will u be hurt if this happen to u?
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if u are 28, married with a happiy family, u have almost everything in life, an only child. U have always suspected tat u are adopted because of some feelings. Then One day, u muster up enough courage to know the whole truth and ask around. In the end, the truth is out that u are adopted. Ur birth parents had given u away because of poverty. U wanted very much to find ur birth parents, but scared that ur birth parents may not remember u. Or afraid that ur actions to find ur birth parents will hurt ur foster parent. what will u do?
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If it were me, I would forget about my birth parents.
For 28 years, you were brought up by your current family. They are your real parents. Nothing else matters. -
If is was me, I'll ask the current parent about the truth.
If the case it that I'm an adopted, I try to find out more about my birth parents' details.
Then, I'll find my brith parent and reunite together. I know this will hurt the current parent, but I have a suggestion.
My birth parents, will be the real parent..
I'll make my current parents as god ma and pa.
Treat both side nicely.
In this case, when the adopted one reunite with the biological parent, the current parent will feel very very sad..
Have BBQ to get to know more for both sides~
When having reunion dinner, invite your god parent too
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i think its better to find out more b4 u question them if not it may hurt their feeling cos they take care of u since u r born . mayb take their blood DNA ?
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In your opinion, do u think the birth parents had already forgotten about their child they gave up after 28 years?Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:If is was me, I'll ask the current parent about the truth.
If the case it that I'm an adopted, I try to find out more about my birth parents' details.
Then, I'll find my brith parent and reunite together. I know this will hurt the current parent, but I have a suggestion.
My birth parents, will be the real parent..
I'll make my current parents as god ma and pa.
Treat both side nicely.
In this case, when the adopted one reunite with the biological parent, the current parent will feel very very sad..
Have BBQ to get to know more for both sides~
When having reunion dinner, invite your god parent toov -
Now very high tech liao. TV say hair also can be use...Originally posted by Parkjisung:i think its better to find out more b4 u question them if not it may hurt their feeling cos they take care of u since u r born . mayb take their blood DNA ? -
go find ur birth parents but still hv to acknowledge tat ur foster parents brought u up and they should also b called ur 'parents'...Originally posted by upset:if u are 28, married with a happiy family, u have almost everything in life, an only child. U have always suspected tat u are adopted because of some feelings. Then One day, u muster up enough courage to know the whole truth and ask around. In the end, the truth is out that u are adopted. Ur birth parents had given u away because of poverty. U wanted very much to find ur birth parents, but scared that ur birth parents may not remember u. Or afraid that ur actions to find ur birth parents will hurt ur foster parent. what will u do? -
Trust me. No mother would bear to part with her child which is together with her for 9 months. The bond is there!Originally posted by upset:In your opinion, do u think the birth parents had already forgotten about their child they gave up after 28 years?
I really believe that your birth parents are still thinking about you. -
no i dun think so. how can giving away children be so forgettable? This is probably difficult for the birth parents especially.Originally posted by upset:In your opinion, do u think the birth parents had already forgotten about their child they gave up after 28 years?
but on the other hand, sometimes things should be left as they are. Looking up birth parents and openly acknowledging them may seem quite insensitive to the foster parents who brought the child up. -
Parents >>>>> parenting..
U can go n find out who were ur birth parents.. but end of the day.. rem who did all tt parenting for u.. -
Hmm... unsure. But knowing myself, I don't think I will ever bother finding out my real parents.
Just one reason - filial piety. -
Actually hor, my father is adopted de.. Mean my current paternal grand ma is foster de..
I wanna find my real ah-ma and ah-gong but my parents just refuse to give me the details.. That's about it. -
Sometimes, I feel a person can just be hard and pretend that nothing is happening, but often once we know the truth, its very hard not to be bothered about it. The foster mum is a very understanding person, definately, she will still be loved and respected. The only fear is the birth parents had forgotten abt her child she had given up. The only fear is rejection, If u have being rejected the first time as a baby and being given up, there is always a fear of being rejected a 2nd time..
