The love which hurt me deeply...
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This is the story of my relationship with a girl.
I can't forget her. This girl made a deep cut in my heart.
A friend introduced me to her 2 years ago. We started by sms and telephone, and studying together at a cafe.
After 3 months, I fell in love with her. I never realised how deep my love for her was until we broke up.
Although we often quarreled and often uttered the words "break up" it was not serious. One time she insisted on breaking up but because of my patience, she decided to give it another try.
On hindsight, I should have just let go then. The sad story continues...
She had kissed another guy while we were clubbing. Since she admitted that it was her mistake, I forgave her.
She admitted falling in love with another guy and again I forgave her.
I never once was angry or thinking of taking revenge to her faults.
I never also once, brought up those instances to agitate her because I believe in second chances. I gave her the freedom. Most of you people here wouldn't, based on what I read at this forum.
I allowed her to go out with another man on a 1 on 1 date, even though I knew that the guy is interested in her.
I believed letting her date other people would help her to realise that the one who is beside her is the one who really treasures her.
Isn't it funny how you know you are taking a big risk and yet you risked it sometimes? Maybe I took the risk because I was hoping that we can have a more mature and deeper relationship.
Based on my relationship with her and what I know, I knew that she did not really love me. I am still unable to face the reality that she left me.
Leaving me alone to face the disappointment of trying to build up the trust for each other for so many years. When she said she wanted to leave me cause her feelings are not there anymore, I couldn't believe that it was that simple and decided to find out more details.
I found out that she liked another guy. She met and went out with him when I was away overseas. She told me before that she went out with this guy, but cause of my trust and what she said: " I wont like this guy one " I did not object.
Who knew she would leave me because of this guy?
I am the guy who will love her, sacrifice everything for her just to make her happy. A guy who had been with her for years. A guy who was there when she needed him. A guy who trusted her and even though she break his trust again and again, who is willing to forgive and forget just easily.
Yet she did this to me, for a guy who just appeared in front of her suddenly just like that. That is the reason I curse those people that spoils other people's relationship.
She is still with the same guy and maybe happily so or maybe not.
Me? I am running away everyday with sadness and sorrow.
She knew that she and the guy will likely not end up well, but still she wanted to give it a try. I find it really really stupid for doing that.
However, I also found myself so stupid as to protect her again and again but she ignored it and took my kindness for granted. I told myself to leave her a few times so that she might learn her lesson.
As time goes by, my love towards her is becoming less and less and soon it'll fade away. But for now, my heart is fully with her.
I began to reduce my sleeping hours. I hate to sleep for I get nightmares about her and the guy laughing at me. I am unable to concentrate on anything I do, because I keep thinking of her no matter what I am doing.
My friends asked me once if she decided to come back one day, whether or not I will accept her. I think I will. I will even love her more and more. I will do anything for her. I will forgive her and continue to love her.
People say that loving someone is stupid. Being loved by someone is better.
I prayed and asked asked God to send her back to me. I don't want anyone else even if she is better than my ex. I just want her back by my side. I just want to love her. Sad -
Originally posted by chardz:This is how my stories goes with a girl which i cant forget. The girl which makes a deep cut in my heart.
I knew this girl from my friend 2 years ago, after that we soon began to sms and soon to telephone. Than, we started studying together at a cafe, and after 3 months, i suddenly fall in love with her. How deep is my love towards her, i did not realise it till we broke up. Although we often quarrel, often hearing the word "break up" never once was true, till that day. She's the one who insist of breaking up but because of my patience, soon she decided to give it a try again. This is the wrong steps i made, and soon the sad story continues..
