relationship problem... =(
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not long ago, i ended a relationship with this guy. we spent really many happy times together.. we did quarrel, almost broke up once but resolved it in the end.. but overall, the relationship was fairytale like and magical..
but it suddenly came to an abrupt end when he told me that we shd break up cos he felt he didn't know what love was afterall cos he felt that he wasnt ready for a r/s... he also thought that we were too different in terms of character and that it was impossible for us go tgr... when i asked him whether he ever loved me during the whole course of the r/s.. he said.... he didn't know- maybe not.
those words cut deep.
i spent the next few days crying my heart out, lost my appetite totally, first few daes i wld sms him telling him how much i missed his presence... to give our r/s one more try.. that it really, really hurts so bad... but no replies.. so i somehow thought that he had more or less gotten over the breakup and that i sucked.. so i spent the remaining time reflecting on the relationship and talking it out with a few close friends... and now, i've more or less come to terms with the breakup.. picking up the pieces.... diverting my attention to my studies..
his friends sensed smth was wrong also, but they didnt dare to ask him... they came to ask me.. cos we both seemed like a really loving couple in d past.. they said he seemed to be v affected by it (they thought we argued or smth).. dey mentioned that he looked upset, zombified and stoned all the time.. but they din dare to approach him. so i told them that we broke up for good le. dey were stunned. i also asked them to look after him.
after a week or so... which was yday, when both of us were feeling more or less better, he asked me out for dinner and i agreed (my friends are so gonna kill me when they hear this.) we dabaoed dinner and watched the night sky together while eating. must admit i still had feelings for him... okay that nite i was feeling kind of sleepy and then he pulled my head towards his shoulder. with my head on his shoulder, we just sat there, talked crap and whiled the time away. my appetite was still very bad that time.. so he fed me food to get me to eat.. then it felt like the times when we were tgr. he also said there was a possibility that we cld go back together. but not now. maybe he was just trying to make me feel better?
but i dunno. when i got back, the whole dinner thing last nite seemed so surreal. cos its like back to single life again. facing harsh reality. i msged him and asked him whether he still regarded me as his friend after that night, whether he still liked me still. den his replies were "haha... I like you... as a friend
" and i asked why.. and he said "Hai... We're friends what.. no longer a couple..."
u see, his actions are really confusing... still like him alot...
what shd i do? ah! so confused. guys, what is he thinking?!?! i really need solid advice...
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i believe it's as he said:
"he felt he didn't know what love was afterall cos he felt that he wasnt ready for a r/s... he also thought that we were too different in terms of character and that it was impossible for us go tgr... when i asked him whether he ever loved me during the whole course of the r/s.. he said.... he didn't know."
he seems confused. why i dunno, u have to probe further. -
let nature take its course
furthermore, he did mention that he still regard you as a friend
and both of you are meant to be together, then both of you will be back together, one day
now, try to get used to it, as being a single
if you keep on message him, things like, i still like you, please give me another chance, he might think that you are annoying
maybe give each other some space, and now his actions are comforting you.
be his friend, be there for him when he is down, or need a listening ear when he is frustrated,
when he can sense your caring and concern, one day, he will be touched by your action.
never said never, things might turn out to be good -
hello allen. thanks alot for ur advice.Originally posted by allentyb:let nature take its course
furthermore, he did mention that he still regard you as a friend
and both of you are meant to be together, then both of you will be back together, one day
now, try to get used to it, as being a single
if you keep on message him, things like, i still like you, please give me another chance, he might think that you are annoying
maybe give each other some space, and now his actions are comforting you.
be his friend, be there for him when he is down, or need a listening ear when he is frustrated,
when he can sense your caring and concern, one day, he will be touched by your action.
never said never, things might turn out to be good
yeah i did msg him stuff like that during the first few days of the breakup, but i have ceased to do so now already because i know its stupid for myself to continue and getting no responses all the time plus its annoying for him too. its just that his actions yesterday was really puzzling and so naturally i'll ask him if his actions implied that he liked me. im not being anxious or gan jiong in getting back together, not pressurizing him or wad so ever, hope u get what i mean
and yea, i'll just continue being his friend for now. -
tammy jie jie, he refuses to be probed further.Originally posted by ^tamago^:i believe it's as he said:
"he felt he didn't know what love was afterall cos he felt that he wasnt ready for a r/s... he also thought that we were too different in terms of character and that it was impossible for us go tgr... when i asked him whether he ever loved me during the whole course of the r/s.. he said.... he didn't know."
he seems confused. why i dunno, u have to probe further. -
Sounds like he wants your company but don't want e commitment
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meaning im being used?Originally posted by Xiao Jun:Sounds like he wants your company but don't want e commitment -
i think jun meant that............Originally posted by papercut87:meaning im being used?
he just need a person to pour out his feelings, and talk his heart out.
but he doesnt love u..........
i predict he is a good guy......
anyway no offence, sorry if any.
