How to advise my friend? Please advise
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what is mystee gonna do about him?
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Originally posted by chanjyj:Walao eh! I want to smash my laptop on the wall already...
How many farking times must I say I am loner and don't go out! ÂèÂèÒ¯
Methinks if I introduce him to girl me will go mad myself....
Methinks if I manage to find a chance to let him talk to girls with me around it is a miracle....
Oops. Sorry. Too fustrated just now. Anyone got advice for him that don't include me inside?
you don't sound to have hope.
20% comes from advices, 80% comes from yourself.
change yourself, please.
change for the better. -
wat tokin u?Originally posted by Eric Cartman:what is mystee gonna do about him? -
Aiyah. Just now from far far away I saw him come back from sch even more upset mood like want to cry already..
Didn't approach him. Don't want to really make him cry.
Wah kao.. carry on like that I'm scared him wiill have mental breakdown soon.
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It seems like he has no problems talking to women online.
While conversations online and in person are quite different, he can still use chat rooms as a practice ground to learn what can keep the other party interested in a conversation.
The online chatting exercise
There are more men in chat rooms than women.
Women in chat rooms will usually be talking to a few guys simultaneously and it will be difficult to maintain her interest.
This is the point of the first exercise –
Learn how to sustain a conversation and get the women interested enough to give him their contacts.
Most men online prefer to use standard ice-breakers:
Lonely man 85 : “asl pls?”
Waited for 3 minutesÂ….
Impatient Girl : “ 20 f sg”
Lonely man 85 : “got bf?”
Lonely man 85 can keep Impatient GirlÂ’s attention for a few minutes. Chances are the lady will log off without even informing him.
Advise your friend to do something different.
Talk and ask questions depending on how he feels and depending on the situation he is in.
Situational Conversation will be applicable to him when he is ready to talk to women face to face.
If he is feeling naughty and flirtatious, just do some harmless teasing:
Marathongirl : “ Hi”
Him : “ So are you a marathon runner or is your name Mara and you wear a thong?”
Marathongirl : “ a bit of both”
Him: “ I bet you do well in marathons when you are the only lady in the race.”
Marathongirl : “why?”
Him : “ they most probably will prefer the back view”
Get your friend to practice talking online until he has no problems getting the contacts. By then, he would have learnt what can keep a woman interested during conversations.
The main barrier left would be his shyness and fear of rejection.
Second exercise:
The smile and say hi exercise
Tell him to make a conscious effort to smile and say hi to strangers.
Strangers = Boys, girls, dogs, catsÂ…it doesnÂ’t matter.
DonÂ’t worry about conversation at this point. Just look at that person, nod his head, smile and say hi.
I noticed that when somebody gives me a friendly and genuine smile, I naturally feel like smiling back.
People who donÂ’t smile back could be having a lousy day, simply too self-conscious or could be just weird (most of the time, due to reasons that are irrelevant to how we look).
A smile followed by a simple hi is one of the best ice-breaker.
If your friend is serious about a change, tell him to keep doing the 2 exercises for the time being. When he can do both exercises with ease, please ask him to come here.
I have more exercises that can help him get over his fear. -
Originally posted by curiousOrange:
think online chat will make him worst leh...
It seems like he has no problems talking to women online.
While conversations online and in person are quite different, [b]he can still use chat rooms as a practice ground to learn what can keep the other party interested in a conversation.
The online chatting exercise
There are more men in chat rooms than women.
Women in chat rooms will usually be talking to a few guys simultaneously and it will be difficult to maintain her interest.
This is the point of the first exercise –
Learn how to sustain a conversation and get the women interested enough to give him their contacts.
Most men online prefer to use standard ice-breakers:
Lonely man 85 : “asl pls?”
Waited for 3 minutesÂ….
Impatient Girl : “ 20 f sg”
Lonely man 85 : “got bf?”
Lonely man 85 can keep Impatient GirlÂ’s attention for a few minutes. Chances are the lady will log off without even informing him.
Advise your friend to do something different.
Talk and ask questions depending on how he feels and depending on the situation he is in.
Situational Conversation will be applicable to him when he is ready to talk to women face to face.
If he is feeling naughty and flirtatious, just do some harmless teasing:
Marathongirl : “ Hi”
Him : “ So are you a marathon runner or is your name Mara and you wear a thong?”
Marathongirl : “ a bit of both”
Him: “ I bet you do well in marathons when you are the only lady in the race.”
Marathongirl : “why?”
Him : “ they most probably will prefer the back view”
Get your friend to practice talking online until he has no problems getting the contacts. By then, he would have learnt what can keep a woman interested during conversations.
The main barrier left would be his shyness and fear of rejection.
Second exercise:
The smile and say hi exercise
Tell him to make a conscious effort to smile and say hi to strangers.
Strangers = Boys, girls, dogs, catsÂ…it doesnÂ’t matter.
DonÂ’t worry about conversation at this point. Just look at that person, nod his head, smile and say hi.
I noticed that when somebody gives me a friendly and genuine smile, I naturally feel like smiling back.