She had done me wrong before, by kissing with other guy during clubbing, but admited wrong and i also forgive her. Falling in love with other guy and admitted, again i forgive her. I never once was angry or thinking of taking revenge to her faulty. I never also once, bring it up to agitate her cause i believe in second chance. I gave her the freedom, which most of us here wouldnt give. I would allow her to go out with other guy 1 on 1 date, although i knew that the guy is interested in her. But cause i believe letting her try outside, before she knew that the one who is beside her is the one who really treasure her. Its sometimes funny that you'll know that by doing this is a risk yet you try it, maybe because you are hoping into a more serious relationship. But what i knew about her, her seriousness with me, her love towards me wasnt really true. Till now i am unable to face the reality that she leave me alone to clear up the trust i built all this years with her. When she said she wanted to leave me cause her feelings is not there anymore, i couldnt believe the fact and decided to check into a more details. Found out that she like another guy, whom she met and went out when i was away overseas. She told me before that she went out with this guy, but cause of my trust and the words she said " i wont like this guy one " i allow her. But who knows she leave me because of this guy. A guy who will love her, will sacrifice everything for her just to make her happy. A guy who is with her for years, when she needed him he'll always there. A guy who trusted her so much, and even though she break her trust again and again, he is willing to forget and forgive just like that. That is what she did to me for a guy who just appear infront of her just like that. Thats why i curse those people who spoil relationship of others. Till now, she is with the guy maybe happily, or maybe sadly. While me? I am running away everyday, sadness, sorrow. She knew that she and the guy will not end up well, but still she wanted to give it a try. I find it really really stupid for doing that. However also found myself so stupid to protect her again and again but she ignored it and take it for granted. Told myself a few times to leave her, maybe she'll learn her lesson one day. But as times goes by, my love towards her become decreasing and soon it'll fade away. But till now, my heart is fully with her. I began to reduce my sleeping hour, cause i hate sleeping as it give me nightmare of her and the guy laughing at me. I am unable to concentrate on anything i do, cause everything i do i will think of her. There was once, my friends asked me if one day she come back to you will you accept her. Till now, i told myself, i will. And i will even love her more and more. I will even do anything for her. I will forgive her and continue loving her.
Maybe sometimes we say that loving something is stupid, being loved by someone is better. I prayed, and asked her back. I dont want to get anything better, i just want her back by my side. I just want to love her.
You are like an inebriated fool who has gambled and lost all his chips, while still having delusions that you are the God of Gambler.
You are narcissistic - youÂ’re the kind of lover who only bothers about your love for her and disregard how it really feels on her side. You want her back... you want to love her and all those thingy that strongly hinted signs of being needy - that's truly anti seductive.
I like the way you handle trust - the absolute belief which I apply it myself. But when you know your trust is being trampled like cavalry troops on grassland, to be destroyed by the hooves of the stallions after the monstrous horde has passed, that's no longer trust - it's about being absurd and stupid.
She can cheat you, but that's because you continuously gave her the key and permission to trash you emotionally, leaving you scarred for life.
Looking deeper, your sign of being needy is a sign of poor emotional development. I do not know you personally and cannot pinpoint exactly, but several people came to me with different cases, but they all had the same essence of problem like yourself - the need to have a relationship or to love a particular person in order to find meaning in themselves.
The truth is that you can't derive anything from a relationship as the value and ultimate meaning in life is life itself. You can't go like 'oh my life sucks and only you could make it perfect' because that makes you clingy and that isn't a complementary effect to your overall emotional, psychological and spiritual growth.
Your love is too self absorbed - too much self pity scattered in large dosage across your post. I read your post and all I could see is 'I...' 'I...' 'I...'. It would very interesting if I get to speak to your ex-girlfriend because if I were to hear from her side of the story and relate the truth back to you, it would probably abrogate whatever little esteem and dignity you had left.
She is already a woman - she needs a man... not another woman.
Cheers -
Good one. Yuny.Originally posted by Yunhaier: You are like an inebriated fool who has gambled and lost all his chips, while still having delusions that you are the God of Gambler.
You are narcissistic - youÂ’re the kind of lover who only bothers about your love for her and disregard how it really feels on her side. You want her back... you want to love her and all those thingy that strongly hinted signs of being needy - that's truly anti seductive.
I like the way you handle trust - the absolute belief which I apply it myself. But when you know your trust is being trampled like cavalry troops on grassland, to be destroyed by the hooves of the stallions after the monstrous horde has passed, that's no longer trust - it's about being absurd and stupid.
She can cheat you, but that's because you continuously gave her the key and permission to trash you emotionally, leaving you scarred for life.
Looking deeper, your sign of being needy is a sign of poor emotional development. I do not know you personally and cannot pinpoint exactly, but several people came to me with different cases, but they all had the same essence of problem like yourself - the need to have a relationship or to love a particular person in order to find meaning in themselves.
The truth is that you can't derive anything from a relationship as the value and ultimate meaning in life is life itself. You can't go like 'oh my life sucks and only you could make it perfect' because that makes you clingy and that isn't a complementary effect to your overall emotional, psychological and spiritual growth.