Cheers. -
Follow your heart..
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Whatever the case, ppc, take lessons from this experience.
Sometimes we learn things the hard way so that you can learn better lessons that way.
And please don't let this affect your health and studies... I'm sure you already know that your exams are coming in less than a month's time. Sorry to have to remind you of that... but it's important that you move on as quickly as possible.
Here's my advice: take a day off. Take stock of your life. Then put it all aside and focus on the bigger things in life things in life: your health, family, and yes, your studies.
Take care and good luck.
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Let him sort out his thoughts first bah. Maybe he was thinking of the future and cannot see what lies in store.
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x2Originally posted by Xiao Jun:Sounds like he wants your company but don't want e commitment
he is falling in love with falling in love.. -
he dun wana commit to u lor.
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give him some time to think it over.
dun pressure him.
give yourself time too.
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he is not confuseOriginally posted by papercut87:not long ago, i ended a 6mth relationship with this guy. we spent really many happy times together.. we did quarrel, almost broke up once but resolved it in the end.. but overall, the relationship was fairytale like and magical..
but it suddenly came to an abrupt end when he told me that we shd break up cos he felt he didn't know what love was afterall cos he felt that he wasnt ready for a r/s... he also thought that we were too different in terms of character and that it was impossible for us go tgr... when i asked him whether he ever loved me during the whole course of the r/s.. he said.... he didn't know- maybe not.
those words cut deep.
i spent the next few days crying my heart out, lost my appetite totally, first few daes i wld sms him telling him how much i missed his presence... to give our r/s one more try.. that it really, really hurts so bad... but no replies.. so i somehow thought that he had more or less gotten over the breakup and that i sucked.. so i spent the remaining time reflecting on the relationship and talking it out with a few close friends... and now, i've more or less come to terms with the breakup.. picking up the pieces.... diverting my attention to my studies..
his friends sensed smth was wrong also, but they didnt dare to ask him... they came to ask me.. cos we both seemed like a really loving couple in d past.. they said he seemed to be v affected by it (they thought we argued or smth).. dey mentioned that he looked upset, zombified and stoned all the time.. but they din dare to approach him. so i told them that we broke up for good le. dey were stunned. i also asked them to look after him.
after a week or so... which was yday, when both of us were feeling more or less better, he asked me out for dinner and i agreed (my friends are so gonna kill me when they hear this.) we dabaoed dinner and watched the night sky together while eating. must admit i still had feelings for him... okay that nite i was feeling kind of sleepy and then he pulled my head towards his shoulder. with my head on his shoulder, we just sat there, talked crap and whiled the time away. my appetite was still very bad that time.. so he fed me food to get me to eat.. then it felt like the times when we were tgr. he also said there was a possibility that we cld go back together. but not now. maybe he was just trying to make me feel better?
but i dunno. when i got back, the whole dinner thing last nite seemed so surreal. cos its like back to single life again. facing harsh reality. i msged him and asked him whether he still regarded me as his friend after that night, whether he still liked me still. den his replies were "haha... I like you... as a friend" and i asked why.. and he said "Hai... We're friends what.. no longer a couple..."
u see, his actions are really confusing... still like him alot...
what shd i do? ah! so confused. guys, what is he thinking?!?! i really need solid advice...
he is serious about it
I know is hard to accept the fact but is true. -
gal.... i duno if he still love u or did he ever love u b4..
but i can tell u this.. i hate this kind of guy.. to me.. he seemed to be leading u on.. rem this, dont let him feel that if u dun have him.. u will die.. cos guys in that kind of circumstances will be irritated and move even further..
meanwhile, dun let urself go any deeper in this r/s.. open your heart to others.. when there is anyone better, dun pull urself back becos of him..
jia you! -
its already obvious tat it has ended... he is jz giving u after breakup service... he said it, so its better that u move on... theres better guys out there la so dun keep thinking tat theres no better guy than him cos there DEFINITELY got lo...Originally posted by papercut87:not long ago, i ended a 6mth relationship with this guy. we spent really many happy times together.. we did quarrel, almost broke up once but resolved it in the end.. but overall, the relationship was fairytale like and magical..
but it suddenly came to an abrupt end when he told me that we shd break up cos he felt he didn't know what love was afterall cos he felt that he wasnt ready for a r/s... he also thought that we were too different in terms of character and that it was impossible for us go tgr... when i asked him whether he ever loved me during the whole course of the r/s.. he said.... he didn't know- maybe not.
those words cut deep.
