juz a spare tyre.
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how do u guys feel when u know u are juz a spare tyre to her ?(she's attached) , or hopelessly continue this short term relationship knowing that one day she will leave u ? i seriously don't know what to do , i cant give up on her at this moment. i tried once to take a step back , but i go back to her again within a few days.
short and sweet(give up) or long and bitter(stay on) ? -
For me, I'll choose long and bitter
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love isn't about possession, if u can be with her, even a short time is memorable. however this will question yr morals, do u care if ppl label u as a third party to a r/s or u just waiting for her to breakup with her bf if that's possible.
can u take the blow if one day, when u r 30+ then she tell u she getting married n she want to end the r/s, u will be left with nothing, r u strong enough for that??
if not, i rather u stop this now n be done with it once n for all.
i know everyone hope to be with the one they truly love, but if the one they love doesn't love them or they love someone else as dearly, it will raise the question whether it is really worth it to carry on the r/s. sometimes it is better to broaden yr horizon n look for a new love. -
so do i need to totally ignore her ?Originally posted by Kenashi:love isn't about possession, if u can be with her, even a short time is memorable. however this will question yr morals, do u care if ppl label u as a third party to a r/s or u just waiting for her to breakup with her bf if that's possible.
can u take the blow if one day, when u r 30+ then she tell u she getting married n she want to end the r/s, u will be left with nothing, r u strong enough for that??
if not, i rather u stop this now n be done with it once n for all.
i know everyone hope to be with the one they truly love, but if the one they love doesn't love them or they love someone else as dearly, it will raise the question whether it is really worth it to carry on the r/s. sometimes it is better to broaden yr horizon n look for a new love. -
Is she testing you??
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seriously.... i dont knowOriginally posted by Darkness_hacker99:Is she testing you?? -
stay on but continue to look for your true love or until your true love comes along... hey this is good what... you have a close friend for the time being... think of it as doing her a favour... won't kill you right?Originally posted by givemeluck:how do u guys feel when u know u are juz a spare tyre to her ?(she's attached) , or hopelessly continue this short term relationship knowing that one day she will leave u ? i seriously don't know what to do , i cant give up on her at this moment. i tried once to take a step back , but i go back to her again within a few days.
short and sweet(give up) or long and bitter(stay on) ? -
the feeling i have for her now is not juz a close friend. what if 1 day she leave me ? i will die of sadnessOriginally posted by AndrewPKYap:stay on but continue to look for your true love or until your true love comes along... hey this is good what... you have a close friend for the time being... think of it as doing her a favour... won't kill you right? -
from my own experience, it is best to stop seeing her or any form of communication with her.Originally posted by givemeluck:so do i need to totally ignore her ?
the more u see her or having a telephone conversation or even a sms with her
the more u want to carry on with her
it will be hard at first, u can choose to look at photos to relish yr feeling but u must learn to curb yr desire to look for her
slowly, just carry on with yr life, meet up with friends, work harder, try to find something to occupy yr free time so that yr mind won't wander
for me, i took up sport in order to stop thinking about her, i tired myself out that once i lie on the bed, i fall asleep fast that i don't even have the time or strength to think about her in my bed.
let time dilute the feeling!! -
i think u have made up yr own mindOriginally posted by givemeluck:the feeling i have for her now is not juz a close friend. what if 1 day she leave me ? i will die of sadness
u don't want her to leave u, the best way is to take the initative n leave her first n don't look back
leave when yr feeling for her is still not so deep, cut yr losses when u know u can't win.
this is my last advice to u, i be going jogging n swimming so i won't be posting further.
gd luck to yr decision
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i tried ignoring her , but the pain of missing her is juz too great hahOriginally posted by Kenashi:from my own experience, it is best to stop seeing her or any form of communication with her.
the more u see her or having a telephone conversation or even a sms with her
the more u want to carry on with her
it will be hard at first, u can choose to look at photos to relish yr feeling but u must learn to curb yr desire to look for her
slowly, just carry on with yr life, meet up with friends, work harder, try to find something to occupy yr free time so that yr mind won't wander
for me, i took up sport in order to stop thinking about her, i tired myself out that once i lie on the bed, i fall asleep fast that i don't even have the time or strength to think about her in my bed.
let time dilute the feeling!! -
You will be sad but you won't die of sadness. We all live in an uncertain world. The people we love the most might very well die tomorrow... no one knows for sure...Originally posted by givemeluck:the feeling i have for her now is not juz a close friend. what if 1 day she leave me ? i will die of sadness
My advice to you is to treasure whatever that makes you happy and feel alive... knowing full well that it will all come to an end one day... whether you like it or not.
so if you like her, make her happy, do things for her... let her make you happy... hey, don't let the "uncertain" future destroy the "certain" present... learn to live and treasure one moment at a time... mindful of the consequences of your actions but enjoying every moment as they come.
when the moment that she leaves you come... (or you decide to leave her) then deal with that moment in the best way you know how...
hey. in life, things have a way of working themselves out... sooner or later you will find that out... how did you survive for so many years? You will continue to survive for many more years to come and so... might as well enjoy each moment, mindful of the consequences of your actions... and if you can live with the consequences... JUST DO IT! -
for the sake of it.
u think die so easily arh
why have to die over just a girl?
there are many things worth ur present . dun be silly loh. -
This is a very sad case. But if i were you, i will 1 day ask her out and have a good talk with her. What makes ut hink that you're a spare tire anyway? is it your imagination? Or she hinted to you abt her feelings?
