Is this too much to ask for?
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my bf and i have been together for about 9 mths. he is a married man undergoing seperation.
i am very mad with him. because he really cannot be bothered i think. i asked him today (sat) if he is seeing me for the weekend, he ignored that qn. i asked him again, he ignored again, how could a person do thta?! if he is not free, just tell me so, so that i can make other arragements. dont keep me hanging there!
is this alot to ask for? -
hes probably confused, with the romance triangle...
why do you want to get a married guy in the 1st place?
it's like, so wrong...
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Maybe he didn't want to see you due to some reasons. Deep down, he would love to see you if there were no obstructions.
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yes, if things go smoothly, i want to marry him. if i dont want to marry a guy, i wouldnt be with him in the first place. confused or not, regardless, is it so difficult to just tell me if he is seeing me? so that i can make my own plans? hang me in the air, i will wait for his reply and not make oter arrangements. i had been doing thtat for the past 2-3 mths, i do not want to waste my time away just cos he doesnt want to tell me the truthOriginally posted by gigabyte14:hes probably confused, with the romance triangle...
why do you want to get a married guy in the 1st place?
it's like, so wrong... 
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okay, if he really cant see me, i can accep that too. but just tell me. why cant just tell me? i dare not plan anything,even work, just incase he can see me. i got alot of work to do,everyday i just work overtime till 11pm, so that i dont need to work on weekend so that i can see him.if he telss me he cant see me, i can plan my work so that i dont need to work overtime everyday.Originally posted by Quinsy:Maybe he didn't want to see you due to some reasons. Deep down, he would love to see you if there were no obstructions.
WHY CANT HE JUST TELL ME?! -
well u can always try playin hard to get... dat would attract him more to u...Originally posted by sggirl07:yes, if things go smoothly, i want to marry him. if i dont want to marry a guy, i wouldnt be with him in the first place. confused or not, regardless, is it so difficult to just tell me if he is seeing me? so that i can make my own plans? hang me in the air, i will wait for his reply and not make oter arrangements. i had been doing thtat for the past 2-3 mths, i do not want to waste my time away just cos he doesnt want to tell me the truth
dun do anything to contact him, let him do the work...
take a risk la, i dun believe he will 4get all abt u -
Because he is a guy! You are a girl. It is difficult for you to understand him.Originally posted by sggirl07:WHY CANT HE JUST TELL ME?!
Let me try to explain what is going on in his head.
I am not him, I might be wrong.
I might be right but he might think I am wrong because he has no idea what is going on in his own head. hahaha with guys that is like not surprising. Women are more self aware IMHO.
OK "WHY CANT HE JUST TELL" you?
He can't, he doesn't know. If he is free, he will see you. If he can get away, he will see you. If he is free and he can get away and he wants to see you, he will. and that is, if you are free and available.
He can't tell you to wait and see. He can't say I dunno. He can't tell you "Hey if you want to have a relationship with a married man like me, this is what you get, uncertainty."
So what do you want him to say?
To him, the best thing to do is keep quiet. If you want to wait, you wait, it is up to you... he did not request that of you. If you do not want to wait and at the very last minute he wants to see you and you are not free, then you are not free!
Why is he separating? He cannot cope with his wife or maybe he cannot cope with relationships. If it is because he cannot cope with relationships, then you have a problem in future. -
oh is it? he really cant tell me or he just dont want tot tell me? today is already saturday, is it so difficult for him to 'predict' what he is doing today and tomr at 9pm today?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:Because he is a guy! You are a girl. It is difficult for you to understand him.
Let me try to explain what is going on in his head.
I am not him, I might be wrong.
I might be right but he might think I am wrong because he has no idea what is going on in his own head. hahaha with guys that is like not surprising. Women are more self aware IMHO.
OK "WHY CANT HE JUST TELL" you?
He can't, he doesn't know. If he is free, he will see you. If he can get away, he will see you. If he is free and he can get away and he wants to see you, he will. and that is, if you are free and available.
He can't tell you to wait and see. He can't say I dunno. He can't tell you "Hey if you want to have a relationship with a married man like me, this is what you get, uncertainty."
So what do you want him to say?
To him, the best thing to do is keep quiet. If you want to wait, you wait, it is up to you... he did not request that of you. If you do not want to wait and at the very last minute he wants to see you and you are not free, then you are not free!
Why is he separating? He cannot cope with his wife or maybe he cannot cope with relationships. If it is because he cannot cope with relationships, then you have a problem in future. -
i can tell u the truth, a man who got out of a divorce ain't likely to go into marriage so soon unless u r the reason for the divorce.Originally posted by sggirl07:yes, if things go smoothly, i want to marry him. if i dont want to marry a guy, i wouldnt be with him in the first place. confused or not, regardless, is it so difficult to just tell me if he is seeing me? so that i can make my own plans? hang me in the air, i will wait for his reply and not make oter arrangements. i had been doing thtat for the past 2-3 mths, i do not want to waste my time away just cos he doesnt want to tell me the truth
he is likely to enjoy the freedom of singlehood for a while at least. -
there's no standard roadmaps for r/s...
askin u 2 cut him some slack seems to be unfair for u...
demandin him 2 respond to you doesn't seem 2 objective either...now dat we know he is havin other r/s issues...
jus hope u haf strength 2 change the things u can....& grace 2 accept the things u canot -
He can tell you, he doesn't want to. If he tells you, it is not simply a 'prediction', there is an element of 'commitment' as well.Originally posted by sggirl07:oh is it? he really cant tell me or he just dont want tot tell me? today is already saturday, is it so difficult for him to 'predict' what he is doing today and tomr at 9pm today?