Your love is too self absorbed - too much self pity scattered in large dosage across your post. I read your post and all I could see is 'I...' 'I...' 'I...'. It would very interesting if I get to speak to your ex-girlfriend because if I were to hear from her side of the story and relate the truth back to you, it would probably abrogate whatever little esteem and dignity you had left.
She is already a woman - she needs a man... not another woman.
Cheers
Dear Chardz, you have learnt a valuable lesson. How you make use of that lesson will determine your future relationships with other people. Take heed to this lesson, but do not go hating everything possible because of it.
You displayed a good attribute of how to love someone and give freedom to her, yet you gave too much and might I add, a sense of expectancy for her to do the same to you? Keep that way of loving but also improve it. You will find someone who really appreciate the way you give your love. Trust but do not trust blindly for 'man is flawed'.
May I give a suggestion as to how you can weigh your options should want to woo another person in the future?
Take time to get to know the person. Do not hastily go into a relationship with the person until you know her well and she the same to you. Only then will you decide should you bring it to another level. -
Hi,
I'm sorry to hear that your trust have been misplaced. Well, i guess there aren't many patient people like you. Don't mind me saying, FOOLISH as well! I mean, no matter how much you give in a relationship, there always has to have a limit - you can't give in to her forever. Let's be fair. Perhaps the first time that you give in and forgive her mistakes, she will be touched and all. But subsequently, she'll be and from what your account, seems to have already taken it for granted!
Pardon me, but is this your first love? You must have heard "the first cut is the deepest". And I must say it is certainly true, at least for me.
I personally feel that you should just forget about her and move on. So what if she decides to return to you one day? It is perhaps the time when that guy cheated on her or just used her (for some reason) or when she is pregnant and no one wants to take responsibility. Are you sure you are so generous as to take her back? This is analogous to selling your friend a brand new car, and having the option to buy it back at the original price when it is in 30% condition. Would you accept it? (I wouldn't, for sure!) Where's your dignity? Pride? Alright. Say you are willing to take her back. She will be touched/grateful and all tt FOR A WHILE. After that, she will be likely to return to her old ways! When that happens, you'll be more devasted than ever (that's why you commonly see reports about husbands killing their wives on the papers)!
Why keep a person when their heart is not with you?
I'm sure you can find a better fish in the vast open sea!
P.S. Sorry if i sounded harsh, as i am upset to see a fellow male counterpart acting so foolishly, and having no pride at all. -
Edited on behalf of thread-starter:...
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Thanks bro for changing
Yeah maybe i should give up and move on.. After reading pages and pages in AA forums, i found out that my relationship isnt the most terrible and sad one. There are others who is more terrible. Guys let me asked you is it better to remain as friend? Means contact each other, or should i tell her to not contact anymore. I feel more happy after reading post and advice from you guys. Thanks alot. -
chardz,
Leave her alone.
Keep your mind occupied with other things. -
x2Originally posted by jojobeach:chardz,
Leave her alone.
Keep your mind occupied with other things.
Seeing and contacting her will only rip your healing wounds apart, thus, it is better to contact her again when you are sure that you had gotten over her. -
It just a gal
Cheer up... -
Same experience as yours. 3 years together.
And when we broke up, I was a happy person!!
Just break off la. Break all contacts as well. She is not worth it to have you as a friend.
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Sometimes saying is easy lehh, deleted her friendsters, deleted her hp, house, etc no, deleted her msn everything.. as long as can contact her delete, but the number still in my brain cannot be deleted
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Everyone is the same. People have gone thru the same situation as u thats y they are here to advice u, juz like how u will advice the others in a few yrs time. In the daytime u can be a happy person. Im sure at night when everywhere is calm and ur alone, u feel terrible. It's normal to have fluctuating feelings that come and go. This is part of the healing process.Originally posted by chardz:Sometimes saying is easy lehh, deleted her friendsters, deleted her hp, house, etc no, deleted her msn everything.. as long as can contact her delete, but the number still in my brain cannot be deleted
I suggest reading up books like chicken soup CONSTANTLY. Whenever ur feeling comes back, read a story. It will somehow make u feel beta when u noe there are thousands out there having heartbreaks like you. Change ur lifestyle. change a hp, shift ur furniture, change a hairstyle, and do things u have never done b4. This is how i heal myself, though the feelings still linger. -
Mr Yun,Originally posted by Yunhaier: You are like an inebriated fool who has gambled and lost all his chips, while still having delusions that you are the God of Gambler.
