I want my freedom!
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Think positive, it's for your own good actually. My mum always nag also but i know its her way of showing concern, better den to be stubborn and regret later.
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Yup... That's also 1 step at a time...Originally posted by ahhaoz:dats not acceptable.. TS not talking abt her boss or wad lei.. it's her mum she's talking about.
TS: I think you should talk to your mother nicely abt the issues she's concerned about and let her noe ur intentions and solutions to your mother's concern. maybe phonecall everynite over in bangkok? or start w chalet first.. then slowly move up the ladder..
By the way, she's already 24... Giving in totally and giving the mum a misception that she should still be under total control is also she contributing indirectly to where she is today... -
Seeing the way you come online and complain about such a small matter goes to show your mum is right. You are 24 but behave like 14, definitely not yet ready for any form of freedom. Learn to grow up firsT!Originally posted by melody83:have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"
I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.
y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..
i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf
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Originally posted by leddy:Seeing the way you come online and complain about such a small matter goes to show your mum is right. You are 24 but behave like 14, definitely not yet ready for any form of freedom. Learn to grow up firsT!
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hey girl, i feel your mom means well... maybe her curfews at times are strict but I think she is very concern about your safety and make sure that you are protected .Originally posted by melody83:have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"
I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.
y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..
i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf
tink on the positive side... dun be too sad over the holidays.. -
the thing is, parent are always worry for their children, even though they are already grown up but in their eyes, they are still kids, and furthermore, TS is a womanOriginally posted by rainee:it is not that easy to make a stand hor, esp with your parents...
she still needs to live together with them one, if make her stand in the wrong way, her mom will prolly give her hell...
as long, she is not married, i doubt her parent will give her much freedom
so either you make a stand, or you have deal with it, insist on going for the trip, don't care so much, then enjoy yourself in that country, then come back, kenna scolding from parents, either way, its up to TS, whether to make a stand or not
she is already 24 years old, and still suffer from curfew........
oh well, i can never understand how it feel, as i am a guy. -
i dun agree. TS obviously have tried to communicate with her mum already but still fail. afterall who likes to come here n whine abt his or her problem? she needs help and constructive advices from us, NOT just critics only.Originally posted by leddy:Seeing the way you come online and complain about such a small matter goes to show your mum is right. You are 24 but behave like 14, definitely not yet ready for any form of freedom. Learn to grow up firsT!
to TS, ur mum is typically those kind of old fashioned thinking woman who cannot accept the fact of staying out or going overseas with a guy before marriage. i stress, BEFORE marriage. We cannot change their thinking, however let me ask you this way, if next time your daughter wants to go overseas with another guy who is her bf, what will be your concern? when pre-marital sex now getting more common, ur mum's concern cannot be avoided~.
different mother will have thinkings. dats the reality. you are already 24 years old, so ya. why nt talk to ur mum? hmm...
actually why nt wait till after marriage den u all go on holiday together? Yes, u talk abt ur personal freedom but i advice u to think abt ur mum. n if i were ur bf, i wouldnt actually asked u to go on a tour with juz 4 pple, with another couple somemore. yeap.
cheers~ -
typo error ba. it shld be cannot come home after 12 midnite.Originally posted by melody83:have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"
I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.
y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..
i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf -
good advice : read yun post
bad advice : rebel
tell her if she wants you to be left on the shelf and cant get married, she is doing it pretty nicely. use the woman networth drop as they age theory on her. basically use reverse psychology -
It could be due to the fact that Bangkok is politically unstable now. Even if ur trip is a few months away, the situation there will likely last for a few months more, hence her worries.
U may think she is naggy now, but wait until u are someone else parent. You will then understand why. -
Originally posted by melody83:have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"
I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.
y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..
i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf GO report her to police!! i tik at ur age shes no allowed to retain ur passport!! My dad used to do that to me too!!! but i have to fight back...they must and will understand what we want. But i warn you 1st before you do anything u really want...make sure that it is right. Dun let ur mom have a chance to bite you back. -
she don't trust you enough..
she scare later you go 4 person.. end up 6 or more people come back..
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hello melody
your mum is conservative and acting rationally
as a player who'd been in and out of trouble and generally nasty to women before, i'd say she's doing the right thing, for your own good. She has her principles and sticking to it and for that I applaud her. She's only looking after you.
Your only way out is to marry your bf. Then you're legally and customarily his responsibility. Until then there's always a chance you're just a disposable fcuk buddy (yah say what you want he's kind and all that but all it needs is "we're through" and you're on the shelf empty handed) he can merrily bring around the continent with 0 commitment. -
Originally posted by racingmafia: GO report her to police!! i tik at ur age shes no allowed to retain ur passport!! My dad used to do that to me too!!! but i have to fight back...they must and will understand what we want. But i warn you 1st before you do anything u really want...make sure that it is right. Dun let ur mom have a chance to bite you back.