I think you should try to find out and have a clear idea why he and his wife want to separate. Ask him what his wife complained about him... then observe if you can stand it, those things his wife complains about him
If he says that his wife complains that he does not communicate and he is always not around, then O_O; same complains as your present ones...
If it is because his wife dislike his habit of not 'committing' and 'communicating' and you are the type that would like your man to 'commit' and 'communicate' then how do you expect to be happy with him?
I can guess that in the beginning you gave him lots of space since he is still married. That was your excuse. That was his excuse. He enjoyed the 'freedom' you gave him and compared to his wife you were like heaven sent.
He did not realise that it was temporary and you are not what he thinks you are. I can imagine that he thought that you will be much more easier then his wife since you are willing to have a relationship with a married man. He did not think that you will expect him to commit and communicate much more once you think that there were no good reasons for him not to. You too want him to commit and communicate just like his wife.
There are 3 possible outcomes
1. One, he changes... which I think is very unlikely because he is willing to divorce his wife rather than change.
2. You change. That is up to you and for you to decide if you can and are willing to be there when he needs you and he will not reciprocate by being there when you need him unless it is life and death. You can expect that he will not be there or will be around very little under normal circumstances.
3. You separate. Please don't think that you have any hold on him. Not sex, not money, not even promise of a relationship unless it is on his terms. There are women like that. Women that will "be a doormat" so to speak. If you are not, then you will have a hard time in this relationship. -
my dear, in any relationship, this should not happen.... I understand that you wanna see him... and that this is probably the only way you think you can meet him.... but does he see this?Originally posted by sggirl07:okay, if he really cant see me, i can accep that too. but just tell me. why cant just tell me? i dare not plan anything,even work, just incase he can see me. i got alot of work to do,everyday i just work overtime till 11pm, so that i dont need to work on weekend so that i can see him.if he telss me he cant see me, i can plan my work so that i dont need to work overtime everyday.
WHY CANT HE JUST TELL ME?!
I use to do this too for my ex, and he will last min have to wk so we can't meet even if i cleared my day for him....
So i changed 'tactics'... Basically I was sick and tired of waiting and sacrificing my own personal life for an opportunity to meet him...
so I told him. if he can't confirm with me by thurs if sat he wanna/can meet, then I'll just make my own plans. and at a point, to drive my point home, I'll stay home all day but still refuse to meet him last min.
after that he learned that i'm just not going to settle for sitting by the phone every weekend waiting for him to grace me with his presence....
so what i'm trying to say is. you have to try not to be too available for him. or he'll never treasure you. Try asking him a direct qn. like "tell me now once and for all, are you meeting me this sat?" and if he try to change the topic, don't allow it. -
referring to your previous thread
can see u are still having problem with him.
perhaps it's time to really spare a thought for your future? -
sggirl07,
You are at a disadvantage in every way. Separation not a sure thing to divorce, it can also lead to reconcillation. If the courts find out about your relationship, divorce will get messy. -
This is a very valid and good point!Originally posted by Magnus:sggirl07,
You are at a disadvantage in every way. Separation not a sure thing to divorce, it can also lead to reconcillation. If the courts find out about your relationship, divorce will get messy.
are there kids involved? if there are.... don't. pls back out. -
why is he getting a separation in the first place?
could his current behaviour be the reason of his divorce?
and errrmmm......you really think you want to tolerate his current behaviour even after his marriage with you? -
Originally posted by sggirl07:my bf and i have been together for about 9 mths. he is a married man undergoing seperation.
i am very mad with him. because he really cannot be bothered i think. i asked him today (sat) if he is seeing me for the weekend, he ignored that qn. i asked him again, he ignored again, how could a person do thta?! if he is not free, just tell me so, so that i can make other arragements. dont keep me hanging there!
is this alot to ask for?
This man is shifty; he's probably more than meets the eye.
It was quoted on 12 Feb 2007 in your previous thread.Originally posted by sggirls07i have decided to forget this man.
i deserve to be treasured
Interestingly, why have you retrace your route?
Cheers -
the last time he cancelled his tripOriginally posted by Yunhaier:It was quoted on 12 Feb 2007 in your previous thread.
Interestingly, why have you retrace your route?
Cheers -
what do you mean by shifty?Originally posted by Yunhaier:This man is shifty; he's probably more than meets the eye -
Why in first place u get involve with a married man???
No offence.. -
This question had been answered, please refer to my previous thread.Originally posted by soulwinner:Why in first place u get involve with a married man???
No offence.. -
maybe he just want your body only -
maybe he got phobia over the 1st marriage.
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so this time if he come out with another excuse, we going to see u put up another thread??Originally posted by sggirl07:the last time he cancelled his trip
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Originally posted by sggirl07:the last time he cancelled his trip
Care to explain how does that got to do with your decision in your previous thread here? http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=236155&page=3Originally posted by sggirl07:i have decided to forget this man.
i deserve to be treasured.
Have his behaviors changed?