How do we know who is right for us as a partner?
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I've been thinking a lot, and my friend advised me that
In choosing a bf/gf, it has to be on an intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional basis.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently.. it just loves to love!"
"Therefore we have the responsibility to have to point in the right direction"
And so comes my question.
What if there aren't those "in love" type feelings, but that person is the ideal type that makes sense as the perfect partner..
Maybe now we don't feel that way but a few years down the road we might change how we think and what we want in life.
Along with that, opportunities only come in once in a lifetime. If the decision isn't made now, the chances are that this person will not be there in the future.
I am very much a romantic, and I do know that feelings are not the most reliable.. especially when the demands of reality set in.
Any words of advice?
What do you think is important in finding a good partner? For my case, a serious boyfriend..
What are realistic factors that I need to keep in mind? -
You find out....
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maybe some questions will help you to understand.Originally posted by machiko:I've been thinking a lot, and my friend advised me that
In choosing a bf/gf, it has to be on an intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional basis.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently.. it just loves to love!"
"Therefore we have the responsibility to have to point in the right direction"
And so comes my question.
What if there aren't those "in love" type feelings, but that person is the ideal type that makes sense as the perfect partner..
Maybe now we don't feel that way but a few years down the road we might change how we think and what we want in life.
Along with that, opportunities only come in once in a lifetime. If the decision isn't made now, the chances are that this person will not be there in the future.
I am very much a romantic, and I do know that feelings are not the most reliable.. especially when the demands of reality set in.
Any words of advice?
What do you think is important in finding a good partner? For my case, a serious boyfriend..
What are realistic factors that I need to keep in mind?
imagine there are 2 guys after you
Guy A tall, handsome rich, romantic, the idea bf for any girls
Guy B average, earning a normal pay and willing to give it all to the girl he loves?
So question is who would you chose? -
You wrote beautifully and I applaud you for that.Originally posted by machiko:I've been thinking a lot, and my friend advised me that
In choosing a bf/gf, it has to be on an intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional basis.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently.. it just loves to love!"
"Therefore we have the responsibility to have to point in the right direction"
And so comes my question.
What if there aren't those "in love" type feelings, but that person is the ideal type that makes sense as the perfect partner..
Maybe now we don't feel that way but a few years down the road we might change how we think and what we want in life.
Along with that, opportunities only come in once in a lifetime. If the decision isn't made now, the chances are that this person will not be there in the future.
I am very much a romantic, and I do know that feelings are not the most reliable.. especially when the demands of reality set in.
Any words of advice?
What do you think is important in finding a good partner? For my case, a serious boyfriend..
What are realistic factors that I need to keep in mind?
For a start, everyone has their set of "realistic" factors and guideline when searching for their ideal partner. So there is really no telling of what should be the model set of realistic factors.
In my opinion, chemisty plays a huge part in all human relationships. Without the ability to "click" or communicate effectively between 2 partners, the battle is already half lost. "How can two walk together if they don't agreed?" The Bible says - and if we were to consider this in a non-religious context, it is still pretty much true... Give it a good thought, I'd like to believe you're very intelligent and you can get a meaning out of it...
You mentioned that opportunities don't always come knocking - I concur. I am one that seek to live life to the fullest, it is important to me to harbour as little regrets as possible at the end of the day - I am certain it is the same with everyone.
But at the same time, I'd still urge you not to be impulsive and just jump into something. Take your time to understand the person, understand that if you're seeking a serious relationship - it is for the long term, so don't make any promises in the heat of the the night.
If we share the same vision, we share the same dreams
Forever and a day,
Detached -
What is your view of a good partner? Serious boyfriend? Good husband? Or someone whom you can be intimate with and share many deep issues towards?Originally posted by machiko:I've been thinking a lot, and my friend advised me that
In choosing a bf/gf, it has to be on an intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional basis.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently.. it just loves to love!"
"Therefore we have the responsibility to have to point in the right direction"
And so comes my question.
What if there aren't those "in love" type feelings, but that person is the ideal type that makes sense as the perfect partner..
Maybe now we don't feel that way but a few years down the road we might change how we think and what we want in life.
Along with that, opportunities only come in once in a lifetime. If the decision isn't made now, the chances are that this person will not be there in the future.
I am very much a romantic, and I do know that feelings are not the most reliable.. especially when the demands of reality set in.
Any words of advice?
What do you think is important in finding a good partner? For my case, a serious boyfriend..
What are realistic factors that I need to keep in mind?
A 'serious' boyfriend is one who, 1st and foremost, will NOT be unfaithful to you. He can love you wholeheartedly without being obsessive and over jealous. He will not hound on your every movement like roll call every 5 minutes of a day.
He will be on pretty much good terms with your family as well as his and possess gentleman qualities and exhibit basic chivalry towards ladies and men alike.
