I feel so alone in uni
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cheer up. im sure it will get better
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Yeh cheer up alright......
I was from an all boys environment for 10 years before I entered poly and I also encountered a culture shock like yours.
You just need to make yourself more open and approachable. Force yourself to be outgoing if necessary.
Sorry, I know you may find it difficult to do but sometimes, success comes only when we force ourselves to do the things we don't like to do.
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I hope have pick up so idea on how to make friend...
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I do not know if you even know the root of your own problem. Is it simply a matter of not having a common interest? Or is there more to what you want in a friend?Originally posted by whenwilllifegetbetter:hi, thanks for all the advice, was really eye-opening... i think i should follow some of them, like being more proactive and asking pple to go for lunch, outings, etc, and talking to pple sitting next to me... and i should probably stop going around with a sad face, cos it makes pple think that i don't wanna talk to anybody
also i hould call up old friends, esp those who are in the same course. (sorry, i'm not in computing, i'm in engin... maybe that's why i'm so lonely, cos it's mostly guys... when i was in sec sch it was an all girls sch, and in jc my (few) buddies were all girls... i've never really been close friends with guys... hmm, maybe that's what i meant when i said that i feel like an alien)
but i dunno about some of the other suggestions, like joining hall and more clubs and societies... cos when i joined my current cca, it wasn't just out of interest, but also to meet pple, but now it feels like pple are leaving me out... and about hall, it's possible to join hall and still be lonely, just look at that Cho fellow.. (and pls dun worry, i'd never even think of pulling off a stunt like that.
) but apparently he stayed on campus and even shared a room with pple, yet he was so isolated... i think in the end it's really me that needs to change my behaviours, otherwise no matter how many halls, clubs or societies i join, pple will still be leaving me out... and speaking of Cho, when i heard about the sort of person that he was and how isolated from others he was, it dawned on me that i'm also lonesome like him... just not twisted and psycho, but definitely isolated, especially in nus... ok lah, i'm not as bad as that, as in when ppl talk to me i do try to smile and be friendly, but they're all the "hi and bye" type like some of you said... and yeah,in uni, it's normal to have lots of "hi and bye" friends like some have said, but at the moment all of the pple that are talk to are that type, and there aren't any close friends...zero 
I can't remember the last time i ate lunch with other pple, but i remember thinking that lunch is so much nicer with company, and that i really took for granted all those regular lunch buddies from sec sch and jc...
and yep, being lonely is possibly a good thing, i'd have more time to concentrate on my studies, but now we're having vacation, and it's really been plaguing my thoughts... and the Cho thing also scares me; i dun wanna be like that
maybe i'm just thinking too much since it's the holidays, maybe it's part of being an adult like somebody said... being lonely..sorry if i sounded immature/ low self-esteem that day; was crying and not thinking properly... i'm not sure what to do now; on the one hand i could try to keep occupied with sch/work and just forget about this; on the other hand if i ignore this problem then possibly nothing will change, and i'll grow old all alone and i'll die with noone at my funeral...
In the abovementioned, you mentioned something about not ever having been close to guys. You've effectively ruled out half the population (and I'm assuming the gender divide of those you come into contact with is 50-50) if you do not seek to proactively befriend a person just because he happens to be a guy. Subconsciously, could there be other issues that actually hold you back from befriending someone whose interests or beliefs actually counter yours?
In all honesty, if you aren't going to change the mindset like the one above, I don't see how much your life's going to change - joining activities and passively expecting others to ask you along isn't going to work in the long run IMO. It's time you became more proactive if you're bothered about the lack of company. -
wah..I doing engin in NUS n stay hall. Shit also not free.
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Dude... I mean, dudette..
Gotta paragraph abit ah... Hard to read...
Go join a CCA that you're interested then? Easier to make friends that are like-minded
And don't worry about turning into another Cho. He's got some psychological problem from what I've read... That guy doesn't respond to anybody, even his family members...
Maybe instead of waiting for your gang to ask you out, for lunch etc, you can take the initiative? Like after lects and tutorials, ask them if they wanna have lunch together. After class go catch a movie or something?
And try to take some cross fac modules? Like CS1105 from SoC. The tutorial class is quite interactive and there's a couple of group assignment that I'm sure you can make some friends with. And don't worry about not having someone to take with you. You can try to ask your group of friends to take the module with you and even if you don't have, like me, you can always just show up at the tutorial and get absorbed into whatever group that's there.
What about friends outside of NUS? Your circle of friends need not be restricted to just in school
Don't worry too hard about not making any friends. In due course, I'm sure you can make some, it's just that NUS is not conducive for introverts to make friends -
Knn, in the ad, the ang moh girl was so excited to come to nus.Originally posted by LazerLordz:Behind the facade, it is, for some.
And the boys were supposed to be way cute?
Wtf happened? -
cheer up babe!
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hi gal, wanna go sentosa next sat?