i spent the next few days crying my heart out, lost my appetite totally, first few daes i wld sms him telling him how much i missed his presence... to give our r/s one more try.. that it really, really hurts so bad... but no replies.. so i somehow thought that he had more or less gotten over the breakup and that i sucked.. so i spent the remaining time reflecting on the relationship and talking it out with a few close friends... and now, i've more or less come to terms with the breakup.. picking up the pieces.... diverting my attention to my studies..
his friends sensed smth was wrong also, but they didnt dare to ask him... they came to ask me.. cos we both seemed like a really loving couple in d past.. they said he seemed to be v affected by it (they thought we argued or smth).. dey mentioned that he looked upset, zombified and stoned all the time.. but they din dare to approach him. so i told them that we broke up for good le. dey were stunned. i also asked them to look after him.
after a week or so... which was yday, when both of us were feeling more or less better, he asked me out for dinner and i agreed (my friends are so gonna kill me when they hear this.) we dabaoed dinner and watched the night sky together while eating. must admit i still had feelings for him... okay that nite i was feeling kind of sleepy and then he pulled my head towards his shoulder. with my head on his shoulder, we just sat there, talked crap and whiled the time away. my appetite was still very bad that time.. so he fed me food to get me to eat.. then it felt like the times when we were tgr. he also said there was a possibility that we cld go back together. but not now. maybe he was just trying to make me feel better?
but i dunno. when i got back, the whole dinner thing last nite seemed so surreal. cos its like back to single life again. facing harsh reality. i msged him and asked him whether he still regarded me as his friend after that night, whether he still liked me still. den his replies were "haha... I like you... as a friend" and i asked why.. and he said "Hai... We're friends what.. no longer a couple..."
u see, his actions are really confusing... still like him alot...
what shd i do? ah! so confused. guys, what is he thinking?!?! i really need solid advice... -
Meaning you shouldn't expect e same of him...you being ready for him doesn't mean him being ready for youOriginally posted by papercut87:meaning im being used?
There's no harm in being there for a friend in need...but only a thin line separates being there and being used...should read his intent clearly before taking further steps -
Originally posted by ItchyArmpit:i think jun meant that............
he just need a person to pour out his feelings, and talk his heart out.
but he doesnt love u..........
i predict he is a good guy......
anyway no offence, sorry if any.
Cheers.
Thanks for helping to clarify my words~Originally posted by R3SsH|n:x2
he is falling in love with falling in love.. -
Okay, here's what i just mentioned to some friends back in Singapore.
it seems they are of the following disposition. And here's my observation.
their boyfriends are lovey dovey with them long distance thru the phone and internet.
And the ladies are kinda keep defending their boyfriends. They keep telling me, that their boyfriend is truthful with them, telling them things, and are lovey dovey with them.
One even went to the extent to pretend to want to fly the girlfriend over to USA to live with him, but somehow, the airticket got cancelled by the airline. (I dont believe it for the moment cos I know how this e-ticket thing works.)
Anyway, the ladies do suspect that their b/f are using them, but against my suspicion, they rather believe that their b/f is true.
Here's how I lay down the facts.
Females likes the idea of being in love. It gives us a high & females are more emotionally attached.
Men likes the idea of females being in love with them, it gives them the high that they can string any females around until they find their one true love to which they will forsake everything, even family.
(And yes....even if they are married, they will later 'realise' he was only making do until his ONE TRUE LOVE show up.) -
he hiam u not good enuf for him?
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Originally posted by papercut87:not long ago, i ended a 6mth relationship with this guy. we spent really many happy times together.. we did quarrel, almost broke up once but resolved it in the end.. but overall, the relationship was fairytale like and magical..
but it suddenly came to an abrupt end when he told me that we shd break up cos he felt he didn't know what love was afterall cos he felt that he wasnt ready for a r/s... he also thought that we were too different in terms of character and that it was impossible for us go tgr... when i asked him whether he ever loved me during the whole course of the r/s.. he said.... he didn't know- maybe not.
those words cut deep.
i spent the next few days crying my heart out, lost my appetite totally, first few daes i wld sms him telling him how much i missed his presence... to give our r/s one more try.. that it really, really hurts so bad... but no replies.. so i somehow thought that he had more or less gotten over the breakup and that i sucked.. so i spent the remaining time reflecting on the relationship and talking it out with a few close friends... and now, i've more or less come to terms with the breakup.. picking up the pieces.... diverting my attention to my studies..
his friends sensed smth was wrong also, but they didnt dare to ask him... they came to ask me.. cos we both seemed like a really loving couple in d past.. they said he seemed to be v affected by it (they thought we argued or smth).. dey mentioned that he looked upset, zombified and stoned all the time.. but they din dare to approach him. so i told them that we broke up for good le. dey were stunned. i also asked them to look after him.