This is all I can give you because you want to know more about 'serious' boyfriend. -
Personally, I guess i'd prefer not to find out around too much if i can decide if its something i should or should not step into? But it is hard to know huh..Originally posted by Devil1976:You find out.... -
I think as you have described, both sound like nice guys, and I guess the next consideration is if Guy A and Guy B are faithful, respectful, loving, and such in a sense of personality and qualities..Originally posted by zeny:maybe some questions will help you to understand.
imagine there are 2 guys after you
Guy A tall, handsome rich, romantic, the idea bf for any girls
Guy B average, earning a normal pay and willing to give it all to the girl he loves?
So question is who would you chose?
Lets say if its a bit more jumbled up:
Guy A is not handsome, rich, good characteristics, definitely faithful in long term, there is quite little chemistry, nice family...
Guy B is handsome, not rich, good characteristics, may not be faithful in long term, there a lot of chemistry, nice family...
which do you think is a better decision? -
you don't.. there is no sure thing..
what is right logically, may not be right emotionally.. and vice-versa...
so, let love and your heart be your guide.. and let your head do the work to smooth the path..
good luck -
Can this kindof love and chemistry grow?Originally posted by Detached:You wrote beautifully and I applaud you for that.
For a start, everyone has their set of "realistic" factors and guideline when searching for their ideal partner. So there is really no telling of what should be the model set of realistic factors.
In my opinion, chemisty plays a huge part in all human relationships. Without the ability to "click" or communicate effectively between 2 partners, the battle is already half lost. "How can two walk together if they don't agreed?" The Bible says - and if we were to consider this in a non-religious context, it is still pretty much true... Give it a good thought, I'd like to believe you're very intelligent and you can get a meaning out of it...
You mentioned that opportunities don't always come knocking - I concur. I am one that seek to live life to the fullest, it is important to me to harbour as little regrets as possible at the end of the day - I am certain it is the same with everyone.
But at the same time, I'd still urge you not to be impulsive and just jump into something. Take your time to understand the person, understand that if you're seeking a serious relationship - it is for the long term, so don't make any promises in the heat of the the night.
If we share the same vision, we share the same dreams
Forever and a day,
Detached
At the same time i think it is also a question of how much we are willing to compromise.. I guess we will always meet new opportunities, but at the same time the same person probably doesn't appear twice in that sense.. what if we look and look forever kinda thing -
Originally posted by machiko:I've been thinking a lot, and my friend advised me that
In choosing a bf/gf, it has to be on an intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional basis.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently.. it just loves to love!"
"Therefore we have the responsibility to have to point in the right direction"
And so comes my question.
What if there aren't those "in love" type feelings, but that person is the ideal type that makes sense as the perfect partner..
Maybe now we don't feel that way but a few years down the road we might change how we think and what we want in life.
Along with that, opportunities only come in once in a lifetime. If the decision isn't made now, the chances are that this person will not be there in the future.
I am very much a romantic, and I do know that feelings are not the most reliable.. especially when the demands of reality set in.
Any words of advice?
What do you think is important in finding a good partner? For my case, a serious boyfriend..
What are realistic factors that I need to keep in mind?
Finally one good question instead of the typical ones we would normally encounter in AA.
*** CloUdiSm recognised love as a separate entity from a relationship. Love transcends all forms and BGR is merely one dimension of how Love can manifest into. Ironically, the existence of a relationship might not be, though it should have been, a relationship based on unadulterated, altruistic model of love. The higher octave of Venus lies Neptune and that's where the divine power of love perched itself beyond all marked boundaries, incarcerated by previous self doubts, fear and all elements of negative forces and would transform itself into one hell of a formidable force. But the sad truth is that most couples hardly reach there - often slaughtered by realities of life like a doomed infantry amid heavy crossfire.
I wouldn't say finding a good partner is much more important than finding a good formula and equip yourself with the right wisdom to ensure a fulfilling relationship. Everybody have different successful love formulas, but what works for people may not absolutely mean it's the same for you. People always talk about jerks seeming 'winning' the game of love, but I can tell you Mr Nice Guy can also win being Mr Nice Guy - it's only a matter of strategy. I can tell you the factors influencing our fate and destiny in love, in which you could form your own secret equation based on your personal life and make the best out of things.
As a general rule, the reason why otherÂ’s love secret to success may not always be 100% applicable:
i) We all have different but stated amount of cosmic lessons to overcome this lifetime.
ii) We have different and various degrees of karmic bonds with different people, which will trigger off our cosmic lessons in life and reverberate different results based on our freewill (Law of Cause and Effect).