People who donÂ’t smile back could be having a lousy day, simply too self-conscious or could be just weird (most of the time, due to reasons that are irrelevant to how we look).
A smile followed by a simple hi is one of the best ice-breaker.
If your friend is serious about a change, tell him to keep doing the 2 exercises for the time being. When he can do both exercises with ease, please ask him to come here.
I have more exercises that can help him get over his fear.
[/b]
make him more loner.. stay alone at home chat..
maybe you can organize outing with some girls friends like go lunch movie or cycling.. then can slowly guide him along.. if not maybe counsellor will do the job.. -
i diff...
haha
gt problem on phone
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Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Hmmm.... Seems like a darn good idea to me.
It seems like he has no problems talking to women online.
While conversations online and in person are quite different, [b]he can still use chat rooms as a practice ground to learn what can keep the other party interested in a conversation.
The online chatting exercise
There are more men in chat rooms than women.
Women in chat rooms will usually be talking to a few guys simultaneously and it will be difficult to maintain her interest.
This is the point of the first exercise –
Learn how to sustain a conversation and get the women interested enough to give him their contacts.
Most men online prefer to use standard ice-breakers:
Lonely man 85 : “asl pls?”
Waited for 3 minutesÂ….
Impatient Girl : “ 20 f sg”
Lonely man 85 : “got bf?”
Lonely man 85 can keep Impatient GirlÂ’s attention for a few minutes. Chances are the lady will log off without even informing him.
Advise your friend to do something different.
Talk and ask questions depending on how he feels and depending on the situation he is in.
Situational Conversation will be applicable to him when he is ready to talk to women face to face.
If he is feeling naughty and flirtatious, just do some harmless teasing:
Marathongirl : “ Hi”
Him : “ So are you a marathon runner or is your name Mara and you wear a thong?”
Marathongirl : “ a bit of both”
Him: “ I bet you do well in marathons when you are the only lady in the race.”
Marathongirl : “why?”
Him : “ they most probably will prefer the back view”
Get your friend to practice talking online until he has no problems getting the contacts. By then, he would have learnt what can keep a woman interested during conversations.
The main barrier left would be his shyness and fear of rejection.
Second exercise:
The smile and say hi exercise
Tell him to make a conscious effort to smile and say hi to strangers.
Strangers = Boys, girls, dogs, catsÂ…it doesnÂ’t matter.
DonÂ’t worry about conversation at this point. Just look at that person, nod his head, smile and say hi.
I noticed that when somebody gives me a friendly and genuine smile, I naturally feel like smiling back.
People who donÂ’t smile back could be having a lousy day, simply too self-conscious or could be just weird (most of the time, due to reasons that are irrelevant to how we look).
A smile followed by a simple hi is one of the best ice-breaker.
If your friend is serious about a change, tell him to keep doing the 2 exercises for the time being. When he can do both exercises with ease, please ask him to come here.
I have more exercises that can help him get over his fear.
[/b]
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he don't even talk on phoneOriginally posted by yihao93:i diff...
haha
gt problem on phone Noone for him to talk to. -
hey curiousOrange, what's the other "exercise" you have?
Where you come up with these "exercise" one? They sound pretty good -
ur friend dun have female friends ah?
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Doesn't that provide the added benefit of killing two birds with a stone? Not only does that help solve his problem, but it'd also help you solve yours since you claim to be a loner yourself...Originally posted by chanjyj:Walao eh! I want to smash my laptop on the wall already...
How many farking times must I say I am loner and don't go out! ÂèÂèÒ¯
Methinks if I introduce him to girl me will go mad myself....
Methinks if I manage to find a chance to let him talk to girls with me around it is a miracle.... Oops. Sorry. Too fustrated just now. Anyone got advice for him that don't include me inside? -
for a loner u reali are bad tempered...Originally posted by chanjyj:Walao eh! I want to smash my laptop on the wall already...
How many farking times must I say I am loner and don't go out! ÂèÂèÒ¯
Methinks if I introduce him to girl me will go mad myself....
Methinks if I manage to find a chance to let him talk to girls with me around it is a miracle.... Oops. Sorry. Too fustrated just now. Anyone got advice for him that don't include me inside? -
Well, some people like to be alone a bigger percentage of the time, hence the term loner/introvert.Originally posted by walesa:Doesn't that provide the added benefit of killing two birds with a stone? Not only does that help solve his problem, but it'd also help you solve yours since you claim to be a loner yourself...
While others prefer to be with others in a larger percentage of their time, hence the term extrovert.
I think I can be classed in the first category, while my friend is in the 2nd category. But while he prefers to be with others, I think he lacks the necessary social skills.
Being a loner.. is nothing wrong as long as you like it that way, and don't become a hermit. -
I was just very frustrated that day. You won't usually see me behave like that.Originally posted by BrUtUs:for a loner u reali are bad tempered...
I used to tell irritating people "It takes alot to get me pissed, but once you get me pissed it's even harder to get me un-pissed" -
Unfortunately, it's true. He came from a single sex secondary sch (He didn't like the culture). Now in J.C., he doesn't know how to interact with females.Originally posted by ChoCoChips:ur friend dun have female friends ah?