You are narcissistic - youÂ’re the kind of lover who only bothers about your love for her and disregard how it really feels on her side. You want her back... you want to love her and all those thingy that strongly hinted signs of being needy - that's truly anti seductive.
I like the way you handle trust - the absolute belief which I apply it myself. But when you know your trust is being trampled like cavalry troops on grassland, to be destroyed by the hooves of the stallions after the monstrous horde has passed, that's no longer trust - it's about being absurd and stupid.
She can cheat you, but that's because you continuously gave her the key and permission to trash you emotionally, leaving you scarred for life.
Looking deeper, your sign of being needy is a sign of poor emotional development. I do not know you personally and cannot pinpoint exactly, but several people came to me with different cases, but they all had the same essence of problem like yourself - the need to have a relationship or to love a particular person in order to find meaning in themselves.
The truth is that you can't derive anything from a relationship as the value and ultimate meaning in life is life itself. You can't go like 'oh my life sucks and only you could make it perfect' because that makes you clingy and that isn't a complementary effect to your overall emotional, psychological and spiritual growth.
Your love is too self absorbed - too much self pity scattered in large dosage across your post. I read your post and all I could see is 'I...' 'I...' 'I...'. It would very interesting if I get to speak to your ex-girlfriend because if I were to hear from her side of the story and relate the truth back to you, it would probably abrogate whatever little esteem and dignity you had left.
She is already a woman - she needs a man... not another woman.
Cheers
Even though I think your post is very harsh still I strongly agree to your view point.
TS,
If a girl truely loves her bf, she will never do anything to put herself in the spot by jeopardizing her relationship with the man she loves. Why would someone's wife/gf who really loves her husband go on a 1 on 1 date with another guy who's interested in her? Isn't this illogical?
There is no use crying over spilled milk. What I suggest is that you look forward to your life and there're many more things that are more worthwhile for your attention.
A decade ago when I went to BMT, my 1st gf of 2 years, went steady with another guy. But she was kind enough only to break the news on my POP. I was like you. But I got over it by channeling my attention to other things. Have you got your driving licence? Have you got a motorcycle licence? Upgraded all the way to class 2? Get a hobby. It'll widen your circle of friends and also give you something to do apart from your work.
Wake up, self pity gets you no where. -
Time will solve all problems. Well, the last time I initiated a breakup, I deleted all forms of contacts (except friendster). I deleted her from msn but did not block. Occasionally my ex still chats with me on msn, but I don't really reply with that kind of 'enthusiasm' i.e. one word / short replies.Originally posted by chardz:Sometimes saying is easy lehh, deleted her friendsters, deleted her hp, house, etc no, deleted her msn everything.. as long as can contact her delete, but the number still in my brain cannot be deleted
Number still in your brain? sure can forget wan....go study/play games...by 6 months, u wud have forgotten. Even if you don't the feelings for her would have faded off. or by then, you wud have gotten someone new -
Hey bro cheer up! someday u will meet someone better and u won't even remember who she was.
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I was in the same situation about a year back... Long story short... Tried 3 times to make things work... 3 times she started seeing other guys... Made me look like a fool... In the end, I brutally cut off all ties... Can't be bothered anymore...
Even when I tried to be her friend again, she didn't trust me... I couldn't find any way to trust her either... Sick of hearing the same old excuse that she didn't want to hurt me... I'd rather hear the truth than some excuse about not knowing how to put it across to me...
I don't read her blog anymore... she sometimes does read mine, but I dun really care anymore... if she msgs me on msn, my replies are all blunt and uninterested...
Learnt a good lesson from this... Learnt how to let go when the time comes... and trust is something to be earned, not given freely... once its broken, it take much more effort to mend it...
I know how you feel... I'm still picking up the pieces, but my life's so much better now...
Just try to occupy yourself with your own interests... go out and make more friends, meet more people... Do what YOU want... since you don't have to do anything for anyone anymore...
All those things you couldn't do cos you did something for her... now is the time to do them...
and next time be smarter in a relationship... love yourself first, then love her...
