My Mother
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She says I'm fat. She's sending me for a nose job. She wants the perfect material daughter. I used to sing and play the piano and draw. My dad loved those. Now to her, my talents are as good as useless. Im not fat, but she says Im fat. In front of everyone. Family, friends, and they inspect me like Im an exhibit. I fought her concept of a barbie daughter for 20 years. I finally gave up today when she messed up my morning by telling me the harshest things about me, making me feel fat, ugly and stupid. She does this everyday, for the past 20 years. Especially more, after my father passed away. He was really my balance. I'm not weak, I've tried to divert my attention to other things, loving animals, being a better person, at least bringing joy or trying to bring joy to the people and animals around me. But that concept just melted away. I've lost my self-esteem, lost faith. And I will be going for the nose job. I relented after two years of pestering. I'm afraid I'm already withdrawing from my relationship, my friendships and literally everyone. I can't take pictures smiling, in fact I don't smile anymore. Because she observes me and says everytimeI smile my nose widens so much it looks like its going to explode. Is it really that bad.
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show her micheal jackson picture and say.. do u wan me to be like this in another 5 yrs? if not, stop bothering me..
but actually. i think ur mum also concern about u la.. but she has gone overboard.. i really think u should talk to ur mum about this issue.. if she really loves u, she should accept who u r now.. fat or not, it dosen't matter... but if u really fat, then go exercise more to slim dwn la.. but if u really skinny like bones liao then hack her... -
I did. I forgave her, I talked to her, but every single time I talk to her she wants to pick a fight with me, which leaves me no choice but to shut up. She said harsh things about my dad, even though she knew we were close. My dad was loving me, whatever talents i had, and accepted me for who I am. I may be a little plump, but I was happy. Ever since she started working in that Zouk place, she changed.
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zouk place? wat u mean? and btw, do u have some misunderstandings between u and ur mum? or between ur mum and ur dad?Originally posted by AshedAnna:I did. I forgave her, I talked to her, but every single time I talk to her she wants to pick a fight with me, which leaves me no choice but to shut up. She said harsh things about my dad, even though she knew we were close. My dad was loving me, whatever talents i had, and accepted me for who I am. I may be a little plump, but I was happy. Ever since she started working in that Zouk place, she changed. -
She runs Zouk. Ever since she worked there, she became more and more stressed, and I have always made it a pt to put myself in her shoes so I can understand her better. I don't complain her because I want pple to side me, or hate her...its just that..its hard to be her daughter. No misunderstandings, it was quite clear between us. Shape up or get mocked everyday.
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zouk as in a nightclub? shape up or get mock everyday?Originally posted by AshedAnna:She runs Zouk. Ever since she worked there, she became more and more stressed, and I have always made it a pt to put myself in her shoes so I can understand her better. I don't complain her because I want pple to side me, or hate her...its just that..its hard to be her daughter. No misunderstandings, it was quite clear between us. Shape up or get mocked everyday.
i am glad that u tried to put urself in her shoes before jumping to conclusions that she dun love u or something.. lol.. maybe it's the stress she's going through outside that lead her to this stage.. did u tried to show ur concern and love to her? -
Of course. I understand her every plight and emotional turmoil and stress. I do sincerely. (yea Zouk the nightclub...anyway I hardly go) I may not be as liberally open about my affections as I am towards my father, but God knows I do love her dearly, she's my only parent left. I make my stupid mistakes like spill nail polish on the sofa (its cleaned liao), but I never deliberately do things to hurt her. In fact, I try not to. Bt its hard. For instance, when I shower, there's a glass door inside the bathroom which closes so that the water from the shower doesn't go all over the floor of the toilet. Sometimes when I shower, it gets abit wet, and she makes noise. Then I can't hang posters in my room, I can't do this can't to that..she even scolded me this morning for buying a bigger tank for my fighting fish. Its not even that huge. I can carry with two fingers. I don't get it. Then its the issue about fat fat fat fat fat fat fat thats all I hear in my head these days when I'm choosing clothes or ugly ugly ugly ugly when i wash my face or put on make up or look at myself.
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seek outside help. seriously.