The four elements, also known as Quadruplicity, are the basic unit of life and quoted in CloUdiSm (Elements Of Relationship), it is also the four factors that pervade every love relationship - Fire, Air, Earth and Water. In qualities it refers to Willingness, Communication, Trust and Understanding, but as factors of a relationship:
Fire rules Lifestyles.
Water rules Heartware.
Air rules Communication
Earth rules Material Possession.
Every love is subjected and affected by the theory of Quadruplicity. Theoretically speaking, a lack/concentration of either element would upset the overall balance and harmony of the relationship. But realistically speaking, most relationships have uneven mix of these thingy.
From the effect of Quadruplicity, it will generate two phenomenons - Complementary/Similar effect, but generally a mixture. Similar effect refers to two people with similar qualities/conditions in themselves that spark off reasons of attraction. It promotes harmony, but sameness.
E.g. We both have a liking for sports, sun and the sea.
Complementary effect refers to qualities/conditions in themselves that complements one another that spark off reasons of retention. It promotes conflicts, but higher awareness.
E.g. I am a blur queen and he's more streetwise. But at the same time, I am thrifty while he's a spender.
Going back to answering your question of 'How do we know who is right for us as a partner' - seek for the one with enough similarity to forge attraction, yet not too much to limit mutual exploration and one with enough complementary qualities to compensate, yet not too much to create overwhelming conflicts.
You must go through your baptism of fire to learn about the 'correct equation' needed for you to have a decent, fulfilling relationship. There's only so much you can learn from others and nobody, other than yourself, can give you the best strategy in your game of love.
P.S: Our life calculates the introduction of karmic or benefic bonds based on previous incarnation and current planetary movements. Most of the time, we can't actually prevent the manifestation of our cosmic lessons, but what we can do is to outsmart our cosmic lesson by having the wisdom to learn FASTER than the time it takes for our cosmic lesson to teach.
In school, the most intelligent fellow will probably perform the best. In love, the accolade goes to the one with the highest wisdom.
Cheers -
thanksOriginally posted by Bontakun:What is your view of a good partner? Serious boyfriend? Good husband? Or someone whom you can be intimate with and share many deep issues towards?
A 'serious' boyfriend is one who, 1st and foremost, will NOT be unfaithful to you. He can love you wholeheartedly without being obsessive and over jealous. He will not hound on your every movement like roll call every 5 minutes of a day.
He will be on pretty much good terms with your family as well as his and possess gentleman qualities and exhibit basic chivalry towards ladies and men alike.
This is all I can give you because you want to know more about 'serious' boyfriend. -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Interesting points,
Going back to answering your question of 'How do we know who is right for us as a partner' - [b]seek for the one with enough similarity to forge attraction, yet not too much to limit mutual exploration and one with enough complementary qualities to compensate, yet not too much to create overwhelming conflicts.
Cheers [/b]
Your paragraph in Bold is food for thought, but at the same time do you think it is difficult to find someone that would meet all those optimal similarities/differences? -
At the end of the day, the sky's really the limit if you're thinking of picking the "ideal mate". In reality, however, I suppose compatibility is a big issue that will go a long way towards determining whether you're going to have a future with someone. I'm sure, before you marry someone, you'd seriously give this a serious thought : "Do I see a future with him/her at 70?" I suppose you'll get the answer then as to who really constitutes a worthy candidate of being a partner for a lifetime...Originally posted by machiko:I've been thinking a lot, and my friend advised me that
In choosing a bf/gf, it has to be on an intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional basis.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently.. it just loves to love!"
"Therefore we have the responsibility to have to point in the right direction"
And so comes my question.
What if there aren't those "in love" type feelings, but that person is the ideal type that makes sense as the perfect partner..
Maybe now we don't feel that way but a few years down the road we might change how we think and what we want in life.
Along with that, opportunities only come in once in a lifetime. If the decision isn't made now, the chances are that this person will not be there in the future.
I am very much a romantic, and I do know that feelings are not the most reliable.. especially when the demands of reality set in.
Any words of advice?
What do you think is important in finding a good partner? For my case, a serious boyfriend..
What are realistic factors that I need to keep in mind?
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i wish we could all make the right choices so easily, but at the same time, i guess adventure is a ton of fun.. hopefully 10 years later we dun regret it all hahaOriginally posted by the Bear:you don't.. there is no sure thing..
what is right logically, may not be right emotionally.. and vice-versa...
so, let love and your heart be your guide.. and let your head do the work to smooth the path..
good luck -
when she has ur baby
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Originally posted by machiko:Interesting points,
Your paragraph in Bold is food for thought, but at the same time do you think it is difficult to find someone that would meet all those optimal similarities/differences? To answer your question, I would throw back a question: How good you are at learning about love and your cosmic lessons?
You can't hope to know what you want merely by the power of thoughts. You need to climb into the skin of a relationship, walk around it and before you truly know what you are looking for.
