make very good roti-prata...Originally posted by choco B:Seriously, you should tell him. He is the best person in helping you integrate into the family. You won't be able to do it alone. -
he's mom ever threw me out of the house juz because i was sick for 2 days n really cldn't get up (it was weekend) n asked my bf "y she sleep n sleep so much, no need to help or get up ah? eat also need u to bring to room. she think she wad? queen?" den she packed my stuffs n put everything in the living room. i was under heavy medication that day. cbz.. i woke up, she was crying cos my bf defended me. den she told me to get out n im not fit to be in the house. den my bf held my arms, but i walked out lor.. in the end i fainted.Originally posted by pwnz0r:It really depends on how you and your BF intend to conduct familial relations in future. For me and my wife, we literally live our lives on our own, with little interference from our families. Any suggestions or comments or anything that irritates out, we will ignore and explicitly show our thoughts about any matter.
If you set such a record straight with your BF, then I wouldn't worry about it so much for the future.
den he's mom was pretty guilty over the incident n was told off by her hubby.
his dad often give me some pointers indirectly to make a better r/s with he's mom... -
Building up relationships takes time. Barriers what may have built over years and it will take a lot of effort to tear down. And it will require effort from both of you. Both of you will need to spend more time to understand your family again, without prejudice.
I am afraid if we try to advice you more, we may get into your family issues.
In the long run, good relationships within both families will be fulfilling. It will take more than buying gifts, or organising activities. But it's worth it. -
anyway, thanks for all the advises. will heed whichevar apporpriate.