He's a rather shy guy.
You have any suggestions? I think guys give suggestions to guys sometimes don't work.. If the female tell the shy guy how to act, wah, that is like instruction manual
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Originally posted by chanjyj:
Advice is: refer him to someone who can teach him some ropes. Coz u can't.
Recently noticed my young friend displaying strange behaviour these few days (Eg. Not happy, not really eating well), and asked him what the problem was. He said it was nothing.
As he's going to NS soon I thought NS was the problem. Todayover dinner he finally told me he was afraid of the opposite gender. Afraid as in don't know how to interact with them, feels shy around them. I believe this is troubling him alot.
He asked me for advice. I don't know how to give, because I am a basically a loner, never had a girlfriend.
If anyone has any advice to give him, or can tell me what to tell him, please tell me here, I want to try and help him.
[b]Please do not turn this into a "+1" thread. I thought many times before finally deciding to post in in this forum.[/b] -
For the time being, the two exercises are enough to keep him busy.
Practice how to create conversations and react base on the replies he gets. Practice situational conversations instead of asking routine questions until he has no problems getting contacts.
Practice saying hi and smiling at people without caring too much about how the other party will react and what people think of him.
I don't think chatting online will turn him into a hermit.
He still has to attend school everyday.
He still has to say hi and smile at people he meets everyday (if he is making a conscious effort to complete the exercises).
He will be surprised by the result.
I smiled and said hi to a female colleague in the elevator twice and did not get any reaction from her.
The third time I met her, she initiated some small talk with me.
That is the power of smiling.
If you want to be a good fisherman, do you ask the fish or do you ask competent fishermen?Originally posted by chanjyj:I think guys give suggestions to guys sometimes don't work.. If the female tell the shy guy how to act, wah, that is like instruction manual
I observed and asked the competent fishermen.Originally posted by chanjyj:hey curiousOrange, what's the other "exercise" you have?
Where you come up with these "exercise" one? They sound pretty good -
Help him to overcome...
By organising some outing with him and gal tapping along.. -
If I organise anything sure is all relatives come alongOriginally posted by soulwinner:Help him to overcome...
By organising some outing with him and gal tapping along..
He see ah mah and auntie no problem lah... he got problem with females his age[/b] -
Not only he is the best person to relate his agony; introducing him to the forum... who knows? He might end up being a regular? Gradually be interested to go outing and stuff?Originally posted by chanjyj:Recently noticed my young friend displaying strange behaviour these few days (Eg. Not happy, not really eating well), and asked him what the problem was. He said it was nothing.
As he's going to NS soon I thought NS was the problem. Todayover dinner he finally told me he was afraid of the opposite gender. Afraid as in don't know how to interact with them, feels shy around them. I believe this is troubling him alot.
He asked me for advice. I don't know how to give, because I am a basically a loner, never had a girlfriend.
If anyone has any advice to give him, or can tell me what to tell him, please tell me here, I want to try and help him.
[b]Please do not turn this into a "+1" thread. I thought many times before finally deciding to post in in this forum.[/b][/quote]
Guidelines In Aunt Agony
[quote]Originally posted by Yunhaier:
I) Whenever possible, try not to post people's problem. If possible, introduce them to SGF AA and get them to post instead. Firstly, it's not very nice to post people's problems in a public forum like this? And even if they allow it, I believe that they are still the best person to relate their agony?
P.S: If it is really causing him agony, he must have the will in wanting to improve or change. There's seriously no point in someone telling you their problem only for ranting purpose, but eventually they are more comfortable in retaining status quo and hanging around in familar ground.
Cheers -
it's a very good idea...since u put him to a quite gal either party can start until the other start...but then ya choice of words is wrong laio leh.....see red..Originally posted by mystee:eh.. how abt intro ]her to those active gals.. who will initate talk 1st.. so he has no choice but to continue the conversation... hopeful after that.. he wil be overcome his fear -
ahem...u born in 1986???Originally posted by mystee:wow.. i very sad leh..
but i m definately way older than u.. if u are born in 1988... u can called me sister if u want.. but no AUNTIE pls.. thank you! -
Originally posted by chanjyj:
Do you think he is willing to go for a change even after you have adviced him?
Recently noticed my young friend displaying strange behaviour these few days (Eg. Not happy, not really eating well), and asked him what the problem was. He said it was nothing.
As he's going to NS soon I thought NS was the problem. Todayover dinner he finally told me he was afraid of the opposite gender. Afraid as in don't know how to interact with them, feels shy around them. I believe this is troubling him alot.
He asked me for advice. I don't know how to give, because I am a basically a loner, never had a girlfriend.
If anyone has any advice to give him, or can tell me what to tell him, please tell me here, I want to try and help him.
[b]Please do not turn this into a "+1" thread. I thought many times before finally deciding to post in in this forum.[/b]
Since he does not want to change why be so hard on yourself?
You can only advice and is up to him to change.
Btw NS not so many girls.