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hey girlie if u want to find some gal pals to bum ard with or someone for cheese prata at Fong Seng u can try me.i'm a nus student as well i have felt like u before.i may be an interesting person but i m no party going or extravagant crowd.
i'm always game to hav one more frd so pm me so smt if u wanna hop on ya.i know u want to hav close frds u can really connect with but to use a cliche rome wasnt built in a day ya,the deepest bonds can develop from the simplest things.
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Dun worry too much, these few years will fly past before you know it.
I used to think and think alot, in fact i still do, and unknowingly am about to begin my 3rd and possibly final year in NUS.
Stay cool. -
NUS is not boring, but with the kind of system they have, its really hard to know other people better and become friends. I am not in NUS, but i have friends who do, and it seems to me that they too have few friends they can speak of in NUS. They were the kinds that were extremely popular and friendly during JC days, so it couldn't have been them.Originally posted by charlize:NUS so boring meh?
Joining Hall activities is a way of making friends, but the TS seems not to want to make friends at all in the first place. Like I said in 1 other thread, sometimes, all it takes is for u to take the initative, rather than trying to wait for people to call you. For instance, a simple "Hi, wanna meet up for coffee or something?" will do wonders, trust me. Its possible too to join in a group of people who already have cliques. All u have to do is make the first move. Don't be afraid that they may find u irritating or a pest who wanna be part of them. Be urself, and I'm sure people will like u enough to wanna include u in their grp, and activities.
TS, as for ur family, I think you should try to spend more time with them. Its lack of communication that is hindering u from knowing and bonding with them. Try to talk to them, ask them how's their day, how's work, and talk about TV shows, movies etc. Don't think that u can't click with them, and hence keep ur distance from them. One fine day, you will regret not knowing ur family better when they are no longer around.
University life, or life in any school for that matter, should be filled with fun and happy memories. If at the end of ur course, all u can think of is how glad that you have finally gotten out of Hell, and how u do not have much friends from there, then its pretty sad. Life is how u make out of it, and I of course cannot stop u from leading the current life u have, but won't u wanna know if there's a chance of leading another type of life, the type where friends, family and happiness fill ur life? Its all up to u. -
Hey TS,
Open up man! =)
You definitely need more friends. I was more or less like you back in secondary school days. But eventually as I came to JC I became more extrovert from a total introvert. Then just when I thought all was well, I came to Uni....
Let me tell u a bit about myself. I am not a Singaporean. I am an Indian (from India doh..) But been here for like 9 years now. So its really hard to tell me apart from a Singaporean now. I speak like one, I eat like one and I shop like one. Hehe.. Yeah anyways, since I'm not a Singaporean, no NS for me. And hence I go immediately to Uni unlike all my guy friends from JC who went to NS. So there I was in Uni (NTU) in a faculty which is majorly guys (computer engn) and I had no known face AT ALL among the 450+ people!! By the way, I'm a guy.
But now I have just finished my NTU life and I am sad to say I am gonna miss it terribly. I found my clique on the first day during the first lecture itself. And by the end of my NTU term, I know most of the cohort! Many because of the group projects and stuff.. Also many because you see them so many times in lt/tut that u will someday end up smiling and saying hi to them
First year itself I joined NTU Astronomical society and was in it's main committee for 3 years of my uni life. Its one of the best things to happen to me =)
You just have to make yourself more approachable. How? Well to start off you can try chatting with your lecture/tutorial mates (doesn't matter if they aren't your good friends) about anything under the sun OTHER then studies.. Like others said, you have to find a common interest matching with others first before you can "take off" with them. I am sure you watch tv, or listen to music or follow the news or anything like that. Just try starting off conversations regarding them..
Don't worry babe! U will slowly make friends. Anyways, you can add me in your msn if you have one. I am more then willing to chat with you regarding anything under the sky any time.. =) I'll pm u my msn bah.. =)
Take care! -
TS should look forward...
I was once isolated by many people beacause of my behaviour and my charcater...
Now during my ite schools day i was very popular in school...
Do post here...
Just join some activities here and they will keep you occupied.. -
I think........ you think too much....Originally posted by whenwilllifegetbetter:hi, thanks for all the advice, was really eye-opening... i think i should follow some of them, like being more proactive and asking pple to go for lunch, outings, etc, and talking to pple sitting next to me... and i should probably stop going around with a sad face, cos it makes pple think that i don't wanna talk to anybody also i hould call up old friends, esp those who are in the same course. (sorry, i'm not in computing, i'm in engin... maybe that's why i'm so lonely, cos it's mostly guys... when i was in sec sch it was an all girls sch, and in jc my (few) buddies were all girls... i've never really been close friends with guys... hmm, maybe that's what i meant when i said that i feel like an alien)
but i dunno about some of the other suggestions, like joining hall and more clubs and societies... cos when i joined my current cca, it wasn't just out of interest, but also to meet pple, but now it feels like pple are leaving me out... and about hall, it's possible to join hall and still be lonely, just look at that Cho fellow.. (and pls dun worry, i'd never even think of pulling off a stunt like that. ) but apparently he stayed on campus and even shared a room with pple, yet he was so isolated... i think in the end it's really me that needs to change my behaviours, otherwise no matter how many halls, clubs or societies i join, pple will still be leaving me out... and speaking of Cho, when i heard about the sort of person that he was and how isolated from others he was, it dawned on me that i'm also lonesome like him... just not twisted and psycho, but definitely isolated, especially in nus... ok lah, i'm not as bad as that, as in when ppl talk to me i do try to smile and be friendly, but they're all the "hi and bye" type like some of you said... and yeah,in uni, it's normal to have lots of "hi and bye" friends like some have said, but at the moment all of the pple that are talk to are that type, and there aren't any close friends...zero I can't remember the last time i ate lunch with other pple, but i remember thinking that lunch is so much nicer with company, and that i really took for granted all those regular lunch buddies from sec sch and jc...
