can someone advice me?
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im having a really rough time w/ my bf nowadays...i really dunno wat or where does the problems lies on...he said that he did tried his best to show me care, concern and stuff...but somehow i dun really feel it?
i have a very bad pt n tat is i always lose my cool very easily...but it comes fast n goes off fast too...last time...my bf have no problem in trying to endure it...but somehow...he scolded me yesterday...for the very 1st time he scolded me...
i really am scare...if i am unable to control my temper in the future...would that spell and end to all the yrs of relationship? sometimes i really wonder if we were meant for each other...at times did think of letting go...but somehow i juz can't...
i really feel so lost now... -
there is a limit to how much a person can tahan.. maybe he have reach him limit thus causin him to scold u back. we shld never take advantage of our bf, expecting them to endure our unreasonable temper.. we shld change our bad habbits instead.
anyway when a person dun love u the way u wan him to.. this do not means he dun love u...
hope u have work ur way out.. -
i know tat i shld change...but somehow its juz so difficult to...any advices as to how i can change that?Originally posted by MoNsTer:there is a limit to how much a person can tahan.. maybe he have reach him limit thus causin him to scold u back. we shld never take advantage of our bf, expecting them to endure our unreasonable temper.. we shld change our bad habbits instead.
anyway when a person dun love u the way u wan him to.. this do not means he dun love u...
hope u have work ur way out..
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im some1 with a very bad temper too.. i do admit tat i hurt my bf alot of time due to my bad temper.. the onli way to control is to tink of the consequences. i love my bf very much.. i wil never wan to leave him or make him leave mi.. remeber tat a bad temper wil chase pple away, no matter frenz or bf.. rember tat pt wel.. and maybe u wil learn how to control.Originally posted by hopy:i know tat i shld change...but somehow its juz so difficult to...any advices as to how i can change that?
anyway. its just my 2 cents worth.. im stil trying out this method. hope u wil be able to achieve it b4 mi. -
haiz....still kids....like me
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but im not sure of my feelings sometimes....hai...i juz feel so confused n lost....but i will try to try out ur method n see how things work out....Originally posted by MoNsTer:im some1 with a very bad temper too.. i do admit tat i hurt my bf alot of time due to my bad temper.. the onli way to control is to tink of the consequences. i love my bf very much.. i wil never wan to leave him or make him leave mi.. remeber tat a bad temper wil chase pple away, no matter frenz or bf.. rember tat pt wel.. and maybe u wil learn how to control.
anyway. its just my 2 cents worth.. im stil trying out this method. hope u wil be able to achieve it b4 mi. -
TZR sure would be HAPPY to hear this!Originally posted by MoNsTer:there is a limit to how much a person can tahan.. maybe he have reach him limit thus causin him to scold u back. we shld never take advantage of our bf, expecting them to endure our unreasonable temper.. we shld change our bad habbits instead.
anyway when a person dun love u the way u wan him to.. this do not means he dun love u...
hope u have work ur way out.. -
Originally posted by hopy:
im having a really rough time w/ my bf nowadays...i really dunno wat or where does the problems lies on...he said that he did tried his best to show me care, concern and stuff...but somehow i dun really feel it?
You don't feel it doesn't mean that it's not that... Alot of things that we don't see, don't hear, don't know... Are constantly happening.....
You should encourage him not to try so hard but instead try to sense his care and concern for you bit by bit... (Since you claim you ain't even feeling any yet, what's the use of having the whole packet of biscuits when you can't even finish a piece...?
) Having him try too hard would only threaten to burst your relationship when times are tough... (Your bf in dilema, your relationship in dilema... BIG 'no no'....) Try to sense his love for you by being more observant and appreciative of things... That's when you would really taste the sweetness and understand the meaning of it all...
i have a very bad pt n tat is i always lose my cool very easily...but it comes fast n goes off fast too...last time...my bf have no problem in trying to endure it...but somehow...he scolded me yesterday...for the very 1st time he scolded me... i really am scare...if i am unable to control my temper in the future...would that spell and end to all the yrs of relationship? sometimes i really wonder if we were meant for each other...at times did think of letting go...but somehow i juz can't...
Some people say a leopard would never change its spots.... I say a leopard would not if it doesn't want to..... Having a very bad temper is in a sense a disadvantage... But the good thing about it? You realise that it's there and it's a potential poison for you....
Just like a child learning to walk... We fall over and over again in our Life... But that doesn't mean we stop trying...? And after that, we learn to read, to communicate and then once again to understand our Love for others.... I guess it's quite impossible for you to kick your bad temper overnight...? How about just being more tolerant of things...? Find out what are the usual trigger points and try to take up a DEFENSIVE POSITION to control your temper when they happens.... And when you're beginning to feel in charge, why not try realising that many a time getting angry over something simply won't get you anyway far...? Is there really a use for the anger...? Nay... Let's KICK its ASS once and for all?! And while you're walking along that line... Realise that there're no end to such things.... No matter where you have to stop though you try, most probably your bf would have realised that you're trying to change for the better by then.... And least to say if you're doing it for him?