Good luck bro... -
Bro, self pity is the sorriest thing that one can go through. Go on and keep thinking that you are the worst person in the world... You went through hell after what you have done for her and got nothing in return. And yes welcome to hell... You sent yourself there.Originally posted by chardz:Sometimes saying is easy lehh, deleted her friendsters, deleted her hp, house, etc no, deleted her msn everything.. as long as can contact her delete, but the number still in my brain cannot be deleted
Find yourself another thing to overcome the thought of her. You will get through it but so much said and done, it all lies within yourself.
Been there done that, bet you are not listening and still think of a hope with her. Up to you! Stop reading this post and you will move on! Dont think of blue colour, I say don't think of blue colour but you are still thinking of blue colour... -
#1
gals alway go for bad guys, either those who can give them exitcement, exposure to know more ppl, showder them with gifts
cause when young they got asset and want to use to their advantage
who knows they can bag a rich marriage...u know ah beng alway get attention
#2
guai kia wont understand tis concept, u tik u seen everything but there is alway more other ppl can offer...young ppl wan thrills ma, yr case is u ledi stable to settle down type so unless they also wan to settle down if not they will siam u far far cause u cannot afford to play...u may be quite well off can give her material stuff but they looking for more than expensive handbag, like some may enjoy getting high just for been young n kick the habit later when they decide enough is enough
#3
but since u young dont waste it la, u dont hav to become beng or suffer while she enjoy. trend has changed beng is not in but well dressed with an attitude will leech u alot of attention...u should enjoy while u can. get high, get drunk, do things u would not have thought trying...live life to the fullest
#4
when u hav enough, then start to look for 1 stable 1, maybe by that time your gf also play enough also come back to u. hapy ending.. i had known friends like that... steady for a short time , then break all hell break loose, guy click other gals, the gal change so many guys work as escot...but years later i received invitation of their marrige...wtf... -
though i really wanted to post even harsher words so that TS, will wake up
but then i decided to be a good boi boi
and as for TS,
move on,
singaporean girls ain't worth our time at all, so conclusion, don't find a singaporean girl, they are too over rated, and seriously, they really do need a mirror, and take a good look at themselves
so rejoice, find yourself a better one, don't be a fool anymore, and take heed of this, DON'T BE A SUCKER -
don't need to do all these. Doing all these means you can't give it up.Originally posted by chardz:Sometimes saying is easy lehh, deleted her friendsters, deleted her hp, house, etc no, deleted her msn everything.. as long as can contact her delete, but the number still in my brain cannot be deleted
Just leave her alone. Live your own life, make your own friends.
If she ever says let's meet up for lunch or something like that, look at her as a normal friend, if you have appointments that day, just tell her you can't make it. If you are free, and need some company for lunch, then go ahead. Live your life normally.
There is more to life than just a gal. We singaporeans were brought up in a myopic society. Go out and enjoy more while you are young. You are only young once, and don't need to whallow in self-pity
cheer up, laddie -
don't waste ur time on her. she's not worth it.
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yawn.
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Okay, end of story. Today just told her to leave me alone. Dont bother calling me anymore cause i am going to change my handphone number. I told her not to call me anymore.. And hopefully she's happy with that guy, though i noe she will not from the story she said. But from today, my life is my life. I promise i am going to get a better girl than her. A girl who loves me truly from her heart, her whole heart not just part of it.
FROM NOW ON, I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY, GOING TO FORGET HER, GOING TO TRAIN MY BODY, GOING TO DO ANYTHING WHICH MAKES MYSELF HAPPY.. !! -
Congrats!Originally posted by chardz:Okay, end of story. Today just told her to leave me alone. Dont bother calling me anymore cause i am going to change my handphone number. I told her not to call me anymore.. And hopefully she's happy with that guy, though i noe she will not from the story she said. But from today, my life is my life. I promise i am going to get a better girl than her. A girl who loves me truly from her heart, her whole heart not just part of it.
FROM NOW ON, I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY, GOING TO FORGET HER, GOING TO TRAIN MY BODY, GOING TO DO ANYTHING WHICH MAKES MYSELF HAPPY.. !! -
Just take note not to be simply happy at OTHERS' expenses. That would only serve to destroy your image and credibility.Originally posted by chardz:FROM NOW ON, I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY, GOING TO FORGET HER, GOING TO TRAIN MY BODY, GOING TO DO ANYTHING WHICH MAKES MYSELF HAPPY.. !!