family n us...
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ah ger...any improvements? well, abit fast to ask though..
did you try and do anything to improve the ties?
dont tell me, you went over his house again? -
I think your bf should be quite ok lah... Got high chance he should kick that habit for you one...Originally posted by aHGer^83:which ah... actually both lor... but now he's slowly not looking anymore for my sake cos we had a huge quarrel n i juz "disappear" for days.. (but i was in my hse sleeping lah... haha.. make him worry only) den after dat i told him im gonna leave him if he dun change. n he's really changing lor...
bro's pickings n mum's demand... im slowly ignoring their comments liaoz... but i still show due respect as dey r my bf's family lor... he's younger bro is 31 this yr.he's dad is ok n very re qin towards me. he even told my bf dat if he feels im the one or really loves me, he's ok with us getting engaged early. but i didn't want.
my bf's dad working in sabah n owns a shop there. now dat he's mom not working anymore, she goes over every 3 mths to help out. but he mentioned b4 to my bf dat he oso can't stand he's mom dat's y he went all the way to sabah to venture.
bf's sign is capricon? not very sure. he's bday is 21 jan 75
As for his mum and brother huh... Since his dad also avoiding his mum.. I personally would say... If can get along then get along lor.. If cannot then spend more time with his dad instead (because can get along better mah) to build rapport with his family? -
I'll personally say... Don't bother to try too hard.. If they don't wanna 'ar' with you, you ask your bf also no use one...Originally posted by aHGer^83:i know some how i have to tell him, butcome to think of it, dun really wanna cos of me, he n he's family not on good terms. he's mom n bro can make very good roti-prata... -
haha.. so fast meh? i actually wanted him to come over for awhile during weekends. not staying overnight lah.. my mom dun really like guys to stay overnight in my hse eversince my sis' incident. she's ok with him coming over n at night we go back to his place.Originally posted by darknessfall:ah ger...any improvements? well, abit fast to ask though..
did you try and do anything to improve the ties?
dont tell me, you went over his house again?
so i actually requested at alternate sat he come over in the afternoon den night time we go to he's place -
he's trying to kick habit slowly lor....me n him also thinking this way. but some how i feel dat if me n he's mom cant get along, quite difficult for me leiOriginally posted by Devil1976:I think your bf should be quite ok lah... Got high chance he should kick that habit for you one...
As for his mum and brother huh... Since his dad also avoiding his mum.. I personally would say... If can get along then get along lor.. If cannot then spend more time with his dad instead (because can get along better mah) to build rapport with his family? -
why you sick still want to go there and sleep? knowing that his family is like that, dont you think you should be more sensitive? Kena thrown out is a big thing. if subsequently, you still go back, the mother may look down on you even if she felt guilty. that maybe one of the reasons why you are in this plight today. she knows that no matter how she treats you, or throw you out, you will still be there.Originally posted by aHGer^83:he's mom ever threw me out of the house juz because i was sick for 2 days n really cldn't get up (it was weekend) n asked my bf "y she sleep n sleep so much, no need to help or get up ah? eat also need u to bring to room. she think she wad? queen?" den she packed my stuffs n put everything in the living room. i was under heavy medication that day. cbz.. i woke up, she was crying cos my bf defended me. den she told me to get out n im not fit to be in the house. den my bf held my arms, but i walked out lor.. in the end i fainted.
den he's mom was pretty guilty over the incident n was told off by her hubby.
his dad often give me some pointers indirectly to make a better r/s with he's mom... -
+ 1Originally posted by browniebaobao:so demanding future mother-in-law. Next time married le how?
i got a fren ROM le also dun stay at husband's place, dun do housework de leh.
she never do before de lor. she said dun wana do it before she moves over, so that his mum will not have high expectations of her. She even asked her hubby to tell his mum what she dun do. She said wait till after customary, she move in le, then see how.
that's the proper way, don't change for the others, if not that's not the real person whom the other party love anymore.
however should your friend and her husband to be get married, i suggest that she learn to do some housework so as to share the bunden. -
Originally posted by aHGer^83:understand the family culture? im doing dat lor.. he's mom very li pu lor.. recently when i was having dinner with them, she even took out the religious issue suddenly n said smtng similiar to "Christianity is the best" n without considering dat she's the onyl Christian n the hse, her hubby is a Buddhist, me too. i juz feel dat from a personal bias to a relion attack, it's like... ARGH!!!!
even when my bf's dad was there listening, dey had an argue n he told her to shut up indirectly
Something about potential 'In-Laws' is that they are the people whom you may not like, but certainly, you have to avoid offending.