If you love him, I think you should start TRYING now...? Even in the future when you come into contact with other relationships (Not neccessarily BGR), the same problem would come and haunt you over and again.... So I say WHY NOT kick its ASS now...?
i really feel so lost now...
Try seeing some scenery or things that would calm down your heart and emotion so that you can have a better grip of yourself? Also, there're self-help books available in bookstores and library....
I wish you luck...? -
STORY that i learned(short version)
This boy has a very bad temper,so one day his father tell him..whenever u lose ur temper ..jus punch a nail into the fence.. and when u are able to control ur temper remove the nails ..
During the first week there is a lot of nails on the fence..but the second week there were lesser as the boy had learned to control his temper and also to realise it is tough driving nails into the fence.One day the boy finally managed to remove all the nails..he went to his father happily.. but the father tell him to look at the fence.. 'looked! how many holes had been created .. despite the fact that u really changed?
adelina
o u more or less get what i mean?
I am very bad tempered too.. i really do regret what i have done in the past! Change before its too late -
hey.. tat is the story tat i have always in mind to remind myself not to lost temper.. coz there will always be hole. i wanted to share this story.. but just too lazy to type it outOriginally posted by adelina:STORY that i learned(short version)
This boy has a very bad temper,so one day his father tell him..whenever u lose ur temper ..jus punch a nail into the fence.. and when u are able to control ur temper remove the nails ..
During the first week there is a lot of nails on the fence..but the second week there were lesser as the boy had learned to control his temper and also to realise it is tough driving nails into the fence.One day the boy finally managed to remove all the nails..he went to his father happily.. but the father tell him to look at the fence.. 'looked! how many holes had been created .. despite the fact that u really changed?
adelinao u more or less get what i mean?
I am very bad tempered too.. i really do regret what i have done in the past! Change before its too late
btw.. this story work.. rember it well.... -
hehe.. my temper is stil very bad.. but i wil always strive hard to change to be a better mi for him.. *blushing*Originally posted by Devil1976:TZR sure would be HAPPY to hear this! -
unsure of ur feeling as in? unsure ur love for him or abt urself. anyway its never easy to change.. no matter to change urself or some1 else. do it slowly and patiently... its difficult to achieve but its not impossible to achieve.Originally posted by hopy:but im not sure of my feelings sometimes....hai...i juz feel so confused n lost....but i will try to try out ur method n see how things work out....
sori ar. i so lo soh. hehe.. -
It's good to know that there is something you need to change in order to righten this relationship. But do you know what the reason is for attempting to change?
There has been countless debates on why someone could change becos of their partner. IMO this situation comes across to me in a two-fold matter:
FIRST:
No matter what we do, we are constantly changing. What we learn, feel and experience in life will inevitably change us (for better or worse) whether we like it or not. This is what i call involuntary change. Examples are aplenty: when we were kids we'd fight with our nextdoor nightbour or our siblings, but now we don't. SImplistic maybe, but it is!
Now when a person is in a relationship with another, they can consciously or sub-consciously change for the better of the relationship. I say relationship because certain things that have happened beforehand invokes different behavior in a once-bitten-twice-shy manner. If a certain habit of yours manages to irritate the hell out of your partner you'll be certain to be mindful of not doing it while he/she is around and eventually you'll get rid of the habit. I still classify this as involuntary change becos usually it's done sub-consciously and it's sure as hell not voluntary! It could be out of fear, convenience or just becos you don't wanna hear him/her nag. Remember your mother not letting you eat snacks before your meal. I don't know about you, but I don't do it anymore, not becos I chose not to, but becos i was more or less forced not to. Now i'm just used to eating proper meals without snacking. (this is but ONE example ok! and it's getting out of point anyway...)
SECOND:
Voluntary change. This is a little trickier. This is the part where so-called true love comes in. For some reason, you seem to be pissing your partner off, causing him/her unhappiness, discomfort or irritation. In other words, you are hurting them, and i sure as hell do not mean physically.
Maybe it's this simple: If you love them, yet you are hurting them, there is obviously something wrong! So you change, because you do not wanna hurt them so.
Now for the age old question of "If you love me, you will change for me." Because isn't that wat the voluntary change sounds like?
No.
I would like to rephrase it like this "My love for you will change you. I will not, but because you know i love you, and you love me too, this LOVE will change you."
Let love change you. Not fear, not anger, not convenience, not becos you don't wanna hear him nag or scold you.
If you still don't change, question the love. Not the person. Becos he shouldn't be the one changing you.
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i agree on this pt the most.....Originally posted by jOhO:If you still don't change, question the love. Not the person. Becos he shouldn't be the one changing you. -
leave the best for lastOriginally posted by MoNsTer:i agree on this pt the most.....
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[color=blue]Well for a person's tolerence, there is a limit. I also have very bad temper and because of this, i often have quarrels with my guy...well i guess in a relationship, there will always be times that are bad...from what i can see is that you might be having communication problems with your guy...why don't the both of you try to sit down and have a good talk. From that you will be able to tell what is at least going on through his mind rather than to guess what he is thinking of...and try to curb your temper...i trued very hard for 2years...and i can say its much better now.....i try to count to 10 before i shoot my mouth off and then keep quiet...at least i know giving him the cold shoulder is better then we quarreling!!