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Your mom protects you mah. She wants you to be sure that your bf is your future hubby mah. Anyway, she is more experience than you.
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tell ur mother u oladi nt virgin liao. she sure will let u go de.
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the best thing is to listen and obey yr mum, she knows the best, and u won't regret it.i am sure she concern abt u.HELLO MISS, u mum love u, after u married yr bf u can go anywhere u want.
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Report stolen passport.
Apply new one.
Go Bangkok with your mum knowing.
Let her cry for a few days.
Come back say mum I love you as much as I love freedom.
If she scold.,
you say, " I think I love freedom more."
Simple. -
get married, move out.
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I guess there is no right or wrong parenting style bah.
When my Daughter No: 2 went to USA with her friends at aged 18, I gave her my blessings as I trusted her to take care of herself. She has been very independent since she was a pre-teen and never gave me cause for any concern.
TS, the only plausible reason I can think of as to why your mum is so strict is because of your tendency to behave impulsively and/or have gotten yourself into fixes before that needed your parents to extradicate you out from? Are you the tong tong hee type of girl that's why your mum so worried for you?
If you say you are responsible and not what I stated above, then your mum must have watched too many TVB dramas and think that once you are out of her sight, the worst case scenario will befall you.
I believe there are mums who are control freaks. My mum was and is still like that. It's HER way or I am an unfilial daughter.
Oh well, I survived the emotional blackmail and I only visit her when necessary to avoid her 'nostranamus' predictions of how my children will end up due to my parenting style. Duh...
Good luck to you TS. When I was 20, I rebeled lor...
better don't teach u what I did. -
What I feel after reading your problemOriginally posted by melody83:have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"
I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.
y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..
i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf
1- Over Protective (mom)
2- You often Listen to her, thus she has the Total Control over you (and she will expect this same thing of total control of you if you don't wake her up and break free, short of rebel in a way, but do it gently)
3- Occasionally, speak to her, tell her what you want, and expect from her
4- Talk to her about marriage, to make sure she realise that you're not her young baby daughter 24 yrs back.
5- Talk sense, and use a softer approach, perhaps go shopping with her and have lunch and dinner than talk about it.
Don't confront her directly, if there's no distraction, your mom's defendsive barrier (out-dated & over protective mother feelings) will be up
6- Intro you bf to you mom, let her know that you're in safe hands and you have found someone whom you can depend on just like your mother having found your dad (remind her on this thus perhaps she will realise that you really have grown up) -
You can't demand freedom just because you are over 21 years of age. Freedom must be earned so that your mom will trust you to be safe. Obviously, she hasn't much confidence in you yet especially when there's only 1 guy and 2 girls in the group. Besides, BK is notorious in that there is the existence of lotsa temptation which your mom obviously fears you may not be able to resist.......
The more you demand, the more your mom will resist giving her approval. Instead, employ the more mature and sensible approach of sitting down with your mom to have a quiet heart-to-heart talk. Doing this also shows your mom that you've grown up and able to handle your own stuff....... whereas demanding freedom is a most childish way that only reinforces your mom's disapproval that you haven't learnt to be sensible and still immature. Good luck!
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This kinda situation just don't happen overnight.
We have a mother and daughter relationship problem.
The mother's position at home is that of the matriarch, and it developed with a very obedient and kwai daughter. So the mother is snug in her position.
This setting is being upset with the introduction of the bf.
Fear now sets into the mother. Her position is threatened. She is losing her identity as a matriarch.
She reassert herself by imposing rules and restriction. The kwai daughter submits to the rules, and this reassures the mother.
Now the daughter wants to go touring, with her bf !. This is an assault on her comfortable position of authority, and she fears losing what she is accustomed to.
Fear manifests itself in the form of anger. So she scolds. Threatens and what not.
This situation will arise again when the subject of marriage crops up.
So, sit back and contemplate on the anger of the mother. Be calm yourself.
She is angry, but see it as fear.
How do you soothe the fear?
She need reassurance. She need to know that she is not losing her precious daughter.
The mother has provided security, comfort, love and assurance to the daughter all these years, now its time to reverse this show of love.
The mother needs assurance that her daughter will always be there, and that she can count on her daughter's love.
The problem is actually one of communication.
How does an inhibited generation express herself to a stubbon generation?
How does a modern day girl say to her mother "I love you". ? -
Why not, be financially independent, then move out? You can still contact your mom regularly, but she cant order you around.. Whatever reasons she might have for controlling you like that she shouldnt already now that you are grown up
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Tell your mum that your bf has promised to use two straws.