Always better to have amicably kind of relationship, than to risk bad blood. The latter always intensify relationship.
Cheers -
i stay there den sick de lorOriginally posted by sggirl07:why you sick still want to go there and sleep? knowing that his family is like that, dont you think you should be more sensitive? Kena thrown out is a big thing. if subsequently, you still go back, the mother may look down on you even if she felt guilty. that maybe one of the reasons why you are in this plight today. she knows that no matter how she treats you, or throw you out, you will still be there.
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In actual fact... How many 'mom' and 'daughter-in-law' always get to be so well get along...?Originally posted by aHGer^83:he's trying to kick habit slowly lor....me n him also thinking this way. but some how i feel dat if me n he's mom cant get along, quite difficult for me lei To note, even his father can't get along with his mum after so many years... So what your chances like? Count yourself lucky liao even if you can be neutral! Unless you're those high EQ and REAL WAYANG type lah... But personally for me, I find no point lah...
How your bf get along with his mum? Your bf's brother? OBSERVE how they handle their mum sometimes..?
How your bf's dad 'siam' her? OBSERVE and LEARN a few tricks maybe...? -
haha~Originally posted by Devil1976:In actual fact... How many 'mom' and 'daughter-in-law' always get to be so well get along...? To note, even his father can't get along with his mum after so many years... So what your chances like? Count yourself lucky liao even if you can be neutral! Unless you're those high EQ and REAL WAYANG type lah... But personally for me, I find no point lah...
How your bf get along with his mum? Your bf's brother? OBSERVE how they handle their mum sometimes..?
How your bf's dad 'siam' her? OBSERVE and LEARN a few tricks maybe...? -
wait a while and let her tell us the results lor..
anyway, this type of matter takes time to resolve..
good luck
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he used to have an ex.. very wayang to me.. always praising he's mom even tho it's really awful. make her happy only lor.. den sometimes my bf tend to compare me with her at home.. cbz...Originally posted by Devil1976:In actual fact... How many 'mom' and 'daughter-in-law' always get to be so well get along...? To note, even his father can't get along with his mum after so many years... So what your chances like? Count yourself lucky liao even if you can be neutral! Unless you're those high EQ and REAL WAYANG type lah... But personally for me, I find no point lah...
How your bf get along with his mum? Your bf's brother? OBSERVE how they handle their mum sometimes..?
How your bf's dad 'siam' her? OBSERVE and LEARN a few tricks maybe...?
ppl who know me personally in this forum, im not those type who acts alot. like wad u said WAYANG type. i'll reserve my comments when there's no need for me to comment. i dun act. at least i wld say my EQ is higher den he's mom lor.. imagine how can a personal bias turn into a religion attack?? cbz....
my bf usually ignores his bro n his mom whenever there's no need to talk to them. -
Then try to LOW PROFILE with his brother and mum as much as you can lor...?Originally posted by aHGer^83:he used to have an ex.. very wayang to me.. always praising he's mom even tho it's really awful. make her happy only lor.. den sometimes my bf tend to compare me with her at home.. cbz...
ppl who know me personally in this forum, im not those type who acts alot. like wad u said WAYANG type. i'll reserve my comments when there's no need for me to comment. i dun act. at least i wld say my EQ is higher den he's mom lor.. imagine how can a personal bias turn into a religion attack?? cbz....
my bf usually ignores his bro n his mom whenever there's no need to talk to them. -
Does yr BF have a good friend who is on pretty good terms with his family?
My suggestion is dat:
Maybe you could account to this friend who in turn can account to the family of what you did which his brother claimed you never did, what you have tried to change or present yourself as compared to how his mother assumed you to be.