and yep, being lonely is possibly a good thing, i'd have more time to concentrate on my studies, but now we're having vacation, and it's really been plaguing my thoughts... and the Cho thing also scares me; i dun wanna be like that
maybe i'm just thinking too much since it's the holidays, maybe it's part of being an adult like somebody said... being lonely..sorry if i sounded immature/ low self-esteem that day; was crying and not thinking properly... i'm not sure what to do now; on the one hand i could try to keep occupied with sch/work and just forget about this; on the other hand if i ignore this problem then possibly nothing will change, and i'll grow old all alone and i'll die with noone at my funeral...
what will happen in the future, we don't know. Why spend your mental energy on it and scared/worry yourself with there possibilities that might not even happen? It makes no logical sense.
It is good that you are awared that you need to change your attitude for the better. It is good that you are learning from this lesson and learn not to take things for granted.
I feel you should learn to appreciate and love yourself for who you are unconditionally too. There are all sorts of people with unique personality traits in the world. Apprecitate your uniqueness and others too. There is nothing wrong with you not laughing at your friend's jokes. On the other hand, there is also nothing wrong with their lame jokes that you can't bring yourself to laugh. -
most pple in uni has cliques.
but me is mostly alone for uni life.
i got a very small clique but dun meet very regularly anyway.
made a few friends in university only but not very close. i dun take part in uni activities though.
its abit hard on the self esteem if you dun have a bunch of friends i admit. -
that why i set up a club for lonely people..
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don wait for others to find u.. u go and find them and talk to them
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I was somewhat like u back in my NUS days (damn, i miss those days)...
2 things I would like to comment on.
Firstly, don't close yourself off to restaurants and travel, especially travel. I guess you have not really experienced DIY / backpacking travel to far away countries before have u? Personally I live for such trips, immersing yourself briefly in a totally alien place... seeing and learning stuff u never knew you never knew about yourself and what u see on TV... its an undescribable feeling. I was hooked when I first saw my vista towards the Arc De Triomphe in Paris, the first time i felt the embrace of sea breeze to the sound of waves crashing on sea cliffs at the 'end of the world' in northern scotland, Running my fingers on the 2000+ yr old stone walls of the Coloseum in Rome etc.... Its a visceral feeling, like connecting with a part of human history and nature... the essence of being alive in this world. If after such an experience you are still unmoved, then I can;t say anything....
Secondly, it sounds like you maybe should have joined another CCA. My best memories in NUS were almost exclusively from my CCA. I was in a performance group, i joined purely out of interested, but i left with lifelong friends (with whom i still get together and jam with), and most importantly.. a wife!!! I know how it feels having difficulty opening up.. but if you find your real interests and partake in them, it is a very effective catalyst for making friends. -
tot i'm the only one with this problem..
didn't make any new frenz in uni, keeping sticking to my jc frenz.
me graduated 3 yrs ago liao.. but still as lifeless as ever. while ppl can go on talking abt their overseas holidays, me just keep myself dumb pretending to listen, hoping they dun ask me abt my holidays (cos i haven't gone on any!).
and me, forever in my own world, dunno wat to chat with ppl, no eq, super quiet, pessimistic, timid, always no energy with the sian face. dunno wat is gg to become of me in future.. tink i'm sinking into depression.. haiz -
i'm in poly this yr...makes me feel that going uni gonna be sianed...
hard to make close frens..not very favourable though...n in sch life..must have clique to hang around coz there's so much free time in between..or else life in uni will be like forever...
i'm in poly and i'm ok now coz i have cliques to hang out with...but these cliques r only close within the proximity of the campus...outside campus we r not close...only come out for joint gatherings once in a few months...haha..
n i'm always with my sec frens...they r enough for me -
I think she have find accompanies...
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I doing a student exchange now... When I get back to NUS next sem, u can probably find me in the study room at YIH. Then u can come over to say hi.
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Meet me in business hall too...
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u study business ah? which yr already... My next yr is my final yrOriginally posted by soulwinner:Meet me in business hall too...