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As the saying goes.. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
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Yes, i fully agree. But will u be hurt if everyone around u know the truth of ur background, but only u urself do not know for the whole of 28 years? life is always so unpredictable, when a person start to pursue the truth, he or she must be prepared to face the pain....Originally posted by Gackt247:As the saying goes.. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. -
Whether a person is unfeeling towards his natural parents, it's another issue. As the saying goes, yi zhong mi yang bai zhong ren (one type of rice raise all kinds of people). Some will want to know, some wish they never found out, some wish to find out but will never admit they are their parents and the list goes on.Originally posted by upset:Sometimes, I feel a person can just be hard and pretend that nothing is happening, but often once we know the truth, its very hard not to be bothered about it. The foster mum is a very understanding person, definately, she will still be loved and respected. The only fear is the birth parents had forgotten abt her child she had given up. The only fear is rejection, If u have being rejected the first time as a baby and being given up, there is always a fear of being rejected a 2nd time..
I doubt that the birth parents will forget about their child. It's their own child after all. I have an uncle who has been given up for adoption since young, and he's now back with us. On close ties with the foster parents as well.
But you are right about fear. Once bitten twice shy is the mentality. -
sometimes i rather not know the truth..Originally posted by upset:Yes, i fully agree. But will u be hurt if everyone around u know the truth of ur background, but only u urself do not know for the whole of 28 years? life is always so unpredictable, when a person start to pursue the truth, he or she must be prepared to face the pain....
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the truth may not bring happiness, and happiness may not contain the truth.
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I wont give a damn about my birth parents, unless it turns out they are really rich. You may say I'm mercenary, but dun tell me you will walk away from a potentially large inheritance.
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Why is there a need to find out when is better to be left alone?Originally posted by upset:if u are 28, married with a happiy family, u have almost everything in life, an only child. U have always suspected tat u are adopted because of some feelings. Then One day, u muster up enough courage to know the whole truth and ask around. In the end, the truth is out that u are adopted. Ur birth parents had given u away because of poverty. U wanted very much to find ur birth parents, but scared that ur birth parents may not remember u. Or afraid that ur actions to find ur birth parents will hurt ur foster parent. what will u do?
What are u seeking for?
Maybe the reason for you to seek is becos you are too content with your state of life. -
okay...here's something from the books of adopted kids and then adults in USA.
Threadstarter, can try to locate the birth parents and keep the adopted parents in the loop of things?
Not just for curiosity sake, but also to prevent future generations mishap. Since genetic testing isnt that widely available to members of public yet.
You dont want your children to be marrying his/her aunt/uncle.
Or married to close cousins, I think you all knows what inbreeding is.
And with eggs & sperm donations, there is chances of even half siblings marrying each other.
So a certain knowledge wont hurt. And locating birth parents can also help to ascertain possible family diesease that is genectically passed down. So treadstarter will know and can take preventive actions earlier.
from heartattacks, diabetes, hogkins & dunno how many else diesease that the threadstarter can know when he/she finally knows the birth parents. -
If you're not ready for this, then don't go looking for things you can't handle.U wanted very much to find ur birth parents, but scared that ur birth parents may not remember u.[/quote]
Talk to your foster parents before you do anything. They might be more understanding than you think. [quote]Originally posted by upset:Or afraid that ur actions to find ur birth parents will hurt ur foster parent. what will u do? -
but TS already probing about his/her parentage.
since u already 28, i say go find them
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If ur foster parents are willing to tell u the truth, they would have been prepared for u to search for ur birth parent. And ur birth parents will definitely remember you, there's no way they can forget about giving birth to a baby..... at least not the mum.... But what do u intend to do if u find them? Things may not work out well and can disrupt your life as well as yours....
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I dun agree on what u say. No matter what, the birth mother carried the child in her womb in 9 months, be it rich or poor, be it a beggar or a rich person, the child will not be alive if not for her. a person will be respected more if he/she do not use parents money.Originally posted by pwnz0r:I wont give a damn about my birth parents, unless it turns out they are really rich. You may say I'm mercenary, but dun tell me you will walk away from a potentially large inheritance.