I want my freedom!
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I totally dislike this 'logic' that going home before 12am & everything gonna be just fine. Tell her, are there any rules around that said bad stuffs cant/aint happening before 12am?
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Origally posted by Yunhaier:
What a way to put it! I'm pleasantly surprised to find such valuable replies by the kind people in the forum. TS, do consider some of them. We are all trying to help
Your mum is a classic believer of 'I-trust-your-man-but-I-don't-trust-man-in-general'.
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well my dad was a bit of that before but eversince i studied overseas they close one eye on many things liao.
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bingo.Originally posted by Boy Stratus:I totally dislike this 'logic' that going home before 12am & everything gonna be just fine. Tell her, are there any rules around that said bad stuffs cant/aint happening before 12am?
if the couple want to "do" it, anytime, even anywhere dey can also do it de lo, nt neccessary at nite. as already said, sometimes those parents are juz being paranoid. -
yea man, i agree.. does your mum knows ur bf already? n does she like him? my parents really hated my ex (coz he did a lot of things that made them kan bu shun yan), n therefore didn't trust him at all. so everytime i went out was very stressful 1. until 1 day i decided to leave him... coz the pressure (coming from both my parents n my ex) was just too much for me to handle. then i got another bf. he earned my parents' trust, n now i can go out in peace...Originally posted by Advent_Surge:how is the relationship btw your bf and your mum?
its quite important you know...
so, i was trying 2 say, make your mum trust your bf 1st.. best if he can help out in household chores.. haha
n ya lar, like what other replies were saying, maybe she's juz traditional n doesn't want her daughter to stay overnight with a guy b4 she gets married bah.. my mum also doesn't allow me n my elder sis to do so (n we're just slightly younger than u, so shldn't be a great difference) -
i know my wife (then gf) at age 23 and she is age 19.
I go to her house often and it is obvious that her mom likes me...as i probably look honest and stable....
how course in reality i am like any other guy ha ha ha ha
anyway, gf and i did think about going overseas together.. but we know it is hard...
so we do it in sequence...
when she is around ur age 23, the two of us, with her sister and her sister's boyfriend went to Malaysia... on a short trip.. one night in Penang only... and then come home...
we stayed in seperate room.. boy-boy, girl-girl.... her mom is not too happy but go making her and her sister promise that they don't share room with the boys...
anyway... the next step, my gf insisted on going to HK with me only....
her mom object... actually MY parents are not too keen on the idea also.. although at that time, we know each other for like 4 years already...
anyway, she finally relented...
after that, quite easy already... to go.... because there is precedence...
and to be honest... if a couple want to have pre-marital sxx, doesn't have to go overseas together... in singapore also have opportunity....
so in a way, there is "nothing" your mom can "do" to "protect" you....
however, she might be thinking of safe-guarding your good name.. etc...
i would propose a few things..
a. does ur mom know your bf well? does she trust him?
b. did your mom shared with u thots of pre-marital sxx? did u share with her b4? for eg. when watching a tv show... you say say something like... "aiyah, this young couple should wait until marriage... etc etc...."
c. instead of bangkok with one other couple, why not start "small" first.. maybe go bintan with a big group in which your bf is in a group.... you know, nearer location and bigger group.
d. and then progress to two/three couples and two couples and finally just the two of u...
e. assure her proactively that u and your gf is sharing a room and the 'boys' will be in another room... this will show that u understand her concern.... and she will be happy. -
Originally posted by melody83:
not so bad as she cannot go holidays only but has the freedom not to come home early daily....
have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"
I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.
y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..
i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf
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she is afraid that you guys come back with a grand children
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Well well, Yunhaier said it all.
I see your mom as the traditional mom - conservative and a tab too protective. The problem should be able to resolved if you can assure her that you're sensible enough.
You can probably start by negotiating more leeway, like what Yun mentioned in his earlier post - get your mom to extend the curfew gradually and all. The crux is to not agitate her and cause bad feelings, otherwise she would be more distrustful and cynical of your guy.
Good luck in winning her over, TS! -
Your mum really care for you she dont want you to like chi gui before you are married..So you should try ways to make your mum trust u that you wont do any stupid things if you go for tour or stay at your bf house..
Anyway if you are working and getting a nice paid job i suggest you move out if you want some freedom..but before 12midnite its alright ma..~~ -
are you working now?
typically if you are not working and making your own money, you should be subject to your parents' rules.
but if you are working and independent in that sense, tell her to go f*** herself. she's being unreasonable. rem, parents are not usually right these days.
best to find a means to move asap.
usually after this demostration of independence, parents will take a totally new perspective on things. it is always hard esp during the transition period, but you just got to put your foot down on things. -
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have a good talk ith your mum. she is probably worried about you. to all parents, kids are always kids. to her it is one way to protect you, but to you you feel she is holding too tight guess you two have to compromise to reach a win win situation.
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y nobirdie belif me huh.Originally posted by Hello Kitty:tell ur mother u oladi nt virgin liao. she sure will let u go de. -
Hi..
It is because she wants to prevent u from having intimate relationship before marriage.......
No chalet....no overnight......no after 12am.....
it is to prevent....or protect....ur chastity....
You may feel this kind of mother is troublesome.....but this is the kind of mother who will care for u.......in the future...always.....
This is the old-fashioned conservative mother with strong family value and strong sense of love.....so......she will keep on loving u....you will see.......
Some people think their parents dont love them enough.....or dont spend enough attention/ time/ love......or only give them money only, but dont care......
So I hope you can understand that abit......
In a way.....I would say you are lucky.....
Because now we are living in 21st century....and in Singapore....where people are getting more materialistic and selfish.....so its good to balance it out with an old-fashioned family...
Meat Pao. -
the ting is oladi gone case liao.
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Some things are absolutely illogical to everyone bar those who make a case for them. Maybe, you'd like to ask your government why is the sale of alcohol (I do not include nightspots in this assessment) banned after midnight too?Originally posted by Boy Stratus:I totally dislike this 'logic' that going home before 12am & everything gonna be just fine. Tell her, are there any rules around that said bad stuffs cant/aint happening before 12am?
On a more pertinent note, I don't think the issue is the trip itself. Being overly-protective is a part of an Asian psyche if you asked me - even after you're married and have your own children, there's every chance she'd still poke her nose into how your children should be raised... -
the only question is why the hell you would want to go to bangkok, the place so dangerous not to mention polluted
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Hi TS,
I had this problem too, although my mum did not outright say i cannot do this or that, but when i stayed over at my ex's place, she'll use the guilt factor on me...
so listen to rainee and Yun, formally introduce ur bf to ur parents and let them see what a responsible and decent (I hope) guy he is,
and if even after getting to know ur bf on a deeper level doesn't help, do what I did.
Sit down with your mum one day and have a talk with her... let her know...
1) u know she does this out of concern and love,
2) that you are already 24, a responsible and working adult,
3) u have been dating him for more than 4 years,
4) that he is a trustworthy guy,
5) if she is afraid of u two "getting too close" let her know that just by not staying over, or spending the night together does not mean u two do not have the opportunity to "do it", that she has to Trust you,
This worked with me, as in she still doesn't like it when i used to stay over at my ex's place, but she'll only grumble but not excessively...
take note, this only might work if u have shown your mum in this past few years that you can make responsible decisions and that you have grown up. -
coz boh lui lah!Originally posted by the.owl:the only question is why the hell you would want to go to bangkok, the place so dangerous not to mention polluted