Anyway ask her out, have a nice talk. tell each other abt ur feelings. If she chose her bf, leave her... I mean dun leave completely. i know it's hard to transit. Juz dun become too special to her. Not to be so close to her but still in contact. Who knows 1 day she might come back to u? -
Same situation last time..
but stopped contacting over the time...
its up to you.. -
Originally posted by givemeluck:the feeling i have for her now is not juz a close friend. what if 1 day she leave me? i will die of sadness
soo true.. im currently in ur decision but im thinking of making it short and sweet. just hope that wadever i did for her will be remembered..Originally posted by givemeluck:i tried ignoring her , but the pain of missing her is juz too great hah
it super hurting now.. miss her soo much that i want to run back to her. but things are not easy
urs is slightly different, she had an ongoing r/s. Do wad is best for her and her happiness. I trust ur judgement. -
i did. she chose him , not me lol. but she said she is happy with meOriginally posted by necrolyt3:This is a very sad case. But if i were you, i will 1 day ask her out and have a good talk with her. What makes ut hink that you're a spare tire anyway? is it your imagination? Or she hinted to you abt her feelings?
Anyway ask her out, have a nice talk. tell each other abt ur feelings. If she chose her bf, leave her... I mean dun leave completely. i know it's hard to transit. Juz dun become too special to her. Not to be so close to her but still in contact. Who knows 1 day she might come back to u? -
Originally posted by givemeluck:how do u guys feel when u know u are juz a spare tyre to her ?(she's attached) , or hopelessly continue this short term relationship knowing that one day she will leave u ? i seriously don't know what to do , i cant give up on her at this moment. i tried once to take a step back , but i go back to her again within a few days.
short and sweet(give up) or long and bitter(stay on) ?
There is no point telling yourself to move along if you do not even understand the essence why you have to make that choice. It's like trying do something without truly knowing why you should do it.
It's no surprise that eventually you would saunter back to this pit of suffering.
If you felt strongly that you are nothing but a spare tyre, it's up to your own wisdom to determine if you don't mind being a spare tyre or if you want to grasp hold of yourself and make a wise choice for once.
Telling yourself you can't do it signifies a lack of enlightenment. In my own words, it probably means you have not 'wound' yourself deep enough to see the 'light of the tunnel.'
You mentioned that you are suffering - but why doesn't it substantiate your will to leave her?
P.S: It doesn't matter whether you leave her or not; at the very least, when you are in a relationship, you must be happy leading it. If you are wretched and miserable, I suggest you do something to undo that curse.
Cheers -
how long can u hold on to this relationship?
that's the key.
if u really have made up ur mind den fine if not....
think abt it . long and bitter.. does it worth? -
thanks. i guess im taking the hard and stupid way.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:You will be sad but you won't die of sadness. We all live in an uncertain world. The people we love the most might very well die tomorrow... no one knows for sure...
My advice to you is to treasure whatever that makes you happy and feel alive... knowing full well that it will all come to an end one day... whether you like it or not.
so if you like her, make her happy, do things for her... let her make you happy... hey, don't let the "uncertain" future destroy the "certain" present... learn to live and treasure one moment at a time... mindful of the consequences of your actions but enjoying every moment as they come.
when the moment that she leaves you come... (or you decide to leave her) then deal with that moment in the best way you know how...
hey. in life, things have a way of working themselves out... sooner or later you will find that out... how did you survive for so many years? You will continue to survive for many more years to come and so... might as well enjoy each moment, mindful of the consequences of your actions... and if you can live with the consequences... JUST DO IT!
thanks for all the advice u guys gave me. -
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I used to act as somebody's rebound as well. In fact, was her spare tyre for more than one boyfriend. Well, not really, she just came to find me after her breakup with one bf and when things didn't work out between her and whoever she was dating.
Guess I always knew I was just someone to be there for her at that time. I myself couldn't see the long-term future in it. Basically, I didn't have much hope in it either. But since we both were free, I didn't mind just hanging around with her. She did things like hug me, hold my hands, kiss me on the cheek.
Maybe ultimately I just saw her as a really good friend (or maybe just me). But once I got attached again to someone else, I let her know that I won't be letting her treat me like that. Not while I'm still in a relationship.
The main thing is, do you see a future with her? What direction do you want to go with her? My advise is don't hang on to her, look for a future elsewhere with somebody else. Somebody you know you'll grow stronger with. -
I will keep looking for the prefect one...
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i guess in ur case u r not really her spare tyre cos u juz treat her as a good friend ?Originally posted by SumOne:I used to act as somebody's rebound as well. In fact, was her spare tyre for more than one boyfriend. Well, not really, she just came to find me after her breakup with one bf and when things didn't work out between her and whoever she was dating.
Guess I always knew I was just someone to be there for her at that time. I myself couldn't see the long-term future in it. Basically, I didn't have much hope in it either. But since we both were free, I didn't mind just hanging around with her. She did things like hug me, hold my hands, kiss me on the cheek.
Maybe ultimately I just saw her as a really good friend (or maybe just me). But once I got attached again to someone else, I let her know that I won't be letting her treat me like that. Not while I'm still in a relationship.
The main thing is, do you see a future with her? What direction do you want to go with her? My advise is don't hang on to her, look for a future elsewhere with somebody else. Somebody you know you'll grow stronger with. -
Honestly, I can't say for sure. Because of the way she treated me isn't how any normal girl would treat a good friend. But I knew exactly how I saw her and where I where I was headed where she was concerned. Basically, I knew I wasn't going to be 'the one' with her.Originally posted by givemeluck:i guess in ur case u r not really her spare tyre cos u juz treat her as a good friend ?
My main question to TS is how does he view the lady in question and what kind of future does he expect or anticipate with her?