An accountability partner for both you and your BF to perhaps help with the situation? -
How about you just try to avoid as much as possible and only engage in small talk like you don't know anything and have no opinions. Let her say anything she wants and just listen then ignore. Don't answer back and don't give any opinion.Originally posted by aHGer^83:he used to have an ex.. very wayang to me.. always praising he's mom even tho it's really awful. make her happy only lor.. den sometimes my bf tend to compare me with her at home.. cbz...
ppl who know me personally in this forum, im not those type who acts alot. like wad u said WAYANG type. i'll reserve my comments when there's no need for me to comment. i dun act. at least i wld say my EQ is higher den he's mom lor.. imagine how can a personal bias turn into a religion attack?? cbz....
my bf usually ignores his bro n his mom whenever there's no need to talk to them. -
no lah.. he god a good fren, yes, but not close to he's family one lah.. he's mom dislikes he's frens juz cos dey drink n smoke. well, my bf drinks too but doesn't smoke. when dey came over to watch soccer once in a long long time (maybe once a yr, he's mom wld PRETEND to welcome them, den next day grumble alot...Originally posted by Bontakun:Does yr BF have a good friend who is on pretty good terms with his family?
My suggestion is dat:
Maybe you could account to this friend who in turn can account to the family of what you did which his brother claimed you never did, what you have tried to change or present yourself as compared to how his mother assumed you to be.
An accountability partner for both you and your BF to perhaps help with the situation? -
i always keep quite when she say smtng. the most i only reply "orh" if it's applicable. den after dat, she'll tell my bf dat im rude n talk to me like talk to wall. wah lau... she's always accusing me de lor....Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:How about you just try to avoid as much as possible and only engage in small talk like you don't know anything and have no opinions. Let her say anything she wants and just listen then ignore. Don't answer back and don't give any opinion.
few days ago, he's bro went indon for a biz trip, n my bf need to OT almost everyday, so he settle dinner outside lor. den when i went over on sat afternoon, (i didn't know he didn't go home for dinner until monday when he told me), he's mom juz give me black face. as if i ask her son not to go home for dinner lydat. den after dat i keep telling my bf to go back for dinner as much as possible if he can lah. -
I think that you should just accept the fact that she is impossible to please. So don't try. Just continue to "orh". If you say something it will be worse. Just ignore her and don't try to second guess what she is thinking.Originally posted by aHGer^83:i always keep quite when she say smtng. the most i only reply "orh" if it's applicable. den after dat, she'll tell my bf dat im rude n talk to me like talk to wall. wah lau... she's always accusing me de lor....
few days ago, he's bro went indon for a biz trip, n my bf need to OT almost everyday, so he settle dinner outside lor. den when i went over on sat afternoon, (i didn't know he didn't go home for dinner until monday when he told me), he's mom juz give me black face. as if i ask her son not to go home for dinner lydat. den after dat i keep telling my bf to go back for dinner as much as possible if he can lah.
Like she show you black face, just imagine that it is because her husband never give her and nothing to do with you or your bf OT. Just continue to "orh" and let her continue to say you are a wall. You will be fine. -
Liddat ah... well then its hard to really be on good terms wif da mum dat simply. I tink in da end its up to you to make dat step to be closer to his whole family if you tink yr love for yr BF is worth all of dis and most of da time, its worth it and more.Originally posted by aHGer^83:no lah.. he god a good fren, yes, but not close to he's family one lah.. he's mom dislikes he's frens juz cos dey drink n smoke. well, my bf drinks too but doesn't smoke. when dey came over to watch soccer once in a long long time (maybe once a yr, he's mom wld PRETEND to welcome them, den next day grumble alot...
Tolerance, patience, understanding and finally love for them. -
orhOriginally posted by AndrewPKYap:I think that you should just accept the fact that she is impossible to please. So don't try. Just continue to "orh". If you say something it will be worse. Just ignore her and don't try to second guess what she is thinking.
Like she show you black face, just imagine that it is because her husband never give her and nothing to do with you or your bf OT. Just continue to "orh" and let her continue to say you are a wall. You will be fine.