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And sometimes after that you would feel that some 'meaningless words' are better left unsaid...?Originally posted by Hershey:[color=blue]Well for a person's tolerence, there is a limit. I also have very bad temper and because of this, i often have quarrels with my guy...well i guess in a relationship, there will always be times that are bad...from what i can see is that you might be having communication problems with your guy...why don't the both of you try to sit down and have a good talk. From that you will be able to tell what is at least going on through his mind rather than to guess what he is thinking of...and try to curb your temper...i trued very hard for 2years...and i can say its much better now.....i try to count to 10 before i shoot my mouth off and then keep quiet...at least i know giving him the cold shoulder is better then we quarreling!! -
Originally posted by Devil1976:TZR sure would be HAPPY to hear this!
of coz i'm very happy~ =) hehehe *touched touched* :p -
hehehe.... *touched touched* =) we'll go through it, no matter gd or bad... steady? =) hehe...Originally posted by MoNsTer:hehe.. my temper is stil very bad.. but i wil always strive hard to change to be a better mi for him.. *blushing* -
me too me too~!!~!Originally posted by MoNsTer:i agree on this pt the most..... -
yah true... for me, if me and my gf have problems, i also will sit down and talk with her to really find out and talk out what r the problems we have... not just keep quiet, thats not what i want lor. And eventually all these things at the end of the day will be a lesson learnt to us.Originally posted by Hershey:[color=blue]Well for a person's tolerence, there is a limit. I also have very bad temper and because of this, i often have quarrels with my guy...well i guess in a relationship, there will always be times that are bad...from what i can see is that you might be having communication problems with your guy...why don't the both of you try to sit down and have a good talk. From that you will be able to tell what is at least going on through his mind rather than to guess what he is thinking of...and try to curb your temper...i trued very hard for 2years...and i can say its much better now.....i try to count to 10 before i shoot my mouth off and then keep quiet...at least i know giving him the cold shoulder is better then we quarreling!!
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Wait she 'say say' only...?Originally posted by TZR:
of coz i'm very happy~ =) hehehe *touched touched* :p -
Thought ya said ya don't believe in Love...? -_-`~Originally posted by TZR:yah true... for me, if me and my gf have problems, i also will sit down and talk with her to really find out and talk out what r the problems we have... not just keep quiet, thats not what i want lor. And eventually all these things at the end of the day will be a lesson learnt to us. -
hey.. wat say say onli.. i mean every words that i say wor... every words abt being with him til the end of time.. abt loving him very much.. abt mising him every day everynite every moment.. abt all the promises tat i make wor.. lolx...Originally posted by Devil1976:Wait she 'say say' only...?
anyway tml is our 4th mth anni.. hehe... i wish to tel him again i love him very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much.. till the end of time... *MuaCkZ* -
hMz..my gf somehow or rather is almost the same as u..yup..she lost her cool easily..will get angry for some small mistakes i've done..wellz..whenever she makes me angry or hurt me in some ways..i'm very hurt by her words n actions..but then..i told myself..juz bear with it n it's over if nt a quarrel will start again if i start to open my mouth..so..everytime i will juz keep it to myself n bear with it coz i dun wanna to have a start of another quarrel..true that i'm hurt n feel that if we're realli meant to be togather or nt n will life for us be the same if we're to be married in the near future? Who like to be hurt by his/her bf/gf?It hurts most when ur dear ones scold or hurt u..i did try to talk to her a few times..she cried..and promise that she'll change...yes..she changed..but perphaps onli for a few weeks..n she's back to b4..wellz..i know her too well that changes she gonna make is juz temporary...but then i love her alot..i accept her everything..if she's hot-temper n lose her cool easily..it's ok..that's her..when u realli like or luv someone..u muz be prepared to accept her everything..Originally posted by hopy:im having a really rough time w/ my bf nowadays...i really dunno wat or where does the problems lies on...he said that he did tried his best to show me care, concern and stuff...but somehow i dun really feel it?
i have a very bad pt n tat is i always lose my cool very easily...but it comes fast n goes off fast too...last time...my bf have no problem in trying to endure it...but somehow...he scolded me yesterday...for the very 1st time he scolded me... i really am scare...if i am unable to control my temper in the future...would that spell and end to all the yrs of relationship? sometimes i really wonder if we were meant for each other...at times did think of letting go...but somehow i juz can't...
i really feel so lost now...
if u'll to have doubts abt ur relationship..perphaps u should sit down with him n sort our feelings and thinkings nad have a good talk..this helps..maybe abit..but better than nothing...right?Mutual understanding n trust are very impt to relationship...
Ask yourself y u lose ur cool easily and y u vent ur anger at him..most impt of all...dun ever take ur bf for granted..
Anyway...no one knows what gonna happen in the future..will u be still togather, or will u nt?who noes u'll change when the relationship btw the two of u ended?hmz....i'm juz too long-winded..hope all the best to you and take good care of yourself~=)