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I did. We even went for counselling. Together. Many many times, but it still doesn't sink in to her. Old people, I know its harder for them to change, and I'm not expecting a full turnaround. But I can't even go out now, without being so self-conscious I have to keep pulling my shirt so it expands more and more even though its baggy already, or other such ridiculous things. She broke down every wall I built against this. I love her, but I have already tried everything. But I cannot live with this. I've run away before, but I can't bear to let her be by herself. You know what I mean.Originally posted by Keii:seek outside help. seriously. -
maybe its hopeless so bear with it ure gonna move out one day, don't give in, don't shut out the people who care, tell them whats happening
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i am sure your nose not even half the size of jackie chan nose,... but seriously, do you think in life, looks is so important? it might be good to a certain degree, to look presentable, but to overdo something is an overkill. just be yourself.Originally posted by AshedAnna:She says I'm fat. She's sending me for a nose job. She wants the perfect material daughter. I used to sing and play the piano and draw. My dad loved those. Now to her, my talents are as good as useless. Im not fat, but she says Im fat. In front of everyone. Family, friends, and they inspect me like Im an exhibit. I fought her concept of a barbie daughter for 20 years. I finally gave up today when she messed up my morning by telling me the harshest things about me, making me feel fat, ugly and stupid. She does this everyday, for the past 20 years. Especially more, after my father passed away. He was really my balance. I'm not weak, I've tried to divert my attention to other things, loving animals, being a better person, at least bringing joy or trying to bring joy to the people and animals around me. But that concept just melted away. I've lost my self-esteem, lost faith. And I will be going for the nose job. I relented after two years of pestering. I'm afraid I'm already withdrawing from my relationship, my friendships and literally everyone. I can't take pictures smiling, in fact I don't smile anymore. Because she observes me and says everytimeI smile my nose widens so much it looks like its going to explode. Is it really that bad. -
What is ur BMI???
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i meant, alone. if she's so caught up in changing you. and all the other crap she's giving you. you should stand up for yourself. move out or somfin. get help, WITHOUT her. counselling wouldn't help. tell someone your troubles. tell them you need someone who can cut in and take action. counselling will never work imo. oh well.Originally posted by AshedAnna:I did. We even went for counselling. Together. Many many times, but it still doesn't sink in to her. Old people, I know its harder for them to change, and I'm not expecting a full turnaround. But I can't even go out now, without being so self-conscious I have to keep pulling my shirt so it expands more and more even though its baggy already, or other such ridiculous things. She broke down every wall I built against this. I love her, but I have already tried everything. But I cannot live with this. I've run away before, but I can't bear to let her be by herself. You know what I mean. -
ouh.. now i understand.. i think u should be more open about ur affections towards her, just like how u show it to ur father.. i understand that it's hard to change instantly.. but do give urself and her more time..Originally posted by AshedAnna:Of course. I understand her every plight and emotional turmoil and stress. I do sincerely. (yea Zouk the nightclub...anyway I hardly go) I may not be as liberally open about my affections as I am towards my father, but God knows I do love her dearly, she's my only parent left. I make my stupid mistakes like spill nail polish on the sofa (its cleaned liao), but I never deliberately do things to hurt her. In fact, I try not to. Bt its hard. For instance, when I shower, there's a glass door inside the bathroom which closes so that the water from the shower doesn't go all over the floor of the toilet. Sometimes when I shower, it gets abit wet, and she makes noise. Then I can't hang posters in my room, I can't do this can't to that..she even scolded me this morning for buying a bigger tank for my fighting fish. Its not even that huge. I can carry with two fingers. I don't get it. Then its the issue about fat fat fat fat fat fat fat thats all I hear in my head these days when I'm choosing clothes or ugly ugly ugly ugly when i wash my face or put on make up or look at myself.
last time i also like that, feeling so irritated by her nagging.. but then as i grow up, i became mature and know her better.. then i learn to joke with her and our relationship between each other grew closer.. although she stills nag at me now, i know she does that for my own gd..
back to ur topic.. lol.. for the shower thing, i really dun know wat to say.. (use air to bath so the floor won't get wet? lol..) i dunno this part la.. sekali she scared the floor's wet and someone will slip and fall and get injured? try ur best not to wet e floor or if u can't dry the floor for her.. lol.. then fish tank and poster ar.. this 1 i also dunno wat to say leh.. pai seh.. haha.. maybe she think it's wasting money?
for the fat fat thing hor.. i have a feeling she do that because of her working environment.. aiya.. but dun take my words as the answer hor.. u can try asking her nicely lo... if she do pick up fight with u again, U DUN ARGUE OR FIGHT BACK. ask in a nice manner..
and btw, i think u r right.. it has something to do with her working environment.. try asking her y.. and remember to be more open about ur affections towards her, just like how u show it to ur father..
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yea.. i think u r right also, only for the highlighted part..Originally posted by ironoxideman:maybe its hopeless so bear with it ure gonna move out one day, don't give in, don't shut out the people who care, tell them whats happening -
All right. First of all, do you like your nose? Are you satisfied with it?Originally posted by AshedAnna:She says I'm fat. She's sending me for a nose job. She wants the perfect material daughter. I used to sing and play the piano and draw. My dad loved those. Now to her, my talents are as good as useless. Im not fat, but she says Im fat. In front of everyone. Family, friends, and they inspect me like Im an exhibit. I fought her concept of a barbie daughter for 20 years. I finally gave up today when she messed up my morning by telling me the harshest things about me, making me feel fat, ugly and stupid. She does this everyday, for the past 20 years. Especially more, after my father passed away. He was really my balance. I'm not weak, I've tried to divert my attention to other things, loving animals, being a better person, at least bringing joy or trying to bring joy to the people and animals around me. But that concept just melted away. I've lost my self-esteem, lost faith. And I will be going for the nose job. I relented after two years of pestering. I'm afraid I'm already withdrawing from my relationship, my friendships and literally everyone. I can't take pictures smiling, in fact I don't smile anymore. Because she observes me and says everytimeI smile my nose widens so much it looks like its going to explode. Is it really that bad.
If the answer is yes, then don't go for the nosejob! It's your nose, not her nose! If she doesn't like it then it's just too bad. Remember that it's you who would have to live with that nose for the rest of the life, not her. Tell her that too.
Secondly, how independent are you? Are you financially independent? If you are capable of it, I would suggest you moving out. If not, just stay on because you have no choice. Shut your ears up to your mother.
Now, even if you are all that she said you are (which I do not think is the case), she shouldn't be saying all that. You of all people, need to understand that what she has been doing to you, is nothing more than ABUSE. She abuses you mentally, emotionally and verbally. Abuse doesn't just come in the form of physical violence. The fact that she had destroyed your self-esteem so much to the extent that you are going for the nosejob tells a lot.
Next time she comments about your nose again, tell her that your nose might not be as pretty as hers, but at least your heart is definitely more beautiful.
Btw, tell her that what she had been doing is nothing more than abuse. If needed, threaten her with it. You do have the right to charge her over it. No parent have the right to do what she did to you. Also, remind that she either have to accept the way that you are, or pretend that you are not her daughter, since she's so ashamed of you or something?
Stress is NOT an excuse. Shame on your mother. -
You are just fine the way you are, and I'll tell you why. You had no problem with it except perhaps only your mum. You can smile, make people smile, live with it, be hapy about it... I seriously doesn't find anything much wrong with you. Although it would of course be nice if you wanna keep yourself healthy, slim down or whatever... But I believe for now that it should be because you wanna and wish to do it... Not because someone's forcing you to do it... This can be quite unhealthy... Listens to what your dad has got to say if he's still around... I think you should have no problem trying to figure that part out...Originally posted by AshedAnna:She says I'm fat. She's sending me for a nose job. She wants the perfect material daughter. I used to sing and play the piano and draw. My dad loved those. Now to her, my talents are as good as useless. Im not fat, but she says Im fat. In front of everyone. Family, friends, and they inspect me like Im an exhibit. I fought her concept of a barbie daughter for 20 years. I finally gave up today when she messed up my morning by telling me the harshest things about me, making me feel fat, ugly and stupid. She does this everyday, for the past 20 years. Especially more, after my father passed away. He was really my balance. I'm not weak, I've tried to divert my attention to other things, loving animals, being a better person, at least bringing joy or trying to bring joy to the people and animals around me. But that concept just melted away. I've lost my self-esteem, lost faith. And I will be going for the nose job. I relented after two years of pestering. I'm afraid I'm already withdrawing from my relationship, my friendships and literally everyone. I can't take pictures smiling, in fact I don't smile anymore. Because she observes me and says everytimeI smile my nose widens so much it looks like its going to explode. Is it really that bad.
Don't do the nsoe job just because your mum wants you to. Though your mum gave birth to you, BUT it's YOUR nose... Learn to take care of yourself, protect yourself and stand for yourself... Especially when you know you're right on your stand. I used to have a mum who hated me as equally because I never bother to dress myself up when I was very much younger unlike my siblings.. Like your mum, she saw me as a disgrace to her... Would insult me in front of everyone... Even strangers on the streets.. Would make life miserable for me, take away priviledges from me and leave me behind while family went for trips... I couldn't tell you exactly how much she detest me.. But hey. That was only me... And I just stood by that...