I will repeat my final paragraph once again:
You won't be able find a perfect mate; you can only seek for an imperfect mate to work out a perfect relationship.Originally posted by Yunhaier:In school, the most intelligent fellow will probably perform the best. In love, the accolade goes to the one with the highest wisdom
Cheers -
it really depend on what u want!!Originally posted by machiko:I've been thinking a lot, and my friend advised me that
In choosing a bf/gf, it has to be on an intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional basis.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently.. it just loves to love!"
"Therefore we have the responsibility to have to point in the right direction"
And so comes my question.
What if there aren't those "in love" type feelings, but that person is the ideal type that makes sense as the perfect partner..
Maybe now we don't feel that way but a few years down the road we might change how we think and what we want in life.
Along with that, opportunities only come in once in a lifetime. If the decision isn't made now, the chances are that this person will not be there in the future.
I am very much a romantic, and I do know that feelings are not the most reliable.. especially when the demands of reality set in.
Any words of advice?
What do you think is important in finding a good partner? For my case, a serious boyfriend..
What are realistic factors that I need to keep in mind?
for yr case, i think u want a guy who is mature, has a good job, financially stable, romantic n creative.
realistic factors -> how he treated his friends n family, his attitude towards animals, his past r/s, his temper, his ambition, his hobbies, etc.
there are plenty to think of, but no one can say which weigh the most or more than the other.
hope u find the one for u!!
btw : sometimes it is better to trust yr heart than yr head, otherwise u may be left hanging onto a dream since u may believed that a better guy is going to come along someday. -
perhaps you're thinking too much? many things in life cannot be planned beforehand. everything that you come across are special in their own way. there is no answer that will fit in with the situation that you alone will experience.
people who bring their expectations into a relationship can only see it through those expectations. that way, they miss out on things that they choose not to see.
change is a fact of life, and nothing is forever. -
right partner means a partner that you loved...
also, right partner = love partner...
am i right?
so to have right partner, mean you have to love that partner...
to know you love that partner not, know how to differentiate your feeling towards him...
know the different between feelings...
lust
like
want
dream
and love
or some other feeling...
this is the hard part... so... good luck! -
"so, let love and your heart be your guide.. and let your head do the work to smooth the path.."Originally posted by the Bear:you don't.. there is no sure thing..
what is right logically, may not be right emotionally.. and vice-versa...
so, let love and your heart be your guide.. and let your head do the work to smooth the path..
good luck
Read through all posts including Yun's very technical reply hehe but I think that bear's the best answer.
One thing for sure, anything can happen in the future. Hence, the right partner is a game of trial and error. If you are lucky, your first will be your last. When you reached your final breath, ask yourself, "If I were to start life all over again and fall in love again, would I choose the same guy?" If your answer is yes, then he is the one.
In this world with billions of people, only one perfect one for us? We may never know unless we met every single person and know them inside out, and finally decides on the chosen one. You may have chosen your one now, but hey, for all you know, I could be a better partner than your current. Heck! That guy over there could be a better one too!
Everyday that passes by with your partner, your feelings towards him/her determines the chances of him/her being the One for you. Once you no longer feels the same way, the chances of him/her being the One for you? Possibly zilch.
Things get complicated because it is a two way thing. You may love him all your life but the guy may not. So I'm guessing the quote from bear is the best answer to your question. -
gees..
for me, i feel that, if it's not intellectual in the first place, it wun be emotional.
but if it's purely emotional, then to hell with intellectual~
dun understand?
i also dun understand wat im typing.
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You will never know.
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My question would be
if there is nothing to compare in the first place, why is there right or wrong
In the first place, people have different characters and been through different experiences, which everyone would have no same characteristics though may be similar. This would also meant that everyone have a unqiue mark of personality respectivity.
It's unfair to compare relationships or individuals that you had encountered. People tend to do so. Thus my conclusion would be why have many relationships in the first place? To set a bar that never exist in life but only your mind? or to find the ultimate person that you knew would never exist?
Finally, you shouldn't just think who is right for you but are you right for the person? A forumer had past quoted that even you found a right person, but if the right person found out of your not right past and behaviour, eventually he/she would be the one regerting.
With many people play love and sex like a game, really can't expect much.
My karma must be no good then based on Yunhaier (Got your name right
) -
Choose with how you feel.
physically and physcological are both important.
But remember, this is a reality world. No such things as a fairy tale ending.
No matter how good a person can appeal to you, at the end of the day, you still will not be able to understand a person totally 100%.
Choose, make a decision, and live with it.
If there's a need for improvement to be made, do it.
Its something like a do or die situation.
Its either you choose or dun choose.
When choosing someone, choose it with your own thinking. Each individual has different requirement when looking for a partner.
Someone's flesh is poison to others.
Just choose a partner in the way you want it.