after a week or so... which was yday, when both of us were feeling more or less better, he asked me out for dinner and i agreed (my friends are so gonna kill me when they hear this.) we dabaoed dinner and watched the night sky together while eating. must admit i still had feelings for him... okay that nite i was feeling kind of sleepy and then he pulled my head towards his shoulder. with my head on his shoulder, we just sat there, talked crap and whiled the time away. my appetite was still very bad that time.. so he fed me food to get me to eat.. then it felt like the times when we were tgr. he also said there was a possibility that we cld go back together. but not now. maybe he was just trying to make me feel better?
but i dunno. when i got back, the whole dinner thing last nite seemed so surreal. cos its like back to single life again. facing harsh reality. i msged him and asked him whether he still regarded me as his friend after that night, whether he still liked me still. den his replies were "haha... I like you... as a friend" and i asked why.. and he said "Hai... We're friends what.. no longer a couple..."
u see, his actions are really confusing... still like him alot...
what shd i do? ah! so confused. guys, what is he thinking?!?! i really need solid advice... 
No relationship is fairytale-like - it only apparently seemed so and we revel in them in a fairytale-like manner.
In fact, to me, chances are, he is already reconsidering this relationship, days way before he popped the shattering news and announced that he wants out. You can't spawn something out of nothing; surely, there are unseen issues going around without your knowledge that is affecting him subconsciously.
A seemingly smooth going relationship, at times, is not a good absolute measure for a relationship (especially if scant emotional communication and deep conversation is relatively amiss)
He spoke about incompatibility and differences - what exactly are these differences? How difficult are those challenges? Are those challenges/difficulties recognized/understood by you as well?
Uncovering the above questions might resolve much of your conundrum unknowingly. I will explain why below.
There are times in a relationship when people start reviewing their relationship, even if the ride went on pretty smoothly devoid of emergency break. Ironically, their horror came to them as 'far too good of an experience to be true' and they want to retrograde few steps back to decide if it was really true. This is uncannily true for relationship citing incompatibility as a reason to end it, actually having incompatibility belonging to insignificant magnitude that shouldn't induce break up.
Of course compatibility is relative and subjective to individual perception. It becomes a quagmire only if love is not substantial enough to surmount challenges. If Love makes a fool out of human, then the fool has the greatest of courage because a fool knows no danger.
Then came the sweet aftermath; so tender the feeling he exude and empowered strongly in your soul, paradoxically, only to inflict more confusion in your heart.
He works to retain your emotions for him, yet he's not willing to face the challenges of 'incompatibility', as reasoned by him, with you in union. So self absorbed his affection for you as he has removed the source of burden and tacit responsibility he had to shoulder as a boyfriend previously, yet he's reluctant to allow you your needed recovery to take flight to your next phrase of life.
His act of 'goodwill' actually bring calamity to your long term growth if this persisted indefinitely because you will always be emotionally bounded by him.
If you can't handle it, then avoid putting yourself in such predicament.
Cheers -
yup! same thinking like yun. maybe he loves the feeling of love ba. and also that he is confused, and his actions are making things worse. like after breakup service like someone mentioned, you will not have the time to heal or wake up from the reverie.
is like he wants your company yet does not want the committment. as such he likes you as a friend. but frankly, how many friends will go around feeding each other etc.
timing to be together also plays a part. maybe he really is not ready for a relationship(read: committment) right now, so no point forcing him. if you were to spend a lot of time with him again, you will fall back into the fairytale syndrome before you can wake up. and when his confusion acts up again, you will be in a nightmare once again.
notice that in your relationship with him, he is the main factor. His actions will have a direct impact on you.
Suggest you take some time off, be friends and keep it that way. do not cross the fine line between lovers and friends. because u need some time to really adjust yourself and let him come to a decision.
if you continue doing the lovers stuff as "friends" then be prepared for this "friend" status to last some time because it might cause him to not make a decision.
take care tho. -
dont probe now. he is confused. the more u probe, the more he thinks, the more he tries to find an answer, the more confused he gets.Originally posted by papercut87:tammy jie jie, he refuses to be probed further. -
agree ...... take things step by step ... man man lai ..... too ganjiong to patch things up might not be good for both .... as u both need time to get over this n still remain as frenz ... its good to stay this n start rebuilding a relationship from scratch ..... start from being his true fren ..... den slowly take things deeperOriginally posted by allentyb:let nature take its course
furthermore, he did mention that he still regard you as a friend
and both of you are meant to be together, then both of you will be back together, one day
now, try to get used to it, as being a single
if you keep on message him, things like, i still like you, please give me another chance, he might think that you are annoying
maybe give each other some space, and now his actions are comforting you.
be his friend, be there for him when he is down, or need a listening ear when he is frustrated,
when he can sense your caring and concern, one day, he will be touched by your action.
never said never, things might turn out to be good