My Mother
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I'm 22..turning 23 this August..Originally posted by zeny:how old are you? -
I mean she never really had issues until recently...Not sure why...I put her through alot of stress ya but which kid doesn't when they are growing up? I fought back before bt now my father is dead, she become worse because now nobody can stop her...Originally posted by Slipshade:All right. First of all, do you like your nose? Are you satisfied with it?
If the answer is yes, then don't go for the nosejob! It's your nose, not her nose! If she doesn't like it then it's just too bad. Remember that it's you who would have to live with that nose for the rest of the life, not her. Tell her that too.
Secondly, how independent are you? Are you financially independent? If you are capable of it, I would suggest you moving out. If not, just stay on because you have no choice. Shut your ears up to your mother.
Now, even if you are all that she said you are (which I do not think is the case), she shouldn't be saying all that. You of all people, need to understand that what she has been doing to you, is nothing more than ABUSE. She abuses you mentally, emotionally and verbally. Abuse doesn't just come in the form of physical violence. The fact that she had destroyed your self-esteem so much to the extent that you are going for the nosejob tells a lot.
Next time she comments about your nose again, tell her that your nose might not be as pretty as hers, but at least your heart is definitely more beautiful.
Btw, tell her that what she had been doing is nothing more than abuse. If needed, threaten her with it. You do have the right to charge her over it. No parent have the right to do what she did to you. Also, remind that she either have to accept the way that you are, or pretend that you are not her daughter, since she's so ashamed of you or something?
Stress is NOT an excuse. Shame on your mother.
A violent home will produce a violent child...she talks before she thinks..I always try to forget it...she said to me a few times "If nt for your dad I won't even bother abt you". So strange huh... -
I will..i decided to...I mean I do love her..bt the way I was brought up was to be a good person..dnt have to be super chio but have a good heart..luv animals..luv pple..learn all the good things..at least my father is like that..and he can change so many pple's lives without going through the stuff I have to..bt maybe because Im a girl..its different...bt to what extent I have to accommodate her? Im schooling soon, she wants me to find a night job also...Im taking law lei..I will die u know..bt I still go look for a job...at most dun sleep lor..Originally posted by kivine:I've briefly read through all the comments.
Just go for the nose job. Satisfy her. But then again she would definitely find something to nit-pick. This is how old people becomes (nitpickers). She's most likely lonely and stressed out from her job.
Love your mum, accommodate her. -
Thanks man...Originally posted by Devil1976:You are just fine the way you are, and I'll tell you why. You had no problem with it except perhaps only your mum. You can smile, make people smile, live with it, be hapy about it... I seriously doesn't find anything much wrong with you. Although it would of course be nice if you wanna keep yourself healthy, slim down or whatever... But I believe for now that it should be because you wanna and wish to do it... Not because someone's forcing you to do it... This can be quite unhealthy... Listens to what your dad has got to say if he's still around... I think you should have no problem trying to figure that part out...
Don't do the nsoe job just because your mum wants you to. Though your mum gave birth to you, BUT it's YOUR nose... Learn to take care of yourself, protect yourself and stand for yourself... Especially when you know you're right on your stand. I used to have a mum who hated me as equally because I never bother to dress myself up when I was very much younger unlike my siblings.. Like your mum, she saw me as a disgrace to her... Would insult me in front of everyone... Even strangers on the streets.. Would make life miserable for me, take away priviledges from me and leave me behind while family went for trips... I couldn't tell you exactly how much she detest me.. But hey. That was only me... And I just stood by that...
I tell you, you don't just lose yourself like that... Not after all that you've fought for... Not after all that your dad had fought for you, and your friends who stood by your side... Over one person? Whoever he / she is, it's just not worth it....
No matter how you look or how people might look at you....
Nothing beats a smile of confidence.. Give yourself what you deserve....
Onli thing is now to get the confidence back by doin everything she wants me to do..cause if nt i will get crap everyday...I think its time to stp fighting her liao.. -
Pls dun hate her..she is nt a bad person...old people are like this...she did alot of great things too...she just isnt the one for me to pour out my heart to...thanks for all ur help I am very grateful..
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And I say that to my siblings too.Originally posted by AshedAnna:Pls dun hate her..she is nt a bad person...old people are like this...she did alot of great things too...she just isnt the one for me to pour out my heart to...thanks for all ur help I am very grateful.. 
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its hard, isn't it...the moment i wake up, i dont get a good morning, instead i get god ure fat why are u so fat dont u feel lethargic(with emphasis)...shes got her head too high into the G.M attitude...she made my maid cry, made me cry...ive never felt so f***ed in my life. -
Care comes in various forms and ways...Originally posted by AshedAnna:I mean she never really had issues until recently...Not sure why...I put her through alot of stress ya but which kid doesn't when they are growing up? I fought back before bt now my father is dead, she become worse because now nobody can stop her...
A violent home will produce a violent child...she talks before she thinks..I always try to forget it...she said to me a few times "If nt for your dad I won't even bother abt you". So strange huh...
And...
Remember what I told you before about how your mum might actually be feeling now over your dad's death...? -
By giving in for the sake of giving in probably won't solve much of any problem.. In fact... It might just create extra problems of its own in the future...?Originally posted by AshedAnna:Thanks man... Onli thing is now to get the confidence back by doin everything she wants me to do..cause if nt i will get crap everyday...I think its time to stp fighting her liao.. -
Try not to take it too personal... Some people are just the way they are.... Sometimes they don't really realise it themselves too...Originally posted by AshedAnna: its hard, isn't it...the moment i wake up, i dont get a good morning, instead i get god ure fat why are u so fat dont u feel lethargic(with emphasis)...shes got her head too high into the G.M attitude...she made my maid cry, made me cry...ive never felt so f***ed in my life. -
Somehow I feel that she really loves you, but just that she might be handling stress of her own...Originally posted by AshedAnna:Thanks everyone..for the suggestions..actually..I did cause her alot of pain also because I like funny pets like snake and iguana...I like stuff toys still..kiddy toys kiddy things and it irritates her...Also..I was very rebellious when I was a kid, only because I was fighting what she wanted me to be for so long. Bt I never meant to hurt her...I just wanted her to understand what I believed in.
My nose I inherit from my dad..of course I love it..its not as bad as Jackie Chan la dun worry...but for a girl..in her eyes and everyone else who bullied me..its huge. So..just go for it..anyway I already push myself to listen to everything she say...she want a barbie daughter..she will get one. I just wanna pour out my heart here because I got nowhere else to turn. I give up telling my friends..better be anonymous here..at least here nobody knows how I look like...but really thanks for giving me such useful advice...
PS: I have moved out b4..she call me and say she miss me..she finally found me after 2-3 weeks..then i come home only not even three days everything start again...
Giving in like that might not really be a solution... I think you and her needs to spend more quality time together and understand each other from the other party's point of view.. (though I think she might not have enough time for now..?) Try to find certain ways to perhaps not to change and solve things overnight... But at least make things turn towards the better...? -
MOD PLS DELETE THIS THREAD..
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