I tell you, you don't just lose yourself like that... Not after all that you've fought for... Not after all that your dad had fought for you, and your friends who stood by your side... Over one person? Whoever he / she is, it's just not worth it....
No matter how you look or how people might look at you....
Nothing beats a smile of confidence.. Give yourself what you deserve.... -
be strong. i think ur mum is an extremist.
i dun noe how or wad to say but i will lend u my listening eyes, hope it helps u in the least bit.
god bless. -
how old are you?Originally posted by AshedAnna:She says I'm fat. She's sending me for a nose job. She wants the perfect material daughter. I used to sing and play the piano and draw. My dad loved those. Now to her, my talents are as good as useless. Im not fat, but she says Im fat. In front of everyone. Family, friends, and they inspect me like Im an exhibit. I fought her concept of a barbie daughter for 20 years. I finally gave up today when she messed up my morning by telling me the harshest things about me, making me feel fat, ugly and stupid. She does this everyday, for the past 20 years. Especially more, after my father passed away. He was really my balance. I'm not weak, I've tried to divert my attention to other things, loving animals, being a better person, at least bringing joy or trying to bring joy to the people and animals around me. But that concept just melted away. I've lost my self-esteem, lost faith. And I will be going for the nose job. I relented after two years of pestering. I'm afraid I'm already withdrawing from my relationship, my friendships and literally everyone. I can't take pictures smiling, in fact I don't smile anymore. Because she observes me and says everytimeI smile my nose widens so much it looks like its going to explode. Is it really that bad. -
I've briefly read through all the comments.
Just go for the nose job. Satisfy her. But then again she would definitely find something to nit-pick. This is how old people becomes (nitpickers). She's most likely lonely and stressed out from her job.
Love your mum, accommodate her. -
Why not you(kivine) try doing that?Originally posted by kivine:I've briefly read through all the comments.
Just go for the nose job. Satisfy her. But then again she would definitely find something to nit-pick. This is how old people becomes (nitpickers). She's most likely lonely and stressed out from her job.
Love your mum, accommodate her.
TS, ur age is? Make your own money and leave your house ASAP. You'll nv know when she will do smthnig to you when you are sleeping... I'm serious, she seem to have some *no offense* mentality issue to be dealt with... -
Oh yah...this kinda drama controlling mother.
i have one. Just kicked her out of my flat and life last year.
Still battling with the guilt about it, and dont think she is spiritually going away anywhere soon. The sufferings....yep.
TS, you can leave her alone, this is what she wanted.
She wont feel any love now, because all she has is detesting you. And making herself feels justified that she is treating you right, because she 'cares' for you.
Is it possible to plan your escape route elsewhere?
Maybe a 2 year oversea degree in Australia? And you can do your nose/lipo/whatever glam surgeries she wants you to do there? (You dont have to do it...but it might help if you offer to work for your own money to do your own surgeries?) -
Thanks everyone..for the suggestions..actually..I did cause her alot of pain also because I like funny pets like snake and iguana...I like stuff toys still..kiddy toys kiddy things and it irritates her...Also..I was very rebellious when I was a kid, only because I was fighting what she wanted me to be for so long. Bt I never meant to hurt her...I just wanted her to understand what I believed in.
My nose I inherit from my dad..of course I love it..its not as bad as Jackie Chan la dun worry...but for a girl..in her eyes and everyone else who bullied me..its huge. So..just go for it..anyway I already push myself to listen to everything she say...she want a barbie daughter..she will get one. I just wanna pour out my heart here because I got nowhere else to turn. I give up telling my friends..better be anonymous here..at least here nobody knows how I look like...but really thanks for giving me such useful advice...
PS: I have moved out b4..she call me and say she miss me..she finally found me after 2-3 weeks..then i come home only not even three days everything start again... -
errr...I talked to the doctor..my plastic surgeon actually he says its 22? I dunno..I'm 161cm and I'm 55kg?Originally posted by Hamiltonian1125:What is ur BMI???
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Thats the problem ...the moment I am myself..kenna this kpkb...Originally posted by LifeIsWonderful:i am sure your nose not even half the size of jackie chan nose,... but seriously, do you think in life, looks is so important? it might be good to a certain degree, to look presentable, but to overdo something is an